When Charlotte opens my door for breakfast, I pull her into the room. "You were supposed to let Holly out last night! What were you thinking?!"
"I did! What are you talking about?" Her eyes widen. She really doesn't know?
"Aurelia," I can feel the tears coming back, "he treated her for the last time."
"What are you talking about, Caroline?"
"Yesterday morning, Ridgeway got us up for the day. When he opened her door, he found Holly in there," I whispered.
"What?! I don't know how this could have- where is she?"
"She's laying in her room, but he performed a lobotomy," I told her.
She rushed across the hallway and opened her door. She barely blinked or moved when Charlotte went in. I watched as Charlotte began rummaging around the room.
"What are you doing?" I ask timidly.
"I'm looking for answers. There has to be something in here," she goes to check the pile of clothes on the floor. A piece of paper falls out. She frantically picks it up and reads it. She sighs and hands it to me: Let me back in in ten minutes. It's been a while since I've been with a girl. I could tell by the paper that it was ripped out of the notebook she brought with her.
"Aurelia told her she was homosexual during the interview. I didn't say why I was here," I began to feel guilty.
"She should've followed your lead."
•
I sat at the table by myself again, of course, and finished my breakfast in silence. I walked slower than usual to the common area. I wasn't in a hurry. I sat there, thinking about what I would do next. Then, a familiar man entered the room and began straightening up.
"George!" I shout. I didn't mean to, but it was so good to see someone kind again.
"Ah, Caroline! How long has it been?"
"It's been nine months!"
"My god. Has it really been that long? How has your stay been?" He brushes a piece of his black hair back.
"It's been less than great," I say sullenly.
"Trouble with Dr. Ridgeway?"
"Yes. How did you know?" I squint at him.
"Every one who has come through the asylum doors and said they had a terrible time has always mentioned him. He seems like a nice guy to me though," he shrugs.
I didn't care to comment on that, "I know we haven't seen each other in a while and we don't know each other that well, but I was wondering if we could talk."
"Of course. That's what I'm here for," he smiles. I couldn't help but smile back. He had a warm, inviting manner.
"It has to be in private though. No one can hear what I tell you," I whisper.
"Caroline, Dr. Ridgeway needs to see you right away," Henry calls.
"Damn it," I whisper.
"Good luck with that," he laughs quietly. "I'll come get you when I can so we can talk, ok?"
"Ok. Thank you, George," I scurry off and follow Henry to Ridgeway's office.
•
"I just wanted to see you," he brushes a hair behind my ear.
I want to push him away, but that would only make things worse. He wraps and arm around my waist and swings me around so that I'm sitting in his desk.
"What are you doing?" I back up a little.
"What do you think?" He opens my legs and leans in for a kiss. I move my face away. He grabs my chin and moves my face back to look him in the eyes. He forcefully kisses me. He yanks my undergarments off.
"Wait," I say, trying desperately to get out of this situation, "I still have the wire in."
"I know."
•
After dinner, I excuse myself to the bathroom with Charlotte's permission. I had to get what blood would easily come off. It was smeared on my thighs. I couldn't help by start crying. I have to get out of here. I would do anything to get out of here.
I return to my room. The events of the past month have killed my confidence. I sat in front of my mirror and stared at the mess I have become. I braided my hair in hopes of still being able to see the beauty in myself, but I only saw my irritated eyes and sickly, pale skin. A knock came at the door.
George entered. "How did treatment go?"
"Horrible," I clung to him and began to sob. He put his arms around me and squeezed lightly.
"What happened?"
"I don't really want to talk about that," he sat down on the bed with me.
"Is there something else you want to talk about?" He rested a hand on my shoulder.
"I did something bad and someone else paid the price for it," I sobbed.
"You're going to have to explain, Caroline."
"I had Charlotte sneak a journalist's wife in here to write a story on the conditions here," I spouted.
He laughed.
I grew insulted, "Why are you laughing?"
"You have a lot of guts. I don't know how you pulled that one off without Ridgeway finding out. Anyways, where did this other person come in to play?"
"The woman interviewed me and this other patient. She was a homosexual and the woman who interviewed us slipped her a note so they could meet up later for sex. Ridgeway found out and the other patient had a lobotomy. She was the only friend I had here, George!" I began to sob again.
He hugged me again, "That's not true. You have me." I fell apart in his arms.