Dear Harry,
I spent the entire day cleaning the apartment. Vacuuming the carpets, scrubbing the dishes, and doing laundry is not my cup of tea, but it does get my mind off of you for a bit. That is, until I was putting away some clean socks back into their drawer. I was just about to close it when a vibrant red stuck out from between all of the white material. My hand rummaged through the compartment until I grasped onto the velvet oxblood-colored box. My entire body froze for a moment; a mixture of reminiscence and sadness filling the pit of my stomach. I opened the box a few centimeters, just so a glimmer of the stone caught in the light.
An overwhelming wave of sorrow washed over me, just as it did the first time I saw it.
It all started towards the end of twelfth grade, our senior year. Everything was going great, and I felt as if nothing could bring me down. I had good grades, a lot of friends, but most of all, I had you. One friday afternoon, we were walking home, as usual, but you seemed a little off. You were normally so talkative and lively, but that day, you eyes were mainly focused on the ground, watching your foot kick a rock along the sidewalk. I lightly shoved my shoulder into your arm, attempting to pull you out of your trance.
"Huh?" you looked down at me with confusion, as if you had just woken up from a dream.
"You okay?"
You nodded your head as you took my hand, a small smile making its way onto your lips.
"Yep, just thinking."
The rest of the walk home was better, but a little part of you was still in another world. It felt as if you were holding something back from me, and I couldn't figure out what it was.
We arrived at my house a few minutes later, and we parted ways, you making your way to the house right next door. By the time I got to my front step, you called my name.
"Ella!"
I turned around, studying your hesitant smile. "Yeah?"
"Come over at seven thirty, I have something special planned."
My head eagerly bobbed up and down, and I blew you a kiss before turning around and walking inside.
When I got to my room, I immediately plopped down on my bed and stared at the picture of us on my night-stand. It was from the homecoming dance the year before. What had you planned? We usually hung out every Friday night anyway, but I had a feeling tonight was going to be extra special. I mean, you said it yourself. Being the normal teenage girl I was, I over thought the entire situation.
Did I forget your birthday? Or our anniversary? I didn't think I had forgotten anything. What should I wear? What were we going to do? My mind was anxious with thoughts going every which way.
I contemplated my outfit, hairstyle, and perfume until the moment I had to leave my house. I knocked on your door and the moment I saw you, all my worries evaporated. I remembered that you didn't care about any of that stuff; you just cared about me.
You took my hand and pulled me inside, bending down to pull off my shoes in a completely urgent manner. I looked at you as if you were crazy.
"Harry...," I said, placing my hand on your shoulder to calm you down.
You shook your head and gave me a soft smile. "I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous."
Before you could explain, your hand made its way to the small of my back, leading me into the kitchen. The dining room table was dressed in a fancy tablecloth, the one your family only put out for Christmas. On top of it, was a few candles and two plates of pizza.
I smiled, pizza was sort of like an unspoken tradition with us- we shared a slice the first time we met, all those years ago when I moved into the neighborhood. I looked back at you, still entirely confused.
"My parents went to a movie..," you explained, although that didn't make me any less confused.
You pulled out the chair for me before sitting down yourself, taking my hand from across the table. I waited for your foot to lightly tap mine, as we always played footsie whenever we sat together, and yet you never did. Something just felt off.
"Harry, this is so nice and I love it more than words can explain, but I just don't understand, why is tonight so special?"
My eyes didn't leave your face, and yours didn't leave mine. You didn't say a word for a few minutes, until you finally took a deep breath and took your hand off mine.
"Ella, these past few weeks I have been thinking, about everything in my life. The more I thought, the more I realized that everything that goes on in my brain has to do with you. You are always there, even from the beginning. You have no idea how thankful I am for you, I really don't know what I would do without you. I feel like you are a part of me, and I am only whole with you. You just make everything better, even in the worst situations. You are perfect. I really really really love you."
I watched as you got up from your chair and crouched down right by me. You took my hand again, and I immediately felt an electric surge flow through my veins, it almost made me dizzy. Whenever you touched me I felt it, but this time it was different. I looked at your hands, wondering if you were wearing one of those buzzers that they sold at the prank shops. Instead of a buzzer, I spotted a small velvet box with a shiny diamond ring resting on the cushion.
My stomach immediately dropped.
"Ella, I just want you to be mine forever. I want you to be mine so badly, and I have waited a while before I finally got the courage to ask you. I know this is crazy, but I am crazy about you. Will you marry me?
The look in your eyes looked so hopeful, as if you wanted nothing more than to slip the ring onto my finger, sealing the deal that I was really yours. I sat there completely dumbfounded, not knowing what to say. As the time went by and I still remained quiet, your eyebrows slightly bent, like you were silently begging me. You squeezed my hands, and I became aware that both of ours were sweating. I looked at you one last time before parting from your gaze; I could not look at your face when I gave you an answer.
"Harry, you have no idea how much this means to me, and how much I love you, but I can't marry you right now... We're both so young, we haven't even graduated high school yet. I'm not ready to settle down. I can promise that one day I'll marry you, but not just yet. Don't worry about losing me, because I am yours, and that's how it will always be."
I risked stealing a glance at you, and when I did, my heart split in two. Your face was filled with embarrassment and disappointment, and you refused to look at me.
"I don't understand," you said, staring at the floor. "If you want to marry me, why can't you now?"
I stood up from my chair, stealing my hand back from you. My blood was now boiling anger, surprised at your selfishness. "What is so hard to understand? I can't get married right now, I'm only eighteen! Are you out of your mind?"
You sat there, still crouched on the floor next to my chair, with the box in your hand. You looked so vulnerable and humiliated, something I have never seen you like before. I wanted so badly to run over to you and have your arms wrapped around me as I kiss away your pain, but for some reason, I held back. I watched you for another second before turning around and walking back home.
That was the only argument we have ever had.
The rest of the night I sat in bed, letting a few tears run down my cheeks. I didn't know what to feel; I was still angry, but only at myself. I had been so cruel to you, you didn't deserve that. Why had I acted like that? I wished I could turn back time, and change the way the night had ended. I hated myself for making you sad, I felt like such a horrible human being. After all you had done for me, and I treated you like that. I looked down at the forth finger on my left hand, imagining what it would be like to have a ring on it. My eyes flickered to my window, where I had a perfect view to your bedroom window. Through your blinds, I saw a glimpse of you sitting miserably at your bed, staring at the wall.
The sight of you there was all it took for me to hop off my bed and run out of my house, knocking on your door for the second time that night. You opened it a few minutes later and before you had a chance to say anything, I wrapped my arms around your neck and kissed you.
"I promise, Harry, one day I will marry you, just give me some time."
You still looked a bit gloomy, but you smiled and had the normal spark back in your eyes.
"Fine, but you better believe that I'll be asking you again and again until you finally say yes."
I opened the box fully, studying the ring. It's honestly so beautiful, and the more I look at it, the more I regret that I never said yes. I am so sorry, Harry. Despite the hundreds of times you asked, I always said no, always thinking it was too early on in my life.
Please forgive me, please know that I am finally ready. I want to be your wife more than anything on earth. I am finally saying yes.
I slipped the ring on my finger, and I can't believe that I am engaged. To the man I have loved ever since I first laid eyes on him. You're not my boyfriend anymore; you're my fiancée, and I couldn't be happier.
Come home soon, I can't wait to see the look on your face when I tell you the news. I love you so so much.
With so much love,
Ella Wella
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