GWEN'S POV:
My eyes were filled with tears, and I couldn't say anything through the duct tape. I tried. God, I tried.
I didn't know what I needed to say, and saying something wouldn't help, but...I just....needed to talk. And I couldn't. All I could do was make an "mmmmmmm" sound.
I ended up trying to convey what I wanted to say, through my eyes. But that wasn't working either.
So Lou and I just ended up staring at each other for the entire ride. And it was a long one. I don't know how long. It just felt.....long. It must have been a few hours. Maybe three?
I thought of my mum. She must be worried sick about me. She finally got me back and now....she might never see me again. My eyes teared up again at that thought. I had two people to mourn me now. Two people to worry about. Two people I loved. Harry and my mum. Louis too. I cared for him very much too, of course. I was worried sick about him right now...how could he have been stuck in the middle of all this?
It was still bright day time when they opened the van doors. It hurt my eyes bad at first, until they adjusted to the light.
Harry had woken up a little bit ago. I could hear him "hmmmmphing" behind his duct taped mouth and I'd had to struggle to turn myself around towards him, with all my taped limbs. I did it, but all I could do was stare at him and cry. It took him a good few minutes to realize where he was and what the hell was happening. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
But when he realized, his eyes teared up and he struggled, but it was no use. The panic in his eyes was heartbreaking. I could tell it was panic for me. It was different from just general fear.
I nodded my head and rolled my eyes to signal Harry to lift his head and look behind me.
He finally understood me and looked. I watched his eyes widen and the duct tape between the shape of his lips underneath start moving in and out as his breath picked up in panic.
He just noticed that Louis was here too. To endure whatever was in store for us.
That made me sad. And it definitely made Harry sad.
They pulled Harry out first, and I watched them take him into the back of a store. It wasn't a restaurant like I'd thought it would be. It was a...thrift shop or something.
They came back for Louis next, and then me.
They brought me into a room in a basement again. It was a plain room, totally basement-ish. Concrete walls and floors, dingy and musty and cold, with four "cages". One in each corner. They were like small jail cells.The bars went floor to ceiling, using each cement basement corner as two of the cage walls. Each one had a dingy mattress on the floor. They put us each in our own separate cage. It smelled just like the other basement I'd lived in for 10 years. The smell made me sick to my stomach. Memories flashed back, and I started gagging. I didn't know what I would do, because if I threw up with duct tape over my mouth, I would pretty much...drown, I think?
I was trying. Really really fvcking REALLY hard not to vomit. I was trying to control my breathing. Trying to think about the ocean and the waves and the beach and sand....if I threw up, it would horrible. Suffering. And most likely suffocating. I was in deep shit right now.
I looked up once as I gagged, and Harry was watching me struggle, with his eyes full of fear. In between my gags, I could hear him trying to yell.
Dammit Gwen....get your shit together, I thought to myself. I tried so hard.
But in the end, the vomit came up and took over. My mouth stretched along the tape, pulling and stinging. The vomit came up my throat and just laid there in my mouth, trying to come out.
I could hear Harry screaming in his duct tape. I could hear Louis screaming too. They were both kicking the bars of the human cages. It was loud.
Another heave of vomit came up now, and it had nowhere to go. A lot of it came out of my nose, actually, which was good, but not good enough. I was coughing and struggling to breathe. Vomit was stuck in my throat now, not able to go anywhere. I tried swallowing and that sort of worked a little bit, but then another heave came and I felt like I was going to pass out now. The sounds that were coming from my throat and nose were...I didn't even know. I was suffocating. There was vomit in my nose, chunks stuck in it, I could barely pull air in or out. I was starting to panic now. I was right. I was suffocating. Harry was going to watch me die a horrible death, right now. I'd never even know if he was ok in the end. I sat there on my butt, hands still taped behind my back and my knees up in front of me and my taped together feet on the ground.
My vision started closing in on me. Everything was turning gray, fast. All I could hear was Harry and Lou's muffled yelling, and the clanking of the bars and rattling of the cages as they banged on them frantically.
Out of nowhere, I felt the tape ripped off of my face. Everything poured out of my mouth at once, and a blast of air came into my throat a few seconds later.
I just noticed I was laying sideways on the ground. My vision started coming back, and the numbness I hadn't even known I had in my fingers and toes started leaving, and they tingled as my body struggled to take in every refreshing breath. I realized my limbs were twitching, too. Wow, I wasn't in good shape! Would I live through this?
The man who ripped the tape off my mouth sat me up. My head hung over from lack of strength. He stepped to the back of me and swatted me on the back pretty hard, which made me cough more, and everything that was backed up in my throat started coming up, along with more, new vomit. It was disgusting and I was panicked still, so I ended up heaving even more now. At least there was somewhere for it all to go now.
What a big difference.
I finally got myself together after what seemed like a LONG time.
I looked up for Harry and Louis.
Harry had his head leaning on the back of the cage and his eyes were closed. He was panting out really shaky, super fast, deep breaths. He'd almost just lost me. Louis was in the same sort of position, doing the same thing actually.
Relief.
That's what I saw on their faces.
I was going to live.
Well, for NOW, anyway.
When I looked recovered, the man switched me into the one extra cage that was closer to Lou's cage. Dammit, I wanted to be as close to Harry as I could.
He locked me in, then disappeared out of the room. I sat there against the bars of my new cage, and gathered myself together, calming down.
I forgot I didn't have duct tape on my mouth now, so I could talk! Strange, how I'd gotten used to not talking so quickly!
"Harry....I'm sorry! I know you can't answer me, but...I'm sorry. I smelled this basement and it flashed me back to the other one.....it made me sick to my stomach! I tried to control it, but I couldn't! Oh God, that was horrible! You have no idea.....oh my God, Harry.....I know I almost died. I almost passed out, and that would have been it from there......." I started crying now.
"I'm sorry my old life is interfering in your life...again. It'll never go away, Harry. It'll never end!" I vented. All poor Harry could do was sit there and let tears leak out of his eyes.
I looked at Louis, and he was the same way. Not as many tears, but there were tears as he looked at my old, vomit filled cage. "I'm so sorry Lou. You got pulled into this....I'm so...sorry..." I cried.
We sat in our cages for ever, it seemed. There was a really tiny, skinny window up at the top of the cellar wall, and it was dark now. No one came in for us. We all just sat in silence. I hated talking and getting no responses, other than heads shaking yes or no, so I just stopped talking. I'd asked the guys if they were ok, and stuff like that. Yes and no questions...even though there was nothing I could do anyway.
They left us in there alllll night. I was so hungry, it woke me up early and watched the sun rise through the little window. I laid there staring at the faint blue color in the sky, and watched it turn a lighter and lighter shade as the minutes ticked by. The guys were asleep, I guess. They weren't moving, anyway. But I could hear them struggle to breathe sometimes through their noses when their brain would realize they couldn't take that refreshing breath through their mouths.
Bright and early, a man came into the cage room. There seemed to be lots of different men at this place. At mine, there were only two. Mike and Gus. This place...I never knew who would walk in. And where were other girls? Were there any here? Why were we here? What did they want with us? I couldn't figure it out. All I could think was that they wanted to torture and or kill us for breaking up their s.ex ring.
The man came right to my cage and opened it. He had scissors, which didn't scare me much because I figured he was going to cut my duct tape off, and he did. I didn't dare say a word. I concentrated on the blood flowing back into my limbs, and being able to actually move them around. I scooted back against the cage bars while sitting on my mattress, and watched him as he cut the tape off the guys, and ripped it from their mouths so quick and hard, I seriously thought I'd see skin left on the tape. Both guys had a tiny amount of stubble, so I'm sure that hurt, judging by their painful grunts. It hurt enough on my face yesterday, not that I was concentrating on that when they ripped it off...
Both guys sat up and scooted to lean on their cages like me. The man left with all the pieces of tape.
We all started talking, almost at once. Asking what we thought we were here for, asking each other if we were ok, saying how hungry we were, and how we all had to pee so badly. I of course had more to say. Like, sorry guys that you might die here in a cage in a basement because of me. Yeah. Guess it would've been better if you'd never met me. You'd be in your homes, in your beds right now, living your life...
The man came back in, this time carrying a tray of food and drinks. Oh thank God. I was sooooo hungry, I was starting to feel woozy, and the guys were too.
"Could we....use the bathroom first?" I asked lowly, wondering if the no talking rule from my old place applied in this situation, but wanting to speak up for the guys.
"Eat first", the man said, and left after giving us our food through the bars.
We all ate so fast, we had cramps when we were done. I felt like I was gonna puke again, from drinking my water bottle so fast. When I finally felt the food hit my stomach, it was sweet relief. But now I REALLY had to use the bathroom. When would he come back in?
As if on cue, when Harry took his last sip of his water and put the tray down, a minute later, the man came in and let him out. He pushed him in the direction of the door. When he walked by, he stuck his hand out to touch mine that was wrapped around the bars at the front now. I had gotten up when the man came in. That one touch of Harry was like paradise. We'd probably be making love right now, if we were home and everything was normal. This made me sad. Would we ever be home again? Would we ever even make love again? I wanted time to fly so badly, but yet...I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted. Time could be flying to our deaths.
In a few minutes, Harry came back in, followed by the man. Harry hooked hands with me as he walked by this time, and the guy had to smack him on the back with his pistol to get him moving. He locked Harry back in his cage, and let Louis out. When Lou was back, he came and got me, and led me out.
It was to a small bathroom right outside the door. This one at least had a door, so I could go in private. And even a little sink and soap to wash my hands. They felt sooo grubby, from touching that grungy old, stained, yellowed mattress. I felt so disgusting. I washed my face too. It was covered in dried puke residue.
When I was done, I opened the door and the guy was waiting right there for me. He led me back into my cage, and left.
A few minutes later, another man came in. This one seemed meaner. He tossed clothes through the bars in my cage, and told me to get dressed, and left.
I looked at the guys. Harry asked to see the clothes. I picked them up and......it wasn't good.
The clothes consisted of a matching lacey bra and panties, and a silky robe to match.
My heart sunk and all the air was forced out of my chest at once. I looked up at Harry, and he looked the same as I felt. The hurt in his eyes made me forget to breathe for a second as his eyes slowly lifted to meet mine, full of realization.
They were going to pros.ti.tute me out, I think.
How long would I do this? What would the guys do? I was so confused and scared.
I started to undress. Harry looked over at Lou, and Lou got the hint from the look in his eyes, and turned around so I could have some privacy. I quickly got the clothes on, if you could call them clothes, and wrapped my robe tight and tied it at the waist.
"Harry. I love you. Please don't worry about me, ok? Please...just....take care of yourself and Lou. I'll get through it, alright? Remember...I'm used to it. I'll be fine. I think...." I told him, but he didn't look up from his hands holding his head, his fists squeezing clumps of hair tightly, as he sat and looked at the floor through his knees.
"I love you babe. I love you so much..." was all he could get out, his voice faltering at the end, causing me to tear up instantly at the hurt that was in his voice.
I was most likely about to have s.ex with strange men again. But I was Harry's. And he had to sit here, knowing men would be touching me...doing whatever they wanted to me.....the realization hit me, and I started to cry. I collapsed down on the mattress with my legs like a pretzel, and my head fell forward into my cupped hands and I just cried.
The meaner man came back in, and went straight to my cage, and led me out the door. I told Harry I loved him more than life on my way out. "No. Please no. Don't do this to her, please.....Gwen....I love you. I love you", he whimpered at the end, his voice breaking horribly into sobs.
I said goodbye to Louis and gave him an apologetic look as I turned back by the door. "Jesus Gwen....No...." was all he could say, his face looking like he was in shock.
I was led upstairs which I could tell was at the back of the store. I looked everywhere for anything to use as a weapon. Any possible chance at escape. Anything. But there was nothing.
There was a door on the side wall in the back, and it seemed to pass through to the adjacent building. So now I was in another building. I wondered what business this was on the front.
Next, it was back down to another basement. Wonderful. This one smelled a little less musty, and was cleaner. It was a finished basement. There were rooms, and wallboard, making it more like a house than a basement. You could still tell you were in a basement though.
I was led to a room, and just like my old place, there was a bed. Only this bed was a real one. Headboard and springs and all. Luxury. Oooh. I frowned. Did that mean the customers would be richer? And as I remembered, the richer, the freakier. Oh boy.
The man pointed to the bed, and I sat on it, looking up to him in the doorway. "Someone will be in soon", was all he said, and he closed and locked the door.
I looked around. This room didn't have any sort of window or anything. It had a small table next to the bed, with...oh look at that....a container full of condoms, and a small lamp. Just like before. But no bowl for trash or.....spit.....?
I felt sick to my stomach now. My mind couldn't even fathom the fact that I was "here" again. Back in this life of hell. What would they do with Harry and Lou? Why did they take them, and not just me?
What if I came back after "working" later, and they were dead? What if they killed them? So many thoughts went through my head, I started to hyperventilate.
But then the door opened. The meanish man let in another man, and closed the door behind him, locking it.
The small, stocky man that was just let in, walked over to me as I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to get my normal breaths back. He reached for my robe belt, and pulled it, untying the bow I had made.
This was happening.
I started to panic more. But that didn't bother the man at all. More cold, heartless monsters. Wonderful. They don't see a girl freaking out and scared and think "wow...poor girl....I can't do this"?
How can they not?
He stood up and pulled me up by one arm. He undid the rest of the robe belt, and pulled it off my shoulders, letting it fall to the ground in a silent heap at my feet.
He then walked around to the back of me, and unfastened my bra, and pulled the straps down my shoulders, and came back to the front to take it off of my arms, which were up at my face, holding my eyes full of tears.
With two fingers, he hooked my panties, and slid them down until they fell at my feet with the rest of my clothing. I was totally nude. With a strange man. I was officially back in this old life. I was a who.re again. As of right now. And Harry sat in a cage, knowing what I was doing, heart breaking into pieces, I was sure.
The man had endless sex with me, but was only there for an hour. I'd noticed a clock on the far wall, and I stared at it while he moved on top of me. He took forever. He just kept going and going. I was already sore, and this was just the first client. He didn't do anything strange...just fvcked. Then got up and got dressed, and waited by the door, not facing me, until the mean man came and let him out.
He had tossed the condom in the trash on the other side of the bed. I hadn't seen it before.
Good to know. Ya know....for spitting......
I had just had s.ex with someone who was not Harry. And I was crushed. It was horrible, and I was dry and he was icky and.....I couldn't believe this was happening. I kept thinking I'd wake up and this would be a nightmare. But this nightmare was too detailed and way way too long. This was real.
I wanted my mum. That was the only difference between right now and before. I could picture my mum now. And I knew that she loved me. And I wanted her. I wanted her to make it all go away. Make it ok. I wanted Harry too. I missed them both so much......
My thoughts were interrupted by another man entering the room. A tall, skinny man in a business suit. He looked...cold behind his eyes. Heartless. But then again, they all were, just for being here in the first place.
He walked over and got undressed totally. He looked at me and somehow, I knew that was my signal to get undressed. I took off the undies, bra and robe I had just put on minutes ago, and I stood there, waiting to see how HE wanted to do this.
He wanted to do this roughly. With me on all fours. That's how. And he wanted it twice. The same way. Too rough, too hard, and too fast.
While saying degrading things to me with each torturous thrust.
Lovely.
And so the day dragged on. I had s.ex with 7 different men by the time the meanish man came and got me and brought me back upstairs, through the door to the other building, and back down to the cellar with the cages. Harry jumped up when he saw me. He had been laying down on his back, his hands up holding his head, and his knees up. You could see the frustration and stress emanating from him. He came to the front of the cage and held the bars, his face sticking through as much as he could.
As I got closer, I noticed the reflection of tears on his cheeks. He'd been crying long before I came back in here, it was obvious now, as I noticed the redness in and around his eyes. They were SO red, it looked painful.
Louis stood up too, and watched me, looking sad, eyes red also. I took a quick glimpse at him.
I gave Harry a sorrowful look and then kept my head down as I got locked back in my cage. The man left, and there I was. Back "home" from work, after a long, hard day of.....fvcking men.
Harry took forever to say something to me as I sat there facing the wall in shame.
Finally he spoke. "How many?"
That was all he said.
I cringed. I didn't want to tell him. I was so ashamed. So disgusted. So sad. And so fucking SORE.
But I had to tell him. I'd never lie to him about anything.
"Seven."
I heard him sigh loudly, but it sort of turned into a hitchy sob at the end.
"I love you Harry. I love you", I told him, not knowing what else I could possibly say right now to ease his pain.
"I love you baby. I'm so sorry....are you alright? Do you hurt? Did they hurt you?" he asked now, putting aside his own sorrow and concentrating on mine, now that what I had done had been confirmed to him.
"Some were...rough....but nothing I couldn't handle", I answered, sounding like a total who.re, cringing again at my own words.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this, Gwen", Louis chimed in with an upset voice.
I turned towards his cage, and told him "Me too."
The day's awful events finally hit me all at once, and I burst out into sobs, and fell over on my face on the mattress. I sobbed for a while, until I was sobbed out, and fell right to sleep.
This was my routine now, for the entire week. By Wednesday, which was the one week mark, (I knew how to keep track of the days now, and the little window was a great help.) I'd had s.ex with 35 men. It was seven every day. Seven hours of nothing but s.ex. Some was just regular s.ex. Some was rough. It didn't seem like there was a variety of fet.ishes this time, though. That was nice, let me just say. The clients were only in for one hour, so that didn't leave much time for k.ink, I suppose. Thank GOD.
Harry and Louis and I didn't talk much at all. There wasn't anything to say. We were all just....depressed and hopeless. Harry and I exchanged our I love you's and some encouraging words, but there just wasn't anything much to talk about. And when I'd come back from "work", I'd be really tired and worn out. I'd generally cry myself to sleep, then wake up the next morning and do it all again. The guys simply sat in their cages all day and night. They were let out for the bathroom, and they were given one shower all week. I was given one every day before I was let back into the cage room. Can't have a smelly who.re, can we?
One day, about two weeks in, I came back to my cage from work, and Harry wasn't in his. Lou was still in his own. I freaked out, but Lou assured me he was ok when he left here. They simply came and got him, and he hadn't seen him for the rest of the day.
That didn't make me feel better, but at least it didn't sound like he was sick, and they hadn't killed him on the spot or anything. Louis said all they said was "time for a new home" when they took him out. Louis had gotten to stick his hand out through the bars and touch Harry's hand as he walked by. And Harry said "Take care of her man. Tell her I love her. Tell her I promise and I cross my heart."
Hearing this caused me to break down, hard.
What had they done with Harry? Why did they take him?
The next time a man came in, which was to give us dinner, I begged and begged for him to tell me where Harry was and what was happening with him.
All he said was "he's here....he's got a job to do."
What the hell did THAT mean? Was HE pros.ti.tuted out too? I couldn't even think about that. He wouldn't answer anything else, or clarify what he meant. As.shole.
When dinner was done, I couldn't sleep this time, without Harry here, so I tried to make conversation with Louis.
We talked for quite a while, actually. It was nice. Considering the circumstances. It was a good distraction from the pains in my gut, from worrying about Harry.
We talked about his ex girlfriends, and I asked him why he didn't have someone for a long time now. He said he didn't know. He just hadn't met anyone good enough. He said his standards had been raised, and he was tired of the games from the other women he'd dated.
And then he got to telling me again, how lucky Harry was to have me.
We also joked a little bit about that awkward morning. I forget what led up to it, but somehow in the conversation, I told him that Harry told me that he liked me. Like....more than a friend sort of like.
Louis admitted it right away. "Yeah, I do. I'm sorry...I can't help it. You're pretty fvckin' spectacular."
I was shocked into silence for a few minutes. I believed Harry that Louis liked me, and it all made sense because of the things he'd said before, and stuff, but....hearing it from Lou made it all real to me. I didn't know what to say now.
"I'm sorry", was all I could think of.
"Hey, don't be. Not your fault, right? You can't help it how great you are. It's alright though. I just...keep it to myself and go about my days. No biggie, really. I just wish I could find someone like you. You're why my standards have been raised, if I'm honest. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be dating some shallow bit.ch again."
"You aren't dating anyone because of me?" I was confused.
"Because I realized I was done with the game. Done with bit.ches who play the game. I want someone....REAL. Someone honest. Someone deep. Someone funny. Smart. Beautiful.....I think I deserve someone like that. I think I'm a good guy for the most part. Seeing Harry's happiness since he's met you...seeing him grow up in an instant and change for the better because of you...I want that. I want to be changed for the better. I want to have something real with someone. Ya know?"
"Sure. I understand.....but there's really nothing great about me. I'm just.....me", I told him, wondering what could possibly be so life changing about me. I still didn't know how I deserved Harry.
"That's exactly my point, Gwen. You're just......YOU! You don't try to be somebody else. You don't play games. Fake sh.it. Act like a bit.ch. Try and control Harry. You don't do any of that. You just love him for exactly who he is. And THAT changed him for the better. Things that other girls TRIED to change about him, they couldn't do it. But you just...take him as he is, and he's changed himself, and he doesn't even know it! It's amazing.
I just want THAT."
"Oh", was all I knew to respond with for now. I was still trying to figure out what he meant. I mean, I knew what he meant, but I just didn't see how I was any different from all the other women, except that I'd had a life of suffering.
"Well, I'm sorry I don't have a twin. I'm sure she'd like you", I joked a little. "I mean, I like you. It's just that....Harry is.....IT for me."
"Yeah. I get that. It's cool. I wish you had a twin, too. Ha ha ha..." he laughed. "So Harry's cool about my feelings for you, eh?"
"Yeah. He just....trusts us. And I'm glad, because I wouldn't want your friendship to be ruined. I'd leave Harry before breaking up your friendship, I think. Of course, I say that, but I don't know if I could ever leave Harry for real. Hahaha....never mind. I'd be really really sad if you guys broke up", I laughed at my honest realization.
"See? No games with you. You say what you mean. You're completely honest. I love that. Harry loves that. I think it's sweet how you support our friendship and don't want to affect it. You respect us as best friends to the point of WANTING to leave him if you came between us....but your loyalty and love takes over, and you're like, hellz to the fvckin no, I ain't leavin' mah man!" Louis joked in a hip hop accent now. It was nice. To be laughing a little again. Why couldn't we have done this while Harry was in here with us? I think he was just so stressed about my "work", he couldn't possibly laugh or joke. And I didn't need a distraction from my stomach being sick with worry about him.
But with Lou, we were just friends. Nothing too deep. I mean, I love him. He's my friend. He's Harry's best friend. He helped save my life. He's a great guy. He's almost as great as Harry. The only difference with him is that...I love Harry. Lou could never be all that Harry is to me. It's just not there for me with Lou. With Harry, there's....something there, that I can't describe. It's just....there.
Anyway, things aren't as deeply painful with Louis, so I guess it's easier to joke to pass the time.
"I hope you find someone soon, Lou. Someone wonderful, like you deserve. Because you DO deserve someone wonderful. You are just as wonderful as Harry. Or maybe Harry's just as wonderful as you? Hehehehe", I told him to sort of close the conversation, because I was getting really tired now. I could finally sleep. Big day of s.ex tomorrow, after all.
"Thank you Gwen. I know you mean that. And she'll come. I'll just keep waiting. She'll come. Well, that is, if I live to ever get out of this place. Look at me, talking like I'm a free man. Like I have a future..." Louis said, getting sarcastic at the end.
"Right. There's that. Being captive and all...." I responded.
"Good night Lou", I said, yawning.
"'Night Gwen. Hey, I'm sorry about what you....have to do every day. You know it absolutely kills me inside. I hate to see you in this situation again. Just don't give up. For Harry, ok? He's a writhing, moaning, crying MESS every day when you leave."
Fvck.
I knew it had to be absolutely terrible for him, but hearing that he's a total mess every single day....that broke my heart. My chest hurt. My stomach felt tight and knotty. My God, poor Harry....
Silent tears fell as I cried myself to sleep again. "Don't cry Gwen. Harry wouldn't want you to be sad." Louis said after hearing me sniffle several times, and after a few squeaks came out from me trying to keep in my huge sobs.
"Poor Harry", I sobbed, and soon, I was asleep. Out of my misery. Sleep was good.