Chapter 24
The sun was beginning to set, and it’s remaining glow turned the sky deep shades of maroon, violet, and gold. Little pricks of starlight, still only barely visible, began to show overhead as Harry and I walked along the street, our fingers still interlaced. The night was warm, despite the light breeze that blew off of the ocean. It surprised me how whole I felt here. It was as if I’d been missing this piece of myself all along, and I’d have never known if I hadn’t been thrown into this mess alongside Harry. I still had trouble comprehending everything now. Was it really only a few days ago that I’d been a normal girl, in a semi-normal life? So much had changed since then; I’d learned so much about the person I am. I hardly recognized this girl. It was nearly impossible to imagine how life used to be anymore; I feared the memories had disappeared entirely.
“You’re awfully quiet over there,” Harry noted, as we walked along the storefronts. He glanced over at me, the yellow glows from the windows illuminating his iridescent green eyes. “What are you thinking about?” I looked over at him, and smiled warmly, but said nothing right away.
“Just stuff,” I responded eventually with a shrug. “About today, about us, about what to do next; about who I really am. I’m trying to figure it all out.” I looked at the ground as we continued to walk as a sudden pang of sadness hit me.
“You think too much,” Harry commented with a smile, and he leaned over to nudge my shoulder with his. I couldn’t help but smile back, his sunny attitude becoming infectious. The store windows started to darken signaling closing time. Finally the city seemed to end; the buildings just stopped, and suddenly Harry and I were confronted by a large wooden boardwalk and the blue-green ocean of the Long Island sound. For a moment, we stood in silence listening to the rushing of waves rolling up the beach.
“You know, if I didn’t think so much you’d be dead by now,” I teased him with a little smile playing at the corners of my mouth. I leaned over on a metal railing that stood just above the beach as I talked. Harry turned to face me, still resting an elbow on the railing while a mock astonished smile lit up his features in the fading sunlight.
“Shut up!” Harry half laughed, half scoffed. Afraid I’d pushed it too far, I finally looked over to see the silly, playful expression on his face, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Why don’t you make me?”
“Fine.” I was about to laugh again when I felt Harry suddenly pull me close and press his lips to mine forcefully. One hand cupped my chin, and the other wrapped its way around my waist, eliminating all the space between us. His hand slid up to toy with the ends of my hair while we kissed, sending shivers flickering down my spine. It took me a moment to react to him; to get my brain to function at all. Finally I got ahold of myself, and kissed him back. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but it felt good. In that moment I didn’t have a care in the world; everything else stopped. I would’ve given up everything to stay this way with him. Finally he pulled away, but we stood in the twilight with our faces still almost touching, breathing in the cooling night air. The sun had finally set below the horizon and all the stars glittered gently above us.
“I don’t know about you, but I think that was my best kiss to date,” Harry breathed finally, a smile pulling at his mouth.
“I think we can top it,” I responded. I smiled and kissed him again, and before I could protest he dipped me back and held me there, suspended from his strong arms on the boardwalk. Pulling me back up swiftly, we swayed back and forth even though there was no music. This life, the air that wound it’s way around us and the silence that engulfed us, that was our music; this love was the melody, and everything else was clouded harmony. I clung to him as if he were my life preserver and I was stuck in a turbulent ocean current. The beautiful silence of the night enveloped us, and it felt like we were on our own planet. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter that we were alone in the world. It didn’t matter that people wanted us dead. It didn’t matter that our future was uncertain. It didn’t matter. The only thing that was important was that we were here. We were alive, and we were together. That was the only thing that mattered.
***
It had been nearly an hour since Harry and I had danced along the boardwalk, and more stars had already started to peek out from the black expanse of the sky. We’d walked silently along the shore, our toes squishing into the sand as we followed the rustling sound of the waves. The silence that whispered in the breeze was a comfortable one. I felt safe here.
“It’s been a interesting last couple of days,” Harry commented as we walked. I didn’t say anything at first. I didn’t know how to respond, other than to simply nod in the dark.
“Crazy is the word I would use, I think,” I finally replied, smiling. Harry turned to face me, stopping suddenly in the sand. I could barely make out the shape of his face as it was illuminated by the moonlight.
“But we had to do crazy things. We didn’t have an option; our survival hung in the balance,” Harry said, continuing. I nodded again. “What would you say to doing something crazy just because you could?” Harry locked his big green eyes on me for the brief moment of absolute quiet that ensued. I could hear him inhale quickly and hold is breath as he waited for my response.
“I say it sounds like a hell of a lot of fun,” I responded without thinking about it. “What did you have in mind?” I could feel him smiling in the dark at my comment. Despite what I’d just said, I realized that before yesterday I would’ve never responded in the same way. It was as if I really was a different person from before. It was a strange sensation, but strange had seemed to become my new normal, and it was a good feeling. I was tired of playing everything safe; it had gotten old. After all, it barely kept me alive in the best of times, and it never allowed me the freedoms of other girls my age. I was tired of just trying to survive.
I wanted to live.
Without responding to my question, Harry reached behind his head and pulled his t-shirt off, before tossing it languidly on the beach. He emptied his pockets of his wallet and his phone. I watched with my mouth hanging open in a smile as he ran toward the cold ocean water at full speed. He splashed through the salty spray until he was in it up to his chest and breathing heavily at the shock of the temperature.
“Come on!” Harry waved for me to come in to the water and then splashed his hands beneath the surface. Only a moment later, he was waving his jeans above his head before a unusually large wave hit him from behind, knocking the pants free of his hands. I stood on the dark beach watching the water carry his jeans to the beach. They landed carefully on the sand, starting to be pulled out in the water again with the belt loop finally catching on a small rock and bringing them to rest. I looked back out to where Harry’s head bobbed in the water to see a huge, cheeky grin on his face.
“I’ll come on one condition,” I called out to him over the rushing sound of the water.
“Anything!” Harry cupped his hands over his mouth to amplify his voice.
“Don’t look,” I hollered. I could feel my cheeks growing red in the darkness at the thought of being naked in front of him. I’d grown up with Harry. It was almost awkward to be skinny-dipping with him despite all the intimacy that we’d already shared.
“As you wish,” I heard him yell back, slowly, dragging out each word in imitation of the character Wesley from The Princess Bride. I smiled wider at the quote from the movie, one of my favorites as Harry knew. There were some small sounds of splashing that indicated that he turned around as I walked a little farther up the beach before shedding my clothes.
I wiggled out of my shirt and wadded it up before letting the fabric fall from my fingers. A light breeze blew off of the water, sending a shiver up my spine. I closed my eyes and breathed in again.
Do I really want to do this?
Without reopening them, I pulled at the clasp of my bra, feeling the small metal hooks, and the synchronized click, as they came apart. I slid the straps over my arms and let it too, fall onto the sand. The wind blew in again, harder this time and I began to realize just how cold it was. The water could only be even colder. Suddenly I wasn’t looking forward to this anymore. I quickly shucked the rest of my clothing, making sure to toss it in the neat pile of my clothes before turning around and heading back toward the surf.
I was afraid to look out to Harry, afraid that he’d be looking. I was afraid of what I’d see. What if it was fear? Disgust? I didn’t want to know what he thought. I wasn’t perfect, not even close. I didn’t have the perfect figure, the perfect face, or the perfect personality. I was still the broken girl. The girl with her heart torn out so many times, she’d almost forgot how to love. The girl who was more concerned with the safety of her loved ones than herself. I didn’t want to see Harry’s face.
Not yet.
I resolved myself to keep my head tilted, my gaze to the ground so that I didn’t have to find out. Waves rolled up to my toes, the water washing over them as cold as ice.
“You coming?” Harry’s shaky voice pulled me from my thoughts. He sounded cold, as if he were shivering with every word.
“Yeah,” I called back. It was time. Time to hit it or quit it. Time to step forward and not look back. Maybe I did want this after all, to be close with Harry. No matter how I tried to fight it, he was what I wanted more than anything. I carefully placed my feet, one in front of the other, as I walked into the waves. The frigid surf rose up to my knees, then to my upper thighs, and finally past my belly button. I couldn’t help but hyperventilate as I tried to adjust to the temperature of the water. “Where are you?” I looked around as I started to get into deeper water. I received no answer. The light from the streetlights was diminished this far from shore. The shadows cast by the sand dunes grew longer and deeper the farther I went. I crossed my arms over my chest in a futile attempt to keep warm. “Marco?” I called as a tiny hint of a smile crossed my face. Silence. “Marco!”
“Polo,” a deep voice whispered in my ear. A pair of surprisingly warm hands gripped my waist, and I jumped slightly as droplets of frigid water dripped onto my back. I turned around to come face to face with Harry, his warm breath rushing past my face. “Wow, you are freezing.”
“You don’t say,” I said back, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “This water must be like thirty degrees!” I could barely make out the outline of Harry’s shape in the darkness, and although I couldn’t see his features, I knew that he was smiling. The air was filled with electricity.
“So why don’t we heat things up?” Harry’s cheeky tone made me smile. He wound his hands more tightly around my waist, pulling my body impossibly closer to his. Moving one of his hands, he tilted my chin up to his and smashed his lips onto mine with surprising force. I was taken aback, and it took a moment for me to understand what was happening before I could get myself to kiss him back. As our lips began to move in sync, I could feel Harry lick my bottom lip, probing, asking permission for entrance, which I quickly granted without a second thought.
He slipped inside, exploring his newfound area a bit. Our tongues swirled together in an intricate dance that only the two of us could know. Harry pushed against me even harder, and there was a sense of urgency in his kiss. What was the urgency? Was there really any reason to rush? We had all the time in the world now. Finally everything had been taken care of, and for the moment, we had a chance to take things slow. For once we didn’t need to rush anything. Despite that, nothing seemed to slow down; it only sped up. I knew what Harry wanted. He was ready. Now a single question lingered on my mind, ever present: was I ready?
I pulled away from Harry for a moment and just breathed quietly as his fingers wound themselves into my hair. I wanted desperately to give in, and live in the moment. I wanted to give myself to him, but now that I was face to face with a decision that was crucial to our relationship, I was stuck. I wasn’t sure that I really was ready for that step.
“Come on,” I whispered in his ear as we stood in the rolling waves. He didn’t respond immediately, but eventually he nodded, seeming to understand. I grabbed his hand and tugged him back toward the shore. I couldn’t stand to be in that water even a second more. My toes stung as if they’d already frozen while we squished up the beach.
“We should probably go get dressed,” Harry spoke softly and slowly. Deliberately. “Before we get sick, you know.” He sounded almost hurt, as if he thought I was turning him down. It gutted me to hear the tone of his voice; it was so broken, as if he really believed for one second that I wasn’t completely in love with him.
Wrong.
“Not just yet,” I said, with a teasing smile playing on my lips. In one swift movement, I pulled my hand from his and planted it solidly on the pale skin of his newly bald head before pulling him back to me. He didn’t disapprove. With our lips still locked together, I stumbled backward slightly until I could feel the slope of the sand begin to increase and I knew we’d reached the first of the sand dunes. I let my foothold slip, and my body tumble backward just slightly until I crashed into the soft sand. Harry slid down and hovered, his body just above mine yet close enough that I could still feel the heat radiating from him like a furnace. It seemed as if he was scared to get any closer to me now; he never dropped entirely over me although I opened myself for him to.
Maybe I wasn’t the nervous one for a change.
“Come on, Styles,” I said with a playful edge to my voice. I could see more of his face now, and his expression said everything. It was the classic I-want-to-do-this-but-I-don’t-know-if-she-is-really-giving-me-permission-or-if-she’s-testing-me scowl. “You already have all the permission you need.” I smiled so he’d know I was sincere. I didn’t want him to think that I was testing him. To test him would be to not trust him, which is inaccurate. After everything we’ve been through together, I already trust him with my life. All I was doing now was adding a little bit more by trusting him with my body.
Harry locked on my eyes, his big green irises glinting from the nearby streetlights. Although no words were exchanged, he seemed to ask my permission for a final time. I nodded ever so slightly. It was rather noble of him to genuinely care that it was okay with me; I admired that quality in him. Every subsequent kiss grew more intense and aggressive. All my senses heightened at Harry’s touch. The breeze off the ocean picked up again, and I caught myself listening to the tall stalks of grass at the top of the dune waving around. Waves continued to roll along the shore, and eventually lulled me to sleep.
***
I was awoken by the unusually warm light shining upon my face. I opened my eyes slowly, the harsh sunlight forcing me to squint. I had to look up toward the soft blue of the sky before I realized where I was. Harry and I had slept on the beach. I sat up slowly and I felt a little sore, and that combined with the fact that I was still nude, was all the proof I needed to know that we’d done a lot more than sleep. I quickly jumped up and gathered my clothes from the pile where I’d left them. I lackadaisically gazed around, not looking for anyone or anything in particular. Not really paying attention to anything. I checked my phone.
8:07 am.
I shimmied back into my clothes before noticing that Harry’s clothes were missing. I stood straight up and turned around in search of him. There was nothing. It was as if he’d disappeared into thin air.
Where could he have gone? I was completely baffled. It didn’t seem like him to just up and leave like this. After everything, that should’ve been the last thing he’d do. All of a sudden, I just blanked out. I couldn’t come up with a plan of action like I usually would’ve. I didn’t know what to do. I could feel hot tears spring to my eyes and I wandered over to the nearest sand dune and sat down. For a while I just sat in silence with tears brimming in my eyes until I finally let out a quiet sob. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them before setting my head down on my forearms. I didn’t want to believe it, but maybe it was possible that Harry had left me here.
Abandoned, just like everyone else.
It hurt. I’d trusted him, and he’d left me. A sudden wave of realization hit me, and I finally understood why I didn’t trust anyone except myself. Trusting people only gets you hurt. I was gutted. Not only was Harry my closest friend, but he was also the only person I’d ever really felt like I loved. He was the only person I’d ever let myself get close to. I guess that was a mistake. At least I learned my lesson.
I sat alone, quietly on the beach for almost an hour before I could even consider getting a move on. I kept holding out hope that Harry would turn up. I kept waiting for him to walk over to the railing on the boardwalk and just wave at me as if nothing was wrong. At least then I could pretend none of this happened. But he never came. Another hour passed.
By the time that I actually had myself together enough to leave the beach, it was nearly 12:30. I decided that I would do my best to get back to the airport. The curiosity was getting the better of me. Did Harry really leave, or was something else going on? The question tugged at the corners of my mind like an impatient child. I wandered down the sidewalk in the general direction of JFK airport with my sneaking suspicions growing. It was far too out of character for Harry to leave, and it fit all too well that he would’ve disappeared considering our situation.
By the time that road signs were starting to dictate the way to JFK terminals, I knew that I was getting close. I had been stumbling along the sidewalks in an emotionally drained stupor for nearly two hours. I’d had lots of time to think about this morning, regardless of how much it hurt. By this time, I was almost certain that Havener was involved. He must’ve come and kidnapped Harry, and I knew why. Havener is using Harry as insurance. He would use Harry’s life as collateral to make sure he gets what he wants: my cooperation, and that he gets it on his terms.
That left but one question: how?
How did Havener, and whoever has decided to work with him, get ahold of Harry? If they’d tried to take him by force, Harry surely would’ve struggled, and that would’ve woken me up. Did Harry wake before I did and go to get coffee? Havener could get him relatively isolated that way, but that doesn’t entirely explain how he would’ve been able to grab and carry six foot three, one-hundred and eighty pound Harry to whatever location he was currently using as storage. It sounded a little bit unorthodox for kidnapping to me. It was too messy; there were too many witnesses and loose ends to tie up.
A large split in the concrete of the sidewalk caught on the tip of my shoe as I walked, and I tripped slightly. That’s when it hit me. They would’ve had to lure him to somewhere private and secluded, posing as me. I pulled out my phone and looked at it more closely. I was looking for any kind of mark that would distinguish it from any other phone of its brand. Upon first glance, it looked identical to my phone. I would’ve never even questioned it. I turned the phone over, and there it was: the one difference.
Printed near the bottom of the casing in small, thin, white letters were the letters W and R. Where had I seen that before? It seemed all too familiar. Finally, understanding hit me like a bus.
World Revolution.
My blood turned to ice as my worst fear was realized. Havener had Harry, and I had no choice but to fall into their trap. I would do whatever it took to save him. I loved him; I was pretty sure of that now. My heart started to pound in my chest, and I looked into the contact book of the phone. The only number programmed into the phone was not one that I recognized. Feeling edgy and a little desperate, I called it. There was no answer, and no voicemail. Instead the owner of the phone sent me a text message.
To: WR Phone
You have 48 hours to come to 69 Royal Worcester Drive, London, LS11 1BA. If you do not, Harry will suffer.
I broke into a full sprint toward the airport. I needed to find the private jet as fast as possible.