In many occasions, I find myself drifting apart from you.
I find myself drawing my attention somewhere else.
It's like...we don't converse anymore.
And I think that's my fault.
Sometimes, I'm so scared I'll revert back to who I was that it seems almost suffocating.
And a type of warning- letting me know that whatever happens, I must steer clear.
To revisit the disastrous path again, it would rob me of my dreams.
I try to be confident- you know how much self esteem I lack.
But, lately, it seems as if my connection with you is wearing out.
As if the world has consumed me.
Or is it just that I'm too locked up in my daily activities, too absorbed, according to me, that in reality, it might actually be a good thing?
I don't know if I thinking too much.
I don't know what might happen if I'll stop visualizing myself as great and undeterred.
I don't know what might come forward.
But I'd like to be independent.
I'd like to feel important.
And I'd like to stop worrying about the smallest of thing, because, frankly, you know how maddening and helpful that can seem.
I don't know if you're angry.
I don't know if I'm close to you.
And I'm certainly not researching about my methods of love, so, I don't know if I'm on the right path.
That seems almost like I'm insecure, right?
But, in a way, I'm happy.
Happy to finally be independent, because you know how stubborn and rebellious I can be.
Happy to feel worthy, not of praises, because honestly, I don't find them helpful. I wonder why.
Happy to be in a position where I'm not being restrained.
Happy to be alone, happy to have the challenge of being alone, rather, because it just might be suitable for the future.
Happy to be me, Ya Allah.
Happy to be me.
I guess...it's called growing up.