HARRY'S POV:
We spent a normal, calm few days back at Janel's flat. I mean, apartment. I kept forgetting I was back in America. Heh.
We were so sexed out from the UK, that we didn't do anything in any form the entire time we were back!
Now, it was time to go to L.A.
I had some colabs to do, and a festival or two to do. And I was happy to bring Janel again. I wanted to bring her everywhere I went, from now on, till...forever.
We visited Martin, in the group home kitchen and brought him a souvinier from London, and visited Bonnie of course, and gave her all the things Janel bought her in London. Janel insisted on paying for them all herself. She even bought stuff for Bonnie's kids. And one of the kids' friends, who was practically like Bonnie's third kid these days. None of them had ever been out of the USA, so they were very excited to have something from London and to hear the stories. Janel knew not to give great detail on that party we'd gone to the first night. Or the club party the third night. I guess she DID know what stuff was embarrassing or not.
She did tell about getting high, though. I bit my lip and slunk in my seat when Bonnie looked over at me with a motherly "mmmmm-hmmmmm" look, as if I was being a bad influence. But then she blinked, thank God. And Janel had waited until the kids weren't around to tell those stories. For the E story, she said she took half a pill, and it made the club lights look really pretty, and made her want to dance a LOT. That's about all she said about that. Thank GOD! Jesus. I was sh.itting in my pants as she talked, ready to kick her under the coffee table if needed.
Another long as.s plane trip, which she was excited about all over again, because this time it would be over land, and she'd get to see almost the entire United States practically as we flew over. It was a LOT more exciting over land, I knew.
That was a cool flight. She didn't sleep a wink this time, and I made sure she had a window seat.
Just like in London, her eyes were wide and gazing in wonder the entire time. I was sleepy, but her excitement kept me up. It made me happy deep deep down into my soul. Her happiness brought me happiness.
Sometimes I wondered what she'd be doing if I'd never met her. Probably sitting in the park, watching people, then trying to collect their body heat when they walked away, wishing she could just connect with humans and have a "real" life. That thought made me shudder. Thank God I met her. For me, yes. But sooo much more, for HER.
She was living a life now that even normal people didn't get to lead. She went from nothing, to everything. I guess in a way, she was STILL not normal. Because I was not normal now. And she's always with me. So her life won't be "normal" with me.
Hmmm...that thought kind of messed with my emotions a little. She'd wanted to be normal for so long...and she got normal, with a little help from me. But now.....she flew right past normal, and to the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I mean, there were probably tabloids in England coming out this week, with her in them with me. That's far from normal, right? And the same happening here in America, was inevitable.
I'd have to ask her what she thought of flying past normal, and back to a new abnormal.
Landing in LA was more hectic than in London almost. Way more people. And even other celebs walking around, trying not to be noticed. But knowing the look and the walk, I could spot them easily.
Some waved to me, some didn't.
We met Stanley here at the airport, with a black SUV waiting for us. He had taken another day or two in England, and hadn't gone back with us.
But here he now was.
We went to our hotel right away, and I had to go for soundcheck right away, so Janel hung out with Stanley as he did all his important business. And then she watched soundcheck as intensely as a drooling fan would. I noticed her watching my fingers. I had forgotten how she had learned those few guitar chords and showed me at my parent's house that night. Totally had forgotten that. Well, we WERE high...
The festival was cool. I had Stan keep Janel on the side of the stage, because at these outdoor fests, things could get pretty crazy sometimes. She didn't mind. She was closer to me, she said.
My gig went well, despite a sound outage for a second or two.
Then Stanley drove us to the hotel again.
We took it easy, and watched some movies and ate snacks in our room. The fest was too chaotic for me to try and find my friends at. I hated the chaos of behind the scenes in festivals. I liked to get in, play and get out.
The next day, was a party at an industry friend of mine's house in the Hollywood Hills.
Janel was excited that we were gonna stop at the Hollywood sign first before the party, just for her.
Afterall, most of what she knew in life, besides from school, was from movies. So this was big!
She loved the sign, but more, she loved the view of the mountains in the distance and the tons of houses, half being owned by celebrities that she'd grown up watching in movies.
Then it was off to the party. I gave Janel a rundown of people I knew who would be there, but there would be a LOT of people I didn't know. So she might want to hang near me most of the time. Unless she finds someone fun to talk to. But this wouldn't feel homey and cozy like my friends from the UK's party. This would be totally different. More grown up. More stuffy. More people trying to impress eachother...More mature of a party. More like "work" in some ways. It wouldn't be anything like the other party at all, actually. She seemed kind of nervous, but she also seemed brave. Oh, and there'd be a lot of famous people there. I wasn't sure if she'd recognize any of them. But if she wanted to meet any, she could just ask me and I'd introduce her. There would be actors and actresses there as well as music people. They all intermix at these parties.
Stan was coming to the party too, so he gave her some advice also. Covered anything I forgot.
He said he'd keep an eye out for her too. At least until he got really drunk, he joked.
We pulled in and security knew me, so someone parked our car for us, and I gave Janel a kiss and touched her cheeks before we went in. She held my hands on her cheeks and told me she loved me.
We went inside, and there were people everywhere. The party had started a while ago, and I usually liked to show up later, so everyone was getting drunk by now, and not so stuffy and stiff. I hated that kind of party.
I got Janel and I drinks, and Stan found someone he knew right away. Another music manager.
Someone called my name and I put my arm on the small of Janel's back and led her with me to see my actress friend, Sandra. I introduced Janel and we all talked and laughed, and Sandra and I recalled a few other party memories from the past year or two, she picked on me for passing out in a funny place at one of the parties.
Then an actor friend came over and joined our conversation. Janel did well. She recognized both actors, and complimented them on the various movies she's seen. They love that. Even when it's a movie from years ago.
Later on, everyone started to get noticeably drunk. Me too. Though Janel said she was gonna take it slow this time. I took it slow too...I was starting to buzz, though.
Janel started to leave my side as people would talk to her. I was happy that she felt comfortable now.
As I talked to some music friends about upcoming collaborations, I'd watch Janel with sideways glances once in a while. She looked happy and carefree. She was talking with a semi new musician I'd never met before, but I knew who he was. I could tell he was trying to impress her. Telling her braggy stories. I laughed in my head. What a doof.
Throughout the night, everyone got plenty drunk. People started swimming in the huge pool, being crazy, letting their Hollywood guard down. Going off in groups to play pool, and other games in the gameroom/bar. Everyone dispersed, and the living room only had a few drunk guys and one drunk girl, laying on couches, staring at a tv, but not really watching it.
A person I didn't know, called me outside to talk to someone with them, so I waved to Janel to get her attention, and pointed outback. She nodded and smiled.
She was talking to a few guys and a few girls. She seemed to fit right in. And the sundress she wore made her blend right in with the beautiful Hollywood actresses. I had pictured going to Rodeo drive to get her a dress or something, but she looked great in what she picked from her own closet. She said she didn't want to be all fancy, when she's really not. If people didn't like her, then oh well.
I knew what she meant. But I like a fancy dress up sometimes l, for fun. Most of the time though, I'd rather be casual.
I had been talking for a while outside, when I excused myself to go check in with Janel. Make sure she was still having a good time.
I came in and her group was gone. I did manage to find one or two of the girls she was last standing with, but they hadn't seen her after they left that conversation. It took me a while of going room to room to find Stan. I found him in the game room with his crowd. He said he hadn't seen Janel.
I walked back outside and walked around. No one there had seen her. One of the guys in the group she was with when I last saw her said she was inside last he saw her.
So I went back in. Checked every bathroom as I passed them. Damn these mansions. Did people really need THIS much room? Just because they have money? No thanks. The house I bought was big, but not big like this. Big enough for a family of four to be cozy in. I'm not much for huge houses. It's all a status thing, of which I intend to have no part of. I get what I like. Not what everyone else likes.
I cursed the hugeness of the house as I walked from area to area. Wing to wing, I guess they would call it. But after a few areas, I stopped cursing and started to get worried now. I started cursing mySELF now, for leaving her by herself. But everyone at the party seemed good, and I didn't get any weird vibes from anyone, so I felt like she'd be fine. And I thought I'd only be outside for a few minutes. But the guy I was trying to talk to took forever and talked a lot. Would barely let me go when I said I wanted to check on my girlfriend.
I started opening room doors, in desperation. Usually a closed room meant stay out. But at this point, I was starting to panic. I didn't care. I even called her name a few times towards the back of the house. Where the HELL???? I started shaking now. Worry completely took over my body and mind. I was racing from room to room.
FVVVVVVCK! Where the fvck?
I heard a voice down a hallway, so I raced that way. There was no one else in this part of the house.
It was a man's voice, but still...maybe he'd seen Janel.
I got to a closed door. I listened first. I didn't want to just barge in. It could have been celeb s.ex going on in there.
"Yeah, baby. You're so hot. God, you're hot. You like that? I knew you liked me. I knew you wanted me. That's it. Yeah. put your head back. Lemme devour your neck. I promise I'll give your body all the attention you want. Just lemme get rid of this pretty dress....."
As soon as I heard dress, a chill went down my spine. Even though other women here were wearing dresses. I didn't even think twice. I went for the doorknob and turned it to burst into the room.
Only the knob didn't turn. Fvck. Locked!
"Janel!? Janel!!??" I yelled into the door. I knocked. I twisted the knob as if that would make it open.
I wasn't even sure she was in there. But everything in my being told me to get into that room.
I heard a scuffling around. Then I heard a woman's giggle. It REALLY sounded like Janel. But I couldn't tell. Was it just in my head? I looked around. This had to be where Janel was.
I was sweating. Shaking. Freaking out.
I started banging on the door. I'd pay to have it fixed later. I didn't care. I just needed to get to Janel.
I heard more scuffling around, bodies moving. And I heard my name come from a woman's voice.
"Harry", and the woman laughed.
I looked behind me, thinking Janel had found me looking for her. But there was no one there.
It came from in the room. Janel WAS in there! What's going on? Who's the guy? Why is he taking off her dress?
I jolt of adrenaline shot through me and I freaked. "JANEL!!!!" I yelled in anger. Why the hell wouldn't she answer me????
I kicked the door HARD.
And again. And again. Finally it flung opened and hit against the inside wall.
The lights were off. I couldn't see much. Just whatever shone in the moonlight.
A guy's voice said "get the fvck out of here man. I'm with a chick."
A "chick"? Who the hell calls women THAT? And immediately I knew whos voice it was. It had a southern accent, and he talked like a backwoods hick. It was the new musician guy I saw talking to Janel earlier. What had he done with her?
I struggled to find the light. Answering this guy's voice as I did. "Get the hell away from her, I swear to God I'll fvcking kill you......Janel?"
I got the light on and there was Janel. She was sitting on the bed. She was up on her knees, with her legs spread like she was straddling something. My eyes didn't register what she was straddling at first. Then I noticed legs coming out from underneath her. Bare legs, with jeans around the ankles, and shit kicking boots blocking the jean's escape.
All this registered in my mind in a split second or two, but it was all occuring to me as if it were in slow motion. And then I noticed there was no pretty dress. It was gone. No. Wait. It was still there...but it was around Janel's waist. Covering up the private areas that I assumed to be naked under the blanket of her dress. And Janel....why was she willingly sitting on top of this dude? My head was spinning. Was she sitting ON his di.ck? Had he entered her? Oh my God....he took her virginity......no. No. NOOOOO. I felt dizzy and nauseous.....
The guy whose voice I had recognized peeked around from the front of Janel's toplessness.
"Hey, I said I'm with a lady, so if you could get the fvck out, that'd be great?" He said to me again.
"Janel?" I called her name again, and my voice came out sounding really sad and pathetic from my spot in the doorway where I couldn't seem to get myself to move from.
Finally I willed myself deeper into the room and over to the bed in just a few strides.
"Hey man! What the hell..." the guy said to me.
"Shut the FVCK. UP. ASSHOLE." I responded.
"Janel.....what are......" my breath was coming out fast and stuttery, "what.....are you DOING?" I asked her as I walked up to the side of the bed. My entire soul was breaking. Not just my heart. Everything. From my skin to my bones. I was about to break into a million pieces. I could feel the pain welling up in my chest. I could feel hot tears waiting for me to lose my cool. I couldn't even breathe.
Janel looked over at me and gave a weird look, then looked over at the guy she was on top of.
"Harry?" was all she said. She seemed really really out of it drunk, but that was NO excuse.
I clenched my fists, and I could feel my nails pressing into my palms. I was about to punch this dude right in the face. But I controlled myself. He didn't make a commitment to me, right? SHE did. And here she was acting drunk and loopy, sitting on him, mostly nak.ed.
I felt the angry tears start coming. I turned and left. I stormed out of the room, slamming the door on my way out.
I screamed "FVVVVVVVCK!!!" As I stomped down the hall. I had to let out my rage. My hurt. My heartbreak. I was shattering into pieces more and more with every step.
Stan came rushing down the hall towards me. "Was that you yelling? I think I know where Janel is..."
I pushed past him and over to the railing that overlooked the lower level.
Stanley came over to me. "Where is she mate? Tell me now!"
I held the railing tight and ducked my head down to it and then I pointed down the hall and looked up at him. My face was totally soaked in tears now.
Stan looked at me and ran off down the hall and disappeared into the room I caught Janel in.
I heard a scuffle. Stan came out of the room holding "Johnny" up by the back of his shirt and an arm. Johnny had some blood coming from his nose and mouth.
I was still holding the railing now, but my legs had gotten weak under me, so I was squatting, head against the glass under the railing, arms up holding on. I kept picturing just jumping over the railing. Because I was in pain now, but I still had lots of adrenaline in me. So I knew the REAL pain was gonna come later, when the adrenaline wore off. And I didn't wanna be around for that.
I couldn't believe this. How could she do this to me? Why would she.....I thought......she.....I.......
I jumped up and went to the nearest wall at the end of the "bridge" over the living room.
I punched it so hard, my fist went straight through to the other room. I must have gotten lucky and missed the studs in the wall. And boy, they don't make houses like they used to!
Off in the distance, I could hear sirens.
I punched again. Another hole, almost through the wall, but not quite all the way this time. And I punched again. I'd pay for it later. I just didn't care. I'd give the homeowner all my money, then I'd jump off a bridge somewhere. This can't be happening. There's no way. Why??????????
Why, Janel? WHY????? HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME????????????????
Does that mean all this time, she was just a sl.ut waiting to come out? It's the only possible explanation.
I was crying. Yelling in pain. My knuckles were bloody. There was blood on the wall. Holes in the wall. But the pain was in my head. And my heart. And my chest. And stomach. Not in my knuckles.
And by now, several people had come up from hearing the noise.
The last punch in the wall I did really really hard. And I must have punched directly into a stud in the wall, because I saw stars. I collapsed onto my knees, holding my hand, and sunk my head to the ground.
Someone knealt next to me and was trying to soothe me. "Harry....Harry....it's ok......what's going on Harry? Did you take something bad? It's me Harry.....it's alright man....."
Other people ran past me down the hall.
Everything was chaos. People. People calling my name. Police......
Wait...police? What were they doing up here? Oh. Me. I was tearing the place apart. I was in a rage. Of course they called the police......
But the police passed by me and rushed down the hall.
Another few police did stop at me this time, and I just didn't want them to bother me yet. I was in too much pain. Mentally. I didn't care about the physical pain in my hand. I could barely feel it.
I protested. I squirmed....but I didn't have any fight left in me. I finally let them take me.
They each grabbed an arm and carried me downstairs and sat me on the couch.
I sat there with my head in my hands, and I could feel the tears pouring through my fingers.
My friend Sandra sat down beside me and put her hands on my shoulders and her face up close and spoke to me.
"Harry, listen to me. Janel's gonna be fine. She'll be alright. You just have to calm down. Let them deal with her. Ok? It's gonna be ok Harry. I promise."
Janel would be fine? I'm sure she WOULD! Who cares? She ripped my heart out of my fvcking CHEST! And she gave her virginity away to a fvcking STRANGER! She just couldn't listen to me. I guess it was more special to me than to her. It's my fault. She wanted to fvck. I should've fvcked her. My bad for trying to wait and make it special for her.
I looked up at Sandra, but I noticed a police man coming down the stairs, carrying Janel. Seeing her made my already shattered heart break all over again.
Janel was awake. Out of it, but awake. What did the police want with her anyway? I was so fvcking confused. So fvcking in pain.
"See? She's fine, Harry! They're gonna take her in and get it out of her system. And she'll be fine. She needs you though, Harry. You have to get control of yourself....." I cut her off...
"Get WHAT out of her sys.....wait......did she get drugged? Did that as.shole drug her?"
It all suddenly came together in my head now! She WOULDN'T do this to me! She loves me! She was waiting for me!
I stood up so fast, everything nearly went black. Sandra and one of the policemen caught me.
When I recovered after a few breaths, I broke past them and went towards the front door where they'd taken Janel out.
The policemen caught up to me and held me back.
They said they had questions for me, and I could go see her soon.
"No. NO! Absolutely NOT. I have to go with her. I HAVE TO GO!!!!!" I shouted desperately.
"She's already in route. The ambulance is gone sir. You'll be there in no time. I promise." a policeman told me.
I looked at him, nice and calm and sort of collected for the first time in what seemed like eternity.
"What the HELL happened? Is Janel ok? Will she be ok?" I asked, as I started to cry again.
The other policeman said "Your girlfriend was most likely drugged, Mr Styles. But she'll be fine. They're gonna give her something to stop the effects. She'll be ok. We have the men in custody. They'll face charges. We have witnesses and everything we need. We just need the tests from the hospital....."
"HE RA.PED HER!" I just realized, and shouted out loud. The image of her sitting on his lap in bed......He fvcking RA.PED her!
"And tests from the hospital will confirm that too, sir. We have him. He won't get away with anything. You can calm down. We need to hear your story, sir. The faster you give us a statement, the faster someone can take you to the hospital to see your girlfriend, ok?" one of the policeman told me.
I couldn't even tell which one. I couldn't see. All I could see was RAGE. PURE, RAW RAGE in my eyes. Redness. Tears. I was freaking out again. I was about to go fvcking MENTAL.
"No. NO!!!!!!!! NononononoNONONONONONOOOOOO!!!!!" I yelled out, clenching my fists next to my head. I spun around and everything was just a blur. Rage and blur. It's all I could see. I was shaking.
I noticed a coffee table next to me. And nothing in my head stopped me. I punched it.
It was made of thick glass.
It shattered, loudly.
And hands were all over me, pulling me back.
Now, my hands were cuffed behind my back.
And my hand hurt so fvcking bad.....
I was looking down, and I noticed blood on the rug. Drips of blood everywhere. Some large ones, too.
One of the policemen led me outside, and put me into the back of his car.
"She will be FINE, Mr. Styles. You didn't need to make SURE you had to go to the hospital."
He got in the front and drove off.
Before too long, we pulled into the emergency room entrance.
The cop escorted me inside, and sat me down. They gave him a towel to catch the blood that was still dripping from my hand behind me.
The entire way here, all I could think of was Janel.
Someone tried to hurt her. Someone decided to hell with what she would want. She didn't even have a say in it. In any of it. They didn't even care. Someone decided to take what they wanted from her. Not even knowing how much they were actually taking. Her innocence. The virginity I tried so fucking hard for her to keep. The pills weren't ready to protect her from getting pregnant yet. Soon, but not quite yet. Let alone, they wouldn't protect her from diseases. I thought of the first time I ever saw her. I thought of her in England. I thought of us touching for the first time. The first time we touched se.xually. She couldn't wait. She'd begged me so many times to make love to her. She wanted to give me her virginity. She wanted ME to take it.
And I wanted to be the one to take it. I just wanted to make it something special for her. I had protected it so much, it nearly gave me a breakdown!
Kinda ridiculous when I think about it now, but...it's how I felt. Again, I should have listened to her. Then her first time wouldn't have been from being ra.ped. Being ra.ped is bad enough, but for your first time? So unfair. I was so sad for her. She made it through all those years around the most horrible people ever, and she meets me and I lead her to THIS?
All I could do was sit there in the waiting room chair and cry.
I sat there, with my head down, and just sobbed. I couldn't believe it happened to her like this. I had planned for her first time to be so special. I didn't know how, yet. I just wanted the moment to be right. I wasn't gonna put rose petals on the bed or anything....I just wanted it to be after spending a wonderful day together. I wanted everything to be so perfect.
And now it was gone. Some guy sat her on his lap and.....oh poor Janel. My God, poor Janel.
With that thought, I got extremely nauseous.
I started dry heaving.
One of the injured people in the waiting room picked up the small trash can that was next to their seat, and ran it over to me, put it down at my feet. "Here you are...use that!" they said, and they went back to their seat.
I must have looked a MESS. Bloody hands handcuffed behind me, a policeman guarding me a few feet away, me sobbing, heaving......
I looked up at the policeman and gave him a signal with my head, to come here.
I told him I wanted to tell him something privately. And then I went straight into a gag again.
He leaned down closer to me.
"Is there somewhere else I can wait? I'm....well known. I'm a musician....I...." he cut me off.
"If you think you can walk without vomiting, I'll take you to a separate room, sure."
He carried my trash can, and I followed him into a separate room a few feet down the ER hallway.
He closed the door.
"So you ARE famous then?" he asked me.
"Yeah....I'm Harry Styles." I told him.
"I....don't know who that is.....but if you say so. What have you done? Anything I might know?" the cop asked.
"I.....yeah.....ummm...." I couldn't even THINK of my music right now. I knew he was trying to talk to me to calm me down, but it wasn't gonna work.
"You're gonna have to Google me. I can't even think right now. I'm sorry sir." I told him.
So the cop took out his phone. "Ok...." and he smiled at me.
He did some stuff on his phone, and then said....Oh! Yes! Now I know who you are!
Yay, was all I could think.
FINALLY, just then a nurse came in to get me.
We walked back into the nurse's station, past a few empty beds, and into an actual room.
The doctor followed us in, and closed the door.
They wiped my hand down, but it was too bloody. They had to rinse it in the sink. The blood was plentiful around the drain. I started feeling woozy seeing it all. The water mixed in, made it seem like more.
After they got the bleeding to stop, the doctor removed a few tiny pieces of glass and wrapped it a little bit, the doctor played with each finger, and made me to all sorts of maneuvers and stuff....asked me what different positions felt like....all that crap. He said he didn't suspect anything was broken, which was a miracle, considering the thick glass I punched through.
I told him I was filled with adrenaline. He told me I still was. He could tell. He sent me for a quick few X-rays anyway.
He gave me something for the pain that would be coming soon, because he knew I had to visit a patient after this.
He told me "Your lady friend is fine, by the way. She's resting already. All tests are completed. You'll be able to see her soon."
He left, and the nurse put all sorts of bandages around my hand and fingers and put some cloth sleeve over all of that. It was like a sleeve, only it had a separate small hole for my thumb.
They gave me my discharge papers, and they told the cop I was all his.
The cop said, I can take you to your girlfriend, Mr. Styles."
"Oh thank fvcking God." I said. And then I felt bad. "Sorry.....I'm sorry, sir." I added in. The cop smiled to me. "I know."
We walked down a few long hallways, and finally into a dimly lit room.
I saw Janel and I burst into tears. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it.
I had been SO PISSED at her, before. I had called her a sl.ut, in my head! I thought she broke my heart! I thought she threw everything we'd ever had, away, for some new, hotshot as.shole singer.
I felt SOOOO bad for thinking the worst....but she had seemed...just drunk! Seemed like she had WILLINGLY done that..........
I rushed to her bed, and out of the corner of my eye, a human figure sitting in a chair next to her bed, scared the hell out of me.
I turned to see who was sitting there, and it was Stanley!
"Hoh!! FVCK!" I blurted out to him. "Stan! Holy SH.IT, you scared me...What are you doing here?"
"I came here with her, mate. I told you I'd look after her tonight, right? I did my best. I'm sorry it wasn't good enough....I can never fix that. But I hope you can forgive me." he said, looking sad and sincere.
"I don't even know WHAT happened. I just want to see Janel." I told him. And I leaned down over her bed, and kissed her forehead gently. She breathed a deep breath, and her eyes flickered.
"I'll be outside, mate." I heard Stanley say. "Me too, Mr. Styles", the cop said.
I ignored them both. I couldn't take my eyes off of Janel, who seemed to be waking up.