Ally's POV
"Do we have a problem?"I asked.
To be honest,I don't want to asked like this.I'm really nervous of what he'll answer.They say,don't asked if you're not ready for the answers.But if I will not do it now,when?
"H-huh?"this is only his answer to my question and then he looked away.I know he didn't want to answer,I can see it to his reaction.
I sighed."T,one week.One week you're acting like this.One week you're ignoring me.One week since you're being cold towards me...."
"B-baby girl,it's not like that.It's ju-"
I cut him off."One week T,you're not the same Troy I know.I'm trying to be this happy and jolly Ally for us because I'm trying to believe that there's nothing wrong.I'm trying to think that we're okay,that you're only busy on your studies,like what you always say.I know,I am also busy with my career but I always find time to be with you.I don't have any idea on what's going on,so T,please tell me what's the problem.Please?"
Long silence stroke us.The only thing I can do right now is to stare at him,while he can't stare back at me.I want to hold his hands but I'm scared,what if he will just let go of my hands.
"Ally,we've been together for three years now."he look at me with his weary eyes."For all those years,you didn't get rid of me?Y-you didn't regret loving me?"
"No!"I answer immediately."That will never happen,it is impossible to happen.Look Troy,without you HAPPINESS is next to the word IMPOSSIBLE.Always bare in mind that I will always love you until my life is over."
"You're a girl.You have many crushes,you're a star,a lot of better men likes you,loves you.You meet guys in eve-"
"Eventhough I'm a girl,have many crushes,met other guys,It is only you who makes me happy,who makes me special and who loves me for who I am.It's you,only you.Even if the world stop spinning,you're the only guy I would love to be with."
There,he look away."How 'bout you Troy,for three years,do you ever get rid on me?you're a guy plus we didn't always see each other,we're both busy."
He look at me but then he look away.
It makes my heart beats really faster."If you answer yes,I understand.Maybe you get rid on me coz you realize that I am a boring person.Maybe you're tired to be wi-"
"Ally look,it's not like that"
"Then tell me Troy"I held his hands."Tell me what's wrong, please.I can't stand it anymore,I love you so much and it hurts me that you're acting like this towards me."
"I don't know what to think already."He sighs."This past few days,there are many things going on my mind.I don't know what to think Ally..."
"You can tell me,I'm your girlfriend right?That makes me your bestfriend too,you can te-"
"No Ally"A drop of tear came out of his eyes."I need to think on my own Ally"
"Please,not like this"I'm literally crying right now,I beg him.
This is what I'm scared of.
"Let's cool off for a while."He said in a whisper.At last,he said what he wants to happen.This is what I want right?To know what's on his mind,but why it hurts like hell?
"W-what for?"I hold his hands tighter."Can't we fix this right now?"
"I need time to think.I need time for myself.Maybe with this cool off thing,it can help us right?We have time to think."he sniffed and look me in the eyes."I just need some space Ally."
I have nothing to do,I just let go of his hands.I just feel that he hug me and kiss me in the lips,it says goodbye?I think.Then,I'm too late to realize that he's not here by my side anymore because of the space he wants.
I burst out crying like there's no tomorrow.I want to stop but my tears are continuously flowing in my cheeks.
It hurts.It really really hurts.I don't know how to continue my life without him by my side.
***
"Hey Ally,your spacing out again."
Someone pinch me that make me came back to my senses.It's Lauren.
"I'm sorry."
"Hey boo,are you okay?It's been three days since you're like that."Dinah said.
"Yeah Ally,where is the girl that is full of positivity?Where is our ray of sunshine?"Camila said.They look worried about me so I compose myself.
"I-I'm okay,it's just,I'm just tired lately.Yeah,that's it.I'm tired."
But I can't take it anymore,then I just realize my tears were flowing down on my cheeks.
"Aww AllyCat.It's okay,you can get through of this.We're here for you no matter what happens."Normani said reassuringly and then the girls hug me.
"Tell us Ally what happen.What's your problem."
Then I told them what happens.
"Don't worry Ally.Maybe he just need time."
"Be positive,you're a girl that is full of positivity.Be strong."
*
"Ally where are you going?"Skylar said.She's one of our crew member.
"Outside,I need some fresh air."
"Okay."
I started walking to the park near where we are staying.Suddenly,I feel someone's hand on my shoulders.I immediately smiled and wiped all my tears.
"Troy"But when I turned around,it's not him."Hey,W-will." Will is our tour manager.
"Come,lets walk together."He said with a huge smile.
I nodded and started to walk silently with him.
I try to control my tears.Even we are close,I don't want to explain to him why I am like this.
We reach to the park and he offer me to sit on one of the benches here.
Suddenly he wiped my face and smiled.
"I'm your friend Ally,I know you have a problem.You can tell me,I'm willing to listen."I just smiled back at him.
"I know,but can you leave me alone?"
"Sure,if that's what you want.Always remember,I'm only one call away."Then he started to walk away.
*
I went back and go straight to my room.I just ignore the girls,they keep on asking me if I am okay but I only smile at them.I just want to cry.I cried with all my heart,hoping that my tears could wipe out all the pain that I'm feeling right now.
Knock*knock*
I open the door,its Will.
"I heard your crying."he said like he's stating the obvious.
"Don't cry,it's going to be okay.Just trust him."he patted my head.
I give him a weak smile.
*
At night,I grabbed my laptop and immediately search his name on facebook,twitter and other sites on the internet.
Troy Ogletree
Two words,simple words that gives me happiness and turns my world upside down,yet,also give me sadness and pain.
Nothing new,my name is still on his relationship status.No weird statuses.No wall post or pictures of other girls with him.
I feel relief,there's no other girl.But,why?what is the reason to all of this?
Like what he always said,he needs space and time to think on his own.
Suddenly,my phone beeps.
From:T<3
Good night baby girl.I love you.
I replied immediately.
To:T<3
Good night love.Always remember,I love you more.Te amo mi amor.
Every night,I always received same text from him,saying that he loves me.
He loves me right?but why he choose to have some space between us?
I don't know what to think.The only thing I can do is to wait and hold on as long as I know that he loves me so muh.That's enough for me.
*
Another morning came,its so hard,when you wake up,you know that all day you can't be with someone whom you really really love.You just want to sleep and sleep so that you can't feel how much it hurts that you're hoping that he will come back to you and that he still loves you so much.
"Hey Ally,you're spacing out again and you didn't touch your food."Will said to me.He looks worried.
"I-I'm sorry,its just-"
"Al be strong.Don't lost hope,please eat?"Lauren beg me.
"I'm s-sorry,I'm not hungry."
"Okay,stop saying sorry.We understand you but always remember we're here for you."Mani told me.
I'm so thankful,there always here for me.I have bestfriends that really cares for me.
"Excuse me,I will just go to the garden.I want to have some fresh air."I excused myself to them.
"Okay"Lauren smiled weakly at me.
I got here in the garden,this place is so beautiful.But I can't appreciate it.My chest is so heavy.I feel like I'm carrying all the problems of the world.Again,my tears flow down on my cheeks.
"Hi"its Will.
I wipe my tears.I turn to him and smile.
"Hey"
I think,five minutes had past but nobody break the silence between us.
"Will,is there something wrong on me?"I asked him.I don't know why I asked him like that.
"No,there's nothing wrong on you.Honestly,I find you attractive."I look at him.I didn't expect that he will answer like that.
"Well,for a man's perspective.I mean."
I smiled and sighed."If I am,why did he choose to distance himself to me?"
"To be honest,I can't answer that.I don't know that whole story."
I sighed again then I told him the whole story.After that,my tears keep on battling down on my cheeks.
He looked at me straight in the eyes.
"Don't shed a tear for that guy,based on your story,he's not worth crying for.I'm only here for you."He said and mumble something.
"You said something?"i asked him.
"I said,come let's go inside."Before I could protest he dragged me off.
*
I bake some of his favorite cookies.I'm planning to give this to him later.
I went to him,while entering his home,gush of memories came running through my head.I wanna cry coz i really miss those memories with him.
"Hi"I said wearing a huge smile on my face,seems like nothing happens between us.
I want him to see that,nothing changed.I'm still his and he's still mine.But seeing his expression right now,wanna makes me burst out crying and makes me vunerable.
"Oh,why you're here?"he said and just continue what he is doing.
I just don't mind it,eventhough I'm not used to his response towards me."It's been almost a week,that's why I decided to go here and give you this."
He looked at me and I showed him the box of cookies I made for him.
"Thanks"he said then give me a small smile.
Seeing that emotion makes me want to break down and beg for him to go back.But with all the strength I have.I fought not to cry,not to show him how I am hurting right now.
"You want me to open it for you?"
"No it's okay.I will just eat it later."
"Ok,I hope you like it."Not seeing him for five days is like not seeing him forever.
"Troy I miss you."I can't help it anymore.My tears roll down on my cheeks.
"Please always remember,I'm here to wait for you.But most of all,please never forget that I love,you so much.I'm still your girl right?"
He didn't answer back,I started to walked away from him but deep inside on me,I still have this tiny hope that he'll stop me from walking away and make me stay here with him even longer.
I walked slowly,very slowly until I reached the door but no Troy stopped me from leaving.
*
It's 12am,I decided to call Troy.I just want to hear his voice before I do what's the best for us.Just give me a sign Troy,then I won't let you go.
"Hello,why are you still awake?"
"I just want to hear your voice T."
"It's already late at night you should sleep now."he said plainly.Does he care?
"T-Troy,let's get back together please?We can fix this ."I asked,ignoring his demands."Please be back.I miss you so much,don't you know that?"
He didn't answer back,I can only hear his sighs.
"T,u-until when?Until when will I wait for you?I'm still holding on,did I do something wrong?Please tell me,it really hurts a lot."
"Ssshhh"he hushed.
"T-Troy,I b-badly want to giv-"he cut me off.
"Don't,please A-Ally.Don't do it."
Suddenly my tears roll down on my cheeks.
"Troy *sob*I d-don't deserve this treatment from you."
"A-Ally*sob*I-I'm sorry..."He sniffed.I think he's also crying.
"One word answer"My hands were shaking and my body is shivering."D-do you*sob* still l-love*sob*me?"
He sighed."I do,I never stopped loving you."
I close my eyes and I tightly hug the pillow I was carrying.
"Then that's enough to keep me waiting for you.I love you too Troy,I'll be waiting."
But I hope you won't let me wait in vain.
I hung up.It's so good to hear that he still loves me,but why I feel so sad?I feel that the pain I'm suffering doubled.
Does he really love me?
*
I waited and waited and waited.I tried distracting myself with all the ways I know while waiting for him.
No texts.No calls,No Troy Ogletree for nine freaking days.Everyday,my mind is slowly shirking with all the unanswered questions I have.Every minute my heart is slowly inside.
Maybe this is the right time to tell him how much pain he's putting on me.Maybe this is really the time to confront him of his plans for us,maybe this is the time to know his answers...
Every step I made in entering his house are heavy,like I don't want to move.There,I saw him.I can't explain what I feel when I saw him.Suddenly,all my emotions came out.The least thing I can do right now is to hug h,so I did.
"A-Ally,w-what are you doing?"he asked confusedly.
"Just let me hug you,just for a little while."He didn't stop me from hugging him but what really hurts is that he didn't hug me back.
When I am back to my senses.I realized I need to let go,so I did.
"Sorry,I just missed you."
"It's okay."He tried to smile and wiped my face.
"What brings you here?"
"When will you come back?"Ignoring his question.
"Please,come back to me now."
"Please don't cry.I don't want to see you like this."
"Then,come back.Let's go back to what we used to be Troy."
"Ally"
"Don't you miss me huh?Don't you?"I intertwined my hands to his.I squeezed it tightly.
"I do"He caressed my face.
"Believe me or not,I do"
"But why Troy?why are you doing this to me?"I bursted.
"Ally please stop."he hussed.
"I won't and I can't."
"Why are you doing this to me Troy?I don't deserve this..."
"One day,you'll understand."
"Make me understand everything now!!!"My tears keep on rolling down on my cheeks.
"Not now."He wiped my tears.
"Fine,but p-please be back Troy."I shivered.
"It's our day tomorrow,do you remember?Please be there,just forget all this things.Just one day Troy,let's get back to the way it was.Just tomorrow,please?"
"I can't promise you any-"*pak*
I slapped him,I don't know why I did that but I think he deserve it.
I was about to run when finally he came after me and hug me tight from the back.
"P-please Ally"He burried his face on my neck,I know he's crying.
"Please give me a little more time.I promise I will come back to you."He hugged me tightly.
"Don't give up on us please?"He kneel down begging for me.
"Hey,stand up.I won't give up.I love you."
He stands up."Thank you Ally,I love you too so much."
Then suddenly he kiss me.I didn't expect that he will do it,I just found myself kissing him back with full of love.
As long as you have that hope in you,never give up.As long as you have that love you feel for him,just ait.There's nothing wrong with that.
I still have this love that's only for him and I know he also feels the same.He loves me.
He has reasons why he did this to us and I have also my reason to hold on.
I maybe waiting in vain,but who cares?I'll be waiting for my love.
I'll wait and wait and wait...
I won't give up.
As long as I have this tiny little fire called hope...I will still hold on.
As long as I still have this love in my heart,I'll hold on.
As long as he's not letting me go,I'll hold on.
I will be holding on and on and on....
I'll wait and wait and wait...
Until my heart voluntarily quits.
*****