Chapter 10
"Trippetta."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Trippetta."
"The same to you mate."
Sirius gazed up at the ceiling of the boys' dormitory, watching an abnormally large fly moving upside down. "I swear to Merlin, that fly is enormous it could take over the world." He grabbed one of James' smelly brown socks. "It must be killed." Swinging the sock around a few times, he flung it up at the fly where it hit the ceiling and bounced back down -as foreseeable with gravity- and the sock slapped into his face. "Did I get it, Prongs?" he asked, though he was incredibly unheard as a sock was covering his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the fly reappear as it took a saunter of the ceiling once more. "Damn that bloody insect's reflexes! Every sodding time!"
"Trippetta. That's its name: Trippetta."
Lazing across his bed, Sirius rolled with some impressive flobberworm-like turning to face James with the most perplexed look. "Prongs, I haven't got the foggiest idea what you're on about."
Striding across the room, James revealed with a sort of anguished grimace the fuchsia potted plant from behind his back, stretching it out in front of him so it lingered in front of Sirius' nose.
"I'm not hungry, thank you," Sirius said, crossing his eyes as he examined the plant near his nostrils, "But if I want to eat that…green thing, I'll let you know."
"You can't eat it," James shook his head, "It isn't edible. And it's my test. You can't eat my test."
Sirius slowly nodded. "Righto…"
Humming a jovial tune, Peter stepped into the boys' dormitory and immediately froze as his eyes landed on the potted plant in James' hand. His eyes lit up.
"That's a fuchsia plant," Peter stated. "I like fuchsia."
His announcement for the love of the colour did not surprise anyone in the room, including the very fuchsia plant.
"I told Lily you would like it, Wormtail," James mentioned. Clearly he still thought that the unsatisfactory 'gift' would be better for Peter who would appreciate it much more than him.
"Can you move that green thing away from my face now?" Sirius asked, crinkling his nose. James still made no signs of moving the pot that had started extracting soil from the holes of the bottom, now leaving trails of mess on the already dirty floor. "The leaves are tickling my nose."
The final Marauder, Remus, entered the dormitory, looking highly distressed. "I don't want to alarm you or anything," he said, though it was plain to see he was alarmed as ever, "but…I've lost a book."
"That's interesting," Sirius yawned. He shot James a furtive look which asked 'Are you going to point out our werewolf's freakish obsession for books or shall I?'
He went for the latter.
"Why don't you look for the book, say, under your bed? And while you're searching for it, maybe you should find a PAIR OF BALLS TOO. What are you even doing, you stupid poof, worrying about lost books! You shouldn't be searching for sodding literature; you should be searching for birds!" He waved his hand in the air to give Remus a mental slap to the back of his head from across the room. "I'm not talking about the feathered creatures, by the way."
Remus replied with a simple, "I'll grow a pair when you stop scratching yours," and Sirius cringed, inconspicuously moving his hand away from his crotch. "Seriously, I want you to discontinue whatever irrelevant, inane conversation you're having and panic with me—is that a potted shrub?"
"Yes," James confirmed. He shoved the pot into Sirius' hands, and he looked down at it with mistrust. "Hold it while I explain, Padfoot."
Immediately, Sirius started interrogating. "What's it doing here?" he questioned. He shoved Peter with his elbow who'd been awfully close, trying to examine the plant with a sort of longing glaze of the eyes.
"The photosynthesis and carbon fixation conducted by land plants and algae are the ultimate source of energy and organic material in-"
"No, Moony, I mean, what is it doing here," Sirius stressed, "near me."
"Lily gave it to me," James said, as if that would explain the barmy story.
"As a gift?" Sirius sputtered. "Hasn't she ever heard of shirts as presents? God, that woman is completely batty."
"She's not mentally ill, Sirius! She's just testing me, that's all."
"Personally, I think she's been reading one too many women's magazines…" Sirius muttered under his breath, so not to receive another hit from the 'batty one's' boyfriend.
Remus -momentarily forgetting his devastation of the loss of his book- scratched his chin as he observed the plant. "Hmm, the fuchsia plant, a genus of flowering plants, mostly shrubs. Identified by Charles Plumier in the late seventeenth century. Named after the German botanist Leonheart Fuchs."
James gawked at him. "How on earth do you know that?"
"I have extensive general knowledge."
Sirius hoisted the fuchsia plant in the air as he couldn't raise his hand at that particular moment. "I think he swallowed an encyclopaedia at the age of four," he theorised.
Remus sighed. "Sirius, you still refuse to believe that the world is round."
"I'm just saying, do we really have enough evidence?"
"Yes, we do! Photos from space, for one!"
James groaned. "Don't get him started on that, Moony. He still thinks that's some sort of sham…"
"Did you know there's over a hundred species of fuchsia plant?" Peter divulged.
"We're taking that Rambling Road of Prolix again," Remus informed. "Please focus."
"Right," James tried to get into Lily's insane frame of mind. "This plant," he drew an imaginary circle around the shrub, "represents me and Lily's relationship."
Sirius laughed. "How do you make that out?"
"I don't know! It's what Lily said, alright! Some sort of abnormal symbolizing." James tried to lighten up his poor situation, "Better a fuchsia plant representing our relationship rather than niffler dung, eh?"
"I find it amusing how you're making jokes," Remus observed.
"Well, you know, the plant is kind of cute if-oh, who am I kidding? It's a plant, for Christ's sake! They belong in the ground. Are plants even allowed in pots? Isn't it against plant rights or something?"
Remus answered with a flat, "No."
"So you have to look after this beauty?" Peter enquired, with a hint of wanting to take up the challenge himself.
"Yes," James looked unimpressed, "I have to keep it alive for who God knows how long." He jumped and grabbed the plant from Sirius as he'd turned it on its side and it released more soil to the floor. "Lily didn't say how alive it had to be, though."
"Well, considering your relationship is apparently represented in that plant, I take it that it needs to be kept relatively healthy," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "It's quite clever of her, you know; her making you look after it to make you become more responsible."
"Oh, you don't have to call it 'it' anymore," James glanced at Sirius, "or 'green thing'," he added. "As I was telling Padfoot before, the plant's name is Trippetta."
The room fell into silence.
"I beg your pardon?" Sirius queried again.
James was feeling a mighty sense of déjà vu. "Trippetta," he concurred.
"The same to you, mate."
"Oh, for the love of…" James contemplated hurling his plant at Sirius' head, leaving a similar pot shaped dent above his eyebrows. "Trippetta is a name. Trippetta is the plant's name."
Peter furrowed his brow. "Trippetta? Where did you get that name from?"
"Well," James impressively juggled the fuchsia plant from one hand to the other where it wobbled on his palm, and Remus watched his dangerous actions with a squirm, "I was reading-"
"Quidditch Weekly?" Sirius finished.
"No, I was reading-"
"Monthly Booty-licious Witch Babes?"
"No, it was-"
"A leaflet!" Peter guessed, "On, on…whether you want to work in Muggle relations!"
"No! It was this book by….by…" James tried to remember the name and clicked his fingers in frustration. "…Poe Allan Edgar!"
Remus turned a fabulous white in horror, looking as if he was about to have a panic attack as he clutched his chest. "Oh… my goodness. I cannot believe you just said Edgar Allan Poe's name backwards… That's like blasphemy."
"Edgar Allan Poe! That's the nutter," James recalled. He handed the fuchsia plant to Peter as he began to search for a book beneath the junk on his bed; eventually the book was discovered beneath a blanket of sweet wrappers. James turned back to Peter to take the plant from him, but found the plant had disappeared from his hands.
Either Peter had suddenly become six months pregnant, or a potted fuchsia plant was hiding under his fastened school robes.
"Pete, you can't have the plant. I told you already; it's my test."
Pouting, Peter took the plant out from under his robes and sat on his bed in a mood.
James wagged the literature, "In this book-"
"Hey, that's mine!" Remus said in outburst, his eyes locked on his possession. "That's The Lost Book!"
"Oh God, it has a title…" Sirius muttered.
James looked apologetic, handing Remus his book back which he clutched against his chest. "Sorry, I was only borrowing it."
"Yes, well, it's nice you're taking an interest in reading all of a sudden but asking permission costs nothing," Remus said gruffly.
James blinked. "Yes, Moony…. Anyway, reading that short story-" he pointed to the book.
"Oh, short story, eh?" Sirius laughed. "Makes sense now…"
James brushed aside Sirius' comment that hinted James couldn't read anything longer than five pages.
"The story is called 'Hop-Frog'-"
"Is it about a frog?" Peter cut in, cocking his head to one side thoughtfully.
"No."
"Is it about hopping?" Sirius asked.
"No," James repeated, getting slightly annoyed.
"Then I'm not interested." Sirius turned on his side, displaying his back to James.
"Don't be so rude!" Remus rebuked him.
Grumbling, Sirius flipped over on the bed, trying to look interested in what James was babbling on about.
"As I was saying," he continued, "in the story, there is a dwarf-"
"AH HAR HAR HAR HAR…no, wait, that's not funny," Sirius realised.
"-who is crippled-"
"AH HAR HAR HAR HAR…no, wait, that's not funny either."
"-who has a dwarf friend called 'Trippetta'," James ended.
Sirius was about to make another "AH HAR HAR HAR HAR" eruption but found his attention on that large fly soaring in circles up above.
"Let me get this straight," Remus massaged his head, "You're naming your potted fuchsia plant after a character in a Poe story about a crippled dwarf?"
James nodded. "That is correct."
Remus continued to soothe his head feeling an incoming headache. "I don't think I can deal with this amount of unpredictability…"
"Honestly, Moony, you should be used to it by now." Sirius grabbed another one of James' socks and pelted it at the ceiling.
Remus had obviously missed Sirius' assertion of the evil fly. "What are you even doing, Sirius?" he cried, on the brink of madness because of such barmy friends.
"I'm sorry, but that thing must die. I'm saving humanity," Sirius said audaciously. "You're not one of those mothers who doesn't believe in killing insects and likes to chase them with cups for five hours until you scoop them into the cup and throw the insect outside the window where they land on the ground at such an impact that they die, and really, the whole capture using the cup was a complete waste of time?"
"No, because I'm not a mother." Remus frowned. "Or a woman."
"That is debatable, my friend."
"James," Remus tried to focus, somewhat pacing the dormitory, "I'm just…. I'm trying to find some sort of logic here. I mean, just how did you come to the conclusion of naming the plant after a dwarf?"
James shrugged, which was extremely unhelpful to Remus. There just had to be a reason; a plausible reason.
"Wait, when you're talking about dwarfs, does this include the midget first years?" Sirius asked. "Because I swear I saw one was glaring at me in the corridor the other day."
"You flung a pea at his nose in the Great hall," Peter reminded Sirius. "It's permanently stuck so he has to forever breathe with one nostril."
"Oh right. That might explain the glaring…"
"But just how did you get to the outcome of naming the plant 'Trippetta'?" Remus asked again. "Please, just give me some stability that there is a fairly intelligent reason behind christening it."
James shrugged. Again.
"I cannot….deal…with so much…irregularity…in one day…" Remus watched Sirius fling another sock to the ceiling which smacked him atop the head, and Remus had to physically sit himself down before he passed out.
"So, why a girl's name, Prongs?" Peter asked curiously.
"Pinky purple flowers, obviously," James answered. "You can't give the plant a manly name with such girly coloured flowers."
"Because naming plants is normal," Sirius droned from his bed.
"I was going to name it Harry," James mentioned.
Sirius nodded. "Good name; Harry," he approved. "Harry. Harry Potter. Harry Pothead."
"But, you know, with the pinky purple flowers, it seemed a little inappropriate."
"Because you don't what the other bullying flowers picking on him! Oh, can you imagine their taunting? Those plants flicking their leaves and bad mouthing. Disgraceful!"
"No one finds you funny, Sirius."
"I live to amuse myself, my Prongs-nated friend."
"So, er," James held Trippetta the fuchsia plant in his hands, very uncomfortably, "Do any of you know how to look after plants?"
"You take Herbology," Peter said.
"Yeah, but that's all about magical plants. You know, plants with actual faces that can bite you," James said. "This," he gestured to the plant, "This isentirely different."
Remus sighed, gradually calming. "James, all you have to do is water it daily and keep it in an appropriate place."
"Appropriate place?" James enquired. He got out a notebook and quill and began scribbling notes.
"You can't keep it somewhere with too much sun otherwise it will just dry out," Remus said, and James wrote down, 'TOO MUCH SUN EQUALS DEATH'. "And you can't keep it somewhere too dark otherwise it won't get the sunlight it needs." James jotted, 'TOO MUCH DARK EQUALS DEATH.'
"Wait," James read back his notes and frowned, "If it doesn't fit somewhere with too much sun, or too much dark, where the hell do I put it?"
"Up your arse picking daises."
"Most definitely not up someone's arse," Remus said, shooting Sirius an annoyed look.
James scribbled out, 'PUT UP ARSE.'
"It needs to be somewhere in the middle, I suppose, with the right conditions and surroundings. Somewhere with enough sun and shade," Remus said.
"But that's impossible!" James cried. "How am I supposed to find somewhere with such perfect conditions?" He rubbed his head. "I'm getting stressed already. I don't know how those gardeners do it…"
"Why don't you leave it in here?" Peter suggested, referring to the boys dormitory.
"Er…" James sniffed the air. "Sure…" He jotted into the notebook: 'Put Trippetta in head tower. DO NOT put in boys dormitory- it smells like something died there. RESULT EQUALS TRIPPETTA'S DEATH.'
James finished the last of his incisive notes and said, "I better get going," making for the door.
"Where are you off?" Sirius asked, twirling socks.
"Meeting Lily."
Spinning of the socks was abruptly stopped. "I thought we were gonna hang out?" he said, noticeably irritated.
"We can later, Padfoot."
"Don't forget Trippetta," Remus said, gesturing to the fuchsia plant sitting on his bed.
"Oh, yeah, right," James jogged back over to Trippetta and put it under his arm. He stopped at the doorway, remembering something. "Which one of you put flowers in Lily's bags then, eh?"
The boys looked blankly at him.
"Flowers?" Peter echoed. Sirius did not say anything, remaining in a mood because of James' abandonment of Padfoot time for his 'orange sunset'.
"Didn't one of you put flowers in Lily's bag?" James asked, frowning.
"Er…I did," Remus said finally, forcing a smile.
"Thanks, Moony," James said gratefully, "I owe you one." He left, swinging Trippetta along with him.
Once James exited, the strained smile instantly left Remus' face as he sat with his face in his hands.
Remus had not been the sender of the flowers.
He had lied to James, saving Lily's skin. Remus knew those flowers undoubtedly had something to do with that mysterious letter Lily had received; the one Lily refused to say who the correspondent was.
Of course, that was because she didn't know who the correspondent was in the first place.
Sirius pelted another sock at the ceiling; this time with much force.
There had been no 'later'.
The week had passed quickly, where James and Lily had gone through days without arguing at least five times an hour. In fact, since Lily had set James the task of looking after the fuchsia plant, they had supposedly gotten along better, in James' eyes.
He hadn't seemed to notice Lily was constantly on edge.
She was receiving a letter from the Half Blood Prince every day now.
'When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
As the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you
so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth
So is he for your pruning.'
That had only been one of the disturbing letters.
Remus had not spoken a word to Lily about the flowers that had turned up in her bag. In fact, Remus had barely spoken a word to Lily since he had discovered the mysterious letter. Sitting next to one another in Arithmancy was undeniably tense. Constantly, Lily kept her head down, staring at her desk.
Meanwhile, despite the fact that James had the responsibility of looking after Trippetta the fuchsia plant, it seemed Lily's attempts of making James more dependable hadn't registered fully into his brain.
Day one of looking after Trippetta:
"James, have you watered the fuchsia plant yet?"
"I'll do it later, Moony."
James did not do it later.
Day two:
"James, have you done your watering today?"
"It's on my 'To do' list today…..along with 'Lily'."
James's 'To Do' list consisted of a blotchy quill and the back of his hand. The 'To Do' list is inevitably smudged, thus, no watering was done that day as James has the memory of a fish.
Day three:
"Just water it, James."
"…"
"You're going to ask me where to get a watering can, aren't you."
"Seriously, where do I get one of those cans with the long spouts?"
"How have you been watering for the last three days?"
"…Watering what?"
"TRIPPETTA!"
Day three:
"Prongs, please, for the sake of you and Lily's relationship, remember to water the sodding plant!"
"Alright, Padfoot, I'll do it after we play a quick game of Quidditch… So, first one to a hundred goals?
James is too tired to water plant because of Quidditch.
Day four:
"James, do you want me to water the plant for you?"
"For the last time: no, Wormtail! I'll do it after we finish this game of wizard chess….so, twenty games out of thirty, then?"
James is too tired to water plant because of wizard chess.
Day five:
"James, did you remember to water the fuchsia plant?"
"Er…maybe?"
After spending too much time with James, you come to realise his answers of 'maybe' is a definite no.
Day six:
"You look bored, James. Why don't you water Trippetta?"
"Sure…once I find it…"
"You lost it?"
"I haven't seen it for the past couple of days…I'm sure it's in my room though!"
"Oh, good grief…"
Today:
"James. Watering. Do it."
"…Oh my G-….I'll be right back!"
And, at this present time, this is where we are with our hero.
"FUCK!"
James was going to become a crippled dwarf because Lily was going to slice him in half and break every bone in his lanky body.
"FUCK!"
Because profanity was going to save him.
Maybe Trippetta was just a special plant that turned a different colour due to what mood it was in? So, now, for instance, it felt sombre because it was…black.
Very much black.
"Trippetta?" James prodded what was left of the fuchsia plant which included a stump of a stalk and a few blackened leaves which must have scorched from the sun. Apparently the window sill of his dormitory had not been the 'appropriate place' Remus had went on about.
"Oh, no…"
James watched another dead leaf fall from the fuchsia plant, leaving Trippetta with a grand total of two leaves. The pretty 'pinky purple flowers' had dropped off onto the window sill and James was basically left with a pot of soil.
"Thank Merlin Lily didn't make me look after a child for the test…" James joked. He realised he made yet another stupid joke at an unsuitable time with no one to hear it but his dim-witted self and slapped his forehead.
He had watered it, hadn't he?
Come to think of it, James realised he hadn't found that watering can with the long spout…
"Oh, no…" James cradled his head in his hands.
There was just no way getting round this. He couldn't replace the plant with a new one because Lily either had great knack at noticing things that weren't originally what they were, or she'd charmed it with a sneaky spell to tell whether it was the same plant.
"Hello?"
For a second, he thought Trippetta had spoken. On a more level-headed approach, James realised it came from outside his dormitory. Thinking it was Lily, he grabbed Trippetta and hurled the plant under his bed like a bowling ball which rolled and emptied soil across the floor.
James breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of his friends at the doorway.
"Thank God it's you lot," he relaxed.
"Were you having a wank or something?" Sirius asked, wondering why he looked so guilty.
"No, just come in, quick," James waved them to hurry inside and slammed the door shut once the Marauders were within.
"Do you ever open a window in here, James?" Remus asked, automatically crossing the room to let in some air.
James cringed; maybe fresh air would have helped Trippetta's survival…
"Watch for Lily, will you?" James asked, diving under the bed.
Peter popped his head outside the door, keeping a lookout for the redhead while trying not to look confused regarding what on earth James was doing under his bead.
"Prongs, if you're going to hide from Lily, under the bed isn't the best place," Sirius stated. James' bottom wiggled as he tried to reach for Trippetta that had scrambled far underneath, as if afraid of his hands. "Your arse is sticking out. She will find you."
"I'm not hiding; I can't reach that sodding…." James reached out with his fingertips and grabbed Trippetta, rolling out from under the bed with a triumphant face. "Got it!" The boys left off gasps at the plant's appearance and James quickly contemplated shoving the plant back under the bed again.
Peter was the first to say anything. "James…how…how could you?" He could not believe someone had treated something -that was so fuchsia- so unkindly. "Trippetta…Trippetta didn't deserve that." Peter shook his head, and James felt oddly shamefaced.
"Oh, James! I thought you followed my instructions!" Remus cried, rather devastated. "You did water it, didn't you?"
James ran his hand through his hair. "Er, define 'watering'…"
"To pour or sprinkle water on; to make wet."
James tittered nervously. "Well, it's kind of hard to find water these days…"
Sirius erupted into laughter.
James glared at him. "It's not funny, Padfoot!"
"Trust me, it is." Sirius prodded Trippetta and another leaf fell off, leaving the stalk that was the fuchsia plant with only one leaf remaining.
"You stupid prat! Stop making it worse!"
"You did that all by yourself, mate," Sirius laughed.
Within the seconds, the two were fighting.
Remus tried to be the mediator. "Guys, please," he said gently. He watched as James got Sirius in another headlock and left off a scream as Sirius bit his arm.
"Aaargh! Sod off!"
"You want some?"
"Guys!" Remus yelled. The boys halted, just as James was about go give Sirius a Chinese burn and Sirius was about to knee him in the groin. "This isn't helping James' situ-"
"Hello? James, are you in?"
The boys froze at the sound of the girl's voice outside the dormitory.
Sirius giggled. He said nothing except the word, "Castration," pointing to James' crotch with a knowing look.
"Bugger!" James cursed. He seized the nearest Marauder by the collar which happened to Peter. "Get rid of her for me!"
"What? What am I supposed to do?"
"I dunno! Go take her on a walk or something. Be creative."
James shoved Peter who released a "WAAAAAAH" as he stumbled out of the room into Lily's path who was about to enter James' dormitory.
Lily was greatly surprised to see a Marauder in her headquarters. "Hello, Peter," she greeted him. "What are you doing in here?" Peter stood determinedly in front of James' dorm door; Lily found this highly suspicious. "Is James in there?"
"No! Er, do you want to go on a walk?"
"He's not? Well, actually-" Lily stopped as Peter linked arms with her and swung her in the opposite direction, to the exit of the tower. "Wait, where are we going?" she asked, a little startled.
Peter stuck to James' plan. "I thought we'd go on a walk of the grounds."
Lily shot him a strained smile. "May I ask why?"
Peter's eyes widened. "Why?" he echoed, sweating. "You know, people just don't appreciate nature these days."
Lily nodded, slowly. "Right…"
"And we could, er, discuss…fuchsia plants?" Peter said hopefully. "Aren't they just the best plants ever?"
Lily was about to answer but Peter had promptly dragged her through the portrait.
"God, that was close," James left the dormitory with Sirius and Remus trailing behind.
"I was in such a mood to see her kill you too," Sirius said with disappointment.
James shot him a warning middle finger.
"What am I going to do, then?" James asked his friends. "C'mon, Moony, you must know a spell to make it…you know…"
"Un-dead?" Sirius offered.
James nodded. "Yes. That."
Remus shot him a sympathetic smile. "Plants aren't really my speciality, James…"
"That's great. Wonderful," James said dryly, throwing up his hands. He looked at Sirius, "I'm not even going to ask you for advice, Padfoot."
"That's completely unjust!"
"I'm sorry. Please, do tell me your spectacular advice."
Sirius looked at him vacantly. "I don't exactly have any heeding advice..." James threw up his hands. "But, still! It's only polite to ask, arse-face!"
James was not amused. "Well, you're both extremely useful. Thanks a lot."
"We don't survive in the world to aid you, I'm afraid," Remus informed him. "Though…"
"Though?" James brightened. "Though, what? Have you got an idea? Please, Moony, I beg of you! Use that mammoth brain of yours and help meeeee….." He fell to the floor and pulled on his trouser legs.
Remus looked down at him, a little repulsed. "Plants are not my speciality, as you well know. So find someone whose speciality is plants."
James shot to his feet. "That's your advice? I can't help but say I'm a little thwarted, Moony, considering I DON'T KNOW ANYONE WITH A SPECIALITY IN SODDING PLANTS." He panted after his outburst, before collapsing to the floor in whimpers.
Remus rolled his eyes at such dramatic actions. "I know someone," he informed.
Again, James shot to his feet. "Who? Who, God damn it, tell me!"
"Ow, I'm loosing the circulation in my arms, James," Remus complained. James apologized, letting go of Remus' arm he had been puncturing. "Alice has a speciality in plants."
"Who?" James never paid attention to girls in Hogwarts except for his redheaded 'orange peel.'
"Alice, eh?" Sirius scratched his chin. "She sounds familiar… I've never snogged her," he confirmed, and his friends rolled their eyes. "Wait, isn't that Frank's bird?"
"Yes, Alice is Frank's girlfriend," Remus said more appropriately.
"Where would she be?" James asked.
"With Frank in the hospital wing."
Passing a corridor window to the hospital wing, the boys spotted Lily being dragged by Peter to feed the Giant Squid mouldy bread.
"My poor orange peel," James said, taking his gaze off the grounds.
The second the three Marauders entered the Hospital wing, Sirius exploded with "FRAAAAANK! FRANK-EEEEEEE!"
There was a definite sound of scrambling for escape behind a bed curtain at the sound of Sirius' holler.
"Sssssh!" Madam Pomfrey bustled up to them, pressing a finger to her mouth and spitting as she shushed. "This is a hospital wing! Proper etiquette, please. Can you not read the sign?" She pointed to the wall.
"Um…Madam Pomfrey, there is no sign," Remus pointed out.
With slow comprehension, the witch realised the boy was right.
"Yes, but if there was one, it would say 'Be quiet at all times'," Pomfrey insisted. "Now go visit whoever you want to see and be soundless about it!"
"Madam Pom Pom's, you're shouting."
"I AM NOT SHOUTING. AND DO NOT CALL ME THAT."
Quickly, the Marauders hurried to the corner of the wing with the only bed that was curtained. Sirius made many greetings to ill people on the way.
"Hey, Mike!" Sirius waved to the boy who lifted a plastered leg in response. "Jennifer, you get well soon, eh?" The girl smiled, despite all her teeth missing due to a horrible curse. "Steve! Steevie!" Sirius gave the boy a brotherly punched who screamed tremendously in pain. "Dominic! Dom-o!" The boy tried to desperately hide under the covers of his bed, but Sirius had spotted him and gave him a vigorous rub to the top of his head as he squirmed. "Get that arm better, alright?"
"Do you know everyone in this castle?" Remus asked.
Sirius replied with a mysterious nose tap, "I have my connections…"
Hearing whispers, James pulled back the curtains of the bed that was hidden to reveal Frank lying on his bed while Alice sat at his bedside.
"I told you to keep quiet, Alice!" Frank hissed, holding on to her hand in terror.
"FRANK!" Sirius beamed, holding out his arms for an embrace. "FRANK-EEEE!"
Frank jumped back, clinging to the bed headboard, and Alice also had to jump back as she was pulled by the hand. "You-" he wagged his finger at Sirius "-you keep away from me!"
"I can understand you being a little bitter," Sirius began.
"Bitter?" Frank repeated. "You popped a balloon on my head!"
"I forgot about the panic attack thing." Sirius rolled his eyes, "Surely you can understand? I didn't do it on purpose, honestly! I pop balloons on my friend's heads all the time as a greeting. Prongs, magic a balloon for me so I can show him."
"NO!" Frank yelled.
"Must you make everything about yourself, Padfoot?" James complained, literally pushing Sirius aside with an elbow. "Frank, mate," he addressed the boy, "We only came here to see Alice."
"Me?" Alice queried, looking confused.
Frank wrapped an arm around Alice protectively who felt the blood flow cut off around her neck. "What about Alice?" he said suspiciously.
James noticed his defensive manner. "We just want to take her-" his ending of 'off your hands' was cut off by Frank's outburst.
"You want to take her, do you?" Frank wrapped an arm tighter around Alice who was beginning to look blue in the face. "You get away from her, you woman stealer!" He pointed the finger at James, "You and Sirius! I know your game. You good looking bachelors go around stealing girlfriends from respectable boyfriends!" His gaze came across Remus. "And you, Remus, you're the secret leader, aren't you!" Remus gawked at him. "Well, you can't have her! SHE'S MINE!"
"Frank, calm down!" James put his hands up in defence – the Longbottom boy was beginning to cause a kafuffle. "I'm going out with Lily, if you didn't already know. I'm in a steady relationship." At least, he hoped he still was.
"And don't worry about me. I fancy this tart-"
"Don't call her that, Sirius! " Remus told him off. "It's demeaning to women!"
Sirius shot Frank a knowing look. "I'd definitely worry about this one," he pulled on Remus' sleeve, "The ladies love his softness."
Frank nodded and tightened his grip on Alice.
"Frank," James said gently, "We didn't come here to steal Alice away from you."
Frank furrowed his brow. "You didn't?"
"No, we want to talk to her."
Frank scoffed. "Yeah, right!"
"No, seriously. We do. We want to discuss plants."
Frank released his grip on Alice. "You what?"
James sighed, reddening. "I have a plant problem, alright!"
"You seriously want to talk to Alice about plants?" Frank asked for a confirmation.
James nodded.
"Merlin, what am I, the plant adviser?" Alice grumbled, getting to her feet.
"You get regular enquires about plants?" Remus questioned her.
Alice nodded. "I'm 'the plant girl'," she notified, looking miffed to such an unattractive nickname.
"So can we talk to you…er, alone?" James asked.
"I do not agree that," Frank informed, raising his hand.
Alice gave him a reassuring peck on the cheek and Frank broke into a sappy smile.
"Alright," he gave in. "But I want you in that corner," he pointed to the other side of the hospital wing, "And I'm watching you!"
"Yeah, that's wonderful, Frank," James said absentmindedly, already dragging Alice to the other side of hospital wing with Sirius and Remus following obediently.
"So, what's up?" Alice asked. She heard the sound of rustling and spotted James holding a plastic carrier bag. "What's in the bag?"
James shoved his hand inside. "Oh, bugger! The soil's all come out!" He cursed as he got soil under his fingernails. "It'll take forever to clean these nails!"
"So you dragged me to a corner to talk about nails and your sudden overwhelming femininity," Alice said, and James looked highly offended. "Please, get to the point, quickly. There is a boy over there who needs me to reassure him that balloons will not haunt him in his dreams." She shot Sirius an aggravated look.
"Once again, I apologise for the balloon-popping," Sirius said.
"Yes, well, when I found out what you get panic attacks at, you will suffer, Sirius." Alice beamed.
"Oh God, I hope she doesn't find out about my clowns phobia…."
"Cmon, James," Alice clapped her hands, as if he were a puppy dog running to fetch stick, "Purpose. Quickly. Now."
Sighing, James brought Trippetta out of the plastic bag and placed it in Alice's hands.
"Alice, meet Trippetta. Trippetta, say hello to Alice," James got the formalities over with.
"I have no idea who 'Trippetta' is, but that's definitely a dead plant," she referred to the pot half filled with soil, accompanied by a barely visible dying plant stalk.
James looked utterly devastated. "That's your final diagnosis, then?"
"Diagnosis?" Alice snorted. "I'd say more of a pronouncement of death."
"Alice…" James whined; obviously 'pronouncement of death' at the plant morgue (which was currently the hospital wing) was something he did not want to hear.
"What do you mean 'Alice…' in that odd whine? Surely you must have known that this shrub is dead? It's fairly evident." She observed the plant from different angles as she positioned it in the air. "Too much exposure of sun," she nodded at the one and only black leaf, "and dehydration of water." Remus shot James a look which said 'I told you so, ignoramus!' She dipped a finger into the spoil and licked it, making the Marauders squirm. "Just as I thought; not enough nutrients. This soil is very poor." She shook her head at James. "For the sake of humanity, I hope you do not produce."
Sirius laughed insanely in uproar.
James glared at Sirius, eventually taking his attention back to Alice. "You've made a big deal of pointing out the negatives of what I've done wrong and everything, but is there anything you can do to make it, er, you know…"
"Live?" Alice suggested.
"That was the general idea."
The girl chuckled, but sadly. "James, what if this plant was a person?"
"But it isn't," Sirius cut in confusedly.
"Yes, I know that," Alice gritted through her teeth, trying not to let her anger get the better of her, "But what if it was?"
James thought the question through. "Then…then I'd probably be going to Azkaban for murder."
Alice rolled her eyes; that hadn't been the response she'd hoped for. "If this plant were a person; a dead person," she tried to make clear, "then there would be nothing you could do, would there? That person would be lifeless and there would be no way to bring them back, am I correct?"
Slowly, James nodded.
"That plant is dead, James. There is no way of reviving it."
"But it's a plant!" he excused lamely.
"It's still a living thing," Alice said, looking serious. "Plants are living things too."
"I'M WATCHING YOOOOOO!"
The boys flinched at Frank's bellow from the other side of the room.
"I'm sorry, James." She patted his shoulder shoulder and returned the plant into his bag with a plop. "There's nothing I can do." James, on the verge of sobbing, watched her make her way back over to Frank, sit next to him again, and stroked his hand soothingly as she whispered reassuring words in his ear.
"Trippetta's gone, mate," Sirius patted his back. "Get over it."
James swung his plastic bag at him.
"This plant will not be the death of me!" James said determinedly. "I have a plan of fluffiness!" He swung the plastic bag containing Trippetta over his shoulder. "Follow me, Marauders!"
"Peter, we've been hurling mouldy bread at the Giant squid for at least an hour now. I'm cold, and I want to go inside."
"No, no, no, no, no!" Peter shook his head. "You can't go inside!"
Lily raised an eyebrow. "What exactly are you keeping me away from? James has done something bad, hasn't he?" She grabbed Peter by the collar. "Tell me. I promise I won't tell James you told me." She crossed her fingers behind her back.
He managed to get out her grip. "Let's feed more bread to the Giant squid, shall we?" He threw in another ball of bread that bounced off one of the squid's tentacles. The Giant squid made another angry splash into the lake for the hundredth time that hour, wrathful because of the bread that was getting thrown at it.
"I don't think Giant squid's -or even squid's- like bread! Ducks, perhaps. Though how they find consuming soggy mush is beyond me… Peter, stop throwing bread before I confiscate it."
He nodded and popped the last of his bread into his mouth.
"That was mouldy, Peter! Good God…" She got out her wand. "Open your mouth." He opened wide and Lily tapped her wand, lifting the gone-off bread pieces that were trapped behind his choppers.
"MY ORANGE PEEL! MY ORANGE SUNSET!"
Lily knew that voice anywhere, and whipped round to face James who was smiling nervously.
"Thank Merlin you're here. You can take your friend Peter now." Lily took out the last remaining bread from his mouth and nudged him towards James. "I'm cold. Either give me your jacket or your skin."
"Skin is rather hard to unpeel," James stated, taking off his jacket and putting it round Lily's shoulders. He kissed her deeply on the lips, which Peter witness with mild curiosity.
"So, how's Trippetta?"
James didn't answer and kissed her again.
"Jam-dnfkjrdngk," Lily mumbled incoherently, trying to speak as his lips were suddenly glued to hers. "James!" She managed to unhinge him off her, flushing. "Trippetta?" she said hopefully again.
James steered her with a hand to her back, back to the castle. "Why don't we go to the tower and talk, eh?"
"Oh God," Lily stopped in her tracks, "You ate Trippetta in your Animagus form, didn't you?"
"No, har har! Of course not! Nothing like that!"
"Good." Lily carried on walking, looking relieved; James appeared the total opposite. She suddenly pointed a finger at him, "You better have not done anything to make me break up with you, James Potter."
He merely squeaked in response.
Lily sat on the couch of the head tower common room and played with the sleeves of James' coat that covered her hands. "You must have long arms, James," she stated. She watched the sleeve flop over like a bunny ear, and then turned her attention to the owner of the coat who seemed to be pacing in front of her.
"Are you sure you didn't eat Trippetta?" she asked sceptically.
"No, har har!"
Lily nodded, looking unconvinced. "You've done something that will make me break up with you," she said, pointing the finger at him.
James laughed tensely. "What makes you think that, orange peel?"
Lily waved her hand to the floor. "There is soil everywhere and I don't see Trippetta." James gulped. "Bring me Trippetta," she clicked her fingers like a queen, "chop chop!"
Unhurriedly, he went behind the couch and brought a brand new fuchsia plant from behind it. Smiling apprehensively, he showed off the potted shrub in his hands. "There you go," he strained a smile, "Trippetta, all nice and healthy."
"James, I can't see it closely from across the other side of the common room."
"Right." James stood closer.
"You're still on the other side of the common room!"
"Right. Sorry."
He stepped in front of her, and Lily tried to seize the fuchsia plant for a closer inspection but he pulled it high out of her reach. "James, stop that!"
"Surely you can see it from this height!" He held the plant high above his head.
"James, give me Trippetta! Now!"
Wincing, James plopped the plant into her hand.
With one feel of the leaves, she gasped. "This isn't Trippetta!" She gasped again in realisation. "This is plastic!"
"Okay, I'll just say it: I kind of killed Trippetta, and, technically, yes, that plant is plastic." He cringed; Hogsmeade sold a variety of plastic plants these days.
"You killed our relationship plant!" Lily shrieked.
"Wait, before you get angry-" Lily's right eye bulged "-er, angrier," he corrected himself, "please, hear my fluffy theory out."
"Fluffy…theory?"
"Yes," James put her hands over hers that were currently holding the plastic fake Trippetta, "You see, yes, I did kill Trippetta. Trippetta was a real plant."
"Well of course she was!"
James mind was boggled to why Lily addressed the plant as 'she'. "Er, yes," he tried to get back on track, "Trippetta never really represented our relationship though."
"Yes, it did!"
"No, it didn't," James oddly smiled, and Lily continued to glower at him, "Because Trippetta was a real plant. And with real plants, there is a possibility of death, right?" Lily nodded, though utterly confused. "This plant represents our relationship," he insisted, pointing to the plastic fuchsia shrub.
"No, it doesn't," Lily mumbled stubbornly.
"Yes, it does, because this plant is plastic-"
"ARE YOU SAYING OUR RELATIONSHIP IS FAKE?"
"No, no, I'm not that saying that! I'm saying: this plant, this plant right here, symbolises our relationship because it is made of plastic, because it will never die."
Lily remained silent.
"You do get what I just said, right? I'm saying that this plant, symbolizing our relationship, will never die because it is made of plastic and plastic never dies and-"
"I get it, James."
James breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. That fluffy speech took me at least half an hour to think of."
Lily opened up her arms to wrap James' large coat around them both. "God, you're so stupid, you know."
"I thought that speech was rather intelligent of me!"
"I set a simple enough task! Look after a plant. Do not let it die. You do neither of those things and somehow get appear in the end as a caring boyfriend in the right," Lily grumbled, snuggling against James' chest.
"I know. I'm amazing, aren't I?"
"Sneaky git, more like it…" Though she liked the warmth James gave off, she reluctantly pulled away from. "I can't wear this overgrown jacket anymore. It's itchy," she complained. "I'm going to get my jumper in my dorm."
"No, wait!" James shouted.
Lily opened her dormitory door and was about to step inside, when she froze. Silently, she shut the door again and faced James.
"My room is full of fuchsia plants," she declared.
"Indeed, it is."
"Why is it full of fuchsia plants?"
"Er…" James ran a hand embarrassing through his hair. "It was plan B if you didn't warm to the fluffy speech."
"Filling my room with fuchsia plants?" Lily screeched. "This has only made me more infuriated! How am I supposed to sleep?"
"Don't worry; I'll get rid of them."
"How?"
"I'll give them to Peter."
"Over a hundred fuchsia plants?"
"Sixty eight, actually. And he can make dresses out of them."
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Hehe
Hope u like!
<3 Vi