Madisons pov.
Almost two weeks have past and I've been walking the halls in paranoia. Everywhere I go I see glimpses of my family. Standing in doorways or sitting in the corner of my room in the dark. Each time I expect them but my heart still raves with fear. I don't find any comfort in seeing them, not like how I thought I would. But I have gotten used to them being around.
I don't want them here though. I want to go back to how things were before. I don't know why this is happening, especially when I've finished my medication. They won't get out of my head. They won't leave me alone.
I keep myself busy and distracted by picking up extra shifts. I've become familiar with my regular nursing schedule as well as all my patients. I've been moved on from the elderly ward but I still go back to visit Mr. A everyday. I've become too invested in his life and I could sit for hours listening to his life stories.
I'm sure my family have suspected that I'm going crazy but they don't know what's actually happening to me. I catch them staring at me or throwing concerned glances at each other and most annoyingly, they ask too often if I'm 'okay'. How does anyone answer that question honestly these days.
Carl is getting frustrated with me. He asks too many questions.
"What's wrong?"
"What's happening?"
"Why aren't you talking?"
"What aren't you telling me?"
Questions I don't feel comfortable answering. Then he gets frustrated, I get angry and we argue. I don't want to cause these fights but I just can't bring myself to talk about it with him yet.
I've finally been moved to my own room, outside the patients wards. I share with Abbie now. It's nice to finally be back with her and to have someone to talk to instead of being cooped up in that room alone.
This week i've been moved to the maternity ward. I've been watching and learning from the doctors and midwives there. The biology behind the female body is fascinating to me. It really is incredible but even when studying it and talking to pregnant woman all I can think is;
I can't believe people are purposefully getting pregnant despite this world, this dead, dangerous, walker infested world where them and their children are never truest safe. Not even inside these walls.
Dr. Alex has been teaching Luke and I. Luke is new to this area of nursing Dr. Alex is the expert. She is showing us how to work the ultrasound. She instucted me to apply the weird looking goo to the pregnant lady's stomach.
After that she handed me a small tool to roll around the womans stomach until I could see a weird blob on the screen. It took a few patients to figure out the womb from the baby but I got the hang of it eventually. I could flip a few switches and then I could hear the heartbeat on the monitor too.
My first time in particular stood out to me. I was excited to use the new equipment and to pass on good news to the woman lying on the bed in front of me. Just like I was taught, I switched in the monitor, put the gel on her lower stomach and grabbed the probe and gently moved it around her stomach.
The scan of the baby came up on the screen and when I moved the probe from one side to the other I could see different angles of the baby. My hand froze in place when I saw someone move in the corner of the small room.
My mother. Again.
"What's wrong?" The woman panicked.
"Your face! Something's wrong!" She insists, her voice taking on a note of hysteria.
"No,no!" I assured her.
"No, sorry. I just lost my grip on the probe. I thought I was going to drop it."
I watched her relax but I could tell she didn't fully believe me.
"Look-" I say to her, pointing at the screen while I move the probe around her stomach again.
"This is the head, chest and arms. The legs are hard to miss. Ten fingers, ten toes and..." I flick the switch on the monitor and wait 30 seconds for the sound of a heartbeat to come through.
"... a perfectly healthy heartbeat."
The woman finally relaxes and nods, content with the information.
I look to Dr. Alex, I can tell she's unimpressed that I worries the poor woman but I assured her well.
Luke shoots me a strange look.
I can tell he wants to ask what's wrong but I ignore him and pretend that I don't notice.
"So how far along am I?" She asks unexpectedly.
"Err-" I wasn't sure. I look to Dr. Alex for help.
"Give a guess." She encourages.
I look at the screen again and shrug.
"8 weeks?"
"12." Dr. Alex shakes her head.
"12 weeks already ? Woah!" The woman begins to blubber and I fight the urge to roll my eyes at her.
Babies are just screaming, crying, shit covered nightmares.
I notice that she's here without a partner so I ask no questions. I feel slightly bad for judging her so harshly. Maybe this baby is the last thing she has from her partner. I don't ask any questions.
"Luke, you take over I want you to name the different parts of the uterus. Then you're both free for the evening." Alex prompts.
Luke gets it right first time and we walk down to the canteen together.
We join the others at our usual table. Luke and I sit with everyone. I glacé your at the staff door and sure enough, to my expectations, my brother stood in the doorway.
I squeeze my eyes shut and look away.
"Aren't you eating Mads?" Michonne sits down next to me with a tray of food.
"I'm not really that hungry." I mumble.
"You need to eat something. Curfew is only an hour away. The kitchen closes before then."
I glance up at the door again and he disappears like sand in the wind when the staff door swings open by a kitchen member juggling a large tray of cutlery in their arms.
I turn back to Michonne, trying to piece together what she just asked me. I can tell by the way that she's staring at me that she's expecting a response.
"You need to eat something Mads."
"Uhh-"
She frowns and I glance back up at the door again.
I'm tired and this isn't good for me. I push back on my chair and cringe and the screechy sound it makes against the floor. Before I can stand to my feet and race out of here I feel a small hand lay onto of mine, grabbing at it slightly.
Abbie sits down next to me and leans into my side, her lips close to my ear.
"Relax. They're not really there. It's not real."
I look at her stunned.
How does she know?
"Madison!" Michonne grabs my attention again.
"Oh, yeah... I'm not hungry."
"You said that yesterday." Rick chimes in
.
"Excuse me." I say and get up from the table. I hurry up to our hallway, taking two steps at a time up the many stairs. I'm breathless by the time I reach out floor. I push open Carls bedroom door. He always leaves it unlocked. I crouch down, under his bed and reach for my bow and arrows. He told me a while ago that he had them and that he kept them here for safe keeping while I was being operated on.
I moved back across the hall to my own room, only to be created by my mother.
I slam the door shut in annoyance.
"Jesus! Can't you give a girl a break ?" Honestly !"
I know we'll enough by now that she won't respond. She never does.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I scream at her.
I load my bow and aim at her. "Leave! GO! OR I'LL SHOOT." I yell at her. She doesn't move. I shoot an arrow at her and it goes through her. She dissapears like fog or mist and my arrow sticks in the wall.
I sigh heavily.
I can't see her anymore but somehow I feel like she can still hear me, like she's still watching me. "You're driving me crazy."
I need air. I haven't been outside for weeks. I throw my bow on top of my closet and hide it with the 'get well soon' cards. I storm to Dawns office.
"I need to get outside, like now." I say to her, pacing around her office.
She laughs. "No way, not a chance."
"Why not?"
"Nobody leaves this hospital."
"I'm going crazy. Like I mean literally insane. I'm seeing things I shouldn't. And if you tell anyone I swear to god i'll shove you down that elevator myself. I need fresh air. The lack of oxygen is seriously getting to my brain."
She raises a brow at me.
"Judge me all you want. Go ahead and think i'm bat-shit crazy. My family bet ya to it. But if you tell any of the doctors and put me into a rehab section or whatever I swear i'll shove the medication so far up your ass you-"
"Enough!" She yells, cutting me off. But I watch a hint of a smile peek at her lips.
"You know, i'm kinda warmin up to you. I used to hate your atittude but it really entertains me." She laughs.
I roll my eyes."Whatever, can I go? I'm able to take care of myself. I could make myself useful and go on a run." I say.
"Okay. I'll get some of my men to go with you after dinner." She agrees.
"Thanks." I walk out and pace back to my room.
I grab my bow and arrows and head back to Dawns office where i'm greeted with two large men named Steve and Paul.
We leave through a door I had never seen, but you had to go through Dawns office to get there.We headed ouside and made our way to the city using the ambulance. I sat in the front with the two guys.
"So... your job is to go on runs?" I ask.
"Nah, Dawn just gets anyone who is available and willing to do it at the time when she needs them to go." They explain.
"So whats your usual job?" I ask them.
"Thats classified." Paul states.
I sigh and fold my arms.
"You know, Dawn must have a soft spot for you, cause she'd never let anyone leave. Especially not a kid." Steve explains.
I dodge the 'kid' comment.
"Why is your job classified?" I ask.
"Cause its important. Not allowed to tell ya. We work an important job for Dawn. We're like her inner-circle and-" Paul rambles but is cut of by Steve elbowing him in the gut to shut him up.
Inner circle?
The ambulance parks outside a tall building and Steve gives me the keys to mind.
"You stay in here."
I open the car door and stand in front of them with my bow and arrow ready.
"Or not." Steve sighs.
I stuff the keys in my back pocket before following the two inside. The building is dark inside and doesn't have many windows. I squint to see better. We search buildings together for anything to bring back. When one place doesn't work, we move on to the next, deeper into the city.
We turn a corner and before I know it I hear a loud BANG followed by a scream of pure pain. My eyes travel to the ground below me where Paul screams and clutches leg as it bleeds heavily, painting the floor red.
Another shot goes off and I drop to the floor, hiding from our attacker as best as I can. The second shit stopped the screaming and when I look to Paul I notice he now had a bullet hole in his head. I'm covered in splattered blood and before I have time to process what's happened I can hear our attackers feet shuffling and then move towards us.