I find mom in the kitchen. It's probably the least coldest room in the winters with the weak rays coming in through the open window. I see Mr Chatteris manicuring his lawn and his wife dressed in a sundress kisses him on the goodbye before handing him a steaming cup of something. They always remind of a 50s movie but more than that they remind me how mom and dad used to be before the fights started.
I glance at the empty chair next to me where dad always sits on whenever he comes around and has breakfast or dinner with us.
"Linda called," mom says stirring my cup of coffee. Linda is Emily's mom "She wants us to come around on Thanksgiving. She is making special dinner."
"Okay," I say looking down on my feet. I am wearing my favorite pair of Chuck Taylors today.
Going to dinner at Emily's home will be a punch to my gut. Whenever I pass it on my way home from school, I always feel my breath knocked out of me. And if I actually walk in there, I have no idea what might actually happen to me.
The living room where Emily and I used to copy the routines of the dancers on 'So You Think You can Dance' o where we accidentally unlocked a X rated channel, her bedroom where we used to have pillow fights, so bad that the pillows tore out on multiple occasions. Her garden where her mom, whenever a new flower came out would give to me to bring back home where my mom would try her level best to cultivate but the plant eventually died. And then mom would sit in the couch all day and not let me watch television, while she dug into her ice-cream.
Or even her mom and dad, Linda and Shang, Emily was the fifty-fifty copy o her parents. I can't imagine myself looking at them. Infact after the funeral, in the last three months I have hardly seen them at all. My mom sneaks off to meet them without telling me but whenever she comes back she has this guilty look which she wears whenever she is hiding something from me and I know.
"Hey," mom reaches out and squeezes my hand. "We don't have to go if you don't feel like it."
"No mom I think we should go. It was nice of them to call us for dinner. Plus it would be really snobbish if we don't go. I am hurting and Emily was just my bestfriend, imagine how much they must be hurting."
"It does not work that way, Kris." Mom says "Pain is not comparable. You feel as much as they do. She was your first best friend. You have been together for eight years."
"Mom you make us sound like a lesbian couple." That finally puts a smile on mom's face.
"Then it's decided. We will all go there on Thanksgiving."
"Dad too?"
Mom pinches her nose. They are not still legally divorced yet and I usually dance around it. Whenever I do bring the word divorce in the household it's almost always guaranteed to be a disaster. "Yeah sure dad too."
There's something wrong at school today and I am almost positive it's not about me. I walk to Arts building for my next class, Painting. I see people walking towards the wrong direction. Instead of going to the classes they are making their way towards unfinished part of the school, towards the open ground. Nobody is allowed back there during the school years. If a teacher spots you, you're bound to get suspended. And now hordes of student are almost sprinting and there's an excited buzz of chatter as they pass me, and there are no teachers to be found.
I have pretty much mastered the art of whispers. I strain to listen if I can figure out what's going there. 'A homeless man?' 'Novahk on the building top'
There's nothing back there except sand and an old building which the school had started to renovate last year along with the auditorium. But there's a rumor that if you want to get high, that's the place to go
What the heck exactly is happening and somehow Novahk has got himself involved too. Maybe it's one of his epic Supernova pranks again, but my gut says otherwise. Now under normal circumstance I would probably take this is as an opportunity to go slunk in a class alone. The less I stay away from these people, the better, but curiosity gets the better of me, and I slip into the crowd current, letting them take me there, as I shuffle my feet and walk behind them.
It's nothing like I have expected. At first I look around, the buzz is almost a loud chant here. Even the teachers are here. Is ee Miss Haines, she hs the same half gaping expression on her face and Mrs Raminez holds on to Pricnipal .People point their fingers at the building. It's same old three storeyed decrepit falling brick building, parts of which ahs already been invaded by moss.
And then I sot him. A haggard looki gman wearing torn clothes and a unshaven face stands precariously on the tip of the ledge, as if about to jump.
I am about to jump
And there behind him stands Novahk talking to the man. He's sparing glances between Novahk and the big, empty sandy ground below him which will snap his back when he's in the arms of gravity.
Think of how beautiful life is.
I stagger back as a feeling of déjà vu passes over me and leaves my hands and feet shaking. I have seen this before, my mind screams. But where? That is not possible.
I don't remember. No I do but there's a vast abyss between me and that, like a brick wall on which I am pounding to let me through even when I know I don't want to find out what's behind it.
And then above I see Novahk holding on to the man's arm and the man slowly looking away from death and towards life. Only a supernova can do that. Novahk hugs the man, here standing on the ledge and the homeless man hugs him back even as the people around me start applauding.
At that moment the teachers who have been frozen like the rest of us, start ushering us back to school even as Principal tells all the teachers to accompany us to the cafeteria which also doubles as the morning assembly when the occasion calls for it, now that the auditorium is under renovation.
There's no getting out of it as the current of crowd pulls me towards the cafeteria like everybody else. The tables are shifted horizontally to accommodate everybody and there's a mad scramble to find seats. Usually in the assembly nobody wants to sit in the front but today it's the other way round. While everybody is in a hurry to find a seat in the centre of the activity, where the teachers have made up placed a podium and mike for a temporary stage, I find a spot in the corner wedged between the wall and the vending machine at the very last. It's a half broken stool, the safest spot in the cafeteria where I can watch the whole thing unnoticed.
But then it's not safe anymore when the grinning face of Novahk who has been till now inconspicuously absent in the cafeteria comes and stands next to me. "Hey Kris."
What the hell is he doing? I try to ignore him looking the other way and hoping he would go away. My ears are already burning as the girls sitting in front of me, some of the freshman whip their head back, heir mouth half open to see Supernova standing behind them talking that the weird junior girl.
"If I didn't know better, I would have thought you were ignoring me."
"I am ignoring you," I point out hoping how he would go away. But I realize it's a fatal mistake when his half moon smile comes back and it gives a soft punch to my stomach and makes my heart stutter.
God now even I have a crush on Supernova, along with like the rest of hundred girls in the school. "You friends are looking for you." I can't see a damn thing in front of the room and I have no idea if it's true but I just, just can't stand the way these girls are looking between me and Novahk, probably trying to figure why the hell he's talking to me.
"I just saw them," he says and looks around him probably looking for a place to sit. Why is he doing that? Doesn't he know what will happen if he's seen with me. I don't care about my rumours, there are too many to deal with and now I just don't care what other fucking rumour is around. Maybe it's did you hear the two months she missed school she was in the mental hospital? Did you know she cut herself?
Rumours will always be here to make my life hell. Since I have no friends atleast there's no fear of associating it's one less people whose live I haven't messed. I don't want that to happen to Novahk. Though I have some doubt these people will ever turn against him.
"There's no place to sit here though," I point out to him, all the benches in front of me are already occupied. He's the hero, he should be up there basking in the glory of the moment.
And I haven't even congratulated him. Here am sitting, being a complete bitch, "And um," I begin uncertainly. I am not very good at either or receiving compliments. "That was a good thing you did up there."
Novahk's eyes goes wide and something passes in his eyes but it's gone even before I can blink and he is smiling again, but it does not reach his eyes. He rubs his neck and says, "I just had to."
And I am struck by how humble and good he is. He's something extraordinary and it's not because he has all these powers, like superheroes in comics. He is brave and the amazing thing is all of his powers, I know he has them, more than any of us in the room, comes from within. While we were standing below and watching the whole thing unravel, he was up there. He ddin't even know and still he managed to make him walk awa from death.
Only Novahk McAllister can do that and all the other things like the rumours and the glances and the sadness that I have inside and even my demons feel very small in the day of this light. This goodness. And I feel myself liking Novahk even more.
But still I have to persuade him to stay away from me, socially at least, because this is not my room where he can be the Hook who has secrets just glimmering under his eyes and my friend. At school he's Peter Pan and he's the hero of Neverland.
"I think Principal is about to present you a medal of valour. You should go up there." By now many people have noticed me and Novahk talking and I have to act fast.
"If somebody deserves the medal of honor it's Bauman." When he sees my confusion he explains. "Bauman the one I encouraged to step down from the ledge. But ultimately it was his choice to make, to walk away from death. That takes a hell lot of courage to do."
Everybody thinks I am a slut. Slut. Slut. Slut
I rub my temples. There's something, I can't point my finger at it. but something is wrong, it feels wrong.
"You okay?" Novahk asks. He is still standing in front of me.
"Yeah." I am not okay. I think Novahk senses it because instead of moving away, he moves in closer. At first I think he's trying to sit in my lap, which is a ridiculous idea, but then he swings his leg fluidly, barely missing me and climbs atop the vending machine which is just adjacent to me.
I gape at him along with all the other the other students in the cafeteria. If earlier a few people were looking at us, now we are in the spotlight.
"That thing can fall. You realize that right?" I say looking at the vending machine which lets out a squeak of protest under Novahk's weight.
Novahk clucks smirking slightly and says, "I didn't know you cared about me so much, madame Covalho."
"I don't". Since my skin is light brown, when I blush it's not that noticeable and I am thankful to that now because my skin is prickling, and it's only partly due to stare we are getting. Go figure! "It's just that since I am sitting right next to it, this thing can fall on me."
Novahk brushes his hair away which he almost keeps styled to the left to look at me better. His eyes look lighter, light warm caramel. "If the machine falls on you, so will I." he says it softly enough so that the freshman girls who are straining to listen to our every word can't catch it.
I blush even more furiously looking away. I can't think of a single smart alec reply but it's only when the Principal taps the mike to start speak I remember (I will die under both of your weight added together, albeit it's not a good one.)
"As all of you already know what happened today," he says motioning towards Novahk. "What Novahk McAllister did in the face of trouble was extremely brave. And for that..." as he cues everybody starts clapping again. This time I clap too.
Novahk ducks his head and gives everybody a mock bow from where he sits.
"We have contacted the local authorities who have put Bauman in the hospital, till his family claims him. He needs help and we will all help him out in the time of his crisis. And I personally thank Novahk for being the first one to reach out to him. What you did today deserves nothing less than endless gratitude."
Everyone in the cafeteria turns back to look at Novahk. There is not a word and the silence speaks volumes and he look they give him is of pure awe and hero worship.
Now a person who can hold such attention from these group of people, who can easily thrash or bully you one second and the next are suddenly your best-friend. These people who don't listen to a word their parents, who are constantly judging, who hide behind layers and not let anybody get in through are effected so deeply by a single boy.
And as I look at Novahk and see a dark look on his face, as he scans the room, I can't help but thinking : You burn as bright as a star but at the same time, why are you such a mystery Novahk McAllister?