Rachel awoke from her dream not knowing where she was, and unable to breath she rolled out of bed in an attempt to get help. This attack was nothing like the one she had with Jack, this was like the one she had after he had left her.
She must have made a loud noise as she fell out of bed because suddenly Addie was there calling her name. She could barely hear her over the blood rushing though her ears. Her heart was about to explode out of either her head or her chest she wasn't sure which.
Addie yelled something over her shoulder then went right back to talking to her, trying to calm her. Rachel reached for her hand and clenched it tight as she struggled to breath. She didn't know how long she laid there it felt like ages, but all of the sudden Jack was above her, calling her name. She reached for his shirt wanting to beg him not to leave her, but she couldn't get anything out and it frightened her even more.
Jack picked her up and moved with her through the crowded halls and yard of gaping spectators, Addie hot on his heels. When he got her to the hospital ward he laid her on a gurney and gave her oxygen and a shot of something which made her feel suddenly very tired. The last thing she saw as she closed her eyes was Jack's worried expression as he took her pulse.
When she came to Jack was sitting next to her bed reading a book.
She tried to sit up, but found Jack immediately there pushing her back down.
"I have to get to work."
"You missed work Ray, you've been asleep for over eight hours."
Rachel rubbed her face. "What time is it?"
"It's about 2 A.M. How do you feel?" He reached over and took her pulse.
"Fine." Rachel groaned as she remembered everyone watching as he carried her. She was so embarrassed. "It's probably best if you tell me who didn't see you carry me in here."
"Well Bowers and Brent are gone so they're at least two that I can name, and Nancy left for vacation as well." he sat on the edge of her bed and looked around. They were sitting at the end of a long ward and there was no one else around to hear them.
"When did these panic attacks start Ray?" It was the same question he had asked the night she had had her last attack.
She ignored the question. Looking everywhere but at him.
"Rachel!" he commanded.
"Fine, the day you left!" she hissed. "The day I realized I was alone, the day I realized that the only person in the world who loved me was dead and gone, and my husband who I thought, while not necessarily loving me, at least had an affection for me decided to leave with no advanced warning, no reason as to why he needed to escape our marriage. I get it Jack, I get that you didn't love me, I was never under the illusion that you did. I knew that you had plenty of romances before me and that there would be plenty after me, but I didn't expect you to leave the day after the funeral."
"You cried the day we got engaged!" he hissed trying to keep his voice down. "I thought you would have been glad to get rid of me."
"Gee Jack, what gave you that idea maybe it was because we never shared a laugh, or a strong friendship, or better yet maybe it was my lack of passion when we made love." Rachel's voice dripped sarcasm. Unable to close the gate that had been opened or the tears that were flowing, she let him have it with both barrels. "I cried because I was in love with you and I... since I was fifteen, I wanted you to notice me. No to fall in love with me. In my school girl fantasies you always proposed with words of love. It was never a cold agreement brought about by the request of my father." Rachel reached up and wiped the tears away. "When I asked my father why he wouldn't fight it he said that he was ready to go that he missed my mother. I told him that if he left he would be leaving me all alone, and he said that if we got married I would have you, but I didn't Jack. It was just as I feared. I had no one."
Jack reached for her the look on his face inscrutable.
"I deserved to be loved, I deserved to have the fantasy if not from you then from someone who loved me."
"Don't you see Ray, that's why I left? I had no idea that you loved me, and I wanted you to find the person who you would love and in return love you. I wanted to give you that chance. Not have you be weighed down in what I thought would be a loveless marriage that you were trapped into by your father."
A loveless marriage. He just admitted that he never loved her. She felt her heart shatter all over again. It must have shown on her face because Jack reached for her.
"Rachel, you misunderstood-,"
"Jack! We have a serious emergency over here." Sally's voice rang urgently across the ward.
Jack cursed under his breath and then with one last look at her he took off in the direction of the raised voices.
Rachel curled up on her side and let sleep take her again. She had always known the truth but to hear him say it aloud to her was almost unbearable.
She was awakened by a gentle pressure on her shoulder. A little confused after being awakened from such a deep sleep she looked around her hurriedly, and her eyes eventually landed on Addie who was smiling down at her kindly
"It's time for breakfast. Do you think you can make it to the cafeteria?"
Rachel rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Yes." Her mouth felt as if it was full of cotton. She suddenly remembered it was Addie's first day yesterday, and that would give her something else to focus on instead of the stares they were sure to get as they crossed the compound.
"How was your first day?" Rachel asked as she changed into the clothes that Addie had brought her.
"It was good, busy, but good."
They moved towards the door and Rachel held up her hand blocking the sunlight as it hit her. "I feel like a vampire."
"You look like one. I don't think that I've ever seen anyone so pale before."
Rachel didn't know what to say to that so she remained silent.
"You want the gossip?"
Rachel sighed. "Go ahead, hit me with it."
"They're all saying that you faked the attack. That you wanted to get Jack's attention so the whole thing was an act."
"I was wrong."
"Wrong about what?" Addie asked confused.
"I thought they couldn't think anything worse about me." Rachel gave a grim smile.
"Jack is sending you home today."
Addie pushed open the door to the full cafeteria
"Why?" Rachel should be surprised, but she wasn't, she was still numb from whatever Jack had given her.
"He didn't say. He just told Paul to be ready to drive you to the airport after breakfast."
The room grew deadly silent as they entered. All eyes were on her, she could feel them as they followed her to the line. She kept her head held high as everyone remained silent.
Jack entered the room from the back and took in the scene. The only sound was the clacking of Addie and Rachel's trays as they moved down the buffet. Feeling his eyes on her she turned to look at him. Their eyes met and Jack's were searching, unable to take it anymore she set her tray aside moved towards the exit.
"Stop Rachel." he barked the order making her freeze.
She stopped and silently turned to look at him, aware that every eye in the place was on them.
He turned to address the room.
"As of now the whispering and gossiping stops. Nurse Edwards has never been anything but a hardworking employee who has never given any of you a problem. If there is any misunderstanding," Jack turned to look at Rachel talking to her now more than the room at large, "it was one hundred percent my fault."
"Rachel?" he looked at her asking her for permission. She was suddenly tired of fighting them all. It wouldn't matter what they thought, nothing at this point would make it any easier or save her reputation.
She gave a nod and he walked towards her. Her heart was racing and she quickly forgot everyone in the room as he reached around her neck and unlatched the chain that held her rings letting them gently roll off the chain and onto his palm. He looked into her eyes one more time before he took her hand and put the rings on her finger just as he had done seven years earlier.
Turning back towards the room, his face hard he looked around. "I expect everyone to treat my wife with civility, and I expect the hostility to stop. I will not have the new crew, which is arriving today, affected by past rumors."
Jack glanced around the room giving his statement a moment to be absorbed.
"I see disbelief of some of your faces. Let me assure you that Nurse Edwards is my wife and has been for over seven years." He scanned the crowd one more time. It was a challenge. Everyone remained silent as he nodded and then took Rachel's arm leading her out of the cafeteria and as soon as they cleared the door the room burst into sound as everyone began talking at once.
Rachel watched through the window as Addie, with a smile on her face continued to put her food on her tray.
"Did Addie tell you that you'll be leaving today?"
Rachel nodded, unable to look at him.
He lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his.
"There's a lot we have to say and figure out, but not now and not here, in Africa." He ran his hand through his hair, his frustration with the situation evident.
"Go home and help Ava prepare her fundraisers. Get the house ready. I'll be bringing Paul and Addie with me and Nancy will be joining us as well." Expecting a fight and not getting one he rested his head against Rachel's and she swallowed hard, fighting tears. "I need you to be my wife a little while longer."
Rachel nodded no longer willing to fight him. She would take what she could get while she could get it. He put his hand to her cheek. "Trust me and wait just a little bit longer, then if, after we talk, you still want a divorce I'll give you one."
"If I want a divorce? Jack I have never wanted a divorce, I have only ever wanted you." She choked out the words.
"I know that now, and I would have given anything to have known that then." Giving her a gentle kiss he put her away from him and walked back towards the hospital. Rachel watched his retreating form as hope welled up inside her for the first time in a very long time. She couldn't help but wonder what would have been different if he had known what she wanted then.
Slowly she made her way back to her and Addie's room and began to pack her few possessions. A tray of food was delivered to her room so she could eat in peace while she packed. That was very like the old Jack she knew.
The young nurse who brought her the tray placed it in the small desk and looked at her as if she wanted to say something.
"Yes?" she asked as she placed the dress she had bought at the dead Yovo shop in her suitcase.
"Are you leaving?"
"Yes, I'm returning home." Rachel picked up a few more items and put them in the suitcase.
"But why, it is all so romantic. You're actually married to Jack?"
Rachel gave a small smile. "Yes, I'm married to him, and I'm going home because I'm no longer happy here in this place. It's not exactly a warm fuzzy feeling that I have being here."
"But you're leaving Jack. Won't you worry... I mean..." The young girl blushed and she seemed so sweet and innocent that Rachel couldn't hold the questions against her even if they were a bit impertinent.
"There is work for me to do back in Virginia, and I know Jack, he won't do anything he shouldn't." And Rachel realized that it was true. Jack was nothing if not an honorable man. Now that he had admitted openly that he was married he would be faithful.
The girl eventually left and Rachel finished packing then sat down to eat. Just as she was finishing Addie walked in and fell on the bed with a dramatic sigh.
"You just lived every girl here's fantasy, you do realize that, right?"
Rachel smiled suddenly lighter than she had been in years. "Oh I realize I've lived several of their fantasies."
Addie raised her head and looked at Rachel shocked then fell back laughing. "You seem in better spirits."
"Yes, I have hope again. It's been a long time since I've felt that."
"Good, you and Jack belong together. It's plain for everyone to see, and I know your father must have thought the same which made him impatiently intervene. He probably got tired of watching you two make googly eyes at each other when your backs were turned."
"We did not make googly eyes at each other," Rachel denied vehemently.
"Yes you did, I know this because you both still do. It's actually very pathetic."
Rachel picked up her pillow and threw it at Addie. Addie caught it and threw it back.
"Oh goody, I've always had this fantasy about girls who have pillow fights," Paul said from the doorway.
"They both looked at him and then each other and then threw their pillows at him at the same time.
"Hey, that's not how the fantasy goes girls. Work with me not against me."
Addie stuck her tongue out at him and then stood up placing the pillows back on the bed. "Is it time to go?"
"Sure thing." Paul reached for Rachel's suitcase, leading the way out the door and into the bright sunshine.
There were more people about than usual. Addie looked around and noted it too. "I guess they're hoping for a show," she muttered as she followed Rachel to the passenger side of the small jeep.
"Well let's not let them down," Jack said from behind her.
Addie grinned and shook her head. "I always knew you were a romantic, Jack." She reached over and gave Rachel a hug. "I'll keep him in line, don't worry."
Paul had climbed into the driver's seat and was waiting patiently.
Jack replaced Addie as he looked down at Rachel. He reached up and pushed her hair out of her face. His shocking blue eyes taking in all of the angles of her tired pale face.
"Mary has called her sister who is going to come and help you open up the house."
Rachel nodded unable to take her eyes from his. She wanted to tell him that she loved him but she was still so unsure that she couldn't bring herself to do it.
He let his hand trail down her cheek and her neck, stopping just above her erratically beating heart. "I'll see you soon," he said then he slowly took her lips with his and as usual Rachel's world exploded. She pressed herself to him suddenly wanting so much more than a kiss. She wanted his heart and his soul.
Reaching up she put her hands in his hair and kissed him back for all she was worth.
"We'll miss the flight if we don't get going soon," Paul said softly breaking into their bubble.
Pulling away and nodding, Jack pushed her hair back one more time then opened the door for her to climb into the jeep. After he closed the door he stepped back, his eyes never leaving hers, and Addie leaned in for one more hug.
"Electric." She laughed. "We will all see you soon. I just remembered....Dr. Lancaster has no clue about any of this." Addie chortled gleefully. "I can't wait."
Rachel tore her eyes away from Jack to smile at her young friend's irrepressible trouble making then looked over at Jack one last time.
"I'll see you soon," he said his face betraying nothing as he turned back towards the hospital.
"Bye." Addie said following him quickly.
Paul was chuckling. "Well there's no doubt now." He was looking in the rearview mirror as the pulled away.
A crowd had gathered to see the farewell scene and they all looked a little stunned.
"If only I had been happy here Paul. This was a dream he and I have always shared."
"Turnover is quick here. When you return more than half of these people will be gone. I imagine you'll be a legend by then," he teased lightly.
It was nice of Paul to assume that she would return but for all of the hope she had she was still filled with doubt.