(This chapter does involve suicidal thoughts, and things of that nature so heads-up)
Zayn
I woke up to a bright light shone in my face. I groaned as i closed my eyes, the sun shine blurring my vision, causing my head to pound slightly. I shivered as a cool breeze hit my chest. I looked down, noticing that my chest was bare.
What the fuck?
I squinted my eyes as I took notice in the room i was in. I wasn't in the room that i've grow quite fond of. I was in what seemed to be a dressing room. I went to sit up, but my head plopped violently back onto the pillow as a powerful pounding sensation erupted onto my forehead.
I groaned as I sat up slowly, holding my head in my hands.
Hangover. Great.
I sighed as I searched for my shirt, thoughts pondering my mind. Where the hell am I? Why am I here? Why am I suffering from a hangover? Why am I shirtless and why is my belt not buckled?
I shook my head as horrible thoughts began invading my mind. There's no way i would have cheated, there's no way that i slept with a stripper, and there's no way that i left Destiny alone after our fight.
Our fight.
My shoulders slumped as I remember our conversation. I regret everything i said. Honestly, i want to punch myself repeatedly for what i said to her. There's no excuse for what i was said. I was a heartless bastard. I honestly can't believe i did that. It couldn't have been me.
I grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my head before walking to the dressing room door. I pulled the door open, a white letter laying on the black tiled floor outside.
I furrowed my eyebrows before I picked it up, ripping off the golden sticker that kept it sealed. I unfolded the note before scanning the text.
Hey babe,
I just wanted to let you know that last night was a night to remember. I can't remember the last time i shared a moment like that with someone. You're amazing in bed (well in this case, on the couch ;* ) and I hope we can do it again sometime. You're quite the catch, and hopefully i'll be able to snatch you up again, but for longer. ;)
XX-Hypnotic Queen
I dropped the paper in shock, the world around me stopped spinning. I had sex? With a stripper?
"Oh my god......"
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Lauren
I stretched my arms out as a loud groan left my lips from my intense stretching. I yawned before throwing my legs around the bed and strutting happily to the bathroom. After the night Zayn and I had, I came back home. I waited for him to fall asleep before i left, but not without a note to remember our night together.
I had to keep it anonymous. It could be anyone. I only hope that James put enough ecstasy in his drink that he won't remember anything from that night. I walked into the mirror, smirking at my new glow. Sex with Zayn really made me alive again. My skin has a new glossy like tint, my hair is more shiny. Even my eyes have brightened up. I stripped slowly as I turned on the hot water in the shower. As i waited for it to warm up, my mind drifted to Destiny.
Honestly, a little part of me hates doing this to her. Part of me hates hating her. Part of me hates wanting to ruin everything she has planned with Zayn. Part of me knows that all of this is so wrong. But i have to follow through, for my sake and Anna's. Once the water got hot, i jumped in. Once i finished, I wrapped a towel around myself and walked back into the room. After putting on my pajamas, I strutted down the hall, glancing at Zayn's room.
Destiny hasn't made a peep since I came home. I haven't heard the water running, any painful groans from getting kicked in the belly. Nothing. Not a peep. Usually she's awake and waddling around in the kitchen to get breakfast prepared.
Before i could stop myself, i softly knocked on the door. "Destiny?", i mumbled, waiting for a reply. "Destiny are you awake?", i repeated, but no reply.
I guess she's still sleeping.
I walked downstairs, frowning up at the bedroom door before fetching myself some breakfast.
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Destiny
I sat in the tub, submerged completely underwater. My hair was in a messy loose bun. My legs itched horrendously, but i couldn't do anything about it. I let my salty tears roll down my cheeks and drip off of my chin and into the bubbly water. I was numb. I couldn't move. I don't even know if i was blinking, but judging from the constant twitching in my eyes, i wasn't. I felt empty.. completely gone.
I looked over to the corner of the tub where my blood stained razor blade lies. Last night i cut, and i've been 6 years clean. But after last night, i cut like never before. I looked down through the bubbled water, seeing my scarred thighs smeared with dried blood.
After the fallout with Zayn and I, it really opened my eyes up. Maybe he's right. I'm always quick to blame everyone but i never look in the mirror. I was naive and stupid for falling in love with the man who kidnapped me and raped me. Now i'm carrying his child that i don't even think he wants anymore.
I'm pathetic. I don't even know why i'm still here. Not here in this house, but on earth alone. I caused pain to my father, which is why he left us. I caused pain to my mother, but blamed her for it. I caused pain to Zayn, but pushed it away because my situation was "more important". I caused pain to my unborn daughter, but i reject it because i don't want to own up to the fact that im not only a terrible girlfriend, but a terrible mother.
I ruin everything with one touch, one breath. My parents suffered through that enough. Zayn suffered through it enough. My CHILD has suffered through it enough and she's not even born yet.
I don't deserve to be here. I just cause pain and agony. I'm just a pest. My child doesn't deserve that. No one does. Nothing mattered when i went missing, so nothing would matter if i was dead right?
I sobbed hard, my shoulders shaking incontrollably while my lips quivered crazily. I reached over and grabbed my razor before placing it on my wrist. I shut my eyes tightly, a loud cry escaping my lips.
Just as I pushed down on my wrist, a soft knock sounded on my locked door.
"Destiny?", Lauren asked? "Destiny are you awake?", she asked. I looked down at my wrist before throwing the razor across the bathroom. I gripped my hair furiously, before sobbing softly.
I can't do this anymore. I'm so pathetic.
I heard footsteps move away from the door, indicating that Lauren walked away. I grabbed my loofa, breathing hard to calm my breathing while i washed my body. Once i was done, I stepped out of the tub, wrapped myself in my towel and walked to the medicine cabinet. After picking up my materials, i walked to the bedroom. I dried off and grabbing my cotton balls and peroxide. After dabbing my cuts with peroxide, i grabbed a q-tip to rub neosporin on them. After i was finished, I wrapped my thighs in thin gauze so they won't get infected. After that, I put on my soft pair of cotton pants and a large hoodie.
I put away my medicenes before walking to the bed, sitting to the side so i could stare outside. The clouds made a dark grey color, the sky turning into a dark blue. Moments later, I heard the soothing sound of the rain pattering against the roof.
As i watched the droplets fall, my mind drifted to Zayn again. After our fallout, i have no idea where he went. That night i didn't text him because after what he told me, i passed out and woke back up at 3 and began to....cut. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep after that. I've literally been....stuck lifeless since last night.
As i was looking outside, I saw a few birds fly into the safety under the tree leaves, mothers rushing to their nest for their babies and mates locating eachother. When i looked closer, I noticed one little nest on one of the branches, the baby bird peeking its head out from the nest. Seconds later, a big bird landed on the branch, it's beak moving rapidly at the baby bird. The bird flew into the nest, protecting her baby from the wetness dripping off of the tree leaves.
I smiled at the sight, but my body went into complete shock once i heard the door behind me squeak open. I didn't move. I didn't turn around. I froze completely.
"Des?", Zayn's voice croaked, but i didn't reply to him. Instead I sat completely still and lifeless, staring blankly outside the window.
"Des.", he said more firmly, closing the door softly.
"Des...babe, im so so sorry for last night. I don't know what got in me. The things i said were unforgivable i know but, I need you to talk to me.", he pleaded.
I felt tears well up in my eyes but i refused to let them fall. He sounded just ask broken as i felt, but i wasn't falling for it.
I heard heavy steps come towards me before Zayn knelt down to me, tears in his eyes. I didn't makes eye to eye to him. I couldn't. If i did i know i'd physically break.
He reached for my cheek and before i could stop myself, i whimpered and shot away from him, my back hitting the endtable.
He mouth ajar as his eyes widened a little. "Des, baby.", he cried, a tear dropping down his cheek.
"I'm so sorry. Say something", he cried, multiple tears flowing out of his eyes now. I looked away from him, clinching my fists together to stop myself from leaping on him and crying with him.
"Please.", he whisper begged, inching closer to me. I shot to my feet and sprinted out the door, nearly tripping down the stairs. I panted as I ran out of the door and into the pouring rain. I turned in both directions and just ran.
"DESTINY!", I heard Zayn yell, before his heavy footsteps followed mine. I sobbed, my crying slowing me down. I stood, my head tilted down as tears rolled down my face uncontrollably. Seconds later, Zayn came around me and grabbed me, slamming me into his chest.
"I'm so sorry", he balled, hischest shaking vigrously from his intense crying. I fisted the sides of his shirt before punching him repeatedly in the chest.
"You promised. You promised you'd never hurt me. You told me i was the best thing that ever happened to you, and now i feel so useless. I feel so empty. I feel so gone. I'm so broken.", I wailed, sinking down onto the wet concrete. I wailed loudly while Zayn just held me, rocking us back and forth, his own tears landing on my face and neck.
After a good 10 minutes, i was able to calm down and stared blankly at Zayn. He looked back at me, guilt filled in his eyes.
"I want to kill myself for the pain i've caused you. I promise you Destiny that was not me talking to you. I don't know what went through me but you ARE the best thing that's ever happened to me. Every second with you is a second i feel alive and wanted, and needed, and appreicated, and special, and important. You're my everything, and a world without you isn't a world at all. It would be absolutely nothing.", He whispered, putting our foreheads together.
"Where were you last night?", I croaked out, my vision still slightly blurry.
"I'll tell you tomorrow. Right now, my focus is you and only you.", he said, kissing my face repeatedly and gripping me tightly.
"Please forgive me.", he whispered, kissing me cheek softly
"Please"
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Hey guyss emotional chapter :'(( Hope you likedd !!
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~Ashly XOXOXOX