I shouldn't have come back to the store. I can't be in public for very long. It makes my skin crawl, and my insides ache.
I just made things 100% worse by punching Nathan. I wish I never came. He will do something bad. I wish I never dragged Ed into this horrible mess. He doesn't deserve this. I just hope he doesn't ask me too many questions about Nathan and I.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nathan came to my school after the winter break of my senior year. He was a senior as well, but he bullied a lot because of where he was from. He was out of place, as I was. We had forth period together, and at first I had no interest in helping him. One day though, I could no longer stand the way everyone treated him. I fought for him, and I suppose that he took it as me trying to get close to him. He asked me out to the winter formal, and I told him I don't do dances. He was sad I turned him down, but I told him to meet me after school in the parking lot.
We met in the parking lot, and I told him that I wouldn't go to the dance with him, but that we could go somewhere else. He was so excited, but I could have cared less.
We exchanged numbers, and the night of the dance I picked him up. We went to this barbeque place in town to eat.
Somehow I let my guard down, and the next thing I knew, I had a friend. Neither of us was alone at school anymore. We were together, and he had me to protect him. I think we were both happier than we'd been before we started to hang out.
I still tried to make it very clear to him that I didn't like him like that. I actually only hung out with him at first to protect him from other people and himself.
One night I went over to his mansion of a house, and he greeted me in with a hug. I awkwardly hugged him back because he wasn't wearing a shirt, so his muscled body was revealed. His hair was also beautifully messed up.
"The house is mine this weekend." I remember him telling me. I was instantly suspicious. You don't just invite someone over when you're half undressed and no one is there.
He kept on glancing at me with his big brown eyes, as he led me to his room on the second floor. It was like he couldn't believe I was there, and at any second he thought I might disappear. Halfway up the stairs, he put his hand on my back, and would not remove it. It stayed there the whole trip to his room. I was slightly frantic, hoping he wasn't about to do what I thought he was.
I hugged my arms around myself, and when we stopped so he could open the door, his grasp around my waist tightened slightly. We walked in the room, and instead of walking to his bookshelf and showing me whatever it was he wanted to show me, he led me to the bed. He pushed me gently onto the bed, and put himself atop me. I struggled to get free.
He had me pinned down, and began to reach his hands up my shirt. I tried pushing him off, but that wouldn't work. He seemed oddly turned on by me trying to get away. He continued his way feeling up my shirt slowly. He was three inches from my bra when I punched him in the chest it didn't affect him much. "STOP,"I screamed, but he didn't.
His lips grazed my ear and he moaned. I shrieked, and pulled out my pocket knife. I didn't aim to kill. I cut his arm with it.
This knocked him out of whatever trance he was in. He jumped away, which gave me enough time to get away from his grasp.
I ran out the door, and when I looked back, I wished I hadn't. He was staring at me with such a sad look on his face it hurt me. His arm was bubbling up blood, but that didn't seem to affect him much at all. He was more affected that I had hurt him. It hurt me to not try to get him to help, but I got in my car and drove away without looking back.
The next week at school I was all I heard about. I later figured out that Nathan said we did it, and he's the baby daddy. He also said he no longer wanted to be associated with me, of course. He got moved away from me in class, and I no longer wanted to look at him, anyway. He was mad at me too. Somehow this lie he spread made him gain some friends, as my life got harder.
People began to wonder why I wasn't getting fatter, and before I could tell them I was never pregnant, Nathan supplied them with another lie. He told them that I lost the baby. I could have killed him, I was so mad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ed gets out of his car, and looks thoroughly confused. Before he could ask me anything, though, I say,"I don't want to talk about it."
He opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it again. Finally he says," Let's just pretend he was never here."
I was surprised to hear that, but I agreed. We continued to eat our snacks in silence. I finished my bag of chips, and looked to Ed. He held out a candy bar, and I took it. I nodded a thanks to him.
I looked at it. It's a Snicker's bar. "This is my favorite," I tell him.
Ed smiles at me. I want to explain something to Ed, but I can't. I just unwrap the candybar, and begin to eat.
We continue to sit in silence. I guess we are both pondering about what just happened.
Ed unexpectedly puts his arm around me, and I lean into him and finish my candy.
He says,"Don't worry about him. He was probably just trying to scare you."
I don't tell him that he's wrong about that. I just nod my head, and snuggle up to him.
Ed seems nervous about something, and I am too, but I don't know if we're nervous about the same thing.
He finally says,"Since you don't want to be seen out in the open as my girlfriend, we should probably not act so close around people."
His statement is a stab in the heart, but he's right. He is exactly right. I sit up, and scoot away from him. I hug my knees up to my chin.
Ed says,"No. That's not what I meant." He pulls me back to him with a smile.
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "Let's just lie down," he says.
I understand what he's saying now, I think. He's saying that we should lie down and put the tailgate up, so people can't see us. But for what, I wonder.
Ed scoots back, and I get some coats out of the truck to lay on. I pull the tailgate shut, and we lie there, side by side, staring into the sun.
Ed turns over and faces me, so I do the same. He pokes me in the face, and I smile. He shifts closer to me. "Don't worry," he whispers. For a second the world stops spinning, and I don't worry about anything. It's just him and I.
I scoot right next to him, and I know it's too hot outside for two people to be so close, but I like this warmth. Ed puts his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. I don't know how I let him get so close to me or my heart, but it's happened and I can't go back.
I throw my arms around him, and just hold on. We stare into each others blue eyes.
He leans in, and flicks up an eyebrow as if to ask, Is this alright?
I bite my lip and nod. We are so close. His face two inches from mine. He kisses my nose, and my cheek. Before going in for the final kiss, on my lips, he does that eyebrow question thing again. Aloud, I whisper,"Yes."
He slowly, slowy, agonizingly slowly leans in, and I'm excited and scared and happy all at the same time. My phone rings, and we both jump. I try to ignore it and hope he'll lean back in and kiss me, but he says,"Shouldn't you see who that is?"
"No," I say.
He looks at me, and says,"You should at least see who it is."
I see that I will be getting nothing more from him any time soon, so I fish my phone out of my pocket. It is just a random number calling me, probably a wrong number. I am mentally cursing them and everyone they ever knew. They just messed this up for me. I put my phone on silent, and throw it in the front of the truck.
When I look back at Ed I see that he has his head in his hands. I go closer to him, but not too close. I put my hand on his shoulder, and when he looks up he no longer looks like the happy guy from before. He looks so sad, as if he is about to cry. I hug him, and push him gently back to a lying position. I lie next to him and pet his hair. A single tear rolls down his cheek. I wipe it away, and he looks at me.
"Amber?"
"Yes?"
He stares at the side of my face. Finally, he says,"I don't care what that guy said. I'm going to stick with you for a little while, at least. I like you, Amber. You may be strange, but you are full of surprises."
I smile at him,"You're pretty cool too."
I no longer feel the need to kiss him. I just hold him tight, and he does the same to me. I close my eyes, and I must have fallen asleep because I'm awakened by Ed shaking me.
He is saying,"Amber. Amber. Wake up."
I sit up, and rub my eyes. I stretch, and he lifts me out of the back of the truck. I giggle, and he grins. I ruffle his hair. He grins even more at this. He's back to his happy self.
He puts me on the ground gently. I hug him, and we say our goodbyes. I tell him to call me whenever he wants, and that I gave him my home phone number too, if he wants to call me there.
Too soon he is driving away, and I would be lying if I said no tears were shed. I think I cried the most while putting the coats away because they smelled like him. I love Ed's smell, it is amazing.
I force myself to stop being a big baby before I drive again. So, I sit in the drivers seat until I stop crying, and I'm left with this dull happy numb feeling.
I drive home. Nothing extraordinary happens until I get to my driveway though. I notice that the flag is up on the mailbox. I wouldn't have noticed it, but there is a bright orange ribbon tied around it. So, I stop in my driveway, and see what someone put in there.
I untie the string, and put the flag down before opening it. There is a single piece of paper in the mailbox. It looks like an ordinary 'Wish you were here!' postcard at first, but upon closer inspection I notice that it actually depicts a volcano raining ash and fire down on hundreds of bloody grotesque human faces. I think instead of lava it has a river of blood flowing down it. I nearly gag, and turn it over. Someone wrote on it, in pen,'You're next!' They drew a little smiley face under the words, and I nearly drop the disgusting card.
I hurry to the truck, and drive to the house. I wonder what the person meant by 'next,' but I don't question it. I run into the house, and lock the door behind me. I open another panel in my closet, which hides my emergency pack. It includes clothes for a week, basic medical stuff, and most importantly, weapons. It also includes some other things like face paint, money, and a flashlight with some extra batteries.
I load a pistol, and cock it. I put on one of my mom's gun belts, and strap a knife on each side, and add the gun to the right side. I put on the backpack, and grab my phone charger. My house is no longer safe. I must hit the road. The phone rings on my way out, and I answer it.
A voice I don't recognize says,"I'm sorry to inform you that Jean and Mark McDonald died this afternoon in a car crash."
I stumble. It's just a prank call, I tell myself. "Who is this," I ask.
"This is Fred, calling to you from the Georgette Funeral Home," he says.
"I won't believe it until I see it for myself,"I say, and hang up on him.
I stand at the bar, furious and confused. A few moments later the phone rings again, and I'm ready to cuss the guy out, but it's my grandma that speaks. She says,"Amber, your parents are dead. They died in a car wreck."
My grandpa adds,"We are so sorry."
I haven't heard them sound that sad since my sister died. This isn't how it's supposed to happen. I fall to my knees, and hang up as they are saying something about burial arrangements. The oldest people are supposed to go first, not the young. I cry for them. I cry for their memory, and I cry for me.
My dog runs up to me, and nudges me with his nose. He's worried about me.
"Leave me alone," I say to him.
He continues nudging me because he wants to know what's wrong. I push him away."Leave me alone," I yell.
I curl up in a ball on the floor with difficulty. The dog lies down next to me, and crawls his way to me. "Don't you understand! They're gone! Leave me alone! I don't need pity from a dog!"
I'm being really harsh I know, but I drag the dog outside.
I call Ed because I don't want to talk to anyone else, and he may not answer anyway, considering he's driving. He didn't answer, so I left a message that said something about my parents died, so call me back or something. I also told him not to come back to my house. I told him that I probably won't be around for a while.
I remember the postcard that I slipped in my pocket, and I'm furious.
They did this, the people that continue to take anything good in my life, and destroy it. I can't take any more.
I run out of the house, and jump in my car. I have to do something. I speed down the road until I reach the highway, and I go even faster. I go all the way to town. I park my car in the parking lot of a drugstore, and run half a mile to The Cage.
I have to let some of this rage out, and this is the best way to do it. I walk in the double doors to the place, and the familiar smells of sweat, alcohol, and bleach drift to my nose. I see the sign in the back advertising this place. It has two comical crabs with comically big fists, fighting in a crab trap.
The Cage is a place where people from all around this area come to fight. They call it the cage because the fighting doesn't stop until it's over. It doesn't stop until someone passes out or dies. If someone tries to leave the ring before their time is up a cage comes down around them, so they can't escape.
Only four people died during the fourteen years this place has been open, and only one of those deaths was in the past five years. I remember that fight it was pretty brutal, and the guy had a heart problem.
The other deaths were because someone had it out for their opponent, and they brought weapons into the ring, which is against the rules but still happens.
I force myself to remember that if I'm this angry while in the ring it will make me clumsy, so I force myself into indifference for a second.
I sign myself in at the counter, and several guys raise their glasses to me at the bar. They are regulars, and usually bet on me to win a fight.
I go into the locker room, and lock my stuff away. I left my backpack and most of my weapons in the car, but I brought a knife with me just in case.
I change into my fighting outfit, and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I walk out to figure out who I'll be paired against, and it's a new guy. He looks to be about twenty three or so, and he has a black Mohawk, and several piercings and tattoos.
I crack my knuckles, and begin my warmups on the punching bag I claimed in the corner.
When I have practiced until I am ready, I keep myself moving, as I study my opponent.
He's tall and thick which makes him slow, but he also has a lot a force when he punches. So, I need to use my smallness as an advantage, and try to not get punched.
I haven't lost a match yet, and I'm not planning to yet, but if I were to lose it would be because I'm not thinking clearly. I try to clear my mind, and think of peaceful things. It works a little, but I think I'll be fine when I'm in the ring because that's where my instincts kick in and I concentrate the most.
Too soon I'm in the ring with the guy. His nickname is Raven. I grin at him.
The bell dings, and all attention turns to us. We circle each other, sizing eachother up. He swings at me and I dodge. I take my chance, and swing at him. I hit him in the jaw. He stumbles, but it made him mad more than anything.
He aims for my face, but I block the shot. He tries again. This time I grab his fist, and force it down. I step back quickly, and he nearly falls down. I take the opportunity to punch him three times. The forth time he deflects my fist, and punches me in the nose.
I stumble backward. I think my nose is broken but I'm not sure. I force myself to not get angry at him, although I am.
I manage to connect a hit with his nose, which makes it pop. He then got very angry. He broke through some barrier, and landed three punches to my chest.
I stagger backward, but try to keep myself off the ground. I back up until I reach the rope.
There aren't many rules in this place. [There are three actually: 1. No weapons in the ring. 2. No one exits the ring until someone can no longer go on. 3. Have fun! ] So, I run at him, full steam ahead, and push him back. He nearly falls, but doesn't. I kick him in the shin, and he yelps and grabs my arm and throws me to the ground. I roll as far from him as possible, and I try to get up but he pushes me down and begins punching me left and right. Pain blooms up in many places, and I kick out.
I kick him right in the groin, he stumbles, and I get back up. I punch him in the face two times, while he is too busy worrying about his balls to protect his upper body. He hits me hard over the head and I fall to the ground. My head hits the floor hard, and spots dance over my vision. I somehow managed to bring him down with me, and I hear a crack of something hitting the hard floor. Before I could tell if it was him or me that made the sound I black out.
The last thing I recall before I blacked out was a vision of red. I couldn't even comprehend what the red was. Someone's hair? His blood? My blood? A flash of red paint as two cars crashed together?