(MY BFF LIV *AKA @brallieforever* WROTE THIS CHAPTER BC I WAS TOO LAZY TO DO SO -- ALL CREDITS GO TO HER, GIVE HER SOME LOVE PLS)
F I F T E E N
"Wedding Bells Are Ringing?"
. . .
She watches him pace irrationally back and forth from the living room to the kitchen, wearing out the carpet while pushing his fingers through his messed up curls and mumbling incoherent things under his breath. Callie rolls her eyes, huffing dramatically and closing the empty pizza box from last night. "You overthink too much." She states all while shoving cold dough into her mouth.
Brandon abruptly stops in his tracks and glances toward Callie's lazily state on the couch - the couch that Jill had laid down the law where no eating would ever be permitted while sitting on it - she seemed to break that rule. "And you under think," He spits back. "Us? Engaged? Moms are already so angry with us--"
"They're angry with me." Callie cuts him off, pushing herself up on the couch more a bit. "There's no us about it. Okay sure, they were angry with both of us in the beginning, but now? I'd bet if you said you wanted to go back home and leave the baggage," Callie refers to herself and her stomach with a hand. "They would welcome you with open arms!"
Brandon bites his bruised lower lip and pinches the bridge of his nose while Callie's gaze falls towards her bump, her brown irises beginning to overflow with tears. Out of instinct she places a hand atop of it and sighs. "I just thought that maybe getting married would help this issue. . . but I guess not."
"This issue?" He raises an eyebrow.
"That's what I said asstart." Callie grumbles, shoving more cold dough in her mouth. "Brandon, what are you so afraid of? We're not going to college, it seems like you're graduating and I'm not, we're having not one but TWO babies. I'm barely eighteen and..--" She pauses for a moment, her hormones suddenly beginning to get the best of the young brunette as tears pool around her mocha irises once more. "I already feel bad enough, okay? I'm holding you back from so much. If we didn't have sex, this wouldn't have happened."
"Do you think I regret having sex with you?"
She's silent, not knowing what to say or how to respond.
He pads over towards the couch and takes a seat a few inches away from her, giving the respecting space she needs. "I wouldn't go back home without you," Brandon finally breaks his silence, making Callie tear her gaze away from her bump to look at him. "That's not even considered home to me now. If you're not welcome, I'm not welcome. Do you truly honestly think I'd leave you and our babies behind? Fuck no."
"That's just it, Brandon." She murmurs. "You had an amazing life ahead of you. There was Julliard, graduation, your eighteenth birthday."
"That doesn't matter to me now." He assures.
"Yeah, but it did before I got pregnant."
Brandon knew before she spoke; the sparkle of yesterday was extinguished. Her eyes move slower and always more downcast, skimming the floor, rarely rising to eye level. It's in her voice too, quieter, with a meekness that isn't usually part of her speech pattern. She's unhappy in a way he hasn't seen before, like a small slice of bereavement.
But like always, Callie wipes her tears and shields herself away from him. She doesn't want his comfort, and she isn't going to beg for him to hold her. That is the last thing she wants from him. He's done far too much for her, and maybe so he is right. An engagement would be drastic, wouldn't it?
"I really don't care anymore," She says with a groan. "Engaged or not really doesn't matter I guess. But I'm starving. Can you go get another pizza from the pizzeria down the block—"
He grabs his keys from the counter before Callie can even finish her sentence and heads towards the door. "Already on it."
. . .
There was a time in Callie's life where she expressed her feelings in a true way, but she couldn't go on like that, right? There's a balance, a point of virtue, that she had went passed so long ago. Every negative emotion is buried before she can even feel it, making her passive and weak. She feels as if everyone loves her for her smile and twenty-four-seven happy disposition, meanwhile every other feeling is crammed into her chest like a branding iron.
The problem is, that space is getting so full, so much harder to ignore, and the disparity between personality and inner pain is so difficult to bear. She wish she'd learnt to get these emotions out instead of bottling them up; there is no "healthy release" when the internal pressure is this high. Her nerves are frayed to the quick. In her building anxiety she constructs elaborate rationalizations for why everything would turn out alright.
She has been given more blessings than she could ever feel worthy of. She still feels love – from Robert, Jill, and Sophia who were so welcoming when she was in a bind with Brandon. She's also known pain enough to fragment her soul into such tiny pieces it took Callie years to reassemble her mind. When she could come back from these strong emotions to a state of balance, she'd learn what she can from each emotion, feeling and experience. But right now, she hates the way she is.
Unconscious to the abundance of her feelings that subjugated her and drove her crazy. Is she just suppose to seek closure in the ideas that one day before she has the babies, Stef and Lena will be on board with all of this and be accepting of her once again? Not possible. They've barely made an effort to reach out to her. Lena usually calls frequently, that's only about her grades and school work.
Stef, not once.
How does she defuse this bomb without triggering the damage she seeked to avoid?
Thinking about this just makes more hatred and anger grow inside of Callie. Her temper is a simmering pot, slow burning, and ready to bubble up at any moment.
She wants to be alone and with Brandon being upstairs working on his senior project, it was perfect. She can sit in silence and just calm her thoughts like she normally does all alone, she can steady her focus on the rapid kicking feeling against her stomach, and for a minute – with her hand on top of it, a smile unfolds across Callie's lips.
"I'm trying to stay calm for the both of you," she whispers, rubbing small circles around the area the babies were kicking. "It's not that easy."
She traces her fingertips along her protruding skin before allowing her heavy eyelids to flutter closed. The clock ticking against the wall is starting to tire her more and more, the events of today was starting to catch up with the brunette. Trying to get sleep has become a quite struggle for Callie lately, and so whenever she can fit in a small nap - even if it was at the kitchen table - she will.
The sound of a chair screeching out from the other side of the kitchen table pulls Callie out of her almost deep slumber and when she looks up, Sophia is sitting in front of her with a beaming smile unfolding across her lips. She mentally groans to herself, knowing that this was probably going to be an exhausting conversation.
"So..." Sophia began fiddling with her fingers. "Have you given any thought to the adoption yet?"
Callie pinches the bridge of her nose before rubbing her temples in frustration. "No," She replies in a hastily tone. "But it sure seems like you have."
"I'm just trying to--"
"Well stop!" Callie snaps. "Okay? Stop trying to help, stop trying to give advice, I don't need it! If I want to get adopted, trust me, you will be the first fucking person to know."
She is quite shocked by Callie's sudden outburst, and when she tries opening her mouth to say something in response, Callie cuts her off.
"No one understands how hard this is for me! For me! Not you, not Robert, not Jill, and not even fucking Brandon! Stop trying to force this adoption thing down my fucking throat! It's too much for me, don't you get that? I'm already dealing with enough." Callie feels herself finally beginning to break from all of the pressure weighing down against her shoulders. Her fingers start trembling and her knees wobble as she grips onto the kitchen table for stability.
Tears are already flowing down her cheeks rapidly like a waterfall and the only thing keeping her from losing it all was the small kicks against her stomach once again.
"I'm sorry but I can't think about another adoption when I barely know who I am myself right now."
Sophia receives glares from her older sister as she screeches out of her seat and stomps all the way upstairs. Not too soon before the whole house hears a loud slam from Callie's bedroom door.
. . .
As soon as the door is closed to her bedroom, her eyes land on him and he doesn't hesitate to slam his laptop closed and open his arms for her. It's something different that ticks off inside of her and all she wants right now is some comfort.
Callie curls into Brandon's arms and buries her face into his chest, not giving a damn if she's soaking his shirt with her tears. Her wailing sobs reverberate against his chest as he inches closer to her on the bed and starting to rubbing her back with ease. "I've got you," Brandon hushes softly. "Shh Cal. It's okay."
She curls her fingers through his shirt while he rocks back and forth slowly, the erratic thumping pulse in her ears is starting to slow down more and more as she sucks in a few deep breaths.
"All she wants to know about is this stupid adoption and I don't even care anymore, Brandon!" Callie chokes back another sob. "How can I get adopted again when I barely know who I am?"
Her loose shoulders shake, and her hands are hanging low making no attempt to conceal or even wipe away her own tears. She feels hollow inside and doesn't make an effort to move from his arms. Brandon isn't complaining. Aside from her reddened face, she's quite pale looking and her hair is disheveled. He has never, not once, seen her this upset before and that puts him to worry.
"But I do," He murmurs against her cheek. "I know who you are. That might not matter to you but I know exactly who you are Callie.. to me that is."
He softly brushes a piece of hair away from her flustered cheeks and kisses her forehead. "You're Callie. You like guitar, and photography, and you love making me so fed up to the point where I want to pin you against the wall and kiss you really hard - although that's quite hard now." He motions towards her stomach. "You're going to be an amazing mother to Lennon and Viola, you know? There's not one doubt in my mind, Cal."
She feels his hand fall against the top of her stomach soon before his warm lips press to the side of her forehead once more. "I'm here, okay? I'm not going anyway Callie."
Maybe it's just that she needs to hear, and maybe being wrapped in his arms is what she needs the most right now. Brandon holding her close, rubbing her back, and giving her assurance that everything she needs is right here in front of her. It's him.
. . .
again thank u so much liv omg i love u so much ur the absolute best!!!