The rest of the time in the hospital went by like a blur; a tired, nauseating blur. The chemo was taking a bigger hit on me then expected so I decided to stay home from school on Monday.
“Here we are! A nice big bowl of chicken noodle soup!” said my mom as she placed the steaming bowl in front of me. Any hint of spice, even pepper, left my stomach in a knot. I could feel myself about to be sick from the smell of the hot liquid. “I think I’m good, thanks though mom.” I said handing it back to her. I could see the guilt in her eyes as she left my room. I understand it’s been hard adjusting for my parents, they have no idea how to go about my illness. I know they’re trying their hardest, too, but there are just somethings I can’t control. My stomach is one of those things.
I opened my laptop to get my mind off of my nausea. As I scrolled through Facebook, I click on Peter’s name and it opens up to his profile. For some reason he hasn’t changed his profile picture of the two of us hanging upside down on monkey bars in the park from like two years ago. We both have these crazy smiles on our faces because we were laughing hysterically, for no apparent reason, 30 seconds before Mike had taken the picture. The sun was hitting Peter’s face perfectly, making his eyes sparkle. His nose was slightly burnt from the beach probably. I love that picture, and it makes me happy to know that he still has it as his profile picture.
And before I can stop myself I make it my profile picture as well.
I instantly get hundreds of notifications of likes on the picture. It comforts me to know, even though all of those kids are in school, they’re still hooked into technology at all times. A few girls I know from volleyball comment, “Date already!” and “Perfect couple” and “Class couple award goes too.....” The comments are mostly all sweet harmless things like saying we’re cute together and things like that. My heart jumps a bit when a notification pops up saying Peter liked it. A few minutes later a message from him popped up.
Peter:
Hey, nice profile pic ;)
Kate:
I was debating on cropping you out, but it would’ve cut out half my hair
Peter:
Very funny :P
Peter:
I really love that picture
Kate:
Do you remember that day? At the park?
Peter:
How could I forget?!
Kate:
:)
Peter:
Are you still mad at me?
Kate:
I can’t stay mad at you :)
Peter:
Good :)
Peter:
Do you want to hang out tonight?
Kate:
You sure you want to hang out with a sick, gross cancer patient?
Peter:
You mean a beautiful girl who makes me laugh uncontrollably and smile like an idiot, ya I do want to hang out with her.
Kate:
:)
Peter:
:)
I close my laptop and run into the bathroom to shower. My cheeks begin to hurt as I realize I can’t stop smiling. I get dressed into this (pic on the right)and try to make my face a bit less pale with some blush but it hardly helps.
Since it’s already the time school gets out, all I have to do is wait until Peter shows up. As I look in the mirror to do my hair for the 80th time I make a mental promise. Tonight, I’m going to tell Peter how I feel. I’m tired of keeping it hidden and with this whole illness thing, I’m not sure how much time I have left. I know it’s morbid for me to think like that but it’s true. Peter deserves to know, not as my crush but as my best friend he deserves to know how I feel.
Mike and Peter burst through the door laughing, about god knows what. I turn off the TV and walk over to the two howling idiots. “And then, and then he spit it out all over the girl!” Mike stuttered as he laughed. “And the girl was a model?!” Peter asked through his laughter. “A Victoria Secret model!” They both fell to the floor in a fit of laughter. “What on earth are you talking about?” I asked, concerned for their mental well-being. They both gained back their dignity and breath and stood back up. “Nothing, Kate.” Mike said pushing past me and into the kitchen and to the fridge. Peter just smiled at me and gave me a hug.
“So how ya feeling?” Peter asked as we sat down at the island. “Ugh, sick talk. If you need me I’ll be in my room.” Mike left with a huff. “Don’t mind him, Ms. Rothers gave him a C+ for his english essay and he’s been cranky ever since.” Peter explained. “So how are you?” he repeated. “Tired, hungry but nervous to eat, but I’m overall ok. Thanks for coming, I needed some outside interaction. My mom was driving me up a wall!” I joked. “Well my dad let me borrow his jeep for the night, I know its chilly, but if you want some outside interaction we could drive to the park with the top off.” Peter suggested. He knew just how to make things better. “That sounds like a great idea!” I said with a smile. “Well then let’s go!” Peter said pulling me outside. I call to my mom to tell her we’d be back around dinner.
We jumped into the Jeep and blasted the stereo. Free falling by Tom Peaty and The Heartbreakers filled the air. We drove all the way to the park singing as loud as we could over the stereo and wind. I kept my arms up and just sang. I felt so free and happy. I would catch Peter looking at me and smiling every now and then. I felt alive inside, I felt like no one could touch me, not even cancer. I pulled my hat over my ears to keep me warm as we parked along the park.
“Cold?” Peter asked as he saw me rub my arms. “A bit, but I’ll be fine.” I said trying to convince him. “Here, I’m hot so I don’t need it anyways.” Peter said handing me his jacket. “Peter-” “Take it Kate. Please.” Peter insisted. I closed my mouth and did what I was told. His smell engulfed me as I surrounded myself in the warm fabric. I loved the way he smelled, it made me tingle inside with this warm and happy feeling. “Thank you.” I said with a smile. Peter smiled back and pulled me into his side. We walked like that for ages, not talking, just enjoying each other’s company.
“Kate?” “Yeah?” “I need to tell you something.” Peter’s voice grew soft. “What is it?” I asked. Peter sat down on a bench and rubbed his neck. I stood in front on him and waited for him to speak.
“You know all those comments people made on that picture of us? And what the guys said last night?” Peter said looking down at his hands. My mind was going crazy with questions. What is he talking about?, Is he mad?, Does he think we should stop being friends?, Why won’t he look at me?. “Yeah, what about all that?” I asked urging him on
. “Well...” “Well what?” My heart was literally beating out of my chest. I was certain he could hear it. “Well, maybe it’s not so stupid. And maybe all of them have a point! There! I said it! I don’t care if this ruins our friendship! They’re right, we should be together! I only said they’re stupid because I didn’t want you to think I liked you but I do, I do and-”
“I love you.” I interrupted.
Peter stopped and looked up at me. “You, you do?” Peter asked shocked. His face was overcome with excitement and relief. And in one swift motion Peter stood up and crashed his lips into mine. I couldn’t help but smile. This is what I’ve been waiting for forever.
We separated our lips and leaned our foreheads into each other and just looked into each other’s eyes, both smiling like fools, but we didn’t care. “I love you, too.” Peter said once he caught his breath. I smiled wider if it were possible, as he held me close and hugged me. I could feel him rest his head on top of mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I know it’s cliche but it felt as if we were puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together, as if we fit together like we were supposed to. I felt safe in his arms, like I always have but this was different. Nothing’s holding us back anymore.
We stood there wrapped in each other’s warmth until the sun set under the brightly colored trees. We walked back hand in hand, fingers wrapped around each other as we crushed the fallen autumn leaves below our feet.
“So how do we tell everyone without them all screaming Duh at us?” Peter asked jokingly. I looked up and asked, “Well we first have to figure out what this is.” This made Peter stop. “Well we love each other, so I hope it’s not just a fling. I really just want you to be mine. No one else’s.” Peter said in all seriousness. “Me too. So Peter will you be my boyfriend?” I said teasingly. “I will! Will you, Kate Andrews, be my girlfriend?” Peter asked taking both my hands. “I will most definitely.” I said with a giggle. Peter then leaned down and kissed me softly, leaving sparks on my lips. “Well then we tell them we’re dating.” Peter said as we began to walk again. “But you know they’ll all just call us star crossed lovers.” “So be it, I like that name anyways.” Peter said holding me tight. “Well what do we tell Mike?” I asked concerned. “Don’t worry, I’ll handle him. You know it was him in the first place who planted the whole idea of us in their heads.” Peter laughed to himself. “Really? I wonder why.” I said. “Well he was right.” Peter said kissing the top of my head.
When we reached the Jeep we got in and drove back, never separating our hands. Peter pulled into my driveway and looked down at our hands. “I really don’t want to leave you and then wake up tomorrow and realise this was all a dream.” Peter said sadly. “Well I’m sure you can stay for dinner and if it is a dream, tell yourself when you wake up to tell me how you feel because I feel the same way.” I said with a smile. Peter smiled back and nodded. “I really should be getting home though, no matter how much I want to stay.” Peter said. “Go, have dinner with your family and sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I insisted. “I love you.” Peter said kissing my hand and letting it go. “I love you, too.” I said smiling.
Peter drove off and I was left alone waving and having my hand tingling with the absence of his. The rest of the night all I could think about was Peter and how desperately I didn’t want this to be a dream.