Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

By bluecrayonlady

2.8K 143 406

This is the second book for Book Reviews! The first one is completed, so please don't comment your request th... More

FORM!
Review #1: One Night, Alone
Review #2: Memory Shards
Review #3: The Elements: Air
Review #4: Hailey's Comet
Review #5: A Ripple in a Void
Review #6: What?
Review #7: Whispers of Spilt Blood
Review #8: Taken - Zootopia
Review #9: Wait For Me
Review #10: My Pretend Boyfriend
Review #11: Amnesia
Review #12: Timing A Runaway
Review #13: The Unspoken Words
Review #14: The Awkward McFlurry
Review #15: Falling for the Fallen
Review #16: Love at First Fight
Review #17: Pluto
Review #18: Sunset
Review #19: I'm Aurora
Review #20: Phone Calls
Review #21: That Boy At My Attic
Review #23: Stranded
Review #24: Awakening
Review #25: Saku no Akumu
Review #26: The Fox and The Forest
Review #27: The Wrongs He Made Right
Review #28: Midnight Promises
Review #29: Zac and Zelda
Review #30: Colored Pencils
Review #31: The Butterfly Effect
Review #32: Fading
Review #33: Astral Saga
Review #34: scintilla
Review #35: Never Too Late
Review #36: Essence
Review #37: Beyond the Fence
Review #38: Dear Mister Bully
Review #39: #24 Hours With A Stranger
Review #40: Pieces of Olivia
Review #41: The Complications Between Penelope Nelson & Ashton Wright
Review #42: Becoming the Perfect Bitch
Review #43: An Unexpected Serving
Review #44: Esthara: A Call for Blood and Peace
Review #45: Hayden Mackay and the Forgotten Kingdom
Review #46: Rebirth
Review #47: The Perks of Being Invisible
Review #48: A Tough Life
Review #49: Random One Shots
Review #50: Lollipops
Review #51: Dear You
Review #52: The 24th Hunger Games
Review #53: Forever the Best Friend
Review #54: The Beanie Boy on Plane
Review #55: The Truth or Dare Kiss
Review #56: The Boy Who Sat Next to Me
Review #57: Miss Heartbreaker
Review #58: The Girl You Knew
Review #59: Silent Angel
Review #60: Through the eyes of his bully
Review #61: Childhood Enemy
Review #62: Unclichรฉ
Review #63: Paper Trails
Review #64: Bonded
Review #65: Beneath the Marfa Lights
Review #66: Unhappily Ever After
Review #67: Oblivious
Review #68: The Omega Chronicles - Alpha and Omega
Review #69: All That Leads to You
Review #70: Delicate
Review #71: Saving Annabel
Review #72: Like Hurricanes
Review #73: Limerence
Review #74: Penance
Review #75: Chelsea Grins
Review #76: D.O.G.: Executive Order
Review #77: Broken Until Him
Review #78: Theodore and Jade
Review #79: The Longest Ride

Review #22: Before

10 1 2
By bluecrayonlady

Ally_is_Epic

First Impression: I like the colors on the cover

There is a lot that can be worked on in this story. First, I see that there are a lot of formatting errors, especially with your commas. I also think that it is unnecessary to skip a line after every sentence. Just put them together in one paragraph and then start a new one when you start talking about something else. The chapters themselves seem very short and choppy, like they don't flow well. This might have to do with the fact that it's not organized well enough, and you tend to tell us about things, instead of showing us. For example, show us how she felt when she found out she was pregnant. Use stronger vocabulary words to describe her emotions and what she looked physically. Also, you should have some characterization for your character so we can tell what kind of personality they have. You have a little bit now, but the characters don't really stay consistent and it would best to have well rounded characters. I also thought the swearing was a little out of the blue, because I totally wasn't expecting it. I mean, you can have a story without swear words. In Chapter 1, you wrote "Reason NO.2" twice, so you can fix that when going back to edit. There are also some grammar and spelling errors, such as run on sentences. Make sure to also watch your verb tense because you tend to switch from past to present and it makes the story choppy. I also feel that the story doesn't really progress at a nice pace, especially since at Chapter 8, you are still talking about her pregnancy. I would like to see the story move fast so the reader doesn't get bored. I do like the fact that you switch to Antony's POV so we can tell what kind of person he is and see things through his perspective. That being said, changing POVs too much can also be confusing and unnecessary. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it!

Please comment below a rating of how helpful this review was for you (out of 5 stars) Be honest, because it will help me! Thanks :)

- bluecrayonlady 

Continue Reading

You'll Also Like

129K 1.6K 51
๐ˆ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐š๐ฒ ๐›๐š๐œ๐ค ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐œ๐ก๐จ๐จ๐ฅ , ๐€๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ฒ๐š๐ก ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ง ๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐ญ๐ก ๐ ๐ซ๐š๐๐ž, ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ก๐ž๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ก...
269K 40.4K 103
แ€•แ€ผแ€”แ€บแ€žแ€ฐแ€™แ€›แ€พแ€ญแ€แ€ฑแ€ฌแ€ทแ€˜แ€ฐแ€ธแ€†แ€ญแ€ฏแ€œแ€ญแ€ฏแ€ท แ€šแ€ฐแ€•แ€ผแ€”แ€บแ€œแ€ญแ€ฏแ€€แ€บแ€•แ€ผแ€ฎ แ€Ÿแ€ฎแ€ธแ€Ÿแ€ฎแ€ธ แ€–แ€แ€บแ€•แ€ฑแ€ธแ€€แ€ผแ€•แ€ซแ€ฅแ€ฎแ€ธ
66.7K 1.2K 97
Continuation of Modesto story who happens to intercourse with friends,mature,classmates,strangers and even family...
232K 5.2K 74
imagines as taylor swift as your mom and travis kelce as your dad