A knock echoes through my chambers as soon as I sit down in front of a noonday breakfast of buttered bread with pears and cheese. It must be Gwendes. Doubtful I am awake enough to make an adequate listening companion, I pad to the door and hope she will not mention Elros for once.
After dancing with nearly every eligible lord in the kingdom last night, surely Elros is long forgotten.
But behind the oak entry is Ferdir, still missing his usual cocked smile and warm disposition. I lead him into the room and offer a seat on my settee, making little effort to hide my confusion. Had we not parted amicably enough only hours ago? After our strained conversation during the party, surely there is nothing more to be said.
"I admit I am surprised to see you." I take a seat in the chair opposite. "Did you not say you were departing this morning?"
"I had everything prepared and my horse saddled, but I realized I could not leave without seeing you again. It lies heavy on my heart..." He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
I outwardly remain a still pond, even as blood surges at my temples. The scene is reminiscent of Elros' fateful visit not long ago.
"Would you like something to eat before your journey? I have bread and cheese, even fruit..."
"I have already shared a meal with my father, but thank you." His gaze is fixated on my writing desk, though I wonder if he sees it at all. "You have shown me much kindness since my arrival, Rîneth. You have made me feel I belong here, not in Lothlórien."
"But what about your father? What about Legolas, and your friends from the Guard? They have welcomed you warmly enough."
"Yes, of course. They have." He moves his eyes back to mine, a touch of tenderness in their bronze depths. "You are too humble if you believe you have not had a large part in me feeling at home here."
"You are kind, but--"
"I am well aware my behavior last night was...strange. And I apologize for it. I assure you that you were not the cause. I am most grateful for your friendship."
Relief washes over me like a soft April rain. I manage a smile. Friendship is good. I know how to be a friend. Anything more is uncharted territory, a strange sea without a shoreline in sight. I do not wish to explore it with him. I know I never shall.
"I am grateful for yours as well, and I appreciate your apology. I admit you had me wondering."
The sweet smell of pear wafts under my nose, reminding me of my untouched breakfast. If only Ferdir would take his leave before my stomach rumbles and gives me away...
"It should not come as a surprise to hear what I say next. I only wish I told you from the start." He leans forward and wets his lips.
Panic grips me. It is as I feared. I stand up abruptly before he can continue. "Would you like some wine, my lord?"
"Wine?" he asks, bemused. "Not now. I was about to tell you something rather important..."
"Are you certain? It is no trouble at all."
"Without doubt." His eyes flash with restrained frustration. "Have you been listening to me at all?"
"I have." I feel flames in my cheeks as I sit back down. They are likely the shade of plum. "Please forgive me. It was a long night. I did not have much rest."
Seemingly contented by my reply, he plows on, oblivious to my discomfort. "You are perceptive. You surely know what I am about to say, even before I utter the words."
"I cannot say I do." My heart reaches the pace of a running doe.
"Really? I was certain..." His forehead furrows, and he falls into silence.
I clear my throat. "Ferdir, I am of the opinion you should make haste while the sun is still high and bright. Since the incident with our prisoner, I believe there is a cause for concern. You should have left at dawn..."
"I should have. But I first wished to say farewell to Lady Caewen and her mother. It was the respectable thing to do."
"Of course..."
Glancing down at my lap, I hope I can disguise my incredulity. It seems impossible he would feel obligated to visit them as he has no close ties with either mother or daughter. Certainly not a tie of friendship. But what reason would he have to lie?
"You are right. I need not delay any longer. I apologize for my confusing manner. I was mistaken in thinking you knew my..." He shakes his head dismissively, and stands. "Farewell, Lady Rîneth. Until we meet again. I do not believe it will be long."
Ferdir places his hand against his chest and then brings it forward, bowing his head in a sign of affection between the Eldar.
I return the gesture, not knowing what I feel more: relief, confusion or guilt. As if I sail on a stormy sea, I feel tossed to and fro by all emotions at once, yet still maintain a tight hold on the mast.
"Namárië."