An off white. This dreadful shade was all I had left to admire in the dull room that I'd previously call simplistic. The clutter free room with nothing more than essentials and interesting pieces of artwork hung along the walls, was suffice for me. Spending my days hidden within the plush fabric of my bedding, more or less escaping from the outside world, and reading interesting articles involving space or endangered species was all I ever wanted and needed.
Unfortunately, I am feeling a bit depressed. Extremely depressed actually. I knew I had no idea what I wanted to do with my future, how I was potentially wasting my parents money in receiving my education and that I'd grown up pushing mostly everyone away and never taking the opportunity to live, but I ignored the anxiety with interesting documentaries and various genres of music.
And now for some odd reason, the only thing I want to do, is everything. I've never had any interest in leaving the space in which I felt most comfortable, ever. I never really wanted to travel, I never really wanted relationships, friendship nor romantic, I never really wanted to do anything but keep to myself. So why now? Why now after years of the same routine am I now in desperate need for adventures that I'd never seek out previously.
Why is it that I'm getting dressed for a party that I was only invited to out of pity by an old friend. I've never even attended a proper party let alone one held at the sandy hell those call the beach. I truly do love the ocean and its mysterious and magical aura but I couldn't say I've ever enjoyed a trip to the beach. Yet here I was, my upper body being covered by a gray sweater that was quite obviously too big for me, in order to keep warm from the dropping temperatures of the beach at night.
I was finally leaving the discolored white walls that were the barriers that I'd set up for myself, to keep everything out, to finally let everything in all at once. I wanted to escape these off white colored walls and finally search for something much more compulsive than mere comfort.