Meanwhile, back at the barn, it was back to work on the drill for Pearl and Peridot; while Garnet supervised in case more stray cows wandered by... Or they had to put Peridot on the leash again. They were making progress again even after the little runaway drill accident, now Peridot was helping Pearl remove the rusty useless bolts from the jet engine. Unfortunately, Pearl had gotten the only wrench they had left; Peridot was forced to remove the bolts with her teeth!
"Remind me, PEARL, why I am being forced to remove these metallic-fasteners with my face-hole daggers!?" Peridots grunted in frustration.
Pearl fought the urge to chuckle at Peridot's terminology for teeth. "Sorry, Peridot, but the only other good wrench was destroyed after you and Amethyst's little drill accident."
"Well why doesn't the Perma-fusion over there have to do this?" The little green gem mumbled to herself.
Garnet adjusted her shades, "Because someone has to chase off the cows." To emphasize her point, she lowered her shades and glared down an oncoming cow. The cow was quick to back off and run away.
"GUYS!! GUYS!!"
The three gems stopped everything and looked in the distance, only to see Steven and Amethyst running towards them waving their arms in panic.
"Steven? Amethyst?" Pearl was surprised to see them panicking like this. "What's going on with you two?"
Unfortunately, the only thing that came out of the duo were gibberish ramblings. Garnet placed her fingers on their lips to shush them.
"Calm down, both of you. Now tell us what's wrong."
"EVERYONE IN BEACH CITY'S DISAPPEARED!!!" The two finally shouted together.
"Disa- wha? Are you sure?" Pearl asked.
"We checked everywhere!" Steven explained, "Funland-"
"Vidalia's house-" Amethyst added.
"The Lighthouse-"
"That one... Other guy's house-"
"My dad's van-"
"That other.... One guy's house-"
"I even texted Connie like five times... Which is probably really creepy, but still! Nothing! The whole city's just... Poof!"
"But... But that's impossible!" Pearl thought for a minute, "Then... It looks like-"
"-We're the only ones left in all of Beach City," Garnet finished.
"Whoa, creeeepy!" Amethyst commented. It seemed as if the reality of the situation had sunken in for her, "...Who wants to have a city-block fiesta?!" Sadly, it didn't sink deep enough.
"Amethyst, this is serious!" Pearl groaned, turning to a certain homeworld gem. "Peridot, could this be a sign that the Cluster is emerging?"
"Of course not," Peridot scoffed. "If the Cluster were already emerging, the Earth would already be scattered into millions and millions of fragmented pieces and all life on earth would be floating throughout the cosmos until they perish in the cold dead of space and we gems would all be shattered."
Steven was more than spooked by Peridot's explanation. "...Well, at least that means we still got time." Steven suddenly thought of something, "Garnet, can you use your future vision to see if anyone else nearby is gonna disappear... Or if WE'RE gonna disappear?"
"Hmmm...." Garnet pondered. "Well, it's not exactly detective vision, Steven... But I can't think of anything else to do."
With that, she brought her hands close to her eyes to concentrate, as thousands of possibilities flowed in front of her eyes.
After a while, Steven spoke up, "Well, do you see anything?"
Garnet saw an endless sea of possible futures, but then one very strange one played before her eyes. "I can't see anything about us disappearing, but we may want to move out of the way."
"Why?" Peridot asked nervously.
Garnet pointed up, "Because a flying car is about to fall on us."
"Oh. Is that all?" A relieved Pearl asked. "Well that shouldn't be..." Her eyes bugged out when she realized what Garnet said, "Did she just say flying car?"
"Eeyup," Amethyst pointed up, and sure enough, a car was falling from the sky right towards them!
Everyone scattered for cover; Garnet pulled Steven close for protection, and Peridot clung to Amethyst, who in turn clung to Pearl, for dear life. Just as they had all dived out of the way, the car finally hit the ground with a loud thud!
When the dust cleared, everyone turned to see what had landed -and almost killed them. Standing proudly in the center was an old black and white 1960's DeSoto Adventurer with a gold shield on the doors. It looked a bit beaten up, probably from years of use, and yet still looked solid enough even after the impact. The five gems cautiously approached it.
Peridot stared at the vehicle from behind Steven. "What is that thing?! Some sort of interdimensional transport device!?"
Steven stared in awe at the strange car. "It's an old-school car!"
"...That fell from the sky," Pearl added in confusion.
"Cooool! ... Let's poke it!!!" Amethyst approached the car to poke it.
"Amethyst, no!" Pearl shouted, stopping her. "You can't poke a flying vehicle like that... What if something gross or dangerous pops out?! The last thing we need is ANOTHER hostile space traveler trying to destroy the Earth."
That didn't stop a certain homeworld gem; she leapt on the hood of the car and started thumping mercilessly on it with her tiny hands. "I demand you to show yourself, you filthy clods!! Don't you know you came THIS close to horribly injuring a Certified Kindergartner technician -and her collaborators!"
When banging on the hood didn't work, Peridot tried banging on the windows.
"Come on out! I demand identification, and I demand it-" in the middle of her ranting, the window lowered down slowly, ".... Now? Well, that's more like it. Now, if you would be so kind as to-"
"BONZAAAAIIIIII!!!!!!"
Suddenly, a fuzzy white blur leapt out of the window straight at Peridot. Before anyone knew what happened, there was a short, fuzzy rabbit-like creature with a frightening smile and sharp teeth gnawing on top of Peridot's head.
Peridot just stood there in confusion, then looked up at the creature. "AAAAHHHH!" Peridot screamed. "GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!! IT'S GNAWING ON MY HEAD UNIT!!!" The little gem ran all around the yard, trying to shake the rabbit-like creature off her head... But to no avail...
The rest of the gems were surprised to see this... Although Amethyst was trying hard not to laugh loudly at Peridot's pain.
Pearl blinked to see if this was real. "... Everyone else is seeing the fuzzy... White thing on Peridot's head too, right?"
"Yep," the other gems nodded.
"I'm a lagomorph, lady!" The rabbit-like creature corrected, still biting down on Peridot's head. It unclasped its jaw and called to the car. "Hey Sam! I got a live one over here!! And she has the distinct taste of toothpaste and pickle doritos! I hate those!"
What stepped out of the car next made everyone's jaw drop: A six-foot anthropomorphic dog wearing a grey suit and fedora. Sam, the dog, straightened his tie and approached.
"Good work, Max. Let's take a looksie." He picked up Peridot by her legs to get a better look. "Ooh, this one looks like a keeper, little buddy."
Max, the rabbit-creature, unhinged his jaw to speak. "Where's the camera, Sam?"
"Don't you remember, Baskethead? You jumped on my head shouting 'Jersey Devil! Jersey Devil!' and threw the camera out the window!"
"I SWEAR that old lady was a dead ringer for him!"
"Release me this instant, you annoying fuzzy piles of moss clods!!!" Peridot shouted, clearly having enough.
"Wow. No one's ever called me a clod before... I don't know what to say," Max sniffled tearfully.
".... So just to be clear," Pearl scratched her head, "Those are walking, talking, dog and rabbit creatures we are all seeing, right?"
"Looks like it," Garnet answered matter-of-factly.
"Just making sure." Pearl cleared her throat, "Um excuse me.... Gentlemen? Would you be so kind as to put down our frie.... Comra... Uh, associate? I assure you, she did not mean any-"
"Holy leaping father of Mother Teresa on a subway driving through the Amazon in black leather stockings on a leap year!" Sam exclaimed, finally noticing the other gems.
"Uh, was that english?" Amethyst asked
"Look alive, Max! It seems like our little toddling savage here has some presumably hostile playmates!"
"Oooh!" Max smiled deviously. "Shall I confront, subdue, pummel, and make throw rugs out of the hostiles, Sam?"
"Sic 'em up, little buddy."
"Right, Sam! You hang on to the key lime tortilla chip! I'll take the salty woodpecker, the tiny puma, and the Black Dynamite extra with the Rubik's Cube haircut!"
"...What's a tortilla chip?" Peridot queried.
"Hostiles? ...Wait, SALTY WOODPECKER!?" Pearl fumed. Amethyst tried not to giggle.
"NO PRISONEEERRRRSSS!!!!"
Max leapt with absolute abandon and landed... Right at Garnet's legs. He then started to chew on Garnet's leg like he did with Peridot's head.
"Hey!" Steven panicked. "Cut that out! Garnet's legs aren't made for chewing! Garnet, are you okay?"
"To be honest, it's starting to tickle," Garnet replied, without a flinch. "...Okay, now it's starting to get annoying."
After a while, Garnet formed one of her gauntlets, and pried Max off her leg. Max squirmed and writhed in her grip, trying to grab her face. However, his paw slipped and ended up knocking off Garnet's shades.
Everyone gasped as Garnet's shades hit the floor.
Max stopped struggling and looked up to see Garnet's three eyes staring back at him. They stared into his very essence, filled with both annoyance and embarrassment. Garnet expected Max to start screaming in fear, but instead-
"Oooooh," Max said in amazement, "Can you shoot surgical lasers out of that eye, or is it one of those psychic eyes that can see the last two winning lottery numbers in the next two years?"
Garnet looked confused, but relaxed a bit.
"It's a little more complicated than that. Though, to be honest, I expected you to be more freaked out."
"Well, not to put a downer on your domineering appearance, Miss," Sam cut in. "But Max and I see more frightening, traumatizing beings of unknown origin growing at the back of our freezer."
"I call him Craig!" Max smiled.
Garnet had no idea what to make of Max, but she smirked in amusement at his weirdness, and pat him on the head with her other hand.
Max looked awestruck at the affectionate gesture, and then hollered in agony.
"The affection! It burns us!! It burns us all!!!" Garnet let him go as he started shaking and spazzing like he was having a seizure.
"Whoa! Is he okay?" Amethyst asked, worried.
"Oh I wouldn't worry," Sam explained, "Max has a short tolerance for sudden waves of emotional impacts."
"They're called 'feels,' Sam," Max groaned, calming down. "Yeesh, it's like you've never been on the Internet before!"
"But we destroyed the Internet once, Max"
"You can say the same thing about most fandoms," Max glared out towards the readers, "You KNOW who you are!!"
"Fascinating. Now can you PUT ME DOWN?!" Peridot shrieked, until Sam finally let her go. She landed on the ground with a light thud. "I'm FINE, thanks for asking."
"Nobody asked," Pearl muttered. "Well, now that that's settled, why were you two attacking us and stealing our... Associate?"
"My apologies, Ma'am." Sam answered, "My little buddy and I mistook you all for a gaggle of decorative cannibals come to feast off the flesh from our fuzzy little carcases without so much as a 'how-do-you-do.'"
"Not only did we think it, we HOPED for it," Max added.
Steven eyed the strange duo for a while... Then something clicked in his head.
"Wait a minute! Sam? Max?" His eyes widened in wonder as stars appeared in them. "No way! It's you!! It's really you!! I can't believe it!!"
He leaped at the duo and pulled them into one of his classic Steven-y hugs. Sam and Max were taken aback by this hug, but they didn't pull away... Even though Max tried his hardest.
"Steven," Pearl questioned. "Do you know these two... Strangers? Big emphasis on strange." Pearl mumbled that last part to herself.
"They're not strangers," Steven explained with excitement. "They're Sam & Max: Freelance Police!"
"Sam & Max?" Amethyst queried.
"FREELANCE Police?" Pearl added.
"That would explain a lot," Garnet concluded.
"You're telling me that these two... Creatures are Earthly law enforcement sentries?" Peridot asked with disbelief.
"That's FREELANCE Earthly law enforcement sentries, lady," Max corrected, showing Peridot his badge.
"Self-appointed dispensers of steaming hot bowls of justice who, upon the call of our seldom-seen high commissioner, take on weird and bizarre cases that no one with a shred of sanity would solve," Sam explained.
"-And we also have a recipe for a delicious crab salad for those awkward dinner parties," Max quipped, somehow with a plate full of said salad.
"Sweet!" Amethyst smiled, grabbing the plate and eating the salad whole... Including the plate. "Eh, needs more fire salt."
"So you two are policemen, er... Creatures, AND detectives?" Pearl asked.
"Are you kidding? These two are the coolest detective/police guys ever!!!" Steven exclaimed in excitement. "Only NEXT to Sherlock Honeycombs Bear... But nobody can take his spot!"
"Ooooh, wait! I remember these two!" Amethyst remembered. "Greg's got a bunch of old comics about these guys. They're hilarious!!"
"Yeah! Amethyst used to sneak these from my dad and read them to me when I was little," Steven explained.
"Now available in graphic novel format for $19.99 at cartoon-art-museum.com," Max promoted to the readers, holding said graphic novel in his hands.
"You never were subtle at product placement, Max," Sam rolled his eyes.
"What? I'm helping pay for this episode to happen! ...Not that anyone wanted it to happen," Max explained. The gems just stared at the two in confusion, but didn't dare ask what they were talking about.
"Comic books, eh?" Pearl eyed the comic, and then snatched it out of Max's hand. "Let's just take a look at these, shall we?"
Pearl skimmed through the book, her face slowly melting into a horrified frown the more she looked through; getting more and more horrified at every strange and bizarre adventure written in the book.
"OH, MY GOODNESS!!!" Pearl gasped. "Amethyst! Why would you let Steven READ these comics?!?!"
"I dunno," Amethyst shrugged. "I thought he'd like the dog and bunny... Things."
Pearl repulsively handed Garnet the comic. "All this graphical violence and absurd 'humor' could've warped his fragile little mind!"
"These are the most absurd and disturbing stories I've ever read," Garnet replied, skimming through the comics. "... I loved them."
Peridot snatched the book, skimmed through it, and grimaced in disgust.
"For once, I can understand the Pearl's distaste in this periodical. NOTHING in these 'stories' makes sense!!!"
"Now do I look like the kind of thing that cares about making sense?" Max asked, with a devilish grin.
"Hey! My brain wasn't THAT warped!" Steven defended. "... But for the first couple of weeks, I kept thinking that pirates were gonna come to Beach City and steal our manatees."
"LOVED that road trip!" Max giggled.
"But wait, if you guys are just comic book and video game characters, how're you here?" Steven queried.
"Well, we like to think that our existence is still possible thanks to the power of 'pop culture following,'" Sam explained, though he was mostly joking.
Steven didn't get the joke. "What's 'pop culture following?'"
"You'll find out soon enough, Steven," Sam winked. "In the meantime, we can divulge to you how we happened upon your tropical little ghost town. It was but five hours ago... We had just got back to the office, back from the case of the missing TV Network Presidents..."
"I'M BORED ALREADY!!!" Amethyst groaned loudly. "Don't you guys have some kinda... Home movie thing or something?"
Sam thought for a second, then inspiration struck. He whispered something to Max, who shot him a thumbs up and ran for the DeSoto. He rummaged through the back seat; finally, he pulled out an old movie projector machine and some jumper cables. Sam clipped one end of the jumper cables to the projector, while Max clipped the other end to Pearl's ears -Sam had to convince Max not to connect them to her pointed nose.
Pearl shrieked in pain as the jumper cables clamped down on her ears; she glared at the Freelance Police as Sam flipped a switch on the projector, and a movie projection shone right out of Pearl's gem using the barn as a makeshift screen. The rest of the gems looked at the screen in amazement -Steven and Amethyst munched on popcorn- as the projected movie began playing back the events from five hours ago.