Lauren's POV
I had the worst weekend of my life. Keana and I weren't talking, I played my worst soccer game yet, making us lose, and worst of all my throat was starting to get sore. Of all the weeks it had to be this one. In just two days on Wednesday we were supposed to fly to LA and perform on Ellen on Thursday, but my voice was so dry and rusty. I sounded horrible. Everything was horrible. On Sunday, I just curled up into a ball and stayed in bed all day with the exception of eating soup and drinking tea and vitamin C.
It was Monday and my mom suggested I skipped which I did but still wanted to talk to Keana. I needed to speak to her after our fiasco on Friday. We were in another rut again and we had to fix it at least before I left. At 10:40 am I had on sweatpants, a hoodie, and sunglasses, trying to appear unnoticed as I walked to lunch at school. No one, not even the girls knew I was stopping by but I just had to talk to my girlfriend. Knowing her, she was obviously going to be sitting with my other friends instead of the girls since I wasn't there.
"Keana," I whispered tapping her on the shoulder.
"Lauren? What are you doing here? I thought you were sick," she furrowed her eyebrows.
"Lolo, that you?" Lucy squinted, looking at me.
"Shhh I'm not here," I whisper yelled, causing my friends to laugh. "Meet me in the library," I told Keana before whisking away. I waited for her for five minutes before she walked over to me.
"Why are you here?" she asked, crossing her arms. Yep, she was still upset with me.
"Keana, I'm so so sorry. I didn't know what to think last Friday night. I was such an asshole for not saying anything after you said you loved me," I looked sadly into her eyes.
"Well... yeah I guess I was...a little sad," she spoke softly.
"And I feel terrible for making you feel that way. Especially after what we did. It was so wrong of me to take advantage of your feelings like that. I'm so very sorry, babe," I moved closer to hold her waist.
"I mean if you don't love me, Lauren, then you don't love me. At least you didn't lie, saying that you did," she avoided my eyes.
"It's not that I don't love you. I...I'm just not ready...to say it. I don't know why but love is a very big deal to me. I don't go around saying it to whoever unless I truly love them or if it's in a friendly way of course. But you're not my friend. You are so much more than that and when I eventually say it, I want to genuinely, honestly, truthfully say it without any hesitation. I want to be sure of myself and really mean it."
"But you don't mean it," she whispered.
"Not yet. I will someday. I know I will. But not yet." She just nodded slowly still looking sad. "You will hear it from my lips eventually. And when the time comes, it's going to be worth it, I promise," I turned her cheek for her to look me in the eyes.
She held back a sob and I pulled her into my chest, kissing the top of her head.
"You still mean the world to me and you will always be in my heart, Keana," I whispered in her ear as she cried into me. "That's never going to change." We stayed there till the bell rang 10 minutes later. "Shit, I made you miss lunch."
"It's okay, I wasn't that hungry," she sighed, pulling away from my arms.
"I'd kiss you right now but I'm still a little sick."
"Yeah. Wouldn't want that for Ellen," she said quietly.
"I hate to leave you here now more than ever," I shook my head.
"I'll be here when you come back."
"I'll always come back," I pulled her into one last hug. "I'll miss you so much."
"Me too," she sighed.
After our embrace I apologized one last time and we said a goodbye since I wouldn't be seeing her till I got back from LA a week from today. It was only a week away from her but it felt longer than that especially since our relationship was so rocky at this time. But we would get through it. I believed we would.
__________________
Thankfully by the next day on Tuesday I was feeling a lot better. I took more medicine, rested my voice, drank tea, and ate soup. I felt like I could be 100% by Thursday.
"Hey, Ralphy," Dinah greeted walking over to me. It was now Wednesday and we were at the airport waiting to board our flight. "I know you were feeling a lot better last night but are you still feeling well today?"
"Yeah, feeling good. What about you? Are you ready?" I asked the Poly.
"Ready as I'll ever be," she giggled nervously. "The rest of the girls should be here really soon."
"Okay. I was just reading my favorite book," I said sitting down in the chair, clutching To Kill a Mockingbird. Since the girls had school today, I was able to get to the airport first and wait patiently for them. My mom was here too and the other girls' moms were coming as well. I was really excited but like Dinah, also really nervous. We've never done anything like this before. Ellen was a huge deal for us since we just became a girl group and never performed in front of a large crowd let alone national television. Well, we did sing the national anthem at a few football games which was over a thousand but this was on a whole other level. After this, more people will know about us and who knows what that will lead to. Bigger things we hoped but it was just so surreal.
"Hey, guys!" Ally came running over and hugging Dinah and I. Camila and Normani with her dancers followed behind.
"Hey," I smiled hugging them all. "How was school?" I chuckled.
"Stupid."
"Boring."
"Annoying."
"Like usual," I laughed. We all started talking about the plans once we got there with our moms. First, we would check into our hotel and then probably get some food and look around the city. We didn't have to be at Ellen's studio until tomorrow at 2 pm for check-in and soundcheck. Then, at around 5 pm we would perform. It sounded like a fun day and very exciting. Hopefully we've rehearsed enough to kill it. Last night, we had a 2 hour dress rehearsal just for one song! It was insane and exhausting but it was good and we now felt ready.
"Hey, what seats do y'all have?" Normani asked and we gathered around comparing boarding passes.
"14 B," I stated.
"13 C," Camila said.
"14 C," Dinah claimed.
"13 B," Normani said.
"13 E," Ally shrugged.
"Aw Dinah and my mama are right next to me," I squealed.
"And we're right next to each other, Mira," Normani smiled.
"Aw yay, Manibear," she smiled back.
Camila's POV
"Hey, Chanch," Dinah whispered to me. We were boarding the plane and making our way to our seats.
"What?" I whispered back.
"Sit in my seat."
"Why?"
"Because Lauren is sitting next to me and if we switch, then you can sit by her."
"But but—" I stuttered.
"You know you want to, Chancho. I already talked to Normani about it," she smirked.
"Does she know?!" I panically whisper yelled.
"No, she just thinks I want to watch a movie with her," she assured.
"Oh okay." We made it to our seats and I get into seat 14 C instead of 13 C, replacing Dinah while she sits in mine.
"Normani," Dinah gave her a subtle thumbs up once she approached. Normani nodded.
"Oh, hey, Camz," Lauren smiled but was quite confused. "Did you switch with Dinah?"
"Yeah, I wanted to watch a Beyoncé movie with Mani," Dinah stepped in.
"Oh okay cool then it's you and I...and my mom," she grinned making my heart flutter. It was just a seat on a plane but now I was right next to her able to talk to her for the whole five hour trip.
Lauren read To Kill a Mockingbird for two hours into the plane ride, making me not want to bother her. She was almost done though thank God. I was writing in my journal while Clara was sleeping on the other side but I couldn't help but glance at Lauren sometimes. It was so fascinating how she would always be so invested in the novel. It was her favorite after all but even just watching her read the book made her more attractive in my eyes. Not just physically but internally. I could see her personality in the action. She was not only beautiful but smart, educated, honest, kind, caring, positive, brave, and open minded. I know that's a lot but it's true.
"Uh hi, Camz," Lauren put down her book to look at me, causing me to jump slightly in my seat. Shit, I forgot I was staring at her.
"Oh I-I...I'm sorry," I stuttered awkwardly, blushing intensely. Why was I so weird?
"It's alright," she chuckled softly. "Hey, wanna listen to some music with me?" she offered me an earphone.
"Y-yeah sure," I shyly grinned, taking it. Finally some interaction.
"Okay. What song?" she scrolled through her phone in her iTunes library. "And not One Direction," she pointed to me, raising an eyebrow.
"Fine," I sighed. "Do you have...Taylor Swift's new album?"
"Of course," she searched and played it from the beginning. "So, are you nervous?"
"Kind of. Well, yeah a lot actually," I blushed.
"It's okay me too," she smiled softly. "But I'm also really excited. I mean, we just formed the band not even two months ago and here we are on our way to LA to perform on Ellen, one of the most famous talk shows ever."
"I know, it's incredible. I woke up this morning thinking I was in a dream because I was flying to LA today. Hell, this whole time I'm thinking I'm in a dream. We're so lucky we've come this far in such a short amount of time," I beamed.
"It really is unbelievable. I'm so happy I get to do this. Especially with you guys."
"Aw, Lauren," I rubbed her shoulder. "I'm very happy too."
"You've been holding up so well this whole time, Camz," she smirked sweetly. "You're like our rock. Whenever we're distracted or out of line, you're the one who brings us back together to work things through. With these past few rehearsals and especially after you told me off a few weeks ago."
"Oh my gosh," I chuckled, "you're too hard on yourself about that."
"I don't know, you just always know what to do. You're a strong leader," she reached to hold my hand and I swore I just died.
"I-I always thought of you more as a strong leader," I softly spoke.
"I try to be but I mess up a lot. Sometimes I think I always have to be strong and bold but...I'm really not."
"You are strong, Laur," I furrowed my eyebrows. "You stand up for people, defend yourself, and fight for your beliefs."
"Yeah, but then I just get angry and lash out dramatically, sounding like an idiot. And I'll make tons of mistakes I'll regret. I don't know how to handle it completely. I'm honestly just an emotional person," she frowned.
"And what's wrong with that?" I chuckled. "I'm emotional, Dinah's emotional, Ally, and Normani. Everyone is. People may be more emotional than others or hide it better, but we all have those moments of pity. And it doesn't make you a weak person. It's just being human. I think the word you're looking for is tough. You may not be tough all the time but you are strong. Very strong. I've seen it ever since I met you, Lauren. You've been through so much shit in your life. I mean the ruthless bullying, teasing, all of that. That was when you were just a kid and you still held your head high. And now, you couldn't care less about what people say about you, should they even. Pretty much everyone loves you. Look at you, you're Lauren Jauregui, an upcoming super star, humble yet badass, beautiful woman who doesn't take shit from anyone. A girl who stands her ground, but most importantly protects and cares for the people she loves. That is what makes you strong."
"Camz," she whispered in a soft smile. I didn't notice till she said that that she was in tears. I quickly pulled her into a hug.
"I love you so much, Lauren," I sighed.
"I love you too, Camila," she whispered, using my real name which surprised me a little. I was in pure bliss at this moment. If only she knew that I really loved her and not in just a friendly way. "Sorry," she pulled back. "That was like the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," she grinned, wiping her tears.
"No, it's okay," I rubbed her back. "I'm always here to make sure you're alright. You know I'd do anything for you."
"Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me." I just smiled at her.
"You mean a lot to me and just know that everything I said was truthful. I mean, you really are an amazing person, Laur. Your strength is actually like my inspiration. Whenever I feel sad or am having a bad day and I myself feel weak, I look at you and how you carry yourself. I think if Lauren has made it through all the shit she's faced in her life, then I can get through this day strong like her."
"D-do you really say that?" I widened her eyes.
"Well...yeah whenever I feel down," I murmured.
"That's so amazing, Camz. I'm so glad I can do that for you," she hugs me again.
"And I'm so glad you're my role model," I giggle.
"Wow," she sighed smiling. "That's so cool. You know, I know we don't talk as much as we used to like in middle school but I don't want you to forget that I'm still your best friend. Dinah's there for you a lot more than I am but that doesn't mean that I don't still care about you. I do care a lot. I actually miss the old days. It was just you and I together...and the girls but mostly you and I. You were my absolute best friend and the one who really knew how I felt when I was bullied cause you suffered through it with me. You were always right there by my side and I could always count on you. And still can. You're still always there for me, knowing just how to cheer me up and make me feel better. Just like you did now."
"Like I said, I'm always here."
"And I want to be there for you too. More. A lot more. Camz, ever since the band formed, I got to see you more and realized I was really missing you. Not like we broke up as friends and got back together cause that wasn't the case at all. You've always been a very good close friend but, I'm with you all day everyday now and it brings me back, you know? Last year we would see each other in school at lunch and hang out like once or twice a week with the girls, but now that we're in each other's faces all the time, it reminds me of how much time we used to spend together back then. We were inseparable and I miss that. I miss the bond we had. I want that back."
"W-what?" I was at loss for words.
"I want to be close again. Like the close we were in middle school."
"Lauren, you don't have to do that just because I told you all what I said," I shook my head, shyly smirking.
"No, it's not that. It was kind of my fault for not talking to you as much once I started high school and I'm so sorry for that. But that doesn't mean I'm doing this out of guilt. It's because I genuinely miss you and want to hang out with you, just you and I. It's been so long since we've done that. I mean, when was the last time it was just you and I hanging out without the girls?"
"Umm the coffee shop?" I raised an eyebrow.
"That doesn't count cause that was an outing. I mean like at each other's houses?"
"Uhhh...I don't even remember," I mumbled.
"It had to be like a year or two ago. It's been three years since we've kind of separated," she explained.
"Yeah," I sighed. "So, you really want to hang out just you and I?"
"I-If you want to," she stuttered softly.
"I would love to, Lauren," I grinned.
"Me too," she held my hand.
"But what about your girlfriend?"
"What about her? She won't be a problem."
"Sorry it's just you know she likes having you to herself," I nodded.
"Oh, right. Well, it's not like I'm replacing her with you. You're my best friend and she's my girlfriend, two different things," she grinned, squeezing my hand tighter.
For the rest of the plan ride, we talked a little more then fell asleep. I felt like I was in heaven as my head was resting on her shoulder with her head on mine. We were so cute. I also couldn't stop thinking about the conversation we just had. It was really hard keeping myself tame cause I all I wanted to do was pass out in her arms and for her to kiss me awake. I felt like I was even more in a dream. I guess what I said really struck a chord with her to have her confess missing me and wanting to hang out one-on-one like we used to. Something that I longed to do again since we stopped. Of course I missed her like crazy and nothing had set me in a better mood than hearing she did as well. I couldn't wait to spend this trip clung to her, talking and laughing about things. This was one of the best days I've had in years.
A/N: Quick update. Next chapter is exciting 😊
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