Laying here in bed at Landon's home again, Liam now snuggled as the big spoon behind me, I felt comfortable. Not enough for sleep to take me, but comfortable nonetheless. Warm and safe, in a place with memories that flushed back everytime I look at the small crack in the wall near the ceiling from an earthquake one year, or the black stain in the far corner floor board of the first time I used permanent marker and lost the cap.
I laid for hours like this after we got back, Liam's arm around my middle, holding me against him while his breath warmed my hair at the back of my head. He was like a teddy bear.
My gaze moved to the pillow under my face, gently picking at a string that stuck out from the casing. I felt my stomach rumble under Liam's arm and my hands flew down to cover it, attempting to muffle the sound so I didn't wake him.
I slowly and carefully turn my head toward Liam, my eyes scanning over his face and I knew then that he was a decently heavy sleeper.
I gently grip his wrist and bring his arm from around my body, the chilled early morning air finding it's way to nip at the skin of my exposed legs as I pull myself free from Liam and the blankets. I shuffle over to the edge and sit there for a moment, running my fingers through my hair and taking deep breaths.
I felt tired, my body was exhausted from all the emotions and running of the night, but my mind wouldn't shut up long enough to grant me sleep.
I sigh quietly and stand from the bed, peering over at the nightstand to see the time flashing across my dark lockscreen of my phone.
6:37am.
I turn myself toward the door, opening the white painted barrier and walking out, slowly strolling down the hall to make sure that the floor boards didn't creek under my weight too much.
I made it to the kitchen with just three small creeks that felt like it sounded as if world war 3 began in the hallway, slicing through the silence. I knew it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was.
I flipped on the switch for the lights over the sink and ghosted throughout the kitchen, peering in each cabinet for anything that could settle my stomach a bit. I found it a relief that their was insta-coffee in the first set of doors that I opened and decided on that.
Plenty of ingredients for plenty styles of coffee were in this cabinet, even different flavored sugar free syrup. I pulled out the vanilla and caramel, along with sugar packets and cream, before I began to hunt down the mugs.
Finally gathering everything together, I quietly sang to myself as I readied the water to heat in the microwave. As I move around and make a steaming cup, my actions slow as the morning sun illuminated the sky more and more, I sang Three Little Birds by Bob Marley.
I couldn't help the image of Edward coming to my mind, how he held me the day we were in my room packing and I started crying. How he sang this one song to me and how much it's meant since then.
"Don't worry, about a thing..
Because every little thing, is gonna be alright.
Rise up this morning, smile with the rising sun,
Three Little Birds is by my doorstep, singing sweet songs,
A melody pure and true. Saying; this my lesson to you..."
I lift the mug to my lips as I stare out of the kitchen window that overlooked the street outside, the thin curtains that framed this said window were cute and decorative, especially for a guy.
I stood there, contemplating what I was to do now that I knew of what happened. Do I forgive my family and Edward? Or go back to Florida and forget them?
What would I be going back to? More lies? More secrecy and devious plots to be hidden from things?
A baby brother or sister?
My gaze dropped to the mug that I held between cold fingers, desperately wanting to warm them up. I sigh quietly and heard a chorus of soft chirps coming from somewhere just outside.
I took my mug with me, switching off the light and exiting the kitchen, wanting to go back to my old room and sit at the desk or window or something, but as I carefully watched my steps to make sure I'm not too loud, color shimmered along my foot and ankle.
I peered up and looked through one of the windows just to the side of the front door, seeing that between the houses directly across the street held a bigger gap, a thicker alley way between homes and the sun's shining rays were being thrown against the door and through the stained glass just above it.
The stained glass of a picture of an angel with a bundle of blankets carried in her arms.
The colors were mixed with a soft orange and I found it relaxing and the sight very familiar.
I sat down on the floor right there, the colored glass reflection now on my chest and as I brought the mug up to sip, I watched the colors paint the white cup.
I closed my eyes and remembered how every morning just before school would start, when Jason and Emily were scurrying around their bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen to ready themselves to leave and take me to elementary before work, I would sit here in this spot with my backpack pressed to my back, watching the glowing reflected lights shine over a spot on the ground. I would lift my hand and act as if I'm actually holding the colors, and I would find calm in it.
I sat there for nearly an hour, the house becoming brighter and my coffee now cold and half gone. As I heard a door behind me open, my back turned toward the hall, I straightened up in my posture.
I didn't turn around as footsteps were walking up toward me, and I felt someone sit down beside me. I knew it wasn't Liam when a soft grunt came out as he lowered himself to the floor.
I stared on at the picture of the stained glass, trying to remember every moment I spent working on it with Jason. Hard as I tried, I didn't remember as much as I would've wanted.
"You're her, aren't you?" Landon asks, his voice deeper after sleep and thicker in his accent.
I didn't turn my head or give any body language that I had acknowledged his question, but after a moment, I sighed and nodded, knowing what I was being asked.
"Yeah."
"My daughter?"
"Yeah."
"I sat up for hours last night, piecing together as much as I could, as much as I knew." He crosses his legs in front of him, leaning his elbows down on his thighs. "Can I run them by you so I can see if it's too ridiculous?"
I hesitated before finally turning my gaze to him and nodded for my answer.
"Well, Patricia was there last night with that one boy, the one with the dark hair. He called you his sister and I had seen him around her a couple times before he got, you know, famous and stuff. And then when I saw her, really saw her that night, I saw pieces of her in parts of you. You have her cheek bones and jawline, and her lips. And then I thought back and tried to figure out your age and then thought back again to the time Patricia and I had met. And then your eyes... You've got my eyes.
So, I figured you were my daughter pretty quickly after all of that. But, that's when I thought about your parents- Jason and Emily. They left, they had moved with no words of goodbyes and now I know it's because I had found out that I told them about my daughter with Patricia, about you without actually having a clue it was you at all. They thought I would take you from them or something. And I asked myself "why would they think that?" And I got to thinking that maybe it was because you and I were so close, I'm great with kids, always wanted one or two, and they knew and they were scared." Landon looked up at me, and I hadn't said a word since he started explaining, and it really did all make sense. I couldn't fathom a proper sentence, so instead I only nodded.
"Would you catch me up some more? Tell me what's happened since you've, I guess, found out." He shifts slightly to catch my eye because my gaze had gone distant though I was looking straight at him.
"The guy I kissed, Edward, he has a sister who watched my YouTube videos and sent me links to a video of Zayn, telling the world that he needed help with finding his long list sister- me. I didn't think anything of it and thought she wanted me to promote the search to those who watched my videos and didn't know about Zayn yet. But I was wrong, she told me she thought I was who he was looking for. Simply because of my eyes and the way the structure of my face is. And I share the same smile as him- them. My sister's, they smile the same as well. Anyway, skipping forward, Edward and I worked together and at the time, I barely knew him. He introduced me to his little sister and she explained that she was the one sending me the links through YouTube to the video of Zayn and then, skipping forward again, I got into contact with Zayn over Skype, found out everything and had it confirmed and came out here to Bradford." I stare down into the coffee mug now, my knees pulling in as I sigh. "It was great here, Landon. Really great. I felt better. I wasn't being lied to, kept a secret, left in the dark. But then... Then it all came crashing down and I find out that it's all that's been going on."
"Would you give them a second chance?" Landon asks softly.
I shift my gaze up to the coloring on the floor created by the stained glass and take in a deep breath.
"The scary part is that I would."