Okay so I asked if anyone wanted to hear the backstory/reason why I wrote this and I was really pleased with the response so I’ll start of by thanking all of you!
I don’t want to turn this into a sob story therefore I won’t tell too much about how the themes of my fanfiction (self-harm, anxiety, depression, suicide triggers) tie into my life, but I will say I’ve had experiences with all of them.
Louis’s characterisation (which in no way reflects the real Louis Tomlinson) is based off one of my family members who is gay and was closeted for a long time. All of the things that happened to Louis in the story tie into what has happened to him. As far as Harry’s charactersation—well he just played off Louis’ personality nicely and I created it myself.
Okay, now this story has been my way to vent since I started this back in April. It helps me to write out what I’m feeling rather than keeping it pent up, or talking to other people because I’m very private. Louis’s character is somewhat based off myself too, but I think that’s true of any author. You become your main character in a way.
Now, I knew from day one that I wanted to spread some awareness about self-harm/depression and give people an insight to what it’s like to those who don’t understand. It was a raw idea then because I didn’t have a popular enough platform, enough people to listen, or the right way to approach those subjects.
Therefore I used Louis and Harry because they are well-known and would attract attention. (plus I love one direction with everything that is inside me sigh). With that problem solved, it was natural that I would decide to write my first slash fanfiction centered around those themes and with Wattpad behind me, I started it.
At first I was wary because I didn’t think people would take to those touchy subjects. To some who don’t understand what it’s like, those kinds of things are disturbing, especially when you’re trying to make this as realistic as possible. This meant I had to get my readers to forget that Louis is in a famous boyband and has none of these problems (hopefully).
Surprisingly enough, people have taken to it wonderfully and it makes me feel like I’m doing something right.
See, I want to show anyone who struggles with these things that it can get better. Even when you’re in the worst of situations and you can’t see any light, there will be something that’ll stumble along and help pull you through. For every bad day you have, there’s a hundred more bright ones if you keep your head up and your attitude positive. You’ll all find your Harry that’ll make you feel understood and loved and you will be okay, I promise :)
For anyone who doesn’t struggle with these things, I want you to be more aware and accepting of this problem. Self-harm is more common than you think; your best friend could have scars, burns or bruises hidden somewhere, and you wouldn’t even know it. I encourage you to try to reach out to anyone who’s hurting because it means more to them than you’ll know. Don’t close your mind off to someone just because of a few marks on their wrists—it doesn’t mean they are any less of a person. We’re all finding ourselves, and for some of us, it’s harder than others. So reach out a hand and keep an open mind because you could be saving a life.
I think I’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say at this point. I’m always an inbox away if you’re struggling with anything, I’m here to listen! Even if you just want to talk, I’ll always respond :)
Again, thank you all for supporting me and reading my story. It really means more to you than you think! Positivity is the best kind of medicine, I swear!
Okay, love always,
Caytee
(ps that is an alias and I am lame)