X.
"This was the part of the conversation that I had been dreading."
I sat up a little straighter, shaking my head insistently. "I don't want anyone knowing." I told him, just as I had many times before. "The moment teachers know, it won't take long to get to the students, and I just don't need that right now."
"If you say so." Fisher nodded. "But if you ever change your mind, don't hesitate to come and visit me. We can make arrangements, talk to counsellors, and I can assure it would help you finish off this year."
"Got it." I looked away, hoping to be dismissed.
Unfortunately, I wasn't.
"There is one other matter I've been asked to discuss with you." He began again. "Apparently, at an off-campus social event, you were observed by another student threatening a guest that was attending the winter prom?" He asked. "Is there anything you can tell me about that?"
"Who told you that?"
"Camila you know very well that I can't disclose that information." He replied. "But I can assure you that nothing that came of the situation looked good on behalf of the school, even if it was an unofficial event."
"She was pissing me off."
The principal sighed for what had to millionth time. "Nevertheless, it was out of place, and inconsistent with the values we uphold here at West Valley. Please try to keep it under control Camila. That's all I ask."
"Got it." I repeated, starting to stand. "Is that everything then?"
"That's everything." The man nodded with a small smile. "Enjoy the rest of the day Miss Cabello."
I left the office without another word, tossing out both empty styrofoam cups on the way out. The bell blasted through the hallways as I stepped out, and I took off to the final class of the day.
It may have just been me, but I could feel the judging stares from the people on either side of the hall. Whether it was news of the prom incident, the previous call to the main office, or just all in my head, it was bad. Without bothering to contact Dinah or Shawn, I left the second the final bell rang, heading for home.
"Lauren!" I stormed through the front door and threw my coat down on the back of the couch. "You better be feeling good today, because I'm definitely not."
Looking to the hallway, I saw Lauren emerge from the bedroom with a loose, paint spattered flannel on her upper body and tiny jean shorts on her heavenly legs. Conveniently enough for me, there was nothing under said flannel, and her exposed chest was making my head spin.
"What happened? Is everything alright?" She asked, curiously lifting a hand and running it casually through her hair. It had gotten noticeably longer, and now fell just above her hips.
"Oh forget that." I tore off my jacket and let it drop to the ground. Eyebrow arched, I grinned big. "Is this how you've decided you're going to walk around the apartment from now on?"
Lauren looked down at her toes shyly, then back up at me. "What, you don't like?"
I hummed as she drew closer, reaching out to link my fingers into the belt loops of her shorts and pull her against me. "You, prancing around like that without a shirt? Like I'd ever discourage something like that." I pressed my lips to her chin, then slipped my hands down from her waist onto her butt for a sure squeeze. "Actually... I'd appreciate if you just ditch those shorts as well. They're kind of in my way."
Lauren released a soft breath of laughter, her hands resting on my hips. Despite the lust in her eyes, her voice still contained worry. "What happened at school today Camila?"
Ignoring the question, I took her hands and pulled her around to the couch, then reversed my actions by pushing her down against the overstuffed pillows. "I don't want to talk about it." I muttered, placing my knees on either side of her lap and fiddling with the buttons on the sides of her open flannel. "How about you kiss me, then I'll see where we're at."
"Camila." Lauren cupped my elbows, her thumbs pressed on the crease between my forearm and bicep. I cracked a small smile as her soft lips pressed to mine for a few heavenly seconds. "Please talk to me."
"Talking?" I scanned up and down her body. "Come on Lauren, that's like... the worst foreplay ever."
"I'm serious." She insisted, clearly intent on not letting the situation go. I sighed, leaning back so I was straddled properly on her lap, my palms pressed behind me to keep my spine straight.
"Why do you care?"
Lauren tilted her head to the side quizzically. "Don't be like that." She then murmured, trailing her nails up and down my thighs, causing my spine to tense up and shivers to erupt over my shoulders.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "I might have... taken a quick power nap in history class today, then got in pretty big trouble for it."
"You fell asleep?" Lauren frowned. "Why?"
I leaned forward with a grin, placing my hands on her stomach and running the pads of my thumbs over her taut muscle. "Because you would let me sleep last night." I said to her, emphasis in my voice. "Can I finish my story?"
"Right." Lauren blushed. "I'm sorry I asked."
"So I had to go to the principals office, and he uncovered stuff that I kind of buried a long time ago. And other things, but they were less important." I shrugged. "That's it."
"What kind of buried stuff?"
I made a noise, getting off her body and heading into the kitchen for a glass of water. "Unimportant stuff." I replied. "It's over now and I've moved on."
"You don't look like you've moved on." Lauren got to her feet, but was clearly hesitant to follow me. "You look pretty much the opposite actually."
"Lauren Jauregui, this is why we don't discuss things. Because it just makes everyone unnecessarily uncomfortable. Besides, there are things people just don't need to know about me. Things that just don't matter anymore."
"Stop being like that." Lauren shot me a small smile, taking a few slow steps in my direction. "You've just been working so hard. I want to know if there's anything I can do to help."
"Oh trust me." I placed the glass down and moved to encircle her torso in my arms once more. "You do more to help me than you'll ever know. Are we going to do this? Because the longer you stand there without a shirt on, the more I'm reminded how bad this day was."
Lauren hummed happily, her green eyes flickering to the bedroom. "I mean it is still pretty early... but if you really want, we could..."
"Yes." I didn't even wait for her to finish before grabbing her heated wrist in my hand and pulling her down the hall.
***
Some time later, we lay clothing free and worry-less, nestled within the covers of the bed. While her skin was still warm, it was nothing compared to the way it had been before, and as far as I knew, no longer a cause for concern. As long as she felt okay, I did as well.
"You aren't going anywhere tonight, are you?" Lauren asked, her arms tightened around me as if she expected me to slip away any second, the soft pads of her thumbs pressing against the skin just between my shoulder blades.
"I have a huge amount of homework." I replied, opening my eyes. "Shawn should be coming over later to help get it done before tomorrow morning. I procrastinate."
"He has to come over?"
I propped myself up on one elbow, looking down at her with a smirk. "What do you have against Shawn?"
"Nothing." Lauren chuckled drawing her lips close to my chest so her words were lost to my skin. "He's awesome. I just don't like that I'm going to have to put on a shirt. That's really not a fun thing for either of us."
"Agreed." I laughed, arching my back and wrapping my arms around her neck to keep her in place. "You know, I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but I really love the way we're together."
"Hm?"
"The way we can do shit like this and it never needs to mean a thing." I grinned, threading my fingers through her hair. "I love it."
"You don't think this will ever mean anything?" Lauren asked softly, her words vibrating against my chest.
"I don't know." I replied. "Over time, I've trained myself to block out that very question. What do you think?"
Lauren just grunted softly, nestling down so her face was buried between my breasts as if she might find the answer to the question there.
A few hours later, I had peeled myself away from her, and was organizing papers out at the kitchen table. I figured Lauren's temperature had put her to sleep, which wasn't a bad thing for me considering more work would get done if her angelic face wasn't always near my own.
Shawn arrived when the sun set, and he knew right away that something was off.
"What happened today Camila?" He asked, sitting down opposite me. "Why did Henry call you out like that?"
"Fisher asked if I wanted to let the school's faculty know about situation." I replied in a dead tone. "I told him no."
Shawn propped his head in one hand. "Is that really what you want?" He asked quietly. "You don't think maybe help like that would make your life easier?"
"I need to put things back to the way they were." I shook my head. "I don't want special treatment. I don't want sympathy."
"I know." Shawn looked up at me again. "But despite whether you want it or not... you need it."
I furrowed my brow at him. "If you're just going to tell me things that I don't want to hear, then you can go home." I said coldly. There was a hint of regret in my voice, yet when I finished, Shawn only remained where he was.
"Sometimes people are going to do that you know." Shawn's voice dropped. "Tell you things you don't want to hear."
I looked away. "But it doesn't have to be your best friend."
"And sometimes it does." He responded, taking a deep breath. "I know you had a crappy day, but that doesn't mean that every day is going to be the same. Just look at how good things have been getting. How many improvements have been made. Remember the night we went to clean out the house? Remember how much of a mess you were?"
"Yeah, I've been trying to block it out." I muttered through gritted teeth. The apartment was warm, but somehow sitting with my legs up by my chest in a bra and and pair of light sweatpants was a little chilling. "Thanks for that."
"All I'm saying, is that you've been on a pretty bad downward spiral for some time now, and just recently we've all seen improvements. Dinah included."
I closed my eyes, propping my arms atop my knees and resting my head within them. "And?"
"And just because you had one day where things were brought up again, doesn't mean you need to let the rest of them be the same. You don't need to start yet another downward disaster into something as bad as that night." Shawn rustled some papers around. "I don't want to see you like that again. Ever."
"Whatever." I got up and grabbed one of Lauren's hoodies that was sitting on the living room floor, pulling it over my top half and slipping my feet into flip-flops. "I'm leaving. If you feel like actually helping me through this, then let me know."
"Camila, where are you going." Shawn demanded. When I didn't respond, his voice rose. "Camila!"
"Don't yell at me." I turned around angrily. "Just let me feel bad. Let me fucking hurt for once without thinking you need to swoop in and fix things!"
Shawn threw his hands up in frustration. "You told me a few weeks ago that me fixing things was what you wanted!"
"I don't know what I want Shawn!" My voice reached its peak of frustration. "I don't know what I think, I don't know what to feel, and I sure as hell don't know what I want!"
"Camila." The boy's voice lowered to a normal level. "Calm down."
"I'm going out." I muttered, pulling the hood over my head and grabbing my car keys. "Call me if you feel like being useful."
Closing the door behind me, I started to the stairs surrounded in my stone cold aura and left the building without another word.
It was amazing, just how fast things could change in a day.
***
I shouldered my way into twenty four hour coffee shop, one that was unlike the others which I had been to in the past few weeks. The atmosphere was different, but it definitely wasn't bad.
"Could I get a large dark roast?" I asked the waitress, who was busy scrambling around for late night orders. "And maybe one of those brownies that you have in the window."
"Sure thing. Would you like that heated up?"
"That would be great." I nodded. "Thanks."
I slid down against the booth, pulling my phone out of my back pocket and noticing the new text from Dinah. Sitting up, I then looked over my shoulder to see the girl enter the cafe through the front door, eying me from a distance and heading over.
"It's awfully late for this." She noted, sliding into the seat opposite me and letting and jacket fall to the seat beside her. "You really need the company?"
"I'd rather be here with you than be here alone." I replied, waiting as she removed a small faux leather notebook from her purse and slid it across the table. I thanked her, removing the pen from the spine and cracking the book open. It hadn't been used yet, and the material made a satisfying splitting sound as it was inaugurated.
"Great. I'm glad I rank just above loneliness." Dinah said in a teasing note. "That's super reassuring Mila."
"You know how much I love you." I smiled over at her. "I ordered you a brownie by the way. I wasn't sure what you wanted to drink."
"A brownie is perfect."
I sighed in relief, uncapping the pen and writing down the date in the upper right corner. A few seconds after I began to write, the waitress reappeared with my drink and Dinah's brownie. The Polynesian girl began to nibble at it while she watched me, keeping semi-quiet so I could focus.
"I always forget that you're a writer." She peeped a few measly minutes in. "It's amazing how you can't stay still long enough for someone to take your picture, but you'll sit for hours in a coffee shop filling out an entire journal."
"Writing is a type of art, but it's a little different from something like singing or acting." I tried to explain. "You don't need to be talented to write, just like you don't need to be talented to paint or draw. The effects of writing aren't dictated by something quantifiable like talent."
"You are talented though." Dinah countered, looking at me all confused.
I cracked a small smile, turning back to what I was doing while Dinah got up and ordered herself three different kinds of teas.
We remained in the cafe for a while, ordering one warm beverage after another until the manager had to promptly ask us to vacate the table for other customers. Dinah graciously tucked the journal back into her purse, while I gathered the various napkins I had been writing on and handed them to her as well.
Dinah then took me to a nearby public school, all personnel vacated from the property many hours earlier as the day was long over. The sun was setting, and she somehow convinced me that the colour of the sky could be better seen if we were on our backs. So we found the kindergarten playground, dug two teenage girl shaped moulds into the sand and lay there to watch the fiery colours streak across the sky. The top of my head bumped her left shoulder, hers doing the same to mine.
"Thank you." I told her as the orange sky faded into its signature deep blue of the night. "For hanging out with me tonight. I feel like it's been a while since it's just been the two of us."
"You underestimate my power." Dinah replied with a hint of laughter in her voice. "How do you feel now?"
"Much better."
"Do you maybe want to talk about what happened?"
"Not really."
Dinah took a deep breath. "The last thing I want to come off as is some kind of therapist that doesn't know what she's doing." The girl began. "The kind of friend who thinks that everything can be solved by taking three deep breaths and counting to ten. In fact, meeting you back in elementary school, I had a feeling that you were going to be the thing that changed that in me. That made me realize, not all of life's problems can be solved the same way; sometimes you just need to feel pain, then learn to deal with it."
I turned my head to look at her. "But how long does it take for someone to learn to deal with it? How many times do we have to feel pain before it doesn't affect us anymore"
"Not sure." Dinah shrugged. "But you could ask the same thing about love. How many times does one have to fall in love before they never have to again?"
I didn't let it show, but Dinah's question hit me hard. The only thing I could think about was Lauren, and it was like she read my mind.
"I know you told her that you didn't want a relationship." The girl said to me quietly. "And I'm sure that in the moment, she said the same. But it's only a matter of time until the two of you realize a relationship like this isn't healthy."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that it's only going to be a matter of time until she starts to fuck over your heart. She messes with you, and mixes you up until all you can see is those eyes in every single person you look at." Dinah took a deep breath. "And at that point, it's too late, because you've vowed that a relationship just isn't what you want."
I shivered, the sand beneath me all of a sudden becoming cold.
"Fisher asked me again if I wanted to notify the school about my parents." I said, my eyes still closed. "About everything that happened. I could register it under a compassionate case, and get some of the weight of my senior year taken off."
"What did you tell him?"
"I said no." I replied, knowing that Dinah wouldn't react in the same way Shawn did. "And I think I'm going to say no again."
"And what did Shawn say when you told him that?"
"He didn't think I did the right thing." I answered. "He always thinks that the most toxic thing for me... is me. That I never make the right choices."
Dinah sat up, turning around to look down at me. "I think that all you need to know is that there are people in your life who care very much about you. They do it all their own little way. And despite what you may think, we all want the same thing."
"I know." I turned over in the sand so my back was facing her. "You all want what's best for me. You want to see me smile again, and you want all the bad things to go away."
"Mila."
"Yeah?"
"You don't have to take my advice. I really don't care whether you do or not..." Dinah said softly. "But if Lauren makes you happy, then just consider keeping her as close as you can. Don't leave any room for mistakes."
"I always thought Shawn was going to be the only one I would consider being with. The only guy who could present a relationship that I could handle." I told her in response.
"The only guy." Dinah repeated. "Maybe he is the only guy."
I glanced over my shoulder at her. "You think?"
Dinah nodded a firm yes. "But not the only girl."
I turned back again, feeling the ground under me shift as Dinah rose to her feet and brushed herself off. A few seconds of rustling, and the journal that I had filled was set down next to me, placed just so I could see it out of the corner of my eye.
"Just think about it." The girl said, giving me a small pat on the shoulder before walking away under the city's streetlights.
I was left on my own, curled up in the sand and staring at the book. There were so many elements to this equation. So many ways for things to go from bad to worse. Dinah's voice was the only one I had ever heard in my head, and now I couldn't stop hearing it everywhere else as well. I saw scenes in my mind, depicting the strange occurrences that had suddenly found their way into my life. Lauren. The burning car. The strange old man.
With a groan, I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that some mythical sand monster would crawl out of the ground and eat me whole, but it never came.
***
Lauren took a deep breath and stepped out of the bedroom, clearing her throat to make sure Shawn knew she was there. The boy turned around slowly, his eyes weary and expression very much defeated.
"Hey. She said you were asleep." He nodded at her. "I hope we didn't wake you."
"You didn't." Lauren shook her head. "I don't wake easy, no worries."
"So... I'm guessing you heard most of that."
Lauren nodded silently.
Shawn sighed. "Camila would kill me if she knew how concerned I really was." He explained. "The minute anything about her past is ever brought up, she turns into a whole different person. It's almost scary."
"How long has she been like this?"
"Ever since everything changed." He shrugged. "I don't know how much Dinah's told you, but I can pretty much bet that it's been more than Camila has."
"She refuses to talk about anything." Lauren clasped her right wrist in her left hand, feeling the dreaded heat begin to feed through. "I went along with it at first, but I didn't know the relationship between us was going to last this long. I thought I'd be out of here no more than a few days in."
"So you don't want to go along with it anymore?"
"I want to go along with it less." Lauren replied, releasing her wrist and shuddering. "And after hearing what she had to say just now, that less becomes even less."
Shawn moved so he was sitting on the couch, leaning back and placing his arms over his eyes. Lauren shifted as well, traversing into the kitchen and pulling two glasses from the designated cupboard.
"It's a vicious cycle full of mood swings." The boy began. "She'll revert to this guarded state, where everything and anything pisses her off. It'll make her want to get better, and people like Dinah and I will push her to improve herself, so she will. Then one little thing will shift, and like the feather that broke the camel's back, she'll snowball back down into a mess."
Lauren brought the filled glasses over, placing one down in front of Shawn. He thanked her with smile, continuing to speak.
"Nothing with Camila has ever been consistent. Her life is always changing, always moving forward, then looping back on itself. I guess the benefit has been that she's immune to the effects of change, but the accompanying detriment is that just like her life, nothing about her is stable either."
Lauren listened, intrigued by the way Shawn spoke. It was like he and Camila had one mind, and while she was the chaos and disorder, he was the balance and serenity.
"Once she falls, it takes her ages to get back up. Camila has lost a lot, and it's hard for her to keep a positive attitude through the ups and downs. I don't blame her... not a lot of us have gone through as much as she has."
Lauren thought for a moment. "What about her parents?" She asked cautiously. "Do they have anything to say about this?"
"You'll have to ask her." He shook his head, taking a sip from the glass. "I know you're curious... but I wouldn't dare tell you anything without her knowing."
"I understand." Lauren nodded. "You're a really good best friend."
Shawn turned to look at her, and Lauren noticed for that the first time, he actually looked her directly in the eye. "What about you? Are you feeling better?"
"I'm getting there." Lauren smiled kindly. "Thanks."
"You're really important." He said quietly, running both hands through his hair. "You know that right?"
"Hm?"
"You're the reason why she changed so fast. Why she was so confident at the dance, and why she's been working so hard at school. You're the only new element to the equation Lauren, so it had to be you."
"That's what Dinah said as well." Lauren looked down. "Something along those lines."
"It's hard..." Shawn's voice softened. "To watch your best friend suffer so badly, and only be pushed away. Dinah doesn't think I'm right for Camila, and I may very well not be, but that's no reason to not try."
"Right for her?" Lauren looked at the boy. "In what way?"
"For helping her."
"And being with her."
Shawn looked up, his eyes confused. "What?"
"Look, if you have feelings for Camila, then you need to tell her." Lauren said, her heart heavy and arms on fire. "From what you told me, I really think what she needs is something constant in her life, and despite what Dinah says, there's always the chance that it's you."
"It's not me." Shawn looked away. "I don't have feelings for Camila."
"Fine." Lauren cracked a smile. "But if you ever start to, then don't keep it from her. Make it happen before she finds someone else."
The boy was quiet, eyes down on the ground.
"And if there's anything else you can tell me-"
"I can't." Shawn cut her off. "I..."
"It's okay." Lauren got to her feet. "Stay and wait until she gets back. I'm going to go to bed."
"No." He stood up as well. "You need to be the only one here when she gets back. Tell her I left some stuff on the table, there are a few assignments she didn't stay to pick up this afternoon."
"Will do." Lauren nodded.
Shawn thanked her again, gathering his things and heading to the door. He paused, gripping the handle and turning around to look at the girl. "Lauren, I can't tell you anything about Camila's past... but..."
"But?"
"But I might be able to show you."
"Show me? Like how?"
Shawn turned and tossed off his backpack once more, pulling out a notebook and ripping a page right from the middle. 'This is my address." He told her, scribbling down a single line in black pen and crumpling up the page, handing it over. "If you aren't working this weekend, then stop by at any time. I'll be home ninety eight percent of the time."
"What am I stopping by for?"
"Do it and you'll find out." Lauren watched in confusion as he stuffed the book back into his bag and pulled it over his shoulder. "I'll see you later, have a good night Lauren."
Lauren said her goodbyes, watching the boy disappear down the hall and into the elevator. She turned back, unfolding the page and reading the number and street name, committing it to memory. The girl had a pretty good sense of navigation around the city, the difficult part would be making up something to tell Camila as an excuse.
Collapsing back on the couch, Lauren held her arms up and winced, willing her body to calm down. A few deep breaths, some contemplation of life choices, and another glass of water later, she checked the clock. 10:30. Lauren got up and grabbed the green dragon perched on the back of the couch, hugging it close to her body and forcing sleep.
An hour or so later, the apartment door swung open, waking her with a jolt.
Jumping to her feet, Lauren met Camila where she stood at the doorway, the familiar sense of need washing over her upon seeing the girl. Her wrists began to burn, turning an angry red once again.
She didn't speak, only pulled Camila into the apartment and locked the door behind her. The girl had looked better. Weary and tired from being god knows where, and almost like she had been crying, Camila's sad eyes were locked on her and unmoving, as if she was pleading for something.
Lauren shook her head slowly, indicating that no words needed to be exchanged as she linked her arms around Camila's neck and diminished the space between them. When she pulled back, she brought her hands up to hold the girl's cheeks in her palms, and muster as reassuring a smile as she could.
"Kiss me." Camila whispered, her eyes falling closed. Lauren leaned in and did so, relishing in the taste of her lips and line of her jaw.
"Camz. You need to know that no matter the choices you make, whether they be beneficial or otherwise..." Lauren said quietly, resting her forehead against Camila's, and closing her eyes.
"I'm never not going to be proud of you."
***
A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of the story so far and what you'd like to see. We're pretty close to getting into Camila's backstory, it'll still be quite a bit of time until Lauren's. Also I've got a huge number of chapters already written, now it's just a matter of going back and tweaking them based on what you guys think.