IGNORE ALL ERRORS
Chapter 12: Winter Enters Darkness
Once upon a time, a girl pretended to be a princess. Little did she know that the princess would turn to a witch.
- Winter Ozlin's Diary
. . .
Pre-Calc was the longest class of my life. Mr Harder groaned on and on about graphing and all that fun stuff. Jace was in my class, so he watched me like a hawk throughout the entire forty minutes. He threw me a note saying how worried he was about me, but I brushed away the letter and tried to focus on Mr. Harder.
After Austin broke up with me, he walked away and rejoined Taylor and Brett in the cafeteria. He told me that maybe in the future we could try again, but I didn't see that happening. To me, it seems as if he was done with me. But the truth was, he was done with me the day I left Brinston Prep and never spoke to anyone after that.
The bell rang and signaled the end of class. Thankfully, it was my last class of the day and I could go lay in bed and pretend that I didn't have the worst day ever, after my parents death day.
"Winter, wait!" Jace called after me as I fast walked down the hall. My shoes clicked on each marble tile. They didn't stop at Jace's call. My eyes were fixated on the door and I was leaving. Pain echoed around in my brain, telling me to feed it. And the part that hurt the most, was that I wanted to feed it more than I ever wanted to before.
I pushed forward and was soon in my room. Desperately, I searched around for the shoebox I had came to the school with. My body fell onto the ground and I swept away clothes and shoes and books and papers. My eyes scanned the floor and under my bed for the black box that held my darkness. But, there was no sign of the past. It was gone.
Sighing, I clasped into a ball and stared at the bottom of my desk's chair. My eyes traced the design of the feet. Pain snuck into me, and I couldn't help the water that had left my eyes. The nails on my fingers scratched my palms. Deeper and deeper, they dug. My eyes sealed themselves. I feared myself at the moment, because I felt the pain in my hands. It was pain that I hadn't felt in months, but I turned back to it, and because of that I hated myself more. What was wrong with me? When had I become the delicate girl who feared herself? People used to be scared of me.
When I saw the the first drop of red leave my fist, my body relaxed, and I was able to finally have a restful sleep.
. . .
Voices awoke me the next morning. The sun shined into my room and casted light right above my eyes. Squinting, my elbows lifted me off the stiff floor. Instantly, I regretted falling asleep on the hard wood surface. My back was strained and I could feel a knot already growing on my shoulder. Rotating my shoulder, I stood and glanced at myself in the mirror. My black hair was a mess and I couldn't help but notice the touches of red above my eye, on my cheek, and on my chin. I looked down at my hands and noticed that my palms were stained red. My eyes shut, remembering the agony I had brought myself that night.
"What are you wearing for homecoming?" A girl said outside my door. Fully alerted and awake, I looked to the door. Homecoming? I had forgotten all about the event. Then, my eyes looked at the calendar on my wall. It was October 1st, the day my parents died. Homecoming the day after.
"Probably something tight," the other girl responded.
My body drifted closer to the wall to hear the conversation. I didn't recognize either of their voices.
The same girl kept talking. "Johnny wants to see me wear that red dress, but I don't know if I want to wear it. I was thinking a black dress. It makes my skin look darker," she giggled, as did her friend.
"Wear the red dress. Johnny won't wait for you forever," her friend replied.
The girl huffed. "I guess," she said, but her voice was now muffled as they got farther away.
"Maybe Austin and I will-" those were last words I heard before they went completely out of ear shot. Slowly, I opened the door to try and hear what they were saying about Austin. Was one of them going to Homecoming with Austin? Would he do that? I didn't think Austin would move on so quickly. He was horrible, but he did have a soft spot when it came to our relationship. He was always patient with me, before the disappearance. After, it was as if he was somebody I didn't even recognize. He said he hadn't change, and that I had. But I thought we both changed, one for the better, and one for the worst.
My eyes looked out into the empty hallway, and I heard the click of the exit at the end of the hall. A sigh left me; they were already on the stairwell.
"Winter," somebody said to my left, and out of instinct my eyes closed. I pulled out my chameleon effects, but the person didn't move. I heard the breathing.
"Winter, come on," they said again, and I realized it was Jace. My eyes rolled under the closed eyelids. Why did he always show up during the worst times?
"Go away Jace," I mumbled and went to go back into my room. My hand reached out to shut the door, but it bounced back to me. I turned and noticed Jace's black vans in the doorway. "Jace, seriously, stop watching me. It's creepy. I have a boyfriend." I waved him away, but kept looking out the window opposite of the door.
"Oh, you do?" Jace sounded shock. "Because rumor is that you and Austin are no more, but what does a nerd like me know?" I heard his snort.
Shaking my head, I said, "you're not a nerd."
I heard the creek of the hardwood floor and knew that Jace had taken a step closer. "I'm not?" He sounded pleased by my comment. A flirtatious echo followed his question.
"No," I said, and finally turned around. "Because nerds are actually kind and considerate. Maybe you used to be one, but not anymore." I shook my head and looked at my own shiny black shoes. "You don't have either of those qualities."
"Wow," Jace whistled, and when I looked up he was staring at me with actual hurt. His dark eyes blinked in disbelief. "I'm none of those things, but Austin is?" He squinted his eyes and tilting his head to the right.
"I didn't say that," I snapped, annoyed that he was trying to put words into my mouth. "He's different, and I get that. The last year has been rough for us both," I admitted.
"But not for me?" Jace asked. "Do you know what happened at school when you left?" He asked and crossed his arms.
My nails scratched the palm of hands again, and I realized that I hadn't cleaned off the blood yet. If Jace saw it, he would freak. I pulled down on the sweater I still had on from the day before to hid my hands.
"No," I whispered and hugged myself.
"It was complete chaos," he said. He took another step forward, and I back. He nodded. "Taylor stopped hanging out with Emma. Austin roamed around the hallways. He got into so many fights with guys saying stuff about you and the reason for your leave. People who weren't even friends with you stared blankly into space. It was eerie and weird. Nobody knew what to do. Taylor gathered new friends and told everyone that that was what you wanted." I opened my mouth, about to say that I never spoke to Taylor after the funeral, but Jace kept talking. "She convinced everyone that she would be the new you until you came back, but when you were rumored to return the next year, she told the school that you were taking a step away from the center of attention at school. She got everyone here to ignore you once you came back because they all believe that that's what you want," he laughed and shook his head. His hands went through his hair. "You still have the whole school wrapped around your fingers, and you have no idea." He smiled, and it reminded me of when he used to come play at my house when we were younger.
I shook my head. I didn't care about any of those things. I didn't want the school to be my stomping ground anymore. It wasn't an interest for me.
"Are you upset about that?" Jace asked and stepped toward me. This time, I didn't step back.
"No," I whispered. "But if everyone is really on my side, then why do I feel so alone?" I admitted. Ever since I arrived back to school, I spent my free time in the room. Nobody asked me to hangout. Austin only wanted my to bang him, so he was long gone before I even came back. I was in a school full of a hundred admirers, but I felt no comfort in that.
"I'm here Winter, no matter what," Jace told me and hugged me. He chest was warm on my ear. "I've always been here, ever since we were seven." His hand began to stroke my back, and at that moment I felt incredibly like a jerk. Ever since we spent that night together the day before sixth grade, I had ignored him. I didn't even know he still went to the school because I never bothered to acknowledge him. It was as if our childhood never existed.
"I wish I could say the same," I whispered, because I never had his back. In elementary school, I did, but not since then. Not anymore.
"I know you feel the same, even though you don't show it. If you knew I needed you, you would be," he said softly.
I shook my head and stepped away from our embrace. "You have way too much faith in me. I'm not the same girl as I was when we were kids."
"And you're not the same girl as you were after that," he said and took my hands. I continued to shake my head. Sure, I wasn't the Ice Queen anymore, but I still had that darkness in me. Nobody wanted that.
"Stop," Jace said abruptly, and my eyes fluttered up to his. I was met with beautiful blue eyes. My nose crinkled, wondering what he wanted me to stop. "Stop pitying yourself, because like I said, everyone here is still in love with you," he said with eyes glistening.
"I wish I felt the same about myself," I mumbled.
"And you will sometime, but everything takes time," he said and stared at me closer. My black hair shook, and I couldn't listen to his niceness anymore. It wasn't me. He painted a picture of me that I just simply wasn't anymore. "Come to Homecoming with me tomorrow, and I'll show you how to pretend that it's elementary school again," he said with a smile so large it was blinding.
I laughed, thinking that that statement was ridiculous. I couldn't go to Homecoming with him. Austin and I had just broken up, it hadn't even been a full 24 hours. But then again, that girl in the hall mentioned going with Austin. Shaking my head, trying to get Austin out of it, I agreed to Jace's proposition. "Alright, but if I say we're leaving, we're leaving."
Jace nodded, still smiling. "Of course."
"Okay," I laughed and shoved him out of my room. "I look like a hobo, so please leave."
"Anything for Her Majesty." He smirked and gave me a wink before jogging away.
. . .
OMG GUYS I'M SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T POSTED IN SO LONG! I'VE HAD A CONCUSSION AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ALLOWED ON THE COMPUTER AND NOW THAT I CAN GO ON THE COMPUTER I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT! I'M SORRY FOR THAT!!!!!
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