✺ K A T E ' S ✺ P O V ✺
"I can't fucking believe this. What a perfect end to a great week." Lena mutters lowly under her breath as we both assist each other in lifting her bed up to stand regularly.
"Calm down, Le. We'll get things back in order and just forget this even happened." I try to assure in return. We finally get her bed back up to stand on the legs, but as soon as it's up, it falls directly back down. The headboard of the bed snaps from the frame and hits the wall as it falls directly back onto the ground. Lena and I look up at each other in silence for a moment, but just as quickly burst into laughter.
"This is a joke, right? This has to be a really messed up joke." She steps away from the bed and tangles her fingers through her hair in frustration.
"We shouldn't even be cleaning up, actually. This is something that needs to be dealt with by the school." She adds. Her foot kicks a torn shirt on the ground, then she turns up to me again.
"The dorm monitor was gone for all of break and isn't back until tomorrow. I'd say we could call the cops but I feel like we should leave that up to whichever staff member is supposed to deal with that." Lena plops down onto one of our only chairs that's still in tact, then breathes out a deep sigh.
"I agree. Let's just... I don't know. We shouldn't stay here, though. Is your boyfriend in town?" I indicate for her to scoot over and she allows me to take a seat beside her on the small chair.
"No, he's not back until Wednesday. His family went to Brazil and are staying a couple of extra days." She mumbles back. I bite down on my bottom lip and shut my eyes while considering my options. I don't think either of us have money to rent a hotel room for the night, but I also don't want to stoop to staying with one of Lena's friends that I don't know, or something. I'm sure I could call Brandon but I'd had to bombard him so late on a Sunday.
"I'll make a call." I finally state. Lena looks over at me questioningly, but brushes it off just as easily.
Fifteen minutes later, there's a soft knock at the door of the dorm. Lena has resorted to sorting through her clothes from vacation and pays no mind to me as I stand to answer the door.
"Hey, are you guys alright?" Harry asks worriedly as he steps inside of the room. He's wearing the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and I assume it was an attempt to not get recognized in the dorms.
"Yeah, thanks for coming." I answer, wrapping my arms around him despite my mood from earlier where I wanted nothing to do with him.
"Of course. This place looks..." He glances around the room and I nod in silent agreement.
"Are you sure you're okay? This place is an absolute mess." He holds my shoulders to lean back so that he can look at me.
"I'm fine, Harry. I swear."
"Okay. I'm so glad you're not hurt." He leans in to kiss my forehead and I inhale deeply. Just as I'm about the nuzzle my face into his chest in hopes of finding some sort of comfort, I hear a throat clear behind me. I turn back and notice Lena standing with a questioning look as she stares at Harry and I.
"Hey, uh, this is Harry." I offer her a small smile and feel Harry reach around me to hold his hand out to her.
"Hi Lena. I've heard so much about you." Harry greets in a friendly tone as they exchange a quick handshake.
"That's funny. I've heard nothing about you." Lena answers, quirking an eyebrow at the both of us. I bite down on my lip and glance up at Harry worriedly.
"There's not much to tell. Harry and I are... Just friends." I assure in return. Lena rolls her eyes and I can practically feel Harry's discomfort beside me.
"Really?"
"Yes, really." I shoot her a glare to indicate for her to drop the subject and she holds her hands up in surrender.
"Alright, well, what do you girls want to do? There's no staff anywhere on campus right now but I'd be more than happy to call someone if you need me to, or we can just wait until tomorrow morning. I can say I was just here getting some work done and you guys tracked me down." Harry rubs his chin thoughtfully and Lena listens, but her attention seems to divert elsewhere seconds later.
"Wait, are you... Do you work at the school?" She looks between Harry and I in confusion while I huff quietly.
"Yes, I'm an English professor here. I know this may be a bit uncomfortable-"
"Kate, what the hell! Don't you think this is something you should tell me?" Lena pulls me away from Harry and laughs loudly as she embraces me. I look at Harry over her shoulder and he only offers me a confused shrug.
"I know, Le. Sorry I didn't tell you. You haven't been home lately and it just hasn't come up..."
"Yeah, it's not a typical conversation piece for you to casually mention you're dating a professor." She gives me a playful glare and I laugh along with her, even though I hate the fact that we're even having this conversation.
"Anyways, it's going to be a really long night if we try to bring other staff into this. Do you think we could just hold out until tomorrow, Le?" I look over at Lena who's now typing something on the screen of her phone. I panic momentarily thinking that she's telling someone about my relationship with Harry, but I have a feeling the only person she would tell if anyone is her boyfriend. Dillon won't care even though I'm sure he'll be hearing all about it from her.
"Yeah, we can wait until tomorrow. Where will we stay tonight though? I guess we could flip the mattresses down on the floor but then we'll be moving around stuff which could be bad." Lena glances around the room and I do the same, hating knowing that this is happening to Lena and I while it's very likely only aimed at me.
"You guys can stay at my apartment if you want. Well, if that won't be weird for you, Lena. Kate stays with me all the time but I don't want to make either of you feel uncomfortable." I feel Harry's arms snake around my waist again and I lean back against him while waiting for Lena to respond. I'm sad that this is the way she had to find out about Harry and I. She wasn't supposed to find out at all, but if she did I wanted it to be in a more respectful way than this.
"That's fine, I guess. I don't think Dillon will like me staying there but it's better than staying here." Lena shrugs her shoulders and I turn my head to look up at Harry. He doesn't say anything- instead, he leans down to kiss my temple in assurance while waiting for Lena to make a decision.
"I'll get some overnight stuff." She finally states. She glances at us one last time before turning around to walk back over to where her suitcase is laying on the floor.
"I'm going to go pull the car around to the front. Come out whenever you guys are ready." Harry rubs his hand down my back and I nod in agreement with him.
"Okay. Thank you for coming. I know you don't like being in the dorms but I didn't know who else to call."
"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you called me." He ducks his head down towards me and presses his forehead against my own. Even though I still want to be mad at him, I instead find myself cracking a small smile from the sweet gesture.
"I'm so glad you're okay." He adds. I stretch my arms up to link around his neck while pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose. I want to still be upset with him, but it seems like I have a lot more to worry about now aside from what happened between us last night.
After Harry has left the room to go retrieve the car, I'm left alone with Lena. I only get merely two minutes of silence to pack my clothes before she's bending my ear with questions.
"So, are you really not dating him or have you guys just not discussed a title?" She presses on once she has all of her clothes packed. I'm attempting to fold the few shirts I've tracked down on the floor that aren't either ripped or have something spilled on them.
"We're not dating. He doesn't want anything more than sex so... That's all we do."
"Really? I have a hard time believing that. You should see the way he looks at you. With the forehead kisses and the constant hugging, I can't believe he expects you to believe it's just sex." Lena looks over at me expectantly and I shake my head.
"That's all physical stuff. All there ever is between us is physical stuff. You should see how he acts when I try to tell him how much I like him." I attempt to joke back, but my comment seems much sadder than intended.
"Kate," she looks at me with pursed lips and I sway uncomfortably in my spot.
"How long have you guys been... Hanging out?" Her tone is partially joking to indicate we both know what her reference means.
"Since the beginning of the school year. He was one of my teachers and it started off with drinks one night and turned into sex, like, every night. Now every time I'm around him my brain feels all fuzzy." I frustratedly run my fingers through my hair while Lena cracks an amused grin.
"Babe, you're so crazy about him! Dillon and I have been together for what feels like a century, but I remember feeling exactly like that."
"Of course I'm crazy about him. Have you seen his body?" I try to advert the attention from my feelings about Harry, but Lena doesn't buy it.
"Yeah, he's hot as fuck. But, that doesn't matter right now. You're in love with him and his body isn't the reason. Well, the entire reason." She nudges me with her arm and we both laugh.
"Do we really have to pull out the L word? It's so... Serious."
"What, love? That's what it is, Kate. It's so obvious. Have you ever been in love before Harry?" She stands by my side and waits impatiently as I finish folding my last shirt I plan to pack. Chances are, I'll be staying with Harry again tomorrow since I doubt everything in our dorm will be back in tact by then.
"I dated the same guy in Florida for five years. I think that qualifies for something along the lines of being in love." I zip up my bag and huff as I lift it to sling over my shoulder.
"Well that guy wasn't Harry. Don't compare the two otherwise you'll ruin things." Lena advises wisely and I nod my head in agreement.
"I know, Le. I won't. Can we stop talking about this now? Not even Harry and I discuss our relationship as much as you and I have in the past ten minutes." I tease back. She moves across the room to grab her own bag while we both laugh at my comment.
"So are you admitting there's a relationship?" She asks jokingly. With a swift yet playful punch to her arm, we make our way outside.
After we've made the drive to Harry's apartment and worked our way inside, Lena excuses herself to the restroom while I set both of our bags down in the living room.
"Do you want me to take your stuff into my room? I'll bring our some extra pillows and blankets for Lena to sleep on." Harry offers as we both stand in the living room, awkwardly staring at each other in silence. I promised myself earlier that I wouldn't come home with him tonight- of course that was before the dorm was broken into- but I still feel skeptical about just falling back into my old habits after such a long day of being upset.
"I think maybe I should sleep out here with her tonight. She seems pretty shaken up about the break in and she's going to wake up in an unfamiliar place and..."
"Babe, I think she can handle waking up on her own. She's not a toddler." Harry cuts me off to joke, but I don't find it amusing.
"I'm trying to be a good friend, Harry. I already feel like it's my fault that our dorm was broken in to. The least I could do is sleep in the living room with her." I snap back at him, unintentionally harsh. He stares at me in shock for a long moment that feels like a lifetime as guilt seeps through my mind.
"Okay. I'll bring our bedding for the both of you then." He eventually mumbles back. I open my mouth to speak, but I can't think of anything to say. My hand reaches out to stop him as he walks past me, but my fingers only graze the fabric of his t-shirt before he's out of sight and disappeared into his bedroom.
"Everything alright?" Lena asks as she makes a reappearance in the living room. She looks up at me curiously as she plops down onto the couch and folds her legs under her.
"Yeah, everything's fine." I mutter back. She only stares at me in confusion, but thankfully doesn't say anything.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm returning to the living room from the bathroom after changing my clothes into my pajamas. Lena is now laying across the couch with a pillow and a blanket, which leads me to realize Harry strategically brought our bedding to us while I was out of the room.
I don't know why my mind is such a mess, but everything seems to be compiling all at once. Between Harry blatantly ignoring me trying once again to admit some sort of emotion towards him last night, accompanied by the break in, then on top of all of that, Lena finding out about Harry and I-- all I really want is to fall asleep and not wake up for a few months until everything has blown over.
"Did he go to bed?" I ask Lena quietly, feeling stupid for even having to bring her into it. She's dealing with the break in too and I hate having her around Harry's apartment when him and I are in some sort of unspoken disagreement.
"I think so. He came out and put some blankets down then went back down the hall." Lena answers, not even seeming the slightest bit interested as she types out a message on her phone. I can see Dillon's name on the top of the screen and wonder if she's telling him about the break in, or about Harry and I, or if he even cares about any of what's going on.
"Okay. Thanks."' I turn back down the hall and walk silently down to his bedroom door. I can hear his voice in his room and furrow my brows as I try to decipher some of what he's saying.
"I know it'll be worth it in the end, but sometimes it's really fucking difficult to deal with. Sometimes I feel like none of this is even worth it. She's not going to be anywhere near happy when all of this is over so of course I feel like a dick when I make her mad." His voice sounds gruff and angry as he speaks to the mystery person. I assume he's on the phone, but I can't decipher what the topic of conversation is about.
"I'm not being selfish! Do you know how much I'm taking on trying to make this all work? You don't even appreciate all the I've had to deal with in the past few months to try and make this all go smoothly and now you're here yelling at me like I haven't lifted a damn finger this entire time. I can't stand it when you speak to me like this, Alayn-" I bring my hand up to knock softly on the door, not bothering to listen any further to his conversation. I feel bad eavesdropping, especially when whatever he's talking about sounds personal and serious.
"I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow." He speaks again, his voice much quieter and less angry now. I hear some shuffling on the other side of the door, accompanied by slow footsteps.
"I promise I'll call. Sleep well." He speaks again. There's a soft pause, then my breath is hitching in my throat as soon as I hear his next words.
"I love you. Goodnight." There's another quick pause, then his footsteps sound on the floor again. I feel bad imagining it's him saying the sentimental words to me since I have a feeling he was on the phone with one of his family members, but I pathetically store the memory away in my mind for the next time I'm desperate to hear him say the three words that I can't seem to shake from my mind.
I don't have much time to recompose myself as she lock on the door clicks, then Harry's revealed to me. He's only opened the door a few inches so I can see his face, but he clearly doesn't intend to let me in.
"What?" He asks rudely, making me do a mental double-take. I'm still stuck in my fairytale from a moment ago of him potentially telling me that he loves me someday.
"Hi. Did I interrupt something?" I take a step in towards the door in hopes of him letting me inside of his room, but he doesn't seem phased.
"Yeah, you did. Do you need something?" He continues to glare at me, making me feel uncomfortable under his harsh gaze.
"I was just coming to say goodnight." I offer him a small smile and attempt to bring my hand up to touch his chest, but he's quicker than me and pushes me away.
"Can I come sleep in here with you? I don't know why I was so set on sleeping in the living room with Lena. She's probably just going to text her boyfriend until she falls asleep and she won't care if I'm out there with her when she wakes up. I'd much rather sleep next to you anyways." I continue to use my sweetest voice, even though he doesn't seem amused. I wanted to be angry with him, but I don't want to go to bed upset. Now he seems to be angry with me and I don't want either of us going to bed mad at each other.
"Please, baby? I'm going to be so cold in the living room without you to hold me." I offer him another sweet smile and wait impatiently for him to show some sort of emotion, but it never comes.
"I think we're getting a little too ahead of ourselves. It was one thing for us to be sneaking around and having sex, but it's an entirely different level now that people know about us. Who's to say your roommate won't tell anyone? I think we need to get our minds in check before I lose my job." He speaks lowly and his off-subject comment catches me off guard.
"Harry, Lena won't tell anyone. She might tell her boyfriend but he's not going to care what we're up to."
"How do you know? What if he tells one of his friends and that person tells everyone else? It's too risky, Kate. I can't deal with that right now." He doesn't seem the slightest bit interested in letting me any further into the room even though our conversation seems to be progressing.
"Can we talk about this tomorrow please? It's been a long day and I think we both need to get some rest before we make any decisions..."
"No, we can't talk about it tomorrow. I think we need to recognize that we've been careless and that we maybe need to consider how to go about this without potentially getting ourselves in trouble. If we need to lose all contact then it is what it is but I will certainly not lose my job over this." He gives me a harsh look that doesn't indicate even in the slightest bit that he isn't serious about what he's saying. I swallow hard and try to understand his point, but I struggle.
"Do you really not have any feelings for me whatsoever? I know it's only been a few months Harry but I can't imagine my life without you anymore. You're one of the only things that keeps me stable." I try to keep my voice strong as I speak, but I fail miserably. Why am I doing this to myself again? I know it'll end badly.
"Kate, how many times do we have to go over this? I asked you to be a part of my life so that you could get me off when I needed it. I didn't ask you to fall in love with me, or even gain any feelings at all."
"Harry, please just try to think logically right now." I step in towards him, but he closes the door even further. My heart aches desperately in my chest as I try to think of what to say to not make him end everything that's kept me living for the past few months.
"Was it Lena? Did she tell you that I said I was in love with you? I wasn't thinking straight after we found out about the break in and-"
"Kate," Harry snaps. I clamp my mouth shut and realize his eyes are now blazing.
"She didn't have to tell me anything. You just told me yourself." He gives me one final glare, then shuts the door in my face. My body is overwhelmed with emotion as I knock on the wood of the door, but there's no answer.
"Harry! Please just let me explain-" I raise my voice slightly to grab his attention, but he stays still on the other side of the door. I try the handle in hopes of barging in and making him sit down and listen to me, but as expected, the door is locked.
"Harry," I call out again, my voice much quieter now. My whirlwind of emotions crashes down over me and I find myself slumping against the door as tears well up in my eyes.
This is not how this was supposed to go. I hadn't even planned to tell him the depth of my emotions, so this certainly was not how I anticipated him finding out.
"Kate? What's going on?" Lena comes into view in the hallway and I feel even more idiotic when she catches sight of me. I remain slumped against his door with my face buried in my hands as I try to ignore my aching heart and tear-soaked cheeks.
"Kate? Babe, what happened?" She presses on. I feel her hand on my shoulder, then she's using her other hand to pry away my own hands from my face.
"Did he hurt you?" She lowers her voice so that only I can hear, but I'm quick to shake my head in denial.
My heart is aching, but I don't think that counts for anything.
"Harry! Open up!" Lena suddenly slams her hand against the wood door and my heart races even more.
"No, stop-" I try to pull her away, but we're both too late. Harry's bedroom door swings open and he's revealed to us with his hair a mess and his eyes blazing.
"What the hell did you do to her? I swear to god if you laid a finger on her-"
"I didn't fucking touch her! She's crying over what she knew was going to happen the entire time we've known each other. I told her very specifically that if she couldn't handle the outcome then we shouldn't get to know each other, but here we are, making a giant fucking scene over it!" He tugs frustratedly on the strands of his hair and my crying turns into a low sob as my emotions get even heavier.
"Would you stop yelling? She's clearly upset already!" Lena shouts back, completely contradicting her own words. Harry gives her a threatening look, then turns back to me.
"Don't cry over the fact that I don't love you. You knew very well the entire time we were together that there wasn't supposed to be any sort of emotional attachment. You fucked that up though so now I shouldn't be the one in the wrong because I'll never feel the same way about you." His voice is low and full of venom as he speaks. As if my heart wasn't already twisting and aching, I feel as though it completely shrivels up and falls out of my chest for him to stomp on.
"Don't talk to her like that. Kate developing feelings for you is not something you should make her feel ashamed about. I'm not sure how in the hell she managed since you're the biggest asshole I've ever met but-"
"Can you two leave? I tried to do something nice and let you stay but I can't handle this drama. I didn't realize we'd be having some teenage argument over this bullshit." Harry throws his hands up in frustration and another sob rakes through my chest.
"Harry, please just let me explain-" I cut myself off and take an uncoordinated step towards him. I manage to somehow trip over my own two feet and end up stumbling against him until I'm pressed up against his chest.
"I'm so sorry that this is how you found out. I don't care that you don't feel the same way, but I love you so much and I can't change how I feel." I try to cup his face with my hands so that he'll look down at me, but he pushes me away. I'm left standing on my own once again feeling like an idiot as I wipe the tears from under my eyes.
"Just leave." He states emotionlessly. My body somehow feels even heavier as I finally listen to him and turn to walk down the hall.
I've been through a lot of heart-wrenching things within the past year. Yet, somehow, loving someone that doesn't love me hurts worse than everything else.
✺
Just realized Harry plays the same character in like all of my stories @allyson wyd
Thx for being patient I know his is late asf