A Tuesday, of all days, was his day. Not exactly their day. David knew what he was doing, already. This hadn't even been planned. The television, currently muted, didn't matter anymore. It had only been a temporary entertainment before they started. Dahlia, Jasper's tutor didn't show up for a few hours. It was up to David to lead the way, being the more experienced one, and Jasper had been excited up to this point. As they lay on Jasper's couch together, though, Jasper unbelievably, impossibly, felt sick. Not with nerves. A whole different form of sickness from repulsion manifested itself right in his gut.
"Wait, hold on. Stop. Fucking come on, David, I said stop!" Jasper struggled to sit up and push himself away.
"What, I thought you were all for this." David let Jasper go and sat up on the couch. He looked on at Jasper expectantly.
"Yeah, well now I want to stop," Jasper kept his eyes trained just behind David, making sure not to make eye contact. He kept his jaw set tense and crossed his arms over his chest. He felt too exposed, even with clothes on.
David huffed a little. "C'mon, I thought you liked me. What's the issue, now?"
Jasper shook his head. "I just want to stop, that's it."
David moved back to be closer to Jasper and leaned down to meet his eyes, "Why? You were all excited before that we were gonna do this."
"I just... I feel like... Like my parents are going to walk in any second," Jasper dawned on the perfect excuse. How could that be argued with? David knew as well as anybody that Jasper's parents would lose it seeing Jasper on the couch with someone, let alone another guy.
"Then let's go to my place. My parents aren't home," David responded almost immediately. He went to grab Jasper's hand, but the smaller boy pulled away completely.
"No. I don't want to."
"What?" David straighten up in his seat, suddenly just as tense as Jasper.
"Are you fucking deaf? I said I don't want to. If I can't even get you to leave me alone now, why the hell would I want to go anywhere with you?" Jasper moved to stand. He felt his face flush and made little fists he knew he would never use.
David rose along with him. "I just want to know what the real issue is, here. Are you just nervous or is it something else?"
" I don't have to explain myself to you. This whole thing was a mistake. Why don't you go?"
"Why do you always overreact when you're embarrassed? Can you please just tell me what's wrong?"
Jasper kept his eyes straight on past David, "No."
"What, that's it, just no?"
"Just no."
David sighed. "Fine, Jasper. I'll just go."
Jasper nodded and let David pass him to head towards the front door. He didn't turn to look as David put his shoes back on, or when he heard the door open. He didn't move a muscle until he heard the car in the driveway start up. Once he heard that, he sat back down on the dingy beige couch and brought his knees up to his chest. What the fuck was wrong with him? He liked David, and he'd been the one to ask David to come to his house for this. But as soon as they'd started it all just felt so... Wrong. Not because of David or anything else. Just generally wrong, even repulsing.
Now that he thought about it, Jasper couldn't recall ever having a desire for this before his spur of the moment decision. Not with David, or anybody.
He groaned and pressed himself back into the couch, praying just to sink through it. Tutoring was in an hour and he felt like dying.
***
Something seemed different. It was much too quiet for Jasper's house. Usually when Dahlia arrived, there was music blaring, the television going, something in the kitchen going off, or a combination of the three. This day was different, though. It was so silent, she was sure she could hear it if a pin dropped all the way across the house. She knocked on the door, slightly afraid of who, or what, might answer. Jasper pulled open the door, instead of calling for her to come in as he usually did.
Dahlia came every Tuesday and Thursday for tutoring. She was technically a year behind Jasper in school, but because of his failed classes, she was miles ahead of him academically. She even looked older than him, but she also looked older than most people her age. She dressed modestly but it did nothing to hide her figure. She was tall and fit, with a deep ebony complexion. Her hair, a dark brunette that was almost black, was kept in short ringlets held in place with a head band. She towered over Jasper, who simply lived in a low to the ground world of light browns, save for his green eyes and always florid cheeks.
"Hello," she smiled sweetly down and as Jasper.
"Hey," he mumbled and turned away from her, leaving the door hanging open for her to follow.
They made their way to his dining room, where his books had yet to be set up in preparation. He sat down in his usual spot on a long side of the table facing an inner wall, while she took her place at the head end closest to him.
"So I figured we would be able to pick right around where we left off last week, since Ms. Smith has been out sick. Do you still have the paper we were going over?" Dahlia kept a bright attitude up, as she always did. Something was definitely off with Jasper, but she wasn't going to let on that she knew anything was different. Reacting only encouraged getting off track.
Jasper grumbled about not keeping track of every little thing and started looking around in his bookbag.
"We can also look a little more at some of your US history work, if you'd like to take a day's break from your math," Dahlia waited patiently.
"Whatever," Jasper muttered and pulled out the paper they needed. It was half finished and late by this point, but if he passed it in before his parent checked his grades he just might look like he was passing his class.
Dahlia began with her tutoring, trying diligently to keep Jasper involved in any way. He responded with the same vague resistance each time.
Finally, after muddling through to the end of that paper, Dahlia sighed, "Oh, I know this is probably none of my business, but is something bothering you, Jasper?"
"Just tired," he put his head on the table. He didn't have it in him to be outright nasty to her.
She bit her lip for a moment, then said, "My person cancelled on me for tomorrow during this time slot. If it would be better, I could come tomorrow instead."
"Let's just get it over with," he sighed. He was sure he'd feel this shitty forever. He still had no idea how to explain how he felt to David, or even to himself.
Dahlia frowned, but nodded, "All right. Then I guess next is US history. Do you have anything specifically for us to go over?"
"No."
"Nothing at all?"
"Nothing."
"Jasper.. You must have something. If you're truly tired or something is bothering you then we can start fresh tomorrow, but if you want to do this today we need to go through it."
Jasper groaned, "Can we just postpone this? And go over everything next week?"
"Grades are closing Friday and your parents asked me to get you through passing everything. We need to get through this stuff."
"I don't care if I pass or not. The only reason you care is because you're being paid. The greenback makes us best friends to you, doesn't it?"
"W-what? Jasper, I need to do my job."
"Well why wouldn't you get paid just because I fail? My tests are all bullshit. This doesn't matter, it's stupid. If you leave me alone you'll still get your money."
Dahlia sighed, and remained unruffled by the sudden outburst. "If you would like to do this tomorrow instead, I said-"
"I don't want to do this tomorrow! I don't want to do this at all! I want you to fucking leave!"
"Why don't we just take a break instead? You can have a moment to calm down, and then we can collect ourselves."
Jasper shook his head, "I don't want you to tutor me."
"I'll give you a ten minute break. Do what you need to to calm yourself down."
Jasper stood up and headed outside. He didn't need this bullshit. He started walking around the block, hunched over with his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. After the first time around he felt a little tired, and by the second he was calmed. The third time around, her car still remained in his driveway. He was tired, and needed a drink. He headed inside.
"All set to work?" Dahlia said when he made his way back to the table with a glass of water.
"Whatever," He muttered and pulled out something for them to go over.