Things go smoother than I thought they would. A whole week goes by and not once do I reach for my phone to call or text Luke. I don't mope around much to Sean and Haley's confusion and I'm actually getting the healthy amount of sleep a normal person should get.
Everything was fine and life was not even a tiny bit harder. It's like he never even existed. Luke who?
Except, it's not that simple is it? He wasn't just Luke. Some whatever teenage boy who I never had to see or hear from again. No. He was Luke. The famous teenage boy whose songs were on the radio and face was in magazines all over the place.
Of course I still knew who he was, of course I thought of him more than I probably should have, of course I was constantly reaching for my phone to tell him something. But it wasn't my fault. I couldn't undo knowing who he was or what his stupid band looked/sounded like.
Still, it really was easy to ignore it all happened...at first. As soon as the exams stopped needing studying for and the classes stopped needing attending it was a lot harder to be distracted.
Funny thing is I didn't even realize I was using it all as a distraction until it stopped. Then it all came crashing down and the nights got lonely without his annoying voice talking my ear off and not letting me sleep. The days grew longer and dragged on boringly with no ridiculous jokes or random photo from the blonde boy.
It was around the first or second day with no word from him that I found myself embarrassingly looking him up. I told myself it was just going to be for a second. Just to make sure he did in fact have his phone on him.
I don't know why part of me thought maybe he didn't. Joke was on me though because he was seen out and about, some photos with his phone in his hand and he was fairly active on his social media - which I definitely didn't spend hours going through.
It was one slip up. One little day where I had to actually search him for the first time since finding out who he was.
Truthfully, it was weird. Partly because half of me hadn't fully registered that he was the same person I'd been talking to.
That wasn't just it though. It just also felt like I was invading his privacy which is ridiculous in itself I know. He lives his life in the public eye and thousands of people see the same things I looked through on a daily basis. Knowing this didn't make me feel any less guilty though and I haven't done it since.
It got harder not to do when break started so Haley decided to make me visit home with her. Sean stood back to 'work' but I had a feeling it had a lot more to do with the fact that Jeff was actually starting to show some interest in him.
Which leaves us back here. Me in my old room that hasn't changed in the slightest. Sometimes I think maybe my mom's just waiting for me to call her and tell her I'm coming back home for good.
My bedding is the same sunflower set its always been, the walls are the same hideous shade of two different blues, the dressers not moved even an inch, and the curtains are still see-through with the worst sun coverage possibly ever. The only thing that has changed is Haley's room was no long across from my own. Instead, it was now her mom's new and improved gym.
Haley refused to sleep on the couch at hers so she snuck into my own bed just before I knocked out last night.
Speak of the devil.
"What?" I eye her curiously from where she stands at the entrance of my bathroom. Her eyes are wide, her phone in her hand, and her toothbrush paused in her mouth. She looks likes she's debating whether to tell me or not. "What?" I insist, sitting up in bed.
"It's nothing," she shakes her head with a mouth full of toothpaste. "Haley," I sigh when she rushes back into the restroom. "It's nothing. Hey how about we go see a movie or something," she spits the paste out.
"Okay sure. Tell me what you were looking at," I frown, standing at the door with my arms crossed. "Can we just go somewhere around here? I don't really feel like driving today," she goes on, ignoring my protests.
"It's only 30 minutes. And I thought we agreed to do it like old times, hanging out in LA and ignoring our parents' phone calls," I smile softly at the memories. "Yeah but why do we have to go today? We can just go tomorrow or like next time we visit." She rinses her mouth and walks past me.
She forgets her phone on the counter, the amateur. I swiftly snatch the device off the marble top and punch in her code that she honestly should change if she plans on hiding more things.
The screen unlocks and the window she was on is still open. I see now why I should have just left it and agreed to whatever last minute plan Haley made up on the spot.
"Did I leave my-" Haley walks back in cutting herself out. "El?" She prompts cautiously. "I'm fine. It's fine. This doesn't need to interfere with our plans," I reply easily. "Are you sure? We don't have to. I mean, not if he's out." I appreciate her wanting to protect me from it or whatever but I wasn't a child and she wasn't my mother.
"Yes. It's fine. It's not like he even knows what I look like right?" I try to crack a joke but the broken chuckle I force out just makes it sad to listen to.
She gives a sympathetic look. "I'm gonna shower," I rush, shutting the door behind me. I know if I don't get away from her now she'll want to talk about it and make it a big deal. It was fine. I was fine. He was just a friend. People lose friends all the time.
Friend. Friend. Friend.
That doesn't stop the image of he and his girlfriend - I'm assuming - holding hands from flashing behind my eyelids when I go to wash the shampoo out of my hair.
-
I've only been away from home for a little over a year now but boy was everything just as I left it. Driving around town with Haley in my same old car I named Shelly back in high school only made things that much more nostalgic.
We drive around listening to old CDs burned with some of our old school favorites. The drive to LA is never too long and when we get there our first stop is our favorite burger place. Then we decide to burn off some of the calories with a bit of walking/shopping. By the time it's dark out my stomach burns with the amount of laughs we've had.
It was a day free of Luke and the weird feeling in my stomach I've had since I told him I knew who he was.
It was perfect.
Actually gone as planned.
So of course it was ruined.
We're sat on the sandy beach watching the waves crash on the empty shore. It's nice out, the stars dancing bright in the clear sky, not too warm, not too cold, just the right breeze. I was content. Fully and completely in my element.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I don't even really notice it the first time just kinda think maybe it had but wasn't actually sure. Then it vibrates again and this time it catches my attention. My first thought is Sean. He's probably texting me and Haley something dramatic about being home alone.
But I notice Haley isn't reaching for her own. Then it vibrates again. With a sigh, I pull it out fully convinced it's my mom and ready to tell her she could stop texting because I was still alive. That isn't quite how things go.
My screen reads Yodel (5) and my immediate reaction for some reason is to look around to make sure no one is watching.
I unlock the screen and just as his sporadicly written texts pop up, my screen is flashing with his caller ID.
Haley notices the vibrating then, tearing her eyes away from the ocean to look over at me.
"Who's that?" She hums sleepily. "My mom." Why did I just lie? I have no idea. I get to my feet, dusting myself off. "Ask her if my mom has found the air mattress yet," she says lightly over her shoulder.
"Hello?" I answer quietly, moving away from Haley. It's loud and I can't really hear much on his side of the call.
"Luke?" I try again a little louder.
I hear him shuffling around, I think maybe he butt dialed me but then his annoying accent is on the line thick as ever.
"Penelope!" Of course he was drunk. I don't know what I expected.
For a brief second I consider hanging up then and there. I should have never answered in the first place. But then he's saying 'p?' in the softest most unsure tone and now that I know what he looks like I can just see the pout on his face.
"Yeah, what did you need Luke?" I huff, rubbing my forehead.
"P, where are you? Why aren't here? I miss you," he reveals in his drunken state. My eyes roll but my heart is singing.
"I don't know where you are but I'm at the beach. Maybe I'd be there though if you hadn't decided to shove a stick up your ass about me knowing who you are."
It feels good letting out some of the pent up anger I've had building up for days but it's not as satisfying when he's drunk and has no idea what's going on.
"What beach are you at? I'll come right now." He says it with so much certainty that part of me thinks he actually would.
"Why are you calling Lu?" My voice coming out hard and annoyed.
"I want to see you," he states firmly.
"Well that's just not going to happen is it?"
"Oh yeah, because you're in San Frandisco right?" The fact that he says it so genuine is slightly amusing.
"San Frandisco?" I chuckle.
"Mhm. Party town," he says like a mischievous toddler. I can slowly start to feel my walls come down.
"God. You're so irritating," I groan up at the sky annoyed with myself for caving so easily.
"Yeah, that's what people tell me," he hums back wholeheartedly.
"Stop talking," I bite. The more he talks the more I want to listen.
"But this party's lame. I want to talk to you," he whines.
"Well I don't want to talk to you."
"Is it because I didn't call?" His wasted voice mutters.
"Yes. That would be the reason," I agree because I doubt he's going to even remember this but on the off chance that he does I want him to know we were definitely still not okay.
"Hey did you see there's going to be a mermaid documentary on?" Luke announces sudden and loud.
It was silly of me to think for even a second drunk Luke was going to be able to carry an honest conversation about things with me when even sober Luke couldn't.
"Yes I saw. Look, I have to go. Haley's waiting for me and my mom's going to think I'm in a ditch somewhere if I'm not home soon."
"Wait what? Your mom?"
"Bye Luke. Get home safe please."
"Wait. P-" I hang up the phone before I get pulled back into the conversation.
With a deep breath I head back over to Haley. "What'd she say about the mattress?" Haley asks as soon as I'm close enough. "Hm? Oh. Sorry, I forgot to ask," I reply far less concerned with her blow up mattress than about the fact that Luke was possibly the most confusing person in the world.
"Ready to go?" I ask after a second of quiet. She nods with a hum, getting up from her spot in the sand.
The whole ride home is full of overthinking, dead silence, and praying Haley's mom invested in a blow up mattress because I really just needed to be alone in my bed for a while.
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Soz this ones not as long as the past two but hey it's still an update. (;
Comments & votes. I like those.