a/n: hello, welcome back to this nonsense, hopefully all that have followed precariously through this journey haven't fallen off yet.... I don't want to guarantee I'm back but,,,, I'm going to try my hardest to bang out the rest of this and the rest of loose lips, so please be patient with me... I no longer follow 5sos so I know nothing happening with the band... anyway, here is chapter 4, I have no idea if I had posted this before and took it down or what, but enjoy
Destinesia:(n) when you get to where you were intending to go, but forget why you were going there in the first place.
~~~
Tyler doesn't look impressed as Luke slumps against the wall in the back of the library, backpack already thrown to the side, discarded like a piece of yesterday's trash. He makes no move to gather his textbook and notes from his bag, and Tyler makes a noise of disapproval. "What's wrong with you?"
"Don't feel good." Luke scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hand. Chills have racked his body the whole day and he's never regretted wearing a short sleeved shirt more than today.
Four more hours and Luke can crawl into his bed and sleep off whatever illness has hit him. Probably exhaustion; it wouldn't be the first, nor last, and the symptoms were similar between the few times and now.
Tyler hums, dropping his bag to the ground and sitting down beside Luke. "Josh told me Clifford cornered you yesterday." He sounds unsure, sort of wary about bringing the topic up.
Luke shakes his head, racking his brain for the right words. Leave it to Josh to overdramatize the situation. "He asked me to come to his party." From like six feet away. Luke adds silently. "Do I have to RSVP?"
He's never been to one of Michael's Halloween parties, hadn't even been invited before. But he remembers going to birthday parties when he was young and how his mum called to say he would be there. Did the same etiquette apply here?
"No," Tyler laughs.
Luke throws his head back, neck cracking. Tyler's smile falls from his mouth quickly, eyebrows knitting. He touches Luke's cheek, rubbing over an aching spot.
"Are you okay?" He presses into the bruises and Luke sucks in a hard breath. Ben hadn't said anything, but Tyler was reacting to the marks Luke hadn't found in the bathroom mirror before and after his shower.
He wants to say no but the word catches in his throat. "I'm fine." Luke lies through his teeth and forces a smile. Tyler doesn't look fooled but he says nothing about the matter, instead rooting through his backpack and pulling out his notes.
"You're not actually going to go to Clifford's party, are you?" Tyler begins reading over his notes but Luke knows he's waiting for a reply. He doesn't have one, or at least a reasonable answer. He wants to go, but he also wants to skip class and go home; two things he probably shouldn't do.
Luke is silent and Tyler sighs. Neither boy brings up the party again during their study hall, much to Luke's relief. He's pulled to go and his mind feels cloudy when he tries to think of a reason to not. There are plenty, Luke knows, but he chooses to ignore any thought playing against the idea.
At lunch, Josh steals Luke's carrot sticks in exchange for an apple and pesters Tyler about copying his history notes. They bicker and Luke is grateful the attention isn't on him.
He sees Michael across the café near the gym with the two boys Luke had seen with him two days ago. They're all similar in a way Luke doesn't know how to process; they're dark, hard and quiet, emitting a once sour taste that now danced flavorfully on Luke's tongue. He's drawn in, his body craving to be close to Michael and the two boys. It's strong, empowering, and Luke finds himself standing.
"Luke?" Josh touches his arm, confusion riddling his voice.
Michael's eyes meet Luke's, sharp and fiery. He's a beacon and Luke's stumbling forward, brushing off the calls of his friends as he approaches Michael's table. The two boys with him have turned their attention to Luke, conversation having dwindled to silence as Luke crossed the cafe.
Silence has fallen the bustling room and Luke's knees hurt. There's a pressure on his jaw, digging into the aches Michael's fingers had left the night before and clouding up his thoughts. Michael's face blurs as does the curly haired boy across from him and Luke blinks, scrubbing at his eyes again. His vision tips and Michael stands.
His eyes are full of fire as he stares at Luke. "Go back to your friends, princess." The dark haired boy snickers, cut off only by Michael's hand on his shoulder. Luke's mouth is dry as he nods. Michael's friends seem uncomfortable, the curly haired one wringing his hands, eyes averted.
"Luke, what the hell?" Josh tugs on Luke's hand. Sound floods the blondes ears, the cafe bustling in the background of Tyler rambling on about Luke's recent space-outs. He's sat, rigid and shaking, never having left the table. He blinks, eyes scanning the room for Michael and his companions. They're not there, the table now empty.
Tyler scoffs. "What are you looking at?" He sounds annoyed, rightfully so. Luke shrugs, sheepish and unsure. That earns another scoff from his friend. "Luke, are you sure you're okay?"
As before, the words stick in his throat and 'yes' forces it's way from between his teeth. Josh rubs Luke's shoulder and offers his bag of cheddar popcorn. Luke turns it down and makes an excuse about leaving a book in his locker. Neither of his friends seem impressed as he packs his half-eaten lunch into his backpack and hurries from the cafe.
The hallways are fairly empty give the few straggling students making their way to class or the cafeteria. Luke brushes by, passing his locker and pushing the bathroom door open. The heavy wooden door falls shut behind him and Luke closes his eyes, leaning against the green tiled wall. It's an ugly color, almost a burst of a 7-up can meets Oscar the Grouch, but it's cool against Luke's bare skin, and he's quick to discard his backpack on the floor.
His breath comes in short pants and he braces himself on the wall. He can feel it - Michael - surrounding him in the enclosed space he sought out for a breath. Instead, his presence is there, suffocating and dry. Luke wants to scream, or cry (maybe both) he doesn't know. He hasn't been alone with himself in days, he's had Michael - whether the thought or presence - hounding at him, nagging and touching until his head swims with want.
Luke expects Michael to come in, corner him in a stall and touch until he's satisfied.
The bathroom door never opens and Luke feels almost distraught - although he can't piece together why. The pressure on his body slowly relents, his jaw no longer aching and his head empties of blurry thoughts.
He wants to go home, curl up in bed and sleep until his parents come home from work, or Ben tries to coax him down to watch a movie. The warning bell rings and Luke hurries to fix his hair and pick up his backpack - another tardy and he'll have a week of detention.
Josh glares at Luke as he slumps down in his seat, smiling weakly at the substitute teacher who continued calling roll. "You didn't go to your locker." Josh accuses, nose flaring angrily. His voice is just above a whisper and Luke feels his cheeks heat up at the thought of attention being drawn to their conversation.
"No, I didn't." Luke shakes his head. "I needed to be alone."
"Here," Josh replies as his name is called. He turns to face Luke, eyes softening. "You look like shit, man."
And Luke feels it. His body aches, his brain is fuzzy from the lack of sleep he's been getting, and he feels as though he's been beaten over and over. Ben had insomnia when he was young, not much older than eleven but Luke remembers it clearly, even from his four year old mind, how he'd be up when Luke went to bed, and sometimes would read him stories while their parents did dishes or showered.
"I'm okay." Again the lie falls from his lips. It tastes sweet, like deception and... and Michael.
Josh nods although he doesn't seem to believe it. The substitute calls Luke's name and he raises his hand. Her eyes are a soft green, almost fading into white. She smiles at Luke and finishes up with the roll. They watch a movie about World War II and Luke struggles to stay awake. His thoughts are plagued by Michael and he can't help but tense up every time he starts to nod off.
The room is dark and there's not much action on the screen.
He doesn't see Michael's eyes this time, but a set of hazel ones. They're large, wide and full of life, but they're clouded much like Luke feels. They're unfamiliar but beautiful all the same. They fade into black and Luke focuses on the movie. He can feel Josh looking at him but chooses to ignore it.
"I'm okay." This time, he whispers it to himself, hoping if he says it enough, it will become true.
~~~
a/n: I probably won't be updating for a bit, I have no more pre-written. that being said, I am working on the next chapter right now so who knows :)
hope everyone enjoyed!
leave some feedback!