I finally graduated. Class of 2019. I never thought I was going to make it. It feels weird to finally be able to say I'm a high school graduate. I went through high school during the hardest years of my life. From family problems to personal problems, I've dealt with it.
My family and best friend have been there for me through all of it. But since all of my brothers have been in college or started their lives, I haven't really seen them, until today.
When I walked across the stage, I saw all three of them. When the ceremony was over I ran to hug them.
"Oh honey we're so proud of how far you've come." My mom and step-dad pull me in for a hug.
"Congrats on graduating sis." Scott tells me as he pulls me in for a hug.
"Finally finished high school. The last one." Luke pushes them pulls me in for a hug.
I'm close with all my brothers but I've always been really close with Zach.
"I've missed you." I tell him trying not to cry.
"I've missed to too, Mac." He hugs me.
He instantly grabs my wrist and looks at them. I look at him. This has been a habit of his since I was 15.
"I'm good." I tell him as he rubs the old scars on my wrist.
"I know. I'm sorry. I still worry you know." He tells me.
'Yeah, I know but I've been doing great." I smile at him. And I can really say I've got better.
Flashback - 2 years ago
I was spending the summer with my grandparents. Zach was coming back home for the summer, while Scott and Luke decided to go on a mini road trip together.
I was leaving before Zach got home and that was a good thing. I had hurt myself again and he couldn't know about it. The last time I promised him I would never do to again. I lied and broke that promise.
"Macy, come say bye to Zach before you leave!" My mom yelled.
What! He wasn't suppose to be here until I left. I made my way to the living room where he was standing talking to my mom.
"I leave you two to talk. I'm going to finish packing the car." My mom left.
Immediately Zach asked me to hold out my wrist. When I hesitate to do so he gives me a concern look. I immediately take off to my bedroom and lock the door.
"Macy, open the door!" He yelled, through the door.
"I have to finish packing before I leave." I lied.
"I'm not stupid Mac I know you're lying." Damn it he knows me too well.
"Now open the door!" He yelled again.
"Can't do that Zach, like I said I'm packing."
"Okay, you hurt yourself again, just talk to me!" He yelled and I flinched. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in.
This can't be happening, I feared this day. I heard the door open and I curled up into a ball.
"Open this goddamn door now, Macy!" He yelled. I didn't answer and he charged in.
"I'm not going to ask this time, let me see your wrist now." He said sternly. I shook my head crying.
"Goddamn it Macy!"
I knew he was serious. I showed him my wrist and he traced the faded scars.
"I thought you stopped." A tear fell from his eye.
"I haven't done it in a month, Zach." I replied calmly.
"A month? Why would you do that again?" He asked.
"I was bullied." I told him.
"What the hell! I thought we promised the you would stop this." He said. "I'm sorry, you leave me no choice. I'm telling mom and I should have the first time this happened." He left my room.
"No! Zach please!" I ran after him crying.
When Zach told my mom she immediately got me help. Instead of spending my summer at my grandparents, I spent it in a facility that helped me. I haven't hurt myself since.
I'm happy I got help when I did because who knows what would happened if I didn't.
"I'm so proud of you, kiddo." He says and hugs me again. " I love you."
"I love you too." I reply to him.
-
The next day I finished packing for my summer vacation. I couldn't believe this was my last summer before college. I was so ready to enjoy a summer with no homework for the next school year. I was just going to be Ivy and I all summer. My phone starts to ring.
"Hey Ivy, what's up?"
"You ready?" She asked.
"Hell yeah!" I screamed with excitement.
"I'm outside."
"Okay, I'm coming." I hang up and head downstairs.
"Mom, I'm leaving." I tell her.
"Okay sweety, I'll see you soon. Enjoy your summer." She gives me a kiss on my cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too, mom. Keep me updated on the baby." I tell her.
"Of course. Now go, you don't want to keep Ivy waiting do you?"
I grab my bags and head outside. I pack my bags into Ivy's car.
"Summer vacation, here we come!" We yelled at the same time as Ivy drove off.
-
I couldn't believe my eyes when we go there. They finally finished upgrading the beach resort. We were staying in a beach house isolated from the resort. We chucked our luggage to the house and when we got there, I was out of breath. I immediately called dibs on one of the bedrooms.
"This one is mine!" I yelled taking the one to the right of the bathroom.
"This one is mine." Ivy said taking the one across from mine.
I noticed that there was one more bedroom.
"Ivy, why is there an extra bedroom?" I asked her.
"About that." She said.
"Ivy."
"Shawn is staying with us for the summer." She said fast.
What! Shawn was staying with us. What the actual fuck!
"Ivy! Why didn't you tell me?" I yelled.
"I didn't want you to not come!"
That was true. If she would have told me earlier I probably wouldn't have come.
Shawn and I never labeled ourselves as a couple but had did everything like couple did for almost a year before he left for his world tour.
Shawn was my first, for everything. My first kiss, first date, and I lost my virginity to him. He had hurt me right before he left. We had sex and he left the next day for his tour. I didn't know he was leaving until the day he was leaving.
I felt used. We were never actually together so I shouldn't have been surprised. In all honesty, he was my first love so it hurt even more.
"You know what happened. How am I suppose to deal with him all summer?" I asked her.
"I'm sorry, Mac. He said he wanted to spend time with me before he went on tour again so I invited him." She says cautiously.
"You know what, I won't let him affect my last summer before college." I tell her.
"Great! He'll be here in a few hours."
"What!" I screamed.
-
I spent the next few hours unpacking. Once I was done, I walked to the beach in front of our house.
I sat in the sand taking in the beautiful view. I started to watch the sun set.I can't believe I get to spend my summer here once again. After sitting at the beach for awhile, I head back to the house.
When I walk in I see Ivy and familiar brown haired boy talking.
"Macy, where did you go?" Ivy asked and Shawn immediately turned around. He looked as surprised as I did when I found out he was spending the summer with us.
He looked different. He was more buff. He has definitely been working out. He wasn't really as skinny like he was before. He turned it all into muscle. His hair looked different too, it looked more curly.
" I was at beach." I said pulling up my sweater.
"Hi, Macy." Shawn said.
"Hi, Shawn." I replied and took off into my room.
This was going to be a long summer.
-
I was currently laying down scrolling through my Instagram feed. I noticed the time was 1 in the morning. I groan and head to the kitchen to get a cup of water.
As I'm filling my cup with water I hear a familiar voice, scaring me causing me to drop my cup into the sink.
"I see you can't sleep either." Shawn says.
"Holy fuck." I yelled.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"No it's alright." I tell him.
We just stood there for a while until Shawn talked first.
"How are you?" He asked.
"Really, how am I? You didn't care then why should you care now?" I scolded him. He flinched so I knew my words hurt.
"Macy, I never meant to hurt you." He sits down on the chair across the counter from me.
"What did you expect Shawn? You think having sex with me then leaving literally the day after without saying anything wasn't going to hurt me? Because it did. I felt as if you just used me. You could have just told me you were leaving." I was on the verge of tears.
"I was going to but everything was going so well. I didn't want to ruin it."
"Yeah. You did that anyways."
"I swear to you I didn't know I was leaving that day until the morning of. I got a call from my manager that we were leaving a month early. I was going to tell you. I still had a month to do so. Or at least I thought. I would have never had sex with you then leave you like that. I would have waited if I knew I was just going to leave." Shawn explains.
I start crying. I don't know if I can trust him. I want to but I don't think I can.
"Shawn, I don't know what to say."
"It's okay if you don't believe me. I don't blame you. But Macy I want you to know you're the best thing that's ever happen to me." After he said the he left back to his room.
I was stunned. But was he really telling the truth?
-
The next morning, I was still thinking about what Shawn said. I walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee when I saw Shawn sitting at the same place as last night. I walked over and poured myself a cup of coffee.
"Take a picture, it last longer. Isn't what what you use to say?" I hear Shawn say, catching my attention.
-2 years ago-
I stood the weekend by Shawn's house since his parents were out of town. I was making breakfast. I was making the plates when Shawn walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. I could feel him watching me.
"Hey Mendes, take a picture it last longer." I walk over to him.
"I'm sorry. I just love the way my clothes look on you." He pulls me onto his lap once I set his place down.
"Do you now?" I asked.
"Oh definitely." He says pulling me in for a kiss.
"That was because you were constantly staring at me." I take a sip of my coffee.
"Yeah. Exactly what you're doing right now." He smirks.
"Whatever." I roll my eyes.
Shawn smiles and walks back into his room. Ivy comes out of her bedroom.
"Did I just see Shawn?" She asked.
"Yeah. We talked last night." I tell her.
"Do you think it's a good idea to talk about what happened back then? Look what happened the last time he hurt you. You were going through a rough time already and you turned to harming yourself. Do you think it'll bring that back?" Ivy asked concerned.
"I feel that it will help me get over what happened if I talk to him about it."
"Just promise me you won't let him hurt you again." She says sincerely.
"I promise." I grab her hand.
"Okay. Get dressed we're heading to the pool." Ivy exclaims taking off to her room.
I enter my room grabbing my bathing suit and changing. As I was changing, there was a knock at my door.
"Come in."
I turned around and saw Shawn standing in the door way.
"Macy, I overheard you and Ivy talking earlier. I think we need to sit down and talk about all that's happened."
I just look at him not knowing what to say.