Sorry if you guys have been waiting a while, I know it's been two weeks or so.....I'm trying to make the chapters a bit longer, but that means there might be more of a gap between the uploading of each one :)
I'm also working on a character page, which I'm hoping to upload soon. If you have any pictures of what the characters look like to YOU, please send me the web address and I might add them on. I try not to describe my characters to much because I like them to be whatever my readers imagine by their personalities. Anyways, if you find any good pics, please send them!!!
Now I knew that I had Adam's support, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I felt so relieved and yet so stressed at the same time. I no longer had to worry about him, but I still had to worry about this baby, what I would do with it, how to tell my parents, it was just too much!
Adam booked us in with the counselor at the hospital and we went to our first appointment that next week.
"Are you nervous?"Adam asked me as we waited outside the counselor's office. I nodded, breathing deep breaths. The counselor came out of her office and called, "Adam and Jessica?"
Adam squeezed my hand as we stood up and walked into the room.
"Take a seat."
We sat together, still holding hands, on the red couch in front of her desk.
"My name is Nicole Miller. You can call me Nicole," she said with a smile.
"Now I understand that you are pregnant Jess? How many weeks along are you?"she asked.
"Six," Adam answered.
"Would you like to discuss firstly how and when you got pregnant?"
"I don't....know how it happened. We're not stupid. We used protection. Adam wore a condom every single time. I guess it broke..." I answered.
"I see."Nicole nodded, not as though she was judging us but as though she could empathize.
"Have you told either of your parents?"
"Not yet. We want to decide what we are going to...do...with the baby first."
"Well you have three options. You can chose to get an abortion, put the baby up for adoption or raise it yourselves. I am here to help you guys make the right decision. Here are some brochures on each of those.... Do either of you have any opinions to share?" She said looking from Adam to me.
There was a pause while Adam fiddled with his hands. I could tell he was about to speak.
"Jess, I know I said it was your decision, but I really don't think you should get an aborton. You can't...kill it. That would be wrong. We made that baby and we should take responsibility for it. It deserves to live." Adam said while staring at the ground. It sounded like this had been on his mind for a while and he had been too scared to tell me. I squeezed his hand to comfort him, like he had done for me earlier. He looked up to see my expression. I smiled.
"So, abortion is out? That leaves adoption and parenthood. A fourth option that you could consider is fostering the baby until you are old enough to care for it yourselves. Once the baby is adopted for a certain amount of time the two of you will lose all legal rights. With fostering you could complete school before becoming parents." Nicole suggested.
"No. The baby shouldn't be passed off to someone else until we're ready. It's our responsibility." I said firmly.
"Well this is a big decision and I urge you not to take it lightly. Discuss it with each other, read the brochures and come back next week for another session okay?"
Nicole saw us out of the room and helped us make an appointment with her receptionist.
Adam was walking me home when I spoke.
"Adam, I don't think we can raise this baby. I want to put it up for adoption. The baby will have a good life and we could be helping someone who couldn't get pregnant themselves. Someone that WANTS to be a parent. That way we can finish school, go to uni and do all the rest of it. I really think that's the better option."
"I think you're right. And I think we should tell our parents." He sighed.
"Let's tell them tonight okay?"
"Do you want me to be there when you tell yours?" He asked, looking as scared as I felt.
"No, it's okay, I want to do it myself." I replied.
***********
That night, as I was trying to find the words that I would say to my parents, my phone vibrated with a message. I opened the text and read three words:
'I told mum'
C'mon Jess, stop being a coward, I told myself. I breathed a slow, deep breath and counted to ten. Just do it. I had to wait until Dad got home. No way was I telling them twice. I would tell them both, together. Our family was going through a rough patch financially. Dad was working two jobs and I had to leave my old school at the start of the year. Prudence had applied for a University, but it was very expensive and she wouldn't get to unless she got a full scholarship. I hardly saw Dad at all these days; we were never home at the same time. It was a Sunday, so tonight he wouldn't get home until at least two in the morning. I knew I wouldn't sleep so I didn't bother changing out of my jeans and hoodie when I lay on my bed.
Hours later, I heard the squeak of our front door. I listened as mum got up from her room and walked downstairs to greet dad. I wondered if she did this every night, waiting for him to come home. My heart pounded through my chest. I rose from my bed and took to the stairs that would take me to the living room. I walked in to find mum and dad hugging.
"Jessica? Why are you up? You should be in bed," My dad said, disapproving.
"Well, while she's up we should tell her don't you think?" Mum whispered in Dad's ear. Dad nodded eagerly.
Mum turned to face me, smiling from ear to ear.
"Jessica, darling, we have some very exciting news. Prudence got it! She got the scholarship to Fairmont! Oh, I'm so proud! Aren't you happy for your sister?"
Happy? She wants me to be HAPPY? I've lived my life in Prue's shadow, up until about a year ago, when she graduated from school. She took a gap year, to get some job experience before she tried to get a scholarship at Fairmont University, the best University in the country. I guess she deserves it.
She tries hard at everything she does, but all I can remember through my childhood is being second best. If I got an A on my project at school, Mum would say, "Oh I remember when Prudence did that project, she got top of the class! That's probably why she was made School Captain you know, because she always does her best. You could learn a lot from her Jess."
Or at Parents Night, when Dad would always brag about how Prudence was reading at a Year 10 standard, passing all her ballet exams and being asked to stay back late and help tutor other kids.
"Yeah, that's.......great."
"Now, really Jessica, you should be in bed!" Mum said strictly.
"Wait," I said, "I have something I need to tell you."
I could feel my heart thumping through my chest, I breathed a deep breathe and looked my father in the eye. His face was coloured with interest, anticipation for what I was going to say.
"I'm pregnant."
Whatever Dad was expecting, that sure wasn't it. He seemed suddenly weak at the knees, and sat down on the chair behind him.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say." I knew he had heard me, I could tell by his reaction. I said it again anyway.
"I said I'm....pregnant."
My Dad started to shake. He rose from his chair slowly, quivering with anger. Hi face went pale, then pink, then red. It got redder and redder, until it was a bright purple.
"HOW. DARE. YOU. We raise you, providing you with shelter, love and care. We nutured you, giving you the best in life. And this is how you chose to repay us, by acting like a little tart, dancing around and pleasing all the boys. You're a dirty little slut and you disgust me!" he yelled.
I was shocked. A compliment from my Dad was rare. A mild insult was common. But never had I seen him so outraged.
"I didn't CHOOSE anything dad, do you think I want this?" I said, fired up now.
"Whose is it? Who's the father? TELL ME!! I'LL TEAR HIM TO PIECES, THE SCUMBAG!!!" My dad demanded, shaking his fist at me.
"I-I don't know." I'm not sure why I said this. I realized later that it was to protect Adam. I would never let him have Adam. I was sure mum would realize that Adam was a part of this, she knew I had a boyfriend. I prayed she wouldn't say anything.
My mother was white as a sheet, standing silently in the corner. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she shook her head. It was then that she chose to speak.
"This would never happen to Prudence, NEVER! She took a -sob- vow that she would never have sex before -sob- marriage! Why couldn't -sob- you do the same? Why? Oh, now your whole life is ruined. How could you be so stupid Jessica?" My mum wailed at me.
"AAARRGGGHHHH! Well guess what mum? I'm not Prudence okay? I'm a whole other person, and it's time for you to stop expecting me to be like her all the time!! I'm ME! JESS! OKAY?" I screamed, letting out years of frustration.
"YOU HAVE NO RESPECT, SPEAKING TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!" My Dad shouted, turning on me again.
"NO! NO DAD, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HAS NEVER HAD RESPECT FOR ME! YOU NEVER LOVED ME, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"
"YOU ARE NO DAUGHTER OF MINE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, GET OUT! NOW!"
"W-What?" My voice faltered, "Where will I go? How will I live with no food or money? You can't just kick me out!" I had no idea that it would come to this. I had gotten carried away, I should never have said those things.
"I CAN DO WHATEVER I BLOODY LIKE! THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I DON'T WANT YOU LIVING HERE ANYMORE! YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF FOOD AND MONEY BEFORE YOU GOT YOURSELF PREGNANT YOU BITCH!!" With that he stormed off up the stairs, for reasons I can't understand. There wasn't much that I understood about my father.
'Mum? Mum, he can't, tell him he can't!! Don't kick me out mum..." I whispered, pleading.
"You have to leave now Jess. Leave. It's better for you away from here. Just do as he says." Mum answered, closing her eyes.
"No," I sobbed.
Suddenly he came thundering down the stairs.
"GO!" whispered my mother, angry now.
I turned and ran out the door. My body was pumped with adrenaline and I ran faster than I had ever ran before. The only sounds were the heavy thundering of my steps, the short uneven gasps of my breathing and the wet sniffle of my nose. I didn't stop running until I was about ten minutes away, at a bus stop. I didn't stop crying either. I cried on the bus, and I cried as I walked to the house. I could only walk now, it was too hard to run and cry at the same time, I was exhausted. When I got to the door, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jumper. I raised a shaking fist and knocked three times. Please, I thought, please hear the knock. I knew that they would be asleep, who wouldn't at this hour? Suddenly the lights flickered on and lit up the house from within. Then I stood there and waited, listening as footsteps got closer and closer.
^^^^^^^^
Sooo, where do you think Jess has gone? Who has she turned to for help?
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Thank you sososososo much to my fans, I have 17 now, WOOOO!! I love your positive feedback and support. Special mention to Crystaleag - you're awesome xxxxx.