Dedicated to: fangirlsweare I see that you have it in a reading list. Bro I love you already and btw your name is goals. Love you and hope you continue to read and vote!!
Drew's POV
Do you ever remember when you were younger and you would take the prize from the cereal box? Some people would wait until the very few cereal left to take out the prize. Some people wouldn't care and just take the prize out right away. I don't know nor don't remember which one I was but I do remember the feeling I got once holding the prize in my hands. I was happy. I felt like I accomplished something even though it was only a little thing like a prize from a box.
That is how I feel now. I feel at the moment anyway. Not the happy part. I feel like I just got my cereal and I need the prize. This girl. As funny as it mind sound and a seem is the prize. I don't know if that is good to say or not. This girl was beautiful. She has blonde hair that was a little past her shoulders. She has these eyes. Those eyes. They were piercing through me. Although we only made eye contact for a split second I felt a connection.
I don't know how to interpret that or you probably don't either. Trust me I have never felt this way toward any girl in my life. I haven't had crushes. I always thought that crushes were just stupid and you miles well go out. But I didn't ever go out so I didn't have a crush...however seeing this girl is leading me to think otherwise.
I almost tripped over my own feet once I got back to reality. Seeing her was different for me. It was messing with my brain and my feelings that is for sure. I don't know who this girl was. I don't recall seeing her at my school. She was different than others. Than other girls. She had this look to her that I can't get out of my mind. Damn it Drew. Get a hold of yourself. What is happening to me?
I was only thinking of her. My mind was o her when I walked into something hard. I blinked my eyes and saw what was in my way. A person. I stumbled with my footing and stood back from the person that I didn't know.
"Watch what you are doing dickhead," the guy said. Not only did his voice annoy me but his manners were worse than my grandfather's attitude toward Donald Trump. He was a bald middle aged big man and he is calling me a dickhead. Nice...
I put my hands in my pockets and look down as I make my way to the main entrance of the hotel. The guy doesn't hold the door for m so I have to jog to the door before it can shut. I look around in the main part of the hotel. It was busy like most hotels. There were many people walking around. There were people talking on phones. A couple of kids were playing soccer or what they call it here football. I look around more and spot what I was looking for. A restraint. It was in the corner. It wasn't a Chiptoles's or a Nando's but it did look pretty appetizing as I saw a good looking burrito being passed to a table.
I walk to it but this time I keep looking around so I don't bump into anyone else. I take a seat on one of the chairs. The chair screeches as I take the seat. A couple that was in the table next to me looks at me but I tip my head back to look at them and make them look away. I put my feet on the table and take a menu that was in the center of my table.
"Hello what can I get for you son?" I hear a woman ask me. I look away from the menu and see a thirty something year old woman wiping her hands on her black apron. She takes her notepad out and click her pen. I look at the menu again and then point to it as I lay it down. She rolls her eyes and then looks at what I pointed to.
"Oh why didn't you just say you wanted a water?" she asked me. She writes it down and then click her pen close. She puts her pen and notepad back into her apron and says,"I'll get that out to you."
I nod toward her way and then close my eyes. I regret that so much because then the flashback starts.
"Don't you wanna get something to eat before we get to my house?" Austin asks. He was trying to not go home right away but I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt. I don't know why he doesn't want to go home all the time. He doesn't have to clean up the mess that I have to deal with.
"No Austin. We are going to your house. Besides we just ate," I look in my rear view mirror as I pass the car in front of us. There wasn't anyone coming so I turn on my blinker and passed the car right away.
"But why not?" Austin asks pouting his lips a little. I see it in the corner of my eye because I still want to try to look where I was driving. I don't need to be distracted by his drunken state.
"HEY, IS THERE SOMEONE IN THERE?!?!"the loud voice cut me out of my memory. Why don't they just go away? Why can't these damn memories leave me alone? And why can't the person who is bugging me leave me alone?
I look where the source of annoyness was and see Nate Parker, Levi Jones, Austin Corini, and...and the girl. I blink my eyes as I try to look away from her.
"You kind of was zoned out there buddy," Nate says and then sits down beside me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I flinch underneath his touch,"mind if we sit here."
Yes. I do mind. I look at his arm and then put it back by his side. I begin to type on my phone.The boys wait patiently. I see the girl looks confused but I decide to let it pass the thought because I don't care what she thinks about my weird phobia of not talking.
"Buddy? Yeah sure since there is only four seats, go ahead! Buddy," the robotic voice sounds like how I wanted it to sound like. Monotone and loud.
I get up really fast making Nate squirm back since his arm was around the seat. I see Levi putting down a chair to the table, which makes five, and then look disappointed.
I smile slightly and then put my hands into my pockets as I walk away. Leaving them behind me. Leaving her behind me.
"So does he not want his water," I hear the waitress say. I then hear one of the boys groan.
I look back at them and all of the boys are annoyed. The girl was looking at me. I widen my eyes and turn around fast. I pick up my pace and walk back to the hotel room.
I decide to skip dinner and just go swimming instead. A little swim before a good or can I say bad sleep will make my body feel great. Not take away the numbness but defiantly make me feel better.
I go to the stairs and I pass by my principal.
"How's life going for you Mr. Dirksen? Liking it here in London so far?" Mr. Grimes is always up people's butts and he doesn't know how to leave people alone. He doesn't realize that I don't want to talk to him as I keep taking more steps up the stairs, "what are you doing tomorrow?"
Does he even know that I don't talk? Does he ever look at what other people do and notice that I don't? It doesn't make any sense to me that he doesn't know Everyone knows. People who see me for the first time notice this very quickly. The waitress noticed that. I am not a mute. People think I am. I don't talk because i don't want to. I feel no sense to talk anymore because nobody cares about what I have to say. Nobody would listen to me even though all I have to listen to is them. I guess to an extent I am mute. I...I just don't want to talk.
"Well. I better let you get going. Have a nice night Drew!" Mr.Grimes voice echos through the little alleyway of the stairs and I just nod at him. He gives me the creeps with a capital C. He doesn't know when to give people their space. I am surprised he didn't follow me up the stairs and try to attempt to talk to me.
I go up to the room and take out the key. I get it open with one swipe and then see that all the boys already have their things everywhere. We have been to this hotel for less than an hour and our room is already a mess. Well I can tell what this room will be like for the rest of the trip.
***
Don't forget to take your medication-Mom
My mom has to always remind me to take the pills. I look at them. In that little container counting the weeks. They are full sensing I haven't used them this whole week. I hate taking my pills. They make me feel weird and make me all emotional. They are huge and I have to take three of them each time I take the medication. There is the anger pills.The depression pills...
Fuck I have depression. Do I really? I never noticed. But here they are. I am reading the diagnosis at the original container. DEPRESSION. Why would they put that in big writing?
Anxiety. Man I guess I have that too. I am such a mess. But who cares in the world. I have a feeling one of these days I am going...
I don't even know the names of the pills. I don't want to keep track. I just color code them. My mom says she will make sure a local pharmacy will give me some. Since i am eighteen I can sign off on my own stuff. It is just stupid. I don't need these pills. Like come on I don't get mad at all.
I throw the pills down on the ground and the containers split open spilling some off them on the floor. I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I lean on the edge of the counter and lean my head down. When I look up I don't see myself. I mean I see myself but I don't see anyone there that I want to be there. That didn't make any sense but it is what I feel. I feel like I am not myself at all. I look out of the bathroom and to the pills on the floor. I walk back to the containers and pick them up. I take the three in my hand and hesitate. Here it comes.
I am not myself when I don't take them and I am not me when I do take them. Does that make any sense to you? I don't know who I am anymore? I don't think the old Drew will ever be back. No matter how much my mom wants him back I can't do that. What does that even mean? Bring back the Old Drew?
I feel fine right now. The pills won't go into my system within about thirty minutes. I take off my shirt and go to the bathroom again. I shut the door and look for the bag that has my swimming trunks. I had put it in the corner luckily and I take it in my hands. I take the trunks out. I take off my jeans and make the fast change to my trunks. I put on some sun screen even though by the time that I get outside it will be dark. My parents have told me that is still smart to do this.
I still listen and remember the constant things they have told me in the past. It is one of those things that won't ever go away. I might have changed a lot but I still remember what they told me that is smart. Some things went away and some habits I did go away but this I always still do. No matter what had happened I still swim. It takes my mind off of things really.
I put on some flip flops and take a towel from the rack. I open the door and then I see the boys were in the room. Okay...are they following me. Nah...They can't be following me. Who would follow me anyway?
I look at them and then I see that Austin is wearing a speedo. If I was myself I would be bursting into laughter but this is me now so instead of doing that I just walk by.
"Shut up!" Austin squeals out loudly, "you guys are assholes! My trunks are in my other suitcase and the other suitcase got lost at the airport!"
I hear Levi and Nate laugh.
"What else was in your suitcase? I am just curious," Nate asks Austin. I look back at Nate. He is shirtless and his trunks have polka dots all over them. He is smiling and leaning his arm on the wall.
"Underwear, deodorant, after shave, shaving cream, stuff like that," Austin says.
I turn back around. That was the smell I was smelling. It almost broke my nose off.
"Well you can use mine bro!" Levi said and laughed.
"I ain't using your underwear Levi!"Austin laughs out.
"I meant deodorant." Levi yelled, "I meant deodorant you fart breath."
"Hey his breath doesn't smell," Nate proclaims to Levi as he defends Austin. I don't know how he thought that even made sense but to an extent I could care less.
I shake my head because of them. They do seem funny though. They all have different personalities. Shit. What am I thinking? The pills are already getting to me and I took them only five minutes ago.
I close the door behind me and then put my towel on my shoulder. The flips flops I am wearing are loud as I step down the stairs again. I look around as I walk down the second part and I see thee girl waiting down the stairs. She has sunglasses on top of her head. A towel in between her arms and she is standing on her left side. I look at her for a second and I almost fall down the stairs. I catch myself with the railing. She looks up at me and smiles. I don't smile back and just step the rest of the way down.
I don't want her to know that I was looking at her. Is this what a crush is like? Maybe if I just wave she will know that I am not a dick as I am and what I could have sounded like just a few minutes ago. Though when I do think about it, it is weird that they are going swimming right after i left as well. Maybe they just have the same taste as me like I thought before but maybe they want to be my friend. I really hope they don't want to be my friend.
You see I don't even make friends easily. Yes even before all of this. I only had one true friend really if I think about it. So even if I did want to become their friend which I don't, it would be stupid. They will think I am stupid. They don't want to nor will they ever want to become my friend.
I walk to the pool area which is right outside of the stairways. I then open the gate and see the beauty right ahead of me. It was a nice hangout place. It was large, really open area. It was defiantly a view.
It had a bar in the back of the pool area which looked more like a drink smoothy kind of place. I pick a chair and put my towel on the back part of the chair. Usually I would probably sit in the chair and get a good tan. But there are many reasons why I can't do that. For one. It is dark outside. Two I haven't always been a good person that had always gotten a good tan so I would be there for hours trying. And three I just need a swim to help me get my mind off of everything that is happening now. You know the little thing called...being here...
I take off my flips flops and then go to the end of the pool. I use the steps and put my left hand on the railing as I walk into the pool. The water feels nice. It makes me feel better already. Not all the way but it is getting me to relax more. I take a deep breath and then step more. Once I am almost all the way in I dive the rest of the way and start stroking my arms back and forth for me to move throughout the water. It feels so good to be in some water again. I haven't swam in a little while and thought the hobby would go away.
Every stroke I would make made me feel even more powerful. That I had been moving through clouds was what it felt like. I loved the feeling and just being in this pool made me feel so good at the moment. I float on my back for a while and put my arms behind my head as I try to stay afloat. I look up at the sky. Man it is beautiful.
Note to self don't take your pills right after you get off of a plane. It is messing with my emotions so badly. Even before I wasn't this sentimental. I was always the one to say what is beautiful. But this time it is different. I feel like I don't need to be this way. I feel like I can just go...
I stop floating and suddenly go into deep water. I make myself go back up and I cough out some chlorine that had manage to get into my mouth. I was thinking to hard on thinking. Story of my life really. I think to hard about thinking to hard.
I then swim back to the stairs and go to the bar looking area that seems to be still open. I look around and I see other students were just put on a tab. I want to do that also so I guess I will sign up for one. I take the slip from the sign up sheets and then a pen. I write my name, the class, and what amount I will be charged for. Since it is in a different country the school has to have a tab for the currency of your money. It all may seem like a difficult process but it isn't.
"Okay you have a tab! What can I get you?" the young woman said. I could tell that she had not had the job for that long. She was way to cheerful.
I point to the watermelon blast but she looks at me confusingly as she raises an eyebrow.
"What are you pointing to?" she asks me and I feel suddenly embarrassed. I don't have my cell phone nor do I have a pencil or paper. I can't talk to her. i can't say what I want can I?
I begin to turn around and then I hear someone say behind me,"he wants the watermelon blast."
Length: 3350
Longest chapter so far. I love it. Drew really sounds mean. I hate his attitude toward life right now but you will love him. I promise you that. You just need to beleive in him like he needs to beleive in himself. Wanted to post this today so here ya are. Love you and don't forget to smile because someone may be out there for you!!! Love you and don't forget to vote comment. I dedicate chapters to those that do...just a reminder haha
~Hannah