First Impression: nice title!
This is a really well written and well developed story. I really like that it's planned out, and you gradually unravel the plot from the beginning of the story. You capture the audience's attention right away, jumping into the normal lives of Reagan, and then you move on to the action filled parts. I like how everything flows really well and you have really detailed descriptions that aid the story. It adds to the whole mysterious feel. I also like that you characterize the characters very well, and each of them have very distinct personalities. The only thing is that I'm a little confused about how the prologue ties into the story. Hopefully you will elaborate on that in future chapters.
Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)
Payment: read one book
- bluecrayonlady