Chapter 30
Ethan's POV
I was released from the hospital the following day and it's been two weeks since. Blake stayed that weekend and managed to come here at least 4 times a week. I told her that I was doing fine, more than fine but that girl never listened to me. I was studying like crazy due to finals this week. God I couldn't wait till it's over and we'll all be on break.
"Take a break and come here." Blake said ushering me to lie next to her on my bed.
I smiled at her and didn't protest. I lied down on the bed and she cuddled against my body immediately.
She started playing with the matching bracelet I had with her that I was on my wrist and started thinking deeply.
"God when I got that call from Drew I knew something was off." She started to say moving her pointer finger up and down my chest.
"I must have scared everyone who was near me when I got that call. It was so bad. Poor Chase." She giggled.
I chuckled before I heard her finish her comment, "Who is Chase?" I asked curiously looking at her.
She bit her lip and her eyes grew wide.
"Just a friend who I ran into." She said with an expression that looked like it was as if she were caught for doing something she wasn't supposed to.
"Just ran into?" I asked as she sat her body up.
"Yeah him and I accidently bumped into one another and he offered to take me out to a restaurant. I had nothing else to do and wanted to pass time until you texted me so I agreed." She said shrugging.
I felt my jaw tightened. Why was I getting so heated about this when it wasn't a big deal?
"How did you two even meet?" I asked.
"At a party I went to a few months ago. Why does this matter babe? It was just friendly." She said looking in my eyes.
"When I asked you who he was, you looked like you were caught. I don't know what it is but by the sound of it, this guy sounds like he was hitting on you and I sure as hell am not liking this." I said starting to get angry.
"Whoa lover boy, I promise you that it was nothing like that. It wasn't planned Ethan. Why are you acting like this?" She asked with her eyes softening.
"Acting like a protective boyfriend? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do lover girl? Care about his girl?" I responded defensively.
"That's not what I meant." She said with hurt showing in her eyes.
"Do you not trust me Ethan? Is that it?" She asked with the hurt even more noticeable now.
At first, I didn't say anything causing her to get up from the bed and stand in front of me with her hands crossed across her chest.
"You should be the last person to be talking about not trusting someone Ethan. You've gone a whole year without telling me about your condition! And I'm the one who isn't to be trusted?!" She shouted at me.
I stood up in front of her, "You think that it's an easy subject to talk about Blake? You have no idea how hard it is to deal with every day. You aren't going through it Blake, I am." I shouted back at her but not as loud as her.
She shook her head disapprovingly; the one gesture that she knew ticked me off the most. It showed her disappointment in someone or something and it was something that I'd hate to see.
"Maybe not Ethan but I know what it feels like to suffer from seeing the ones you love hurt or ill and let me tell you something, it may not hurt physically like your condition or my Nana's cancer, but it sure as hell hurts like a bitch in every other aspect." She said angrily.
"It's not like I didn't want to tell you because I don't trust you because I do. I trust you with my life but it has nothing to do with not telling you because of trust. Why can't you see that? God Blake, it's still a hard subject to talk about." I said running my fingers through my hair.
"I understand how it hurts for you to talk about it Ethan. I'm sorry that this is happening to you but we're supposed to be best friends. I feel like a complete stranger to you Ethan!" She shouted.
"You don't understand because if you did, you wouldn't be pushing this subject on me about not telling you so god damn much." I said quickly, not realizing what had just come out of my mouth.
She starred at me in shock and horror.
She started to grab her bag and her keys, "Wait." I said trying to grab her hand. She couldn't leave, especially not like this.
"I don't understand?! Okay Ethan, you're right. I will find a way to understand soon enough over the next month while I'm sitting next to my grandmother's deathbed, watching her slowly leave this world. Maybe then I'll understand!" She shouted at me before turning her body to the door.
I flinched, what did she just say she was doing?
"Wait Blake, where are you going for the next month?" I asked feeling confused yet overwhelmed with the sudden news. I grabbed her hand but she moved it away quickly as if I were some man who had just attacked her.
"Don't you dare act like you care now!" She said with unshed tears before slamming the door in my face.
My feet were stuck. I didn't know what to feel or how to react so there I was, just standing there for about a good minute being absolutely clueless.
When realization finally hit me, I opened my door and ran out as fast as I could. I'd given Blake at least a good three minutes of a head start but thankfully I was In good shape so that I knew I could catch up to her just in time.
I knocked into someone as I continued to sprint to her, causing me to delay just a second. Blake was nowhere in sight but that didn't stop me. I ran to the lot where her car was parked and didn't stop. If my doctor were to be told of this, he'd probably kill me right now considering I should be "taking it easy" but I would not let my girl leave the way she did.
I got to her car just as she got in pulled out. She saw me run to her but it was no use. She pulled her car out of the spot and zoomed off just as I reached where she sped away. I watched as her BMW made it's way off campus and not stopping once.
I put my face in my hands and cursed at myself for what just happened. Why didn't I run faster or realized that I shouldn't have let her go by will?
I kicked the garbage bin that was in the lot and cursed so loudly that people around me were glaring. I couldn't give a shit. I was pissed. Pissed at the fight Blake and I just had, pissed at the fact that she left, and mostly pissed at myself for not reacting quicker.
Why did I feel as if suddenly everything that just happened wasn't something that would be easy to resolve? This felt like a completely different situation that I wasn't even sure would get better.
Blake's POV
"Shit. Shit, shit shit shit shit!" I yelled at myself, hammering my hands on my steering wheel.
It's been at least twenty minutes since I left UVA and all I've been doing was cursing at myself. That was so not how I wanted to tell Ethan I was leaving but damn, everything was just so chaotic!
"God Blake!" I shouted at myself, this time causing my car to swerve off my lane into another. I lost control over the car for a good ten seconds and my heart dropped. I immediately slammed on the brakes and ignored the horns of other cars that were beeping at me. The car stopped and thankfully there were no more cars in sight on the freeway.
I took a deep breath and pulled over to the emergency lane.
"Take it easy." I told myself trying to calm me down.
About a minute or so later I continued my way onto JMU with my phone turned off. I didn't need any more distractions as it was with my current state of mind.
I drove the rest of the way in complete silence.
I pulled up to the parking lot at JMU about two hours later due to traffic and made my way to my dorm.
I went to my dorm and set down my stuff. Thankfully Charlie wasn't here. I was quite surprised to see that she wasn't though. I would have figured Ethan would have called her and considering that I didn't even tell Charlie about what I was doing, I would have gotten an earful from her as well.
I decided not to take long while at my dorm. Charlie was more than likely going to come bursting through the door and yell at me.
I grabbed some books from my bag and headed to the library to get some studying in. Even though my mind was somewhere else at the moment, I needed to concentrate with finals this week. I would have to deal with Ethan and everything later.
Once I rushed out of my dorm, I headed straight to the library without running into Charlie.
I managed to snag in a seat in the busy library and started studying immediately. I needed to keep myself busy from everything else and what better way than to study? Lame, I know. But it was the only available distraction at the moment.
Time passed by for who knows long and I managed to study for two of my finals tomorrow. I was brought back to reality when someone in the chair beside me started to whisper to me.
"Look who it is. Should anyone here be expecting you to bolt at any second now?" A familiar voice said.
I turned in my chair and fixed my gaze on Chase. I gave him an apologetic smile, "Sorry about that uh, something urgent happened." I said quietly referring back to when I left him stranded when Drew called me about Ethan.
"I could tell. I never saw a person run so fast." He said.
"I hope everything's okay now." He said sincerely.
I nodded and turned back to my books.
"You look like you could use a break. It's been what three and a half hours and you haven't moved from your seat." He said beside me.
"You stalking me now?" I joked, not turning his direction.
He chuckled slightly, "Not really. I came in here just a few minutes before you did. I left about two hours in but came back an hour later because I forgot my phone and there you were, still sitting in this seat." He responded.
I turned my head to face him, "Has it really been three and a half hours?" I responded shocked.
"It sure has. I'm more than positive that for whatever final you're studying for, you'll get a perfect on it." He said running his hands in his hair.
"I hope so." I said putting my books in my bag.
"Look at you, listening to my advice now, huh?" He said standing up with me.
"Nope. Just taking a break like a normal person would if they were studying for that long." I said trying not to give him any satisfaction.
"Whatever. I'm just now going to get something to drink. You could tag along if you'd like." He said running his hands through his hair again.
I bit my lip. "Uh I don't know about that." I said conflicted.
He studied my face for a few seconds, "Blake, I'm offering you something to drink, not asking for your hand in marriage." He said chuckling.
My face flushed. The only thing running through my head right now was the argument Ethan and I had before I left UVA. It had started with Chase after all so I shouldn't be going out with him. But then again, who was Ethan to be dictating my life? Chase and I are friends and he just made it clear so there wouldn't be any harm in my going with him for a quick drink.
"Where to?" I asked causing him to smile.
"My new favorite place." He said as he walked us out of the library.
******************************************
"So you're telling me that you've never been on a roller coaster before? Like ever?" Chase asked in disbelief.
"Once and that was in the sixth grade. Never again." I said taking a sip of my Frappuccino.
"You're missing out! They're literally one of the most exciting things to experience. You're crazy." He said nodded his head in disbelief.
I shrugged my shoulders, "I'm more like that girl who will go hang out at the booths and play games there while everyone else rides them. They never fascinated me."
"Well, that'll change. You'll see." He said smirking.
"No it won't." I said giggling a little.
"Yeah it will youngin." He responded.
"Oh so now I'm young to you?" I asked jokingly.
"Rather me call you something else?" He asked before sipping his drink.
"I'd rather you call me Blake." I responded.
He smirked, "Or diva."
"I am not a diva!" I said defensively.
He chuckled, "Whatever you say diva."
"I am not! I am far from one." I said throwing my straw at him.
My straw missed him and instead hit a girl behind him. She looked at us and darted out of the café with Frappuccino all over her shirt.
We were both laughing after she stormed out, "Good aim." Chase managed to say between laughs.
"Shut up!" I responded still laughing.
"You look much better than I expected you to be." A voice said from beside me causing me to stop laughing.
Chase glanced up at the same time I did.
Great.
"What are you doing here Charlie?" I asked slightly irritated. If she was going to judge me by having a laugh with Chase, she deserved to be talked to with a lack of appreciation.
"Don't you 'what are you doing here Charlie' me. Where have you been Blake? It's been about six hours since..." She said pausing.
"Since what? Since Ethan called you and told you his side of the story?" I responded pissed off.
She crossed her arms across her chest, "We need to talk Blake and not here."
"No Charlie. I'll talk to you when I'm finished." I said angrily. She glanced over at Chase then at me.
She nodded and let me be. I knew I would hear it though from her when I got back to the dorm.
I pulled a strand of hair behind my ear, "I'm sorry about that. She's quite an attacker." I said playing with my new straw in my Frappuccino.
He shook his head, "No problem. Are you okay?"
"Never better." I lied.
"You know for a person like you, lying is something that you give off easily. If you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears." He said.
I gave him a weak smile, "Thanks."
He nodded.
Chase and I talked about a lot after that. None of my personal business but on how we were both going to California this weekend. He seemed so excited, which was happy to see coming from him. He never pushed the subject on wanting to know more about my issues and me, which I appreciated.
Sadly, I couldn't distract myself any longer and headed back to my dorm.
I took a deep breath before opening the door to my room.
Charlie was sitting on her bed flipping through a magazine.
I waited for a few seconds but she didn't say anything. She didn't even glance my way. I walked over to my bed and kicked off my shoes. I crisscrossed my legs on my bed and waited for her to speak to me.
I let out a big breath, "Go." I said.
She looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Go. Do your best." I said waiting.
She set the magazine down. "I shouldn't have come off to you like that. It's not my place to be jumping to conclusions, you're right. But I wasn't expecting you to be in the state of mind that you were in.."
I let out a small sigh in disbelief, "Sorry I wasn't the Niagara Falls when you saw me." I responded.
Her face got softer, "Quit it Blake. I guess it just took me by surprise when I saw you out with another guy after what Ethan just told me. I'm sorry that I wasn't here when you came back but I needed to leave because Ethan called me and made me search practically everywhere for you! After all you were later than usual which made no since."
"What did he tell you Char?" I asked.
"You two got into some argument and that it started with a boy named Chase. Wait a second... was that the guy you were with at the Café?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
I as well raised an eyebrow, "Yeah? So what?"
Her face changed instantly, looking more like someone had just slapped her in the face. "Before I even tell you how stupid you were Blake I'll just say this. Put yourself in his position."
"His position being...?" I asked.
"Are you fucking stupid or are you stupid?" She asked.
"Guess I'm stupid." I responded.
"Put yourself in his shoes Blake Gray! If you found out he were talking to Payson and going on 'dates' to get something to eat now and then, what would you think? How would you feel?" She said standing up from her bed.
I felt my chest drop.
"Chase has NO interest in me! Payson is way more than interested with Ethan! Chase is just a friend, you know that!" I said defending myself.
"Yes, I do know that! But Ethan doesn't. And Blake, that boy is so interested in you sweetheart. You just block that out because you believe that no one wants you since you're off the market but let me tell you something, that boy definitely likes you whether you want to admit it or not. " She said coming to sit beside me.
"I love you Blake but sometimes sweetie your head doesn't function properly." She said tapping my head slightly.
I bowed my face down in my hands. Charlie was right. I shouldn't have had gone out with Chase no matter if I thought we were just friends. I wouldn't want Ethan to be doing the same with Payson or any girl really.
Ethan and I had many things we needed to work on starting with our trust issues and our lack of communication.
"There are so many things that's going on between us Char. His condition and why he didn't tell me, me leaving to California, Chase... god Char! I can't do this alongside with the fact that Nana is dying! I can't do it any longer!" I let out.
I felt the tears begin to sting my eyes. I made it this far this past week without crying and I would not break now.
"Let it out B." Charlie said pulling me in for a hug.
I shook my head no, "I can't. I won't." I said wrapping my arms around her.
"Of course you can. It isn't healthy for someone to bottle so much in." Charlie said releasing me.
"Love will do crazy things to you." I said more to myself than Charlie.
"I'm fine. I promise. Just a moment of weakness." I said reassuring her.
She starred at me, "Look's like we have a lot of talking to do since my girl won't be with me for the next month." She said hooking her arm through mine, leading us out of the dorm.
I nodded and did as she directed.
*************************************************
"Thank freaking god! Never have I imagined to be so happy in life before." Charlie said as she slid in the booth in front of me at the café.
"How'd it go dork?" I asked smiling.
"Really good! I hope..." She said causing me to laugh a little.
"So relieved that we're finally on break. No more classes till a month!" She said excitedly.
I nodded my head, "Sure is relieving, huh?" I said sipping my cappuccino.
My phone started to vibrate as usual.
Charlie bit her lip, "You should talk to him B. Can't ignore him forever." She said before ordering her drink.
I knew I should answer. Ethan had been calling at least 20 times a day and I let it go straight to voicemail. He left me a message every time but I hadn't answered one. Just listening to his voice would make my mind go all foggy. I needed to think this past week about school and now since it's over, I knew that I couldn't avoid him forever. I was leaving tomorrow and even though I didn't leave yet, I missed him like crazy.
"You know you want to." Charlie said shrugging.
"I know I do. But I can't today. Tomorrow." I said.
"It's tomorrow or next month." She said just as her coffee came.
I managed to do some last minute shopping with Charlie and Michelle that day. I bought Nana and Dad some Christmas presents and felt ready to go.
I barely slept that night with everything going in my head. When I did manage to get some sleep, I was awoken by Charlie jumping on my bed.
"Ahh!" I squealed causing Charlie to giggle.
Charlie stopped jumping up and down and she sat down beside me.
"You have eight hours until your plane takes off. I made sure to wake your ass up in the perfect amount of time!" Charlie said giggling.
"Hey! I've gotten better, you know that!" I said sitting up.
"Yes I do. Just needed an excuse to spend some last minute quality time with my best friend. Michelle's meeting up with us at breakfast so go get ready!" She said pulling me up from bed.
"Yeah yeah." I said waving my hand behind my head, leaving the room to go the bathroom.
After breakfast, the girls and I finished packing the rest of my stuff and before I knew it, I had to go to the airport.
I decided that I should call Ethan before I go so for the first time in what felt like ages, I hit his number on my phone and waited for the other line to pick up.
His number went straight to voicemail, which took me by surprise.
"He didn't pick up?" Charlie asked just as shocked as I was.
"Nope." I responded as she continued to drive.
She bit her lip but didn't say anything.
I decided not to let it get to me and distracted myself by making small talk with Charlie and Michelle.
Charlie parked her car outside the doors to the airport by my check in area and helped me with my bags.
"Thank you guys for the lift and everything this past week. I'll text you both the second I land. Love you two." I said hugging Michelle first.
"Love you too girlie. Be safe and take care of yourself okay?" Michelle said serious.
"I will Shelly." I responded.
Charlie pulled me in for a hug, "Love you B. Be safe. Everything's going to be okay, I promise." She said.
I nodded and gave her a smile. I was so thankful for friends like them.
"See you guys next year!" I joked before I waved bye to them.
They laughed, "See you soon." Michelle said before I went into the airport.
The line to check in my bags was incredibly long so I decided to call Drew and talk to him before I left.
The line rang twice before his voice filled up my speaker. His voice automatically sent a smile to my face, "Blake!" He said excitedly.
"Hey pretty boy. Just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving now and that I'll miss you." I said with half of the amusement he had.
I checked in my bags and the lady ushered me to walk in a specific direction and I did as I was told.
"Now, what kind of a goodbye is that Blake Mila Gray?" He said chuckling a little through the line.
"The best you'll get out of me since I can't see you." I responded. Just then the song "All We Are" by One Republic started to blast from some persons phone walking beside me. The girl didn't have a care in the world to who was here because she let it play. I didn't mind it though because I loved the song.
"Sorry about that. I don't know why my phones echoing the music!" I said through the line to Drew.
"Uh I don't think your phone is echoing the song Blake." He said chuckling again.
I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, "What do you mean?" I asked turning my direction from the phone to the direction in front of me.
"I mean that I'm right here and that the song is going through my phone to you." Drew said as he appeared right in front me, stopping me from moving forward.
I looked at my phone and then glanced up at Drew who was smiling.
"Oh my god!" I squealed as I threw my arms around his neck.
"Yeah yeah, I know. I'm amazing, what can I say?" Drew said hugging me tightly, lifting me off the ground.
"I've missed you!" I said honestly as he put me back down on the ground.
"You didn't even leave yet Gray." He said grabbing throwing his arm around my shoulder, walking me to the security checkpoint.
I softly punched him in the gut but it didn't do me any good considering he didn't even flinch when I hit his abs.
"Weak." He said chuckling.
"So not!" I responded.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked.
"Ah, that my love is top secret. What kind of a bad ass super hero would I be if I told my sources?" He said grinning.
"Charlie for sure." I said smiling.
He lifted up his arms and shrugged, "I'm bad ass, remember." He said.
I giggled but then pouted right after as we reached the security checkpoint. Drew couldn't go with me any longer. "I have to go now." I said turning to face him.
"I know you do." He said before pulling me back into his embrace. I hugged him tightly this time and kissed his cheek. "Love you Drew." I said.
"Love you too Blake. But did you honestly think that I was the only one here to say goodbye?" He said walking away from me.
My heart started to beat faster.
Drew high fived him and said, "All yours man," before he started to walk up to me.
He stopped just a few steps in front of me and looked at me as if I were the last person on earth.
"Ethan." I said in one breath.
He closed his eyes and I saw that he let go of his clenched fist. His whole body softened and he walked closer to me.
He pulled me in for the tightest hug I could ever imagine. It was much tighter than Drew ever hugged me.
I closed my eyes and placed my face in my favorite spot, right in the crook of his neck.
His aroma made my heart beat faster and I felt safe again.
He kissed my temple before letting me go. He stood in front of me and entwined our hands together.
"Blake I'm so sorry, for everything. I've been going crazy this past week that I'm positive I failed all of my finals. I was wrong and out of line and I shouldn't have said those things. God baby I missed you so much. I never want to fight with you again." He said with pleading eyes.
There go the tears again, stinging my eyes. I closed them and felt my jaw clench.
"We need time Ethan." I said opening my eyes.
He looked at me skeptically, "What time do we need lover girl?" He asked confused.
I bit my lip and fought back the tears.
"We both need time to figure things out." I said.
"Okay, we have time. We have all the time in the world to do that together." He said confidently.
I looked away from his face, "Time separately." I clarified before looking back up at him.
He looked like I had just punched him square in the face.
"No Blake. You're not doing what I think you're doing." He said angrily.
"No I'm not. It's not that we're breaking up-"
"Then what do you call this Blake?! If it's not breaking up then what the hell is this?! I'll do anything baby please. We can't break up. I'm not doing that." He said with eyes that looked like they were about to break.
"We need this Ethan. We need to think about everything that's happened. The lack of communication we have, not trusting one another, and the honesty between us. We can't ignore this Ethan. How can you expect us to move forward if we never fix these issues?" I asked hoping he'd find an answer that would make me wrong.
He was silent.
I nodded my head and looked down at our hands.
"You know I care about you more than anything. The time apart will help us and hopefully when I come back, we can fix things. To infinity and beyond, right?" I said hoping he'd agree.
His face was defeated and he looked extremely hopeless.
"Blake I care about you so much. I don't want time apart." He said giving off all the hurt inside him just in that one statement.
"I don't want it either. But we need it." I said.
"I have to go Ethan." I said dropping my hands from his hold and forced myself to turn around.
"Wait." He said before turning me around to face him.
He looked like what he was about to say was his fate being put on the line. I knew what he was about to do and I couldn't let him do it.
"Blake I-"
I smashed my lips against his, causing him to stop saying what he was about to say. I kissed him with the most passion I had ever kissed him with. He responded immediately and let out a small moan escape from his chest. He kissed me so forcefully it was as if I were the only thing holding him on the Earth that it was making me go weak in the knees.
I pulled away breathlessly, "Goodbye Ethan." I said against his lips before walking away and not turning back.
My heart was breaking into a million pieces with each step I took walking away from Ethan. I couldn't let him say it. The minute those three words were to leave his mouth, I would be running back into his arms and never let him go.
The tears were stinging more than ever and as I was seated in my first class seat, I decided not to fight it any longer.
Not long after did the plane start to move and my heart shattered all over again.
I let the first tear fall when the plane took off and all of Virginia disappeared below me.
After that, the tears didn't seem to stop falling for the duration of the flight.