Twitter: @BlairHoldenx
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*Not proofread, I apologize for any mistakes :)
Chapter Twenty-Nine: I'm Thinking About Jumping Your Bones
It's definitely unsettling how your entire life can change when you least expect it. I started out my senior year, praying for some reprieve from the continuous cycle of torture that was my life. I had hoped that I would go unnoticed, hidden until I could get the freedom I so badly craved. I had come to accept that the only guy whom I could ever love would never love me back. There was also the fact that my best friend had turned into a person I could never be able to connect with again. My family was a mess; my brother had lost his way hence the year would in no better words-Suck.
Funny how things change right?
I walk languidly down the hallways of my high school, trying to push back the nostalgia that creeps through me. Let's face it; this place hasn't exactly been a haven of joy and happiness for me. In fact the years I've spent here have been downright the worst in my life. My freshman, sophomore and junior years were as painful as pulling off a fingernail. With the exception of meeting my best friends, those years had sucked me into a vortex of what I considered inescapable gloom.
But then everything changed. A smile creeps up on me as the corner of my mouth lifts up as a surge reminiscent happiness courses through me. This year, in these very halls my life changed forever. I found someone who made me love myself, who made me realize that I could choose happiness and who finally, broke through the vortex.
My superhero.
These are the thoughts I mentally play in my head as I walk towards a very familiar sight. Nicole is leaning against her locker, tapping her high heel clad foot restlessly on the ground. She glances at her watch and then looks around. When her gaze lands on me she straightens up and gives me a nod of acknowledgement before starting to walk.
I tug the strap of my backpack higher up my shoulder and hug my notebook to my chest. Following her out to the football field, I try not to bring my personal issues with Nicole to this interview. When I volunteered to be on the yearbook committee, I knew that at some point I'd have a run in with her. Of course I hoped it would never happen but it's me and despite my personal lucky charm called Cole, things like this do tend to happen.
I'm supposed to be interviewing all the captains and co-captains of the various clubs and sports teams the school has. So far it's been good, except for the highly awkward ten minute disaster that happened with Jay.
The man has grabby hands, let me tell you.
Nicole takes a seat high up on the bleachers and I follow. I've prepared a list of questions so this won't be long. Each person barely gets half a page so it's not like I'm writing an expose on the seedy underbelly of science clubs in high schools. That however would be one fantastic piece; those kids can be vicious with their hydrochloric acids.
She sits down and smoothes the creases in her skirt then crosses her legs. In recent years, Nicole has become very 'refined'. She's always impeccably dressed, never a hair out of place even during dance rehearsals. The woman it seems is incapable of sweating or looking ugly for that matter. She's even more tanned now and her dark hair is generously streaked with gold towards the ends. The well fitted cream blouse she's wearing sets off her complexion magnificently. I might hate her but the fact is that she's stunning.
So far none of us have brought up our obviously strained relationship. This is extremely awkward but for the sake of journalism I'll simply have to persevere. Plus there's the fact that today is the beginning of a two week break. When we come back, it'll be a further three weeks till finals and then graduation. Cole told me that he has a surprise for me so the sooner I get done with this the better.
Now if Cole Stone surprising you isn't a motivation then I don't know what is.
"Okay so this won't take a lot of time," I get out the recorder and my notepad which has my questions and where I can scribble additional notes. These are the same questions that I've asked the rest of the captains changed only slightly with respect to the dance team. They won at the regional level and will be going to state during our break. If they win, I'll have to edit the interview to include that.
Nicole stares blankly into the distance as I ask the questions. She appears to be completely disinterested, narrating rote answers and inspecting her fingernails as she does so. My blood begins to boil and I have to remind myself to keep a lid on it. I can't toss her down the bleachers; the dance team would not appreciate that. Maybe if I stare viciously at her profile some more, she'll evaporate into thin air.
For the most part Nicole's left me alone these past few weeks. After her huge social downfall and break up with Jay she's been off the radar. Her minions have scattered, only few daring to be around the social pariah. I should feel sorry for her, having been in the same place as her but when she acts like this it's hard to empathize. Even now, she's so...ice cold, unreachable and locked up in her own mind. If I could be bothered with it, I would ask her what the hell happened to turn her into this person. But through the years I've realized that no length of an olive branch would be able to repair what we've lost.
Once I've gathered enough material to please my editor, I start packing my things. Nicole doesn't even blink in my direction and I'm more than happy to get away from her. Cole is waiting for me in the parking lot and the sooner I get to him, the better. If it's one thing that I've learnt this year is to recognize and treasure the people who love you for who you are. Changing yourself to fit into someone else's life is never a good idea. People should love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
I'm finished packing up and about the leave when she addresses me. I stop mid-step and wait for her to continue. Well, this will be interesting.
"Look," She exhales heavily and begins examining her fingernails, "we're all graduating soon and I'm getting out of this hick town as fast as I can."
Understandable. Nicole's always been fascinated with New York City. That combined with her acceptance to NYU means there's nothing really stopping her from like she says ''getting out of this hick town as fast as she can."
"Okay." I study her face, trying to find more clues as to what she really wants to say to me. My gut tells me it'll be something along the lines of the closure I suppose I need. I mean you don't just stop being friends with a person you've known for almost all of your life and not need closure right? So I might not want it but maybe I need it.
"Before I go, there's some stuff I need to do, clear all the misunderstanding you know? I heard Karma's a bitch so this is my attempt to put all the bad stuff behind me."
I'd hate to tell her that maybe it's too late for repentance. The things she's done over the past few years, or well ever since we hit puberty aren't really going to be washed away so easily. I've seen her do a lot of ugly things, most of them to me. Even if we forget about what she's done to me, there's still a list as long as the 'Burj Khalifa' of all the destruction she's caused. Karma might not be the nicest person to her.
"Is this you apologizing?" I cut to the chase. It's kind of bittersweet, I want to be here and I don't want to. There's this sense of finality in the air, like all the four years behind us are leading to up to this moment. I've never been good with endings. I read the last Harry Potter book a page a day just to extend the time I had left with the characters. So yes, it took me a while to get through it but I relished every second.
I'm tempted to run away right now.
"Kind of." She begins tapping her foot restlessly against the ground, the whole cool as a cucumber act isn't going as well as she's planned. I can practically feel the anxiety rolling off of her. Whatever she's got to say is going to be really tough to hear as well.
"I want to confess Tessa, not apologize. Yeah okay maybe I owe you an apology too, maybe a shitload of them but telling you the truth is more important."
My brows furrow, what the hell is she going on about?
She takes a deep breath, "I like Cole okay, like I really, really like him. Maybe you've always known that but you don't know that I'm in love with him too. When I was nine, my dad beat the crap out of me and I was hiding in the boy's bathroom at school the next day crying my eyes out. I didn't want you to see me like that. You always had the perfect family and I began to hate you for that. Cole found me that day and he...he was so nice to me. He took care of me, told me his dad was a cop and he'd make the bad people go away. Of course I didn't tell him about my dad but it was enough, to feel safe. To know that this beautiful kind boy would always take good care of me."
I suck in a breath and my jaw drops. In no possible way had I expected that, you could've told me that my parents adopted me from a remote village in Zimbabwe and I would have believed you but this...Oh God. I always knew she liked him but always based it on Cole's bad boy charm or just plain physical attraction. I knew she'd tried to get with Cole in the past and he'd refused. But love? Seriously, she's in love with him? And the thing about her dad hurting her...how come I knew nothing about that? How come I didn't know that she hated me for a family that's currently in shambles?
She must have sensed my shock but apparently she isn't going to attempt to lessen the blow. "I think that was the point when I started hating you. Before, yeah I was jealous of you but then I saw how Cole would always be around you. How he'd always find a way to talk to you, to tease you and how he'd pay so much attention to you that he never even looked at me. I just...I couldn't. But even nine year old me knew that I had to stick with you if I wanted something with him."
Words fail me, ironic considering I am here on a journalism assignment. In my mind, the reason Nicole stopped being friends with me was because I wasn't good enough for her. I'd been overweight, awkward and well generally unpopular. So it made sense that she wouldn't' want to be my friend. But the fact that she's never truly been the best friend I always thought her to be, stings big time.
"I could say I'm sorry but it wouldn't be enough would it? I should've told you the truth, shouldn't have faked a friendship for that long but I was selfish. I wanted Cole and when I couldn't' have him..."
"You took Jay. You didn't even like him did you? You just took him because you knew that would hurt me." I say more to myself than to her.
Even though my feelings for Jay have been more or less vaporized I can still remember the hurt I felt then. When I thought I'd been in love with him, my heart had literally been ripped to pieces to see him with Nicole. Nicole, my best friend had taken the guy I was in love with. Yup, that had been enough to make me sob for weeks.
And she'd done it just to spite me.
"He was the only way I could make you feel how I did. Maybe I crossed a line. Later, I guess I realized that you never did anything intentionally, that you didn't ask for Cole to love you the way he did."
I open my mouth to argue but she stops me, "Please don't. I think you were the only person who didn't realize that the boy was madly in love with you. Everyone saw it but you were too busy obsessing over Jay to notice it. That made me angrier you know, how oblivious you could be. Maybe if I didn't want the two of you to be together, I would have told you but like I said, I was selfish."
"Why? Why are you telling me all this now? What do you expect me to do?"
"Nothing. After everything I've done I expect nothing from you, not even forgiveness. The things I've done the last few years don't really deserve that. But I want you to know that I admit I was wrong. I'm glad you have the kind of friends now that you deserve and...I'm glad you have someone like Cole. He loves you and now you love him too. Just hold on to him okay?"
Words jumble up inside my head when I try to string together a sentence. It's like there's this whirlpool forming around me brain, leaving me incapable of thinking. It's too much to take in, entirely too much. Yes what she's just told me definitely erases the confusion I've felt for a long time but this is worse. Nicole was never my friend, she hated me when I thought of her as the best friend I'd ever had. She'd been the person I considered my support system whilst she was possibly sticking pins into voodoo dolls of me.
So what do I say to that?
"I feel like I should say something," I choke out, "Yeah it's probably a good idea if I get it all out today. I feel sorry for you Nicole that you fell for someone who doesn't love you back. Trust me I know how that feels. I'm sorry that you thought you had to go through such lengths to get him to love you. If there's one thing I've learnt this year is that if you're meant to be with someone, it will happen. You can't force love. So even if it means that your first love becomes unrequited, then you should move on because maybe there's someone better for you."
I can see her eyes getting watery, it's the most emotion I've seen from her in years." I'd also like to thank you. Maybe if you hadn't cut me out of your life and gotten rid of that fake friendship then I never would've met Megan and Beth. I haven't really let myself admit it but being friends with them definitely felt different than being friends with you. What I have with them is what real friendship is supposed to be like. And we're all moving on with our lives, I don't want to carry this kind of baggage with me when I leave so you know what? Even though I should probably hate you for what you've put me through I'll just say that I hope you have a better life from now on. Find a guy who loves you for who you are and friends you genuinely like. Speaking from personal experience, those things kind of change your life."
Leaving her still sitting on the bleachers, I rush to where I know Cole's car is. When he seems me running towards him he gets out of the Volvo and begins walking towards me, concern etched onto his handsome face. I all but throw myself into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face into his chest. His scent immediately calms me down. Warm, familiar, safe and enthralling all at the same time. It's easier to understand now why someone would fall in love with him at the drop of a hat.
Maybe my mom dropped me on my head a lot when I was a baby. That would totally explain why I didn't see how he felt all that time ago. So much time has been spent Facebook stalking Jay the cling on when I could've been here.
"You okay?" His arms tighten around me and I nod into his chest. I just need him to hold me. I need to know that he's still with me and that I'm the lucky girl he's chosen to fall in love with. Knowing that girls that look like Nicole would do anything to be in my place has just made me all the more aware of the fact that he is the one in a million kind of guy.
He's my guy.
"Are you sure?"
Reluctantly after some neck sniffing, I pull away and grin at him. "I'm wonderful. So what's this surprise you keep telling me about?"
He looks puzzled for a second, trying to figure out my actions but then his face breaks into a breathtaking smile.
"Get in the car," He nods his head towards it and I eye it skeptically. He's being really mysterious but I like it. Today is a good day for the unknown because obviously nothing is how it seems. The Nicole thing has shown me that. I'll talk to Cole about it soon, but not now. Now I just want to be with him.
"Oh-kay. Are we going my house first? Because I need to check up on..."
"Beth is with Travis and he's going to take good care of her. I just got off the phone with him and he told me that she's ready to talk to a therapist."
"What?" I gasp, feeling thrilled. "How did that happen?"
"I guess they're closer than we thought. He told her that he'd go if she did and..."
"She's doing this for him. She's going to therapy because of Travis." I say in awe, feeling a surge of happiness.
The weeks following Marie's death were really hard for Beth but it amazed me to see how much my brother had helped her. The fact that she'd put aside her fear of talking to someone about her relationship with her mother, for Travis made me realize that she loved him. I didn't know much about their relationship and I'd press for details when the time's right but at this moment I just feel happy that they've both found each other.
"Then are we going to your house? Because Cassandra asked me the other day to..."
He stops me again, "Just get in the car Tessie. I'll explain the rest."
He opens my door for me and as I'm putting on my seatbelt I notice the bags in the back seat. My carryon bag is immediately recognizable and I become even more intrigued. I see one of Cole's bags as well and the excitement builds.
He sees I've figured something out when he gets in.
"We're going somewhere?" I ask in excitement and he chuckles but there's a light in his eyes that I know is only there when he's really, really happy.
For a second he looks nervous, possibly uncomfortable when he scratches the back of his neck. "I know we're taking a group trip next week but I thought maybe we could go out alone for the weekend. I asked your dad and everything, I talked to Travis too...but maybe I should've asked you first right? If you don't want to, I get it but I just..I wanted to spend some time alone with you and...shit I should've thought this through."
Since he looks so darn adorable when he's rambling I let him go on for a while. I know I need to put him out of his misery but this is so much fun. Most of the time in our relationship, I'm the one who's blushing and just being an overall awkward moron so this is fun for me.
I'm a sadist now, how delightful.
"Cole, stop!" He looks at me, his face still tinged with a bit of red and eyes looking a little panicked. I shift in my seat until I'm facing him and lean over to kiss him softly. He closes his eyes and groans as his hand immediately goes to the back of my neck to hold me in place. We kiss slowly and languidly until I feel all the tension leave his body.
When we break apart, he grins goofily at me. "You should shut me up like that more often."
"I thought you were going to have a panic attack and I'd have to give CPR to get you to breathe."
"Well I wouldn't have been opposed to that. I love a girl who's hands on." He says cheekily and I smack his shoulder.
"Stop being pervy and tell me where we're going. And yes I want to go, I'd love to go and you are an idiot for ever thinking that I wouldn't want to."
That earns me another searing hot kiss that has my toes curling.
"Okay then, if that's the case then sit back and relax. It's a bit of a drive."
"You're not telling me where we're going?" I pout, crossing my arms over my chest like petulant child which just makes his grin wider.
"God, I love you."
That melts my insides and even when I'm pretending to be annoyed at him I can't help but say, "I love you too."
From what I can tell we've been driving for a while. It's given me enough time to start hyperventilating. We've been travelling in comfortable silence exchanging kisses here and there but then the silence just gave my darn overactive mind something to freak out over.
Alone.
With Cole.
For two whole days.
No adult supervision, not even Travis.
Would we share a room where we're going?
Yes I've slept in the same bed with him a couple of times but that's always been with the knowledge that any family member of mine could walk in on us at any given second. This feels different and I know it's because of how highly charged the emotions between us are now. Exchanging the L-word changes everything. We've gotten more possessive, more into touching each other and just overall craving each other's company more. Sometime we get a little too carried away and have to stop.
But am I ready to take the next step with him?
My heart start's beating faster; my face begins to burn as images of being intimate like 'that' cross my mind. Despite my best attempts to not think like a thirteen year old guy, I can't help the images that rush to my mind.
Dear God.
Is it getting hot in here or what?
"What are you thinking about Tessie?"
I do not want to answer that question. If I did it would be something like, "I'm thinking about jumping your bones."
Uhh, yeah bad idea.
"Nothing," my voices comes out impossibly squeaky and I feel like slapping myself across the face multiple times.
"This is the second time today you've tried to lie to me you know. Whatever you're thinking about it's clearly embarrassing you. Look at how red you've gone."
"Well you do call me Shortcake for a reason. And yes I hope it's not because you're saying I'm short. That would suck."
He chuckles, a hearty sound that's doing NOTHING to stop those darned thoughts from invading my mind.
"I call you Shortcake because that's all you ate through second grade. I'd see you with your Little Mermaid lunchbox and you wouldn't touch the sandwich. I think you gave it to that scrawny kid who barely ate and then you'd just sit there nibbling on the strawberry shortcake."
Huh
It's a day for revelations.
"How come I never noticed that you paid so much attention to me?"
A sad look crosses my face and once again I feel like doing myself physical harm for hurting him. Whatever he's thinking about right now must not be pleasant.
"Okay, don't answer that. That was just...stupid. I'm an idiot and I shouldn't have been that oblivious."
"No Tessie, don't put yourself down." He scolds, "I had the worst way possible to show you that I liked you. Let's just forget about all that crap for now. I want to spend time with you, alone and just think about all the good stuff. Let's do that, deal?"
"Deal."
We're near the ocean, I can tell from the smell and it feels divine. I realize that it's somewhere near the place where we came to see Nana Stone, the day everything changed. Rolling down the window, I breathe in the fresh salt water smell and inhale deeply. Cole places his hand on my knee and squeezes gently.
"This is perfect." I tell him as he slows down towards a bend in the road. The Volvo turns into an open driveway which leads to an opulent two story glass beach house which sits on a large expanse of sand. I'm in a trance, looking at the breathtaking structure. It's gorgeous! You can see inside the glass and see the entire spacious interior. The house itself is a mixture of both modern and traditional architecture, with its driftwood flooring. I gasp as we near it since I see the clear blue water behind it.
Private beach!
"Oh My God."
"Do you like it?"
"It...it's gorgeous! Whose house it this?" I turn towards him, nearly jumping in my seat as I take in all the beauty around me.
"My parents bought this a couple of months ago from their college friends. I...I've wanted to bring you here for a while but I guess the timing was never right."
"Wow Cole. This is really amazing, I'm so happy for you!"
He shrugs casually, "I've been here a lot in my childhood. My parent's friends...they're moving outside the US and they wanted to sell this place. Cassandra thought we had too many memories attached to the house to just let it go so they bought it."
"I can definitely see why she wouldn't want some stranger to own it. It's so...wow."
"So would you like a tour Ms. O'Connell?" He asks gesturing towards the house and I all but rip my seatbelt off and sink my feet into the sand. I'm glad I'm wearing sandals since the cool sand feels wonderful on my feet.
"Definitely."
As expected the house is a beautiful on the inside as it is on the outside. I wish people were like that too, don't you? That maybe if they were all vile and evil on the inside, it would reflect in their looks and if someone were genuinely a nice person then their outward appearance would be a testament to that? Why you wonder am I being so philosophical? Well, nerves tend to that to me.
I'm in the bathroom of the master bedroom, which is one of the six rooms in the house-yes, six. Cole's put our bags in the same room and he's in the kitchen making us dinner. My heart is doing its usual gymnastics routine whenever it comes to Cole. Splashing some cold water onto my face, I try to get my hormones under control.
If I keep thinking about 'it' for the rest of the weekend, it's just going to be a mess. I'll never be able to act normal around Cole at this rate. He has given no indication of the fact that he wants something to happen so why am I psyching myself out?
Deep breaths Tessa, deep breaths.
"You can do this," I tell my image in the mirror and maybe I'll fool myself into believing that.
I take a cold shower since I hear that's what you're supposed to do but really, it didn't do much to my racing heart or out of control thoughts. Standing in the bedroom in just my towel, I realize that Cole's right across the hall from me and I'm nearly stark naked right now.
What is happening to me??
Shaking my head, I rummage through the bag Cole brought for me until I freeze when my hand lands on a certain lacey garment.
Oh No.
No
No, absolutely not.
With trembling hands I pull out the pair of black lacey panties Beth gave me as a gag gift after declaring that I'd be a virgin for life.
I haven't touched them since my birthday last year. They've been stuffed in some dark, untouched crevice of my underwear drawer.
Which only means one thing...
As quickly as I can, I get dressed. Scrunching the panties in my hand, I rush towards Cole, feeling infuriated and embarrassed beyond words.
Unluckily for him he's standing next to a frying pan full of hot sizzling oil.
"Hey, I thought I'd make..."
He stops when he catches the expression on my face.
He holds up his hands defensively, "Whatever it is that you think I did, I probably did it and I'm sorry."
I grit my teeth, "You did not go through my underwear drawer did you?"
He bites and tugs on his lips and I swear I can see him hiding a smile, that smug bastard!
"Well...someone had to pack the necessities."
"Oh My God! I can't believe this." I cover my face with both my hands, feeling absolutely mortified.
"Tessie, come on it's not that big of a deal. Please don't be embarrassed. It's just me. I'm sorry, I should've asked your permission but I wanted to surprise you and I wasn't thinking. Don't be mad sweetheart, I mean it's not like I'm never going to see you..."
He stops himself just at the same moment my head whips up to hear him finish the sentence.
Holy shit.
"Holy shit," he breathes repeating my thoughts.
"Uhh forget I said that. I'm...I'm going to go finish dinner." He looks a bit dazed as he jerks his thumb towards the kitchen area, staring intently at the ground.
"Yeah...yeah that's good. Do that. I'll...I'll go call my dad and tell him we got here okay."
"Okay, good."
"Yeah,"
"Right."
"Well I'll go now, see you umm, see you in a bit."
I hurry back to the bedroom and fall face first on the mattress.
So...I'm not the only one feeling horny then huh?
I gulp. This could be quite the weekend.
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College is H.A.R.D
People are wayy too smart and the classes are tough! I've only been going for a couple of weeks but its still freaking me out. That's why I havent updated, I've just been adjusting into a new life and trying to keep up with it. I am SO sorry for the wait but like I said, I'd always prefer give you guys a good chapter which is late rather than post a crappy, half hearted chapter just for the sake of uploading.
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