HARRY'S POV:
I woke up to something wet and splattery being tossed at my face. I opened my eyes and it took a while to see out of them clearly, and then there was Mark and Andrew tossing scrambled eggs at my face.
Lovely. Love my friends. They're the best. <3
As.sholes. Lol. I told them they were.
I tried catching them in my mouth. Got some! Pretty tasty. This motivated me to get out of bed. Well, that and my morning pee boner. I looked over at Janel, still asleep crunched up against the wall. Hehehe....oopsie. Drunken bed hog here. I've done that many times to women.
I didn't know if I should wake her or not. So when the guys got bored of playing "baskeggball" with my face, I got up and went to the bathroom.
I tried to remember last night's events.
And I could. That's always a good sign. It's been sooo long since I've partied like that. I missed my friends.
I went back to check on Janel before I went down to join whoever was awake in the kitchen making yummy food. I was gonna leave her sleep but her eyes were open.
"Morning love! How you feeling?" I asked her cheerfully.
"Echhhhh." was her response.
"So I take it not so good then, eh?" I laughed.
I layed on the bed again and leaned on my hand to face her.
"So........last night?? What did you think? I told you my friends were crazy fvckers.
That's why I didn't want to go to the party without you. Because if that stuff happened and you weren't with me, I would have had to go to bed or leave." I told Janel.
"Why???" she asked.
"Because!! Being nak.ed with other women...KISSING other women...even other men, would be cheating on you if you weren't with me!" I informed her of the rules of relationships.
Janel thought for a second or two.
"Ohhhhhhh.....right. Yeah. I guess I would have been pretty sad if you did those things without me. Even with me there, I still felt sorta...weird...I guess jealous, seeing you kiss other girls."
"Babe! You should have said something to me right away!! Remember, never keep anything from me?!? I wouldn't have done any of that if it bothered you. You just seemed to be having fun, so...."
Janel cut me off, "No no no!! I wasn't mad or anything! I just felt a weird feeling sometimes. But I knew it would be ok and that you wouldn't do anything that would hurt us, so it didn't bother me much. Besides...I had already kissed Mark and Andrew and you didn't get mad. So I thought it was all ok. But I admit I was REALLY confused!!"
I laughed. "Yeah. I could see the confusion on your face.
Babe, this is how people our age party these days. So I wanted to give you the chance to party for real. I thought hard with every activity that started last night, making sure there was nothing bad that could come of it or hurt you...or us.
And, you should have kissed LOTS of guys in your life by now, so I figured I'd let you have your fun while you could. But I DO know that feeling of jealousy you felt. I felt it too, everytime you kissed those guys.
But it was a small amount. And I liked seeing you have experiences and fun more than I felt jealous. Hehehe....it was actually kinda hot watching you kiss them. You seemed to respond well. You seemed to like it just fine! Well, not with Mike. You sure screwed him over!!" I told her, then I gave her a high five. "You truly were great last night Janel. You were perfect. And it looks like you had a GREAT time. The girls like you, I can tell. And you just kept suprising me over and over again."
"I did have a good time. It was all so much fun. I never knew....it's funny, the more I catch up on in life, the sadder I get knowing I missed it all this time. But I wanna do EVERYTHING I possibly can. And, I want to go to more parties with you. I loved hanging with the girls. Having a science talk with Andrew. Skinny dipping. Spin the bottle. Dancing. Laughing. Being plain silly. Sleeping in a strange place in a strange country with you..." she laughed at the last part.
"I will take you to all the parties I possibly can, babe. And if there aren't any to go to, I'll have them myself. Just for you." I told her.
"Wanna come downstairs? They made breakfast...not that there's any left, because they threw it all at my face to wake me up." I offered Janel.
"Ok. Lemme just wake up a little more. I'm soooo tired...and sorta dizzy." Janel said.
"Ok...see you down there soon? If not, I WILL come check on you...and possibly toss eggs at YOU!" I threatened.
I gave her a kiss and went downstairs.
There were plenty of eggs and toast and other stuff all still on the counter.
Good. We needed it.
I took some and went out the sliding door.
Mostly everyone was sitting out back near the pool on the patio. It was a beautiful day.
Everyone said good morning.
"Brian! There you are! You passed out early last night! But then obviously got woken up when Michelle came up....cough cough hairy fvcking as.s." I teased him.
Michelle laughed and covered her face. "Well ya know, I hear you made a little se.x scene last night, so I guess Michelle wanted me to recreate it for her." Brian said.
"Hahahaha.....I forgot about that." I said, a little embarrassed. "Where's Mikey?" I added, looking around, hoping he was gone. Never to come back.
"He was the first one up. He left before Michelle cooked breakfast. He left a wad of cash too, to pay for Brian's parent's window." Andrew said.
"At least!" I said. "As.shole. He was legit creeping on Janel last night. She had to tell him off, put him in his place finally. Fvcking wanker. He pissed me off officially. More than usual this time."
"That's Mighty Mikey for ya!" Brian said.
I sat next to Mark at the round patio table and ate.
And minutes later, Janel came out the doors.
Everyone said their good mornings to her.
Michelle added "J-Bit.ch! You are a lot of fun, girl!! I hope you tolerate Harry long enough to party with us again!"
"I hope to tolerate him forever. And thanks! You guys were all a lot of fun. I definitely want to come again if you have more parties." Janel responded.
Janel had a plate of eggs in her hand and found a seat next to Aggie who was sitting at the corner of the pool.
"It's my make out buddy! Girl, I totally almost had you. I know it. Next time!!" Aggie announced to Janel.
Janel laughed and looked embarassed, then looked at me with a tight lipped, eyebrows up smile.
After everyone helped clean the house, including the broken glass and the booze table and the pool area and kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc....
Everyone started leaving.
I called a taxi and Michelle, Brian and us sat and joked waiting for it to get here.
They said there was a club party in a few days, and to call if we wanted to check it out. I wasn't sure, but I told them maybe.
The taxi took us back to our hotel and Janel and I both collapsed on the bed as soon as we walked in.
And guess what....we fell asleep again.
Hours later, yes, HOURS...
We woke up laying the wrong direction across the bed, spooning. Janel woke up first, and she was playing with my fingers and hand gently, which felt really good, and woke me up. It had actually sparked the memory of her touching my hands for the first time, in my dreams. It somehow got included in, and I was sort of reliving it in my dream while she did it in real life. It was cool.
I layed awake for a few minutes, just staring at the back of her head and shoulders, as she played with my hand. Massaged it up and down, trailed her fingers between each finger, sliding down one, and up the next....I didn't want to stop her. There's nothing like getting your hands played with, I've noticed. Mini was awake, but not as awake as my brain. I was mentally liking this, in so many ways. But of course, it brought me back to how innocent she USED to be. Now she's drinking, kissing men, getting practically rubbed off by women, kissing WOMEN, skinny dipping, feeling me up in public, having oral s.ex.....
I actually started to feel bad about myself for subjecting her to all of that. Because she sort of looks up to me to be her guide. Teach her about life. Show her all the things she's been missing. Show her how to be like everyone else. But who IS everyone else? Which "everyone else" should she be like?
Should she continue to be cute and innocent? Should I not have subjected her to that party and all the debauchery? Maybe her personality ISN'T like that? Maybe I'm tainting her. Making her into something she's not. My mind started racing, wondering if I was ruining her. I had to snap out of it, or I'd be treating her like a nun again. I pictured how easily she went along with everything last night at the party, and how she wants to party again, and figured....I guess if she likes it, then it's how she is. Right? If she wasn't like that, she would have seemed more off. Not wanted to participate.
OR, is she just desperately trying to be like all the other girls, and trying to show me that she can be fun and crazy so I stay with her?
Aye.....I'd have to have a talk with her, I think. That's the only way to figure out HOW she wants to be.
I don't want to break her morals, or ruin any morals she didn't even know she had.....
In the middle of all my mental self abuse, she had lifted my fingers to her lips, and gave each one a slow, sweet kiss. Then she kissed my palm (which Mini me liked very much.) and then turned my hand over and kissed the top. And then she put my hand against her cheek, and whispered, "I love you." She didn't even know I was awake. She loves me even when "I'm not around".
My chest swelled with emotion and love and I got butterflies in my stomach. And then the goosebumps appeared on my arm that was wrapped around her.
She must have seen the goosebumps appear, because she moved her head as if she was looking down at my arm and then she let go of my hand and turned over to face me.
She met my eyes and my waiting smile, that felt like it was beaming with love.
I think she could see the love beaming out of it, because she smiled back and I could see the love beaming out of her. Corny, I know. But that's how she makes me feel.
She put her forehead against mine and took my hand back again and put it to her chest and held it there, while we simply looked into eachother's eyes. Or.....eye, as it sometimes looked like, since we were up close to eachother. Sometimes, she turned into a cyclops. But I still loved her. Lol.
After a few minutes, I whispered "I love you too".
She smiled big, then asked "How long have you been awake?"
"Long enough to feel the love you trailed down each and every finger and the kisses you gave each one."
"Damn you!" she joked.
"Busted. I totally busted you loving me when you thought I wasn't around. Now I know your secret." I said.
"So what's my secret then?" she asked, intrigued.
"You really do love me. With everything your heart has to give." I said confidently.
"DAMN YOU! You're way too smart for me!" she joked back. "But...that was never a secret."
I kissed her gently, barely moving my face to meet her lips. But just enough. And when I opened my eyes, a tear fell out of my upper eye, and rolled down across my nose.
I'd always hated being this damn sensitive. I was worse than a woman sometimes.
But I'd never cried before just from simple I love you's. I'd always cried from the I DON'T love you's.
She put her face up and kissed the tear off the bridge of my nose and licked it off of her lips.
"I can taste your love", she whispered as she stared back into my watery eyes. And I watched hers start to water up too.
After a while of intense closeness, we probably exhausted ourselves, and we were on our backs next to eachother, staring at the ceiling, and we got to laughing about funny stuff from the party last night.
I finally got to ask her what it was like to kiss the guys. It was sort of killing me. I mean, I'm not a jealous guy, and I know fun when I see it, and it's all good, but...I'm still wondering in the back of my mind if maybe their lips were feeling better or moving better on hers than mine do. I'm human. I'm not gonna lie. It makes me wonder. Sometimes I can't believe that I'd "share" her like that, but...a big part of me saw the game as a good opportunity for her to get stuff out of her system. See what it's like to kiss other guys. Know that there's a world outside of me, if she ever decides she doesn't love me. Which, she better not! I'll probably shrivel up and die if that happens....but I felt strongly that she needed to experience this stuff. Because I don't plan on her ever getting to be with another man in her entire life from now on. I want her forever. And I don't want her getting old and regretting never having any other experiences than just me. I'm always thinking about her past, present and future. More than she knows. I just want everything to be perfect. So sharing her last night....it wasn't bad. I mean, we've had those same kind of parties for years now, my friends and I. Everyone has kissed before. Well, I'd only ever kissed Michelle once when we were 14, so that was new last night. Most of us have either dated or had s.ex before, etc....not all my friends were there, so none of the women I've had s.ex with were there last night.
Janel told me how she felt sort of dominated by Mark when they kissed. The way he held her to him tight and the way he knealt up to be up over her, facing down, with her head leaned back. She thought it was interesting. Sexy. A good kiss, she said. Once she got over being frozen stiff at first, from fright and confusion.
She said it turned her on a little. She could feel a tingle down there. I reminded her about his hard on after, how everyone was laughing and pointing to it. She said she was glad girls don't get something noticeable like that, or they would have pointed and laughed at her, too.
So I coughed and snuck in the word "sl.ut" between coughs.
She slapped at my face, but I caught her hands in time. We ended up in a small, fun, slap attempt battle. She got me anyway, when I thought she'd given up. It ended up being a pretty hard slap. I was sort of shocked. Her eyes widened and she gasped outloud when she heard it. "Oh my God Harry!! I didn't mean to get you that hard! You were holding my hand and it finally flew loose.....I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!!" and then she started laughing because I had been. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me. But I acted more shocked than I actually was at first, just to mess with her.
She told me Andrew's kiss was more....tender and romantic. Even though Mark was sort of valiant too. Making sure she was ok at the end of the kiss....she liked that.
And she told me what Andrew said to her before they kissed. I had seen him say something, but I couldn't hear what it was.
So....my boy Andrew likes my girlfriend, I now knew. Guys don't say stuff like that to a girl unless they're swept away by them. There's no need to say something in that situation anyway. He's GONNA get to kiss her because of the game. He doesn't have to sweet talk her to get her to kiss him.
I'd have to tease him next time I saw him. Or, maybe I'd just keep it to myself, so it doesn't look like Janel is a big kiss and tell type person. We'll see.
He's my good friend, though. He'd never take it any further. And he'd never act like Mike.
I don't blame him for liking Janel. And I don't blame him for being swept away enough to feel like he needed to tell her those things. Sometimes you just can't help it. Ya just gotta get your feelings out, even if it doesn't matter to the other person. She swept ME away, so I could see what he saw in her.
Then she asked me, "Why are you mad at Mike for trying to be all over me, but not Andrew? Or Mark?"
"Why aren't YOU mad at Andrew or Mark?" I asked her in response.
"Because they were friendly about it. It was during a game. They were supposed to kiss me", she said.
"Exactly. They did it in fun. They're my friends. They meant no harm by it. It was just a game. They'd never purposely make you feel uncomfortable. Or me. Andrew and Mark would have NEVER made any moves on you. Ever. They were uncomfortable about kissing you beforehand, anyway. When the bottle landed on you, they each gave me a look, wondering how far they were allowed to go. Do they kiss you like they kissed me? Just a little peck for 15 seconds? Or can they make the game fun and make everyone rowdy and go crazy by getting into the kiss? I gave them a nod back, letting them know they could have fun. And I knew they'd still respect me. And you, even though they were probably LOVING kissing you." I explained.
"I saw that look, both times! I thought that's what it meant. The first time, I was looking at Mark and I saw the look he gave you. I looked over at you, and I saw you nod. And I looked purposely for it when it was Andrew's turn. You guys have codes. That's so cute.
I was suprised when you told me to go for it, I have to say. I was sooooo afraid you were gonna be mad at me for kissing longer than 15 seconds!" Janel admitted.
"I didn't get to tell you before your first time, to have fun. I was kind of suprised you did, actually! But I wasn't mad. I was glad you felt comfortable enough to have fun. Let alone be touched by someone else." I told her.
"Oh, speaking of that, why did it sorta feel good-ish when Aggie tried to put her hands on me? She's a girl...." Janel asked.
"Because it's a human. And that human was touching your body. Anyone can make you feel good like that. You just gotta touch the right parts, is all. A man could make ME feel good. He could make ME come if I'd let him. If you stimulate people's s.ex parts, they'll come. Simple as that. And it doesn't mean you're gay, either. So don't worry about that, babe." I explained to her.
"Did a man ever make you come?" was her first immediate question. Figures. Lol.
"Nope. Never happened." I said.
"Oh. Well then how do you know it could happen?" she asked as if she needed proof.
"Because I know it could. I just know. Not that men turn me on....but if one touched my pen.is the right way, and for long enough, it would just....happen! That's how the body works.
"Yeah, I guess I get it. So I'm NOT a lesbian at all, right?" she asked, making sure.
"No. You are NOT a lesbian. I promise." I chuckled a little. And then I told her that Aggie is bise.xual, and explained all that stuff to her. She asked if there's any other kind of s.ex person she needs to know about because it seems like she'll just never learn it all. Lol. Poor girl. So I told her the little I knew about transgenders and transexuals and stuff.
We talked about lots of other stuff from the party. And we talked about her flashback some more. I asked her if she wanted to go to that club party thing that Brian had told me about in a few days.
She said yes. Then she asked me a bunch of questions about clubs, and if they were different from on movies. I told her all the ins and outs I could think of. But this wasn't gonna be a normal club night. There'd be some people we didn't know there, but mostly people I knew. People I knew, who would bring people they knew, basically. Someone was renting the place to have a party there. Someone with a lot of money. I was sure it was my old friend Steven. He ended up doing well for himself also, so he always hosted huge parties. Raves, almost. Most of the people took Ecstasy at these parties.
I had taken E only once so far. It made me very....cuddly all night. I wasn't sure I'd feel like doing it again. And I'm not sure I'd want Janel to try it. I mean...if she wanted to, who am I to tell her no? But I hoped she wouldn't want to. I had to start thinking about THAT whole scenario now, to try and cover anything that could go wrong for Janel. It was a lot of work to do this sort of thing. But I didn't mind it. I liked planning so that she'd have a good time. I didn't ever want her to have another bad time in her entire life. I knew she would. It's life. Life's full of bad times. But I think she had enough to last for several people's bad times. She was done, in my eyes. I would never get tired of planning and protecting her. I knew I'd have to do it less and less, though. I mean, I already can stop protecting her while she drinks. She's doing pretty well with that. I know what alcohol to avoid. Well, ONE type, anyway. I'm sure those as.sholes who adopted her drank many more kinds.
I knew that soon, she'd experience everything she should have, and things will get easier and less planned when we did them. But for now...I wanted it all to be as good as it could be for her.
We got showers, and got ready for tonight. I had a small gig to play, and Janel would finally get to see me play live. Not just on the couch, serenading her like I did often, as she sat there getting repeat goosebumps over her entire body when I'd sing something nice for her.
We ate dinner in the hotel restaurant, at a private booth in the back. It was romantic. And it was fancier than she was used to. She loved it. She said she likes the unfancy places better, but it was fun to try a fancy place. She she felt like Pretty Woman. I told her she'd better not kiss me on the mouth, then. She kicked me under the table. "No place is too fancy to beat you up in" she warned me, trying not to laugh, but losing that fight. She almost made me spit out my wine.
Stanley came promptly at 6 to pick us up for sound check. I sat Janel at the bar and ordered her a drink so she could watch me. I introduced her to my road crew and other people. Even the bar owner knew me, as I had played there many times when I was trying to be known.
It was nice being back in a small place like this. I had been touring in arenas for the past year, and it really does lose that special intimacy in such huge venues. I prefer small ones, like this.
I did a few songs, just to warm up and make sure everything was working good, then I got Janel and took her backstage to the tiny dressing room. We had an hour to kill till I was on.
She asked me lots of questions about my performances and people who work for me and what they all did, and this and that. She was very curious about every aspect of my life. I liked explaining everything to her. Sometimes I'd stop and think in my head, "Wow. This is REAL. I'm doing this!", because having to explain everything made it all the more real to me. Sometimes I'd be living on "dream mode", where I just float from venue to venue, going through the motions. And sometimes I'd wake up and realize....I'm famous. People are filling arenas to hear ME play MY music and song my songs. This is fvcking CRAZY.
I was gonna have Janel be on the side of the stage to watch me, but she said she'd never been to a concert before, so she wanted to see what it was like from the audience. Since it was a small place, that was fine. But I told her in big places, I'd prefer she was watching me from the side of the stage.
She agreed, she didn't want to be alone with a huge crowd.
Finally Stanley came to tell me 2 minutes. I decided to spend that 2 minutes kissing my sexy awesome girlfriend. So I did. She didn't mind. I asked her if she kissed many rockstars backstage. She said yeah. Lots of them. I did my coughing thing and planted "groupie sl.ut" in the middle of my coughs. And she got my face before I could block her. Dammit!
"HA!!!" was all she had to say.
I held her hand all the way to the stage, and Stanley took her from me before the curtain opened. Stanley was to sit with her out at the bar. I had sent Stan earlier, to tell the bartender to have a seat open for Janel when it started, however they could make that happen.
I found myself looking across towards the bar, to see if Janel made it to a seat somewhere.
I realized I had to put her out of my mind, and give the crowd my all. I couldn't be distracted. They'd know it. And they deserved all I could give them. So I put her (mostly) out of my mind, and got started doing my job. I put my faith in Stanley to take care of her. He's a good guy. I knew he would.
I did manage half way through the first song, to see Janel sitting next to Stanley at the bar. So then I felt relieved, and I could fully concentrate.
It was a great gig. The crowd was responsive, and I had minimal fvck ups. Everything went down perfectly. After the show, I cooled off a little back in the dressing room and Stanley returned with Janel.
I told her I usually go outside after, but I wait a while first, so most of the people end up leaving.
I go out and sign autographs, take pictures, and say hi to my fans. I told her she could stand with Stanley, but she'd be near me anyway, because Stanley stands with me every time.
After I had some water bottles and changed my shirt to a dry one, and the crew was done packing my gear, Stanley took care of some things with the bar owner, then we headed out to the front of the bar. There was no back entrance, which I usually preferred. Stan always checks to make sure everyone at the show didn't wait for me. That just would NOT work out. Lol.
We walked out the doors, and there was a small group of about 25 people waiting for me. They crowded around me right away, shoving cd's and phones in my face. Stan and Janel stood against the wall. Someone who knew Stan was my manager, asked him what his girlfriend's name was. He said it's not HIS girlfriend. So then everyone decided it was MY girlfriend. I guess I had to finally fess up. They'd start seeing Janel with me in the background at shows, and out in public with me, now that she could travel. Everyone gave an "Awwwwwww....." and someone asked her name. I looked at her to check if she was ok with the attention. She looked ok I guess. "My girlfriend is Janel."
And then some fans actually went over to Janel and asked for HER autograph! I knew Stan would take good care of her, but I wondered how she'd take all of this. I hadn't thought about this. About them wanting to get HER autograph. She's not famous. Maybe they thought she was. I don't know. I mean, I'm famous, so they would picture me with another famous person I guess.
Janel was shy about the attention. Stan picked up on it right away and told everyone she wasn't giving autographs, only I was, and told everyone to not crowd her.
I gave Janel a quick glance, and she was looking at me and smiled and I smiled back.
Plenty of people got pics of her, though. It was officially official now, then. It would be in the tabloids probably in a day. I could see the headlines now. "Who is Harry Styles' mystery woman?" And people would be trying to dig up dirt and find out who she was. I hope my lawyers had everything covered back in America. Always thinking ahead, covering every base, I had them remove any records or copies of records from the group home, and make sure her apartment address wasn't easily found, and I had them research and find ANY old articles having to do with her, and when she was found by police as a young teen. They only found a few articles, and it was just local news. So that was good. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't a huge nationwide story and people would be bringing it back up in her face or something. People will find something. I know it. But luckily it seemed there wasn't much to find. The laywers had all copies of the articles removed from the public library, and a few other places, as best as they could legally do.
Janel was public now. I hope this went well.
And if they ever did find out about her past, I'd just have to deal with it. And I would. I just hoped that SHE could deal with it, is all.
I finished signing and selfie-ing with every person there. Had a few gifts given to me. A scrapbook full of fan's letters, and a tee shirt, a stuffed animal, etc....everyone was cool to meet. Sometimes there's a weirdo in the crowd, but all these fans were cool. I always enjoyed meeting them. They are what makes my career or not, so I can never cast them aside. And they keep me grounded.
Stan put Janel in the SUV, and I got in, and Stan had to tell people to move, so he could drive off.
We went to a pub not far from where we were, and went to sit in the back and meet up with some people and have some beers.
Janel had a few drinks, and my career "friends" liked her. We all had a fun time at the pub, then it was time for sleep. Janel told me all about her thoughts as she watched me perform, on the way back to the hotel. She had goosebumps the whole time. And she kept hearing different people's conversations here and there as people would move around. Lots of girls saying how "fvcking adorbs" I am. And how badly they wanted to fvck me. She said one girl was like....practically coming while I sang a particular romantic song. Her friends kept telling her to shut the fvck up, because she was acting like an idiot and ruining the song for them. Janel said she and Stanley kept looking at eachother and laughing.
When we got back to the hotel, Stan went to his room and we crashed in ours. We made out a little bit, but we were both tired, and sort of drifted to sleep.
The next day was the day we were going to my parent's house. They had just gotten back this morning. Janel was nervous. She even asked (and she never asked this) if I had told my parents "about her". I knew what she meant, and no. I hadn't told them. But I would in the future. When they already love her, I'd tell them her story. But not until then.
Janel said that was a good idea.
More showers and getting ready, and my older brother Maddox came to pick us up, since he was in London too, and going home for a visit. He came to drive us there, since I didn't have my car here and didn't feel like renting one. It'd be nice to ride with Max.
He came up to the room to see us because we weren't ready yet. Janel was ready. I was still working on my pretty hair, though. Go figure. The man taking too long with his beauty time.
I could tell Max (I always called him that for short, because when I was little, that's how I ended up pronouncing Maddox, so the entire family started calling him Max.) liked Janel straight away. Max was easy going like me, so I knew he'd like her. She seemed to feel comfortable with him, too.
She had no problem sitting and talking with him as I got the rest of the way dressed and ready.
And he had her laughing about who knows what, right away. Most likely embarrassing stories of me when I was younger.
I had Janel ride in the front with Max, so he wouldn't feel like a chauffer. We listened to music all the way there, laughed and picked on eachother a lot. There was'nt much of anything to pick on Janel for, but mostly me and Max had a 'see who can tell the most embarassing story' contest. It got pretty hilarious. Janel was laughing so hard she was almost crying at one point.
It was a good day. Nice outside, beautiful English countryside going by, and I was looking forward to a meal cooked by my mum. Pretty soon, every person I cared about most, would all be under one roof together. And THAT has always been the most secure feeling to me.
When we got there, my mum was working in the small garden out front. I loved that image of her. It was one I tried to commit to my memory for those times I miss my family bigtime. It comes over me in waves, sometimes. Just missing my family. Craving normal life. The way life used to be, before I moved to London to try and pursue music.
I took a mental screenshot of that, and the pretty flowers in the garden.
My mum came and greeted us at the car. She couldn't wait till we got over to her in the yard. She hugged Max first, and her eyes watered up a bit, then she hugged me, and her eyes watered more. She can see Max usually within 2 hours. Me, not so much. Especially now that I spend most of my downtime in America, with Janel.
She made Janel feel welcome, too, with a big squeezy hug, and lots of compliments about how pretty she was and how many wonderful things she's heard about her. Janel seemed shy, though. But she was doing well. Just like any other girl would be, meeting someone's parents.
My dad was sitting at his desk in the den, going through emails. Desk messy with papers scattered everywhere as usual. He stood up immediately and walked over to us, in a hurry. He missed me. I could tell. And soon, I'd be hearing him gush about how proud he is of all I've done lately. Singing with other celebrities, legends, etc....he loves that stuff. I'm glad I can make him a proud father, because for a while there, as a young teen, school just wasn't cutting it for me, and my future didn't look great.
He gave me a tight hug, and stepped back to give Janel a once over. He seemed to approve, and put his arms out inviting her for a hug. She seemed happy to oblige.
He followed us outside, where Max was still chatting with mum about his latest career accomplishments. I have to say, we BOTH made our parents proud. They were the envy of the neighborhood, that was for sure.
I gave Janel a tour of the house I grew up in, She was very interested, and asked a lot of questions, as usual. She's fun to show stuff to. She actually pays attention. I love it.
She LOVED my room. She seemed amazed by it. Most of it's the same as it was when I was 18. I always visit it for a while when I come home. Every time. Because it's a major factor in keeping me grounded. I'll sit in there alone, and just stare. Think of friends I brought up here. Friends I haven't seen since then. Friends I just partied with the other night, with Janel. It's the best way to remember my past, and remember where I came from. What normal life is like.
Later, my mum called us down for lunch, made mostly out of stuff from her backyard garden. The front yard was flowers and pretty stuff. The back was food. Janel had a sort of grin on her face the entire meal. Seeing all of us sitting together at the table, just being a normal family. I could tell she was loving it. Having never had it.
My parents seemed to really like Janel. And Janel seemed to like them a lot. She seemed comfortable and talktative after just a little while. I was happy.
A few times they'd ask her questions she couldn't really answer without them knowing about her past, which I was obviously ready for, so I had answers and "changes of subject" ready. And they worked out fine. When they asked her what she does, I butted in and answered that she works in the culinary arts. I mean...she DOES....she just doesn't get paid. Yet.
After lunch I took her for a walk and we strolled through the town and I pointed out every possible spot with a story to tell. She really liked my town. I was glad, because I hoped that she'd live here with me someday, in the house I had bought a year ago. I'd take her to see that later, if we had time.
On the way home, I pulled her into some woods I knew very well, because I hadn't gotten to kiss her all day or be near her alone. I was craving her kiss.
And I got it. She said she thought we'd never get to make out.
It was just an innocent make out session. In the woods. On the leafy ground. I had to pull the leaves and pine needles out of her hair when we got up.
Later, was dinner and then we all sat out back on the patio and talked and laughed around the fire pit.
I sat strumming one of my old guitars that was still in my room, as everyone talked and joked and laughed. Of course, there were yet MORE stories to embarrass me and Max with.
And then, my mum brought out the pictures. Janel got SO excited about the pictures. Seeing me as a baby. As a small kid. As a young teen.....she stared at each one for what seemed like forEVER. She was so amazed by watching me grow up inside those picture books.
I could see the sadness that would flash over her face sometimes, probably wishing that she had pictures of when she was little. Probably wishing that SHE had a family like this.
The sadness probably flashed over MY face tons more than it did hers, though. I felt sad. Sad that she didn't have any of this. Man. I couldn't imagine. I mean...sometimes growing up, the ONLY thing that kept me going....kept me from practically wanting to kill myself sometimes, was that I loved my family and they loved me. And it would destroy them forever if anything happened to me. So I always kept going...and got through the tough times. The lonely times. The times when no one wanted to be my friend........I always had my family.
Sometimes I don't know how Janel kept herself going when she had no other reason to keep going. I guess it was just survival instinct. She was hungry, and the hunger was painful. So her mind found food. And every day, she happened to live until the next.
But now here she is, surrounded by a family, that I hope like hell I will share with her someday.
I'm so thankful sometimes, that she survived. So fvcking thankful.
My parents went to bed, and that left Max and us to hang out. And then his girlfriend, Lorri showed up. She had run into problems at work, so she was way late. She was supposed to be here for dinner. But she's a really nice girl, and we all love her, so it was all good.
She is sort of shy just like Janel. But they managed to get along and hold conversations. Janel was actually the more outgoing of the two, I realized. Which, made me proud, as usual, at her amazingness. She adjusts to anything, so easily, I noticed on this trip.
When Lorri pulled out a joint, I was like sh.it! I hadn't planned for this. I got nervous, wondering if Janel's adoptive as.sholes used to smoke pot, and if she smelled it, would she be ok?
Fvck fvck fvck...what to do......
I settled on just letting things happen and hoping for the best. If something went wrong, I'd try to cover it up as best as possible, and I'd have to tell my family about Janel's past sooner than expected.
I just hoped she didn't have any flashbacks.
"Janel, do you want to smoke pot? Get high?" I asked her, so she would know what that white cigarette looking thing was.
"Uh.....do you?" she asked me instead.
"I could get high tonight. It's a good atmostphere. You don't have to though." I told her.
"I'll.....I'll try it." she said, in a determined voice. "I've never done it before" she added and looked at Max and Lorri. They were supportive. "Really? You've never gotten high? Oh, then go for it girl!" Max said. Lorri smiled too, seeming like she wanted to say something, but was too shy to. I've seen her high before. She becomes more talkative. And deep. She's funny. She just needs drugs or alcohol to come out of her shell. And she knows this. But doesn't use them much, which is good. Because someone that would rely on it like that could become a problem user.
Meanwhile, Max lit the joint and took the first hit and passed it to Lorri. She took a long hit and then passed it to Janel. Janel took it, and looked at me with her eyebrows raised, and I could tell she needed explanation.
I leaned closer to her and took it. "Here. I'll show you. So you just put the tip in between your lips a little bit, and suck in slowly. But then hold it all in your lungs. Just keep holding it for like....as long as you can. Then when you can't hold it anymore, you can breathe it out slowly. And that's it. You'll feel it in a few minutes. Ok? Ready?"
"Aaaah!" She squealed. "You do it first!"
Max laughed...."she's so cute...learning to do drugs!"
"Ha HA!" I cracked up and held the joint to my lips, still close to her face. I took my hit and she studied my technique.
I handed it to her, and told her it will probably sting her throat.
So she did it. Brave once again, she took her first hit of pot, ever. She looked suprised, and tried not to cough, and managed to keep it in for about 5 seconds before it burst out of her mouth with an entire episode of coughing. We laughed with her as she coughed, and passed the joint around again.
About 20 minutes later, I saw a smile spread over Janel's face, and she just sat there with it for a while. I laughed silently and watched her. She was just....all smiles.
Max had put a playlist on from Lorri's phone with a tiny but pretty good sounding speaker, and Janel seemed to be deep into the music now.
I reached over and held her hand, and she looked at me like she forgot I was even there. That ANYONE was even there. She started cracking up, which made me crack up.
"I feel like 10 minutes ago, I said something, but just NOW I realized I said it." she explained, totally stoned now.
"I know exactly what you mean Babe." and I cracked up again, which made her crack up now.
And Max and Lorri started cracking up.
I got up and got my guitar from inside the patio door.
I sat and got into play it position, and Janel says "Ooh! Lemme play!"
Giving a laugh, I handed it right over to her.
She got into play it position, and put her fingers up and arranged them for a few seconds, concentrating really hard. Then she looks up and strums.
When a perfect "G" sound came out, I stopped laughing and looked over at her fingers in shock.
"How did you do that??" I exclaimed. Max and Lorri stopped talking about whatever they were in deep conversation about. Probably the stars, because they had their heads back, and they were pointing up, sloppily.
"I watched you a lot when you played in my apartment. I watched your hands. I saw where you put your fingers. I know this one, and I know....", she moved her fingers around again, concentrating hard, "this...one...." and she strummed, and it was an E minor. An easy, two finger chord, but still....
"And, I know this one....." and she arranged herself again, and a perfect "C" sounded out into the night.
"Are you fvcking serious?" I asked, suprised and delighted. "Did you try that before this moment?"
"No. This is the first time. I had the finger positions memorized. Other notes, I can't really tell where your fingers go. But these three, I can tell easily." she explained. "Oh! And this one..." and having one more up her sleeve, she strummed a darn good "D" chord. Not perfect, this one, but damn near it. That one's hard to get your fingers right, I guess, thinking back to when I learned.
"Babe!! That's so awesome! You know, with just those chords you know, you can do countless songs? You can practice any time on any of my guitars. I can't believe you memorized the finger positions! Who does that?" I beamed with pride and praise.
She handed the guitar back to me and said she'd try it again later. I took it and gave her a kiss, too.
By the end of the night, we all ended up laying in the grass, pointing to constellations and stars, all naming whichever ones we knew, and giving silly names to ones we didn't know. Janel actually knew the most about astronomy out of all of us.
We had passed around the joint one more time by then, so we were still feeling good.
Max and Lorri left, and Janel and I stayed laying on the grass. We continued the deep conversation about the origins of the universe we had started with Max and Lorri. It was good stuff.
Then we started up making out and "stuff", under the starry, moonless sky.
We each had our pants pulled down to mid thigh, and after touching eachother a lot, I decided that we should please ourselves under the the distant reaches of the universe. (Yeah. Still high.)
So we did. We layed there next to eachother, and mast.urbated together. I had to give her a "shhh" half way through her peak, because she's not used to being quiet. She's never had to yet. And my parents' window was probably open, on this nice night.
So we ended up laying there, pants down, hands resting on our 'privates', catching our breath, feeling cosmically relieved. We looked over at eachother and cracked up again.
I got up and fastened myself up, and helped her up and we put the remainder of the fire out, and went in to bed, in my room. Another night in another small twin bed. We didn't mind. We got to fall asleep together, so Janel was happy that I had been breaking my "no sleeping together at night" rule.
And we don't seem to care how small the bed is. The closer to cuddle, the better, for us.