(I swear if I see any of you making those "(insert character) is 'stuff'" jokes....I know you're thinking of it. >:p )
Karkat yawned and tried to sit up and stretch, but because of his awkward sleeping position, instead fell off his bed.
This, of course, was announced to the household by a long, loud string of swears.
Once the immediate pain had dulled down, he sat up from the floor and stretched his tired muscles.
"Karkat, are you okay?" Kankri's voice came from down the hall.
"YES. GO AWAY."
Kankri didn't make some snide remark about how his comment was disrespectful, which could be "triggering to some people", so Karkat could assume he actually listened for once in his life.
Still riddled with sleepiness, Karkat slowly began getting dressed and generally preparing to start his day. He was going to meet Dave at the beach. Jade said she might come, but she might have to help her brother and grandma with something, and told them not to wait for her if she was late.
He could hear Kankri and their dad arguing as he slipped into a sweater and shorts. He rolled his eyes as he slipped on a pair of red flip flops. This always happened.
Ever since Cronus and Kankri had Stratton going out, Mr. Vantas had become extremely strict in terms of what Kankri was allowed to do. It wasn't the fact that he was gay; he just thought Cronus was a bad influence on his son; probably smoking, was probably part of a biker gang, probably forcing his son into premarital sex.
Karkat knew none of that was true. Cronus didn't smoke or take part in gangs; he just liked that "50's/Grease" athestetic. And everyone and their mother knew Kankri was ace (except for Mr. Vantas, apparently), and Cronus loved him enough to not force him to do things he didn't want to do.
Sure, Cronus was a little odd, but he wasn't a bad person.
Which was exactly the point Kankri tried to make every time he and their dad argued. But Mr. Vantas would have none of it. He firmly believed that anyone who dressed like a "hooligan" was bound to act like one, too.
Karkat, backpack in hand, slinked down the stairs as the argument continued in the living room.
Not paying attention to whatever Kankri had gotten himself into this time, he snatched a few apples from a nearby fruit bowl, grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, slipped his snacks into his backpack, scribbled a quick note on a post-it, and left the house unnoticed.
As he began his trek to the beach, he decided to take some time to reevaluate his entire life, as you do.
He was on his way to meet a merman. Like AN ACTUAL GODDAMN MERMAN. It sounded crazy, yet it was true. It was like he was living in a poorly-written fanfiction or something like that. That's.....kind of insane.
Not to mention he was not just friends with said merman, but BEST FRIENDS. HIS BEST FRIEND WAS A MERMAN.
And on top of all that, HIS MERMAN BESTIE WAS ASKING HIM FOR LOVE ADVICE.
Every time Karkat told himself, "Well, it's not like things can escalate from here, right?", they escalated so far, you almost couldn't see how it had been prior to escalating.
Before he knew it, he had arrived on the familiar beach; hot, sandy, and despite living in a beach town full of sweaty tourists, empty. It was the weirdest thing.
He trudged along the hot sand towards the cave. He looked around, checking for anyone that might follow him, but there beach was still empty.
Soon he had reached the cave. Dave was swimming in the lagoon, looking really bored.
"Yo, I'm here."
Dave thrashed back in surprise at the sound of Karkat's voice. He spun around to look at his bro.
"Dude," he deadpanned like he hadn't had the shit scared out of him moments ago, "Not. Cool."
Karkat shrugged. "Sorry, not sorry, that I announced my presence to you instead of sneaking up on you like a creep." He took his backpack and unzipped it. "I brought you food."
Dave swam closer. "What kind?"
"Apples, and I have some Doritos left over from last time."
"What's an 'apple'?"
Karkat rolled his eyes, even though he knew Dave couldn't know what an apple was. He snarked, "Well, why don't you try one and see for yourself?"
He took out an apple and hurled it at Dave's face.
Dave caught it, completely unfazed.
"Seriously, bro? You could've just handed it to me like a normal person," he complained. He swam towards where the water met the floor of the cave.
Karkat sat next to him, his shoes off and his legs dangling into the lagoon. "But that wouldn't have been as fun to do."
He pulled an apple out of his bag. "Do you need me to show you how to eat an apple or can you figure it out by yourself?"
Dave stared at the apple for a moment. He had eaten many different human foods before from his human friends but this was different. From its sweet smell, Dave figured it was either a 'fruit' or a 'pastry', but it wasn't squishy enough to crush in your hand, so it was probably a 'fruit'. But this only raised more questions. Was its red skin edible, like that of a 'pear', or did you need to peel it off, like a 'banana'? Dave had been staring at the apple for so long, he could almost feel the apple staring back.
He looked at Karkat.
"Please help me."
Karkat chuckled and took a bite of the apple.
Dave frowned. "Really? That's it? You just sorta-?" Dave mimed out taking a bite.
Karkat nodded slyly, a smirk upon his face.
Dave looked at his apple, shrugged, and took a bite.
This is the best 'fruit' I've ever eaten, he decided. He found it more enjoyable than the sour 'lemon', the sweet 'banana', and even the 'plum', which was both sour AND sweet.
"So what do you think?" Karkat interrupted Dave's thoughts.
"Dude, this is the best fucking thing anyone ever came up with," Dave mused, half-chewed bits of apple spilling out of his mouth.
"Anyway," Karkat began, looking away from his friend's messy eating habits, "You called me because you want love advice?"
Dave nodded and swallowed the remainder of his apple. "Yes, I think I might be in love."
Karkat nodded and pulled a small notebook and a pen out of his backpack. He flipped to a clean page and asked, "Who do you think you're in love with?"
Dave looked up at Karkat. "Promise you won't tell anyone?" He asked quietly.
Karkat rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Bitch, please, if I told on everyone who told me their crushes when they came for me for love advice, I'd be out of business. Besides, you're my best bro. If I told on you, I'd be metaphorically shitting on our entire friendship and then hacking it up with a chainsaw. You just don't do that to a bro."
"Thanks, bro," Dave said with sincerity. He took a deep breath before confessing, "I think I might kinda like.................
........Jade." (Wow I can hear you guys' screams of anger already. *Excuse me* for wanting to experiment with different ships. Not everything has to be Davekat, my friends.)
Karkat showed no emotion on what he thought of his crush; he merely scribbled something down in his notebook and asked, "How do you feel when you think about Jade?
Dave could feel his face get red as he answered, "Really good......"
"Define 'really good'."
Dave sighed. "Its......indescribable."
Karkat looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "You can't describe it?" He asked.
"Nope."
Karkat went to go write something else down before he interrupted himself and exclaimed, "Wait, don't you like John, too?"
"Well, last time I called you here, I did, but then John started going out with Vriska, you know, that bitch, and it kinda destroyed any feelings I might have for him."
"Ahh. I see." He scribbled some more notes in his notebook before flipping it shit and announcing, "You're totally in love, dude. Like, head over heels in love."
Dave winced. "It's that bad?"
"Once you lose the ability to describe your feelings, you're in too deep and there is no escape. Look on the bright side; you can tell her now."
Dave shook his head and snarked, "Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah no. Not gonna happen, bro."
"Well you'll have to tell her eventually, so why not get it over with- hey, what's that?" Karkat interrupted himself, squinting and pointing off into the distance.
When Dave turned around, he saw a sparkly thing floating in the ocean.
Just then, Jade ran into the cave. "Hey guys," she panted, having obviously run the entire way. "What's up?"
Dave, rather than answer her, dove into the water and swam for the mysterious object.
It was only few yards away, so Dave reached it in no time.
The mystery item was a small green bundle with a familiar sword symbol on it. A bottle with a swirling orange liquid was inside. There was a note attached, but Dave didn't even need to read it to know who it was from and what it was for.
Once he got back to the lagoon, Jade and Karkat were waiting for him.
Jade sighed huffily. "What the hell, Dave?" She asked in irritation. "You could've at least said 'hi'."
Dave ignored her and held up the bundle.
"You guys wanna become merpeople?"
HELLOOOO!!!!!! I FINALLY UPDATED!!!! ARENT YOU ALL SO PROUD OF ME!!! AND JUST BEFORE THE NEW YEAR!! Yeah 2016 was a rough year in many, many, MANY ways. But there were good things about it too; Davekat is canon (but not here please don't hate me), rose and kanaya are married and calliope is ok. I wish everyone a happy new year and the best of luck in 2017. I hate to be the one to make that joke (I'm really not) but see you all next year!!! PCHOOOOO!!!!!!
-CC