Dedicated to @JeanCathLu sana magustuhan mo ito saeng. Enjoy reading. Hugs and kisses.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sehun
"Stop it already.. Sehun." Luhan said, sounding tired. Napatitig ako sa mata nya. He's still wearing an eyepatch to cover his damaged eyes and that reminds me of that accident; the start of our downfall. I know, I deserve this pain but fck, hindi ko magawang alisin ang isipan ko kay Luhan. I know, this is not right and I know, I'm already married.
But, I want my baby deer back.
I want everything back.
Maraming complications, it's complicated. I'm married to a woman whom I don't even love at.. si Lolo Sonmig na binabantaan ako na guguluhin at sisirain nya ang pangalan ni Luhan. I don't want that but what can I do? I can't just sit around, feeling threatened and scared for the second time. I want to do want I really want... what I should've done a long time ago. I know, it's still not too late for us.
I can see it in Luhan's eye.
"Luhan," Napalingon ulit sya sa akin, "Did you really accepted Lolo Sonmig's offer? That job before you left me." Ridges in his foreheard appeared. He accepted that offer and left with Kharin. Hindi ako naniniwala kay Lolo but I want to hear Luhan say that.
"Oo para tigilan na nya ako." he answered but why do I feel like he's lying? Nakikita ko sa mata nya na nagsisinungaling lang sya sa akin. Na hindi nya tinanggap yun kapalit ng tuluyang paglayo at sumama kay Kharin. He is not like that. "Kaya tigilan mo na din ako pwede ba? I don't like this! All of this! You telling these things to me! Masaya na ako kay Kharin," he bowed, "I don't need you"
Magsasalita pa sana ako nang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Kharin. Napatalikod ako at inayos ang gagamiting pintura. Ayoko lang na makita silang magkasama. I hate it. "Babe may dala akong pagkain.. Nagalala ako na baka gutumin kayo dito." I heard him say. I just continued fixing the white paint, trying not to put my nose on their own business but I can't help it. Gusto kong sumingit sa kanila.
"Salamat. Ang kambal?"
"Nasa bahay. Gusto ngang sumama dito pero hindi ko na sinama. Ang kukulit eh. Hinahanap ka nga pala ni Luna, Sehun." Dahil sa sinabi nya, napalingon ako. I gave him a poker face, nodding my head. Luna is such a cheerful kid but what bothers me the most is Hansol. Gusto ko talagang mapalapit sa kanya. Bakit ba si Kharin lang gusto nya?
"Maybe, she'll look for me even more if she finds out I'm her real father?!" I said in a flat tone, a bit sarcastic. "Hansol too."
"Hansol? Hansol is quite not that easy. He is not a typical kind of kid whom you can bribe with chocolates and candies, Sehun. If he don't like you then, that's it." he said. Naitikom ko ang kamao ko. Then I won't give up until he learns to like his own father. But seriously, I don't even know why I only listen to Lolo Sonmig when I was still a kid. Maybe, he seems cool and superior? Should I have to look cool too? Pero, ayaw nyang lumapit ako kay Luhan. He'll keep on pushing me If I do?
"He'll like me too." I answered shortly.
"Kharin, tama na. Ang puso mo, loves." sabi ni Luhan at hinawak hawakan pa ang dibdib ni Kharin. "Salamat dito. Nagalala ka pa. Nagpahinga ka nalang sana, aish! Bawal ka.. mapagod." Hinilot hilot nya pa ang sentido at noo ni Kharin. Lalo ko tuloy naitikom ang kamao ko at tumalikod na din.
"Pinagod mo nga ako kagabi."
"At di mo ako pinatulog kagabi."
Fck. Fck. Fck. Fck. Fck. 1000x
"Ayaw patalo ng bakat ko."
Nasipa ko yung pader, "Putangina, woah! Ready na ako magpintura! Kailangan ko matapos to ngayong araw! Woah, pucha! Saan ba ako maguumpisa?" pagiingay ko tapos nagsimula ng magpintura. Sakto lang din ang laki nitong magiging office ni Luhan for consultations. He's very own clinic here.
Bullshit. Hindi mawala sa isip ko. They had sex last night? Yun lang naman yun di ba?! They had sex. They just fcking had sex. Fck.
"Ayusin mo yan, Sehun!" sigaw ni Luhan pero hindi na ako sumagot. Oo wala akong karapatan magalit. Knowing they had sex and compared to what I did, I'm still a jerk. They're couples anyway but no. I just can't bear to think someone touched him, pulled him in and kissed him. It's pissing me off! I mean, real bad. "Tapusin mo yan ngayon. Hanggang 5pm ka lang. Gets mo?" aniya.
"I got it." I whispered.
"Wag ka namang ganyan babe. Kapagod kaya yan." sabad ni Kharin at napalingon ako. Niyakap nya si Luhan mula sa likuran. Back hugging him with a few kisses on his shoulder. "Ituloy nya nalang bukas kung hindi matapos ngayon. May bukas pa." I looked at them and Luhan met my eyes. It's just blank and black as if telling me; you're an asshole. I have somebody else to hug me.
"Tatapusin ko to dahil may usapan na kami ni Luhan." bulalas ko habang busy lang sa pagpipintura ng dingding. Para sa araw na to, kinancel ko lahat ng meetings. Gagawin ko to dahil gusto kong bumawi sa kambal at kay Luhan. Isa pa, Luhan won't allow me to see them if I didn't work for it. Ako ang tatay pero.. hindi ko sila pwedeng makita wherever I want to. I understand, I really do understand why Luhan is doing it.
Because I deserved it.
Because I'm such a asshole.
A bastard. A jerk. What else?
"Anong usapan?" Kharin asked.
"He wants to take the twins for dinner, I mean, the five of us." Napalingon ako ulit pero tinaasan lang ako ng kilay ni Luhan at inirapan din. I said, NO Kharin! At hindi ba pwedeng araw ko naman yun kasama sila? Kharin is with them all these fcking years! Tapos bukambibig na naman ni Hansol to! Paano pa ako mapapalapit sa kanya? SHIT.
"Uy sa buffet tayo. Matakaw kasi ang kambal at hindi pa mapili sa pagkain. Tatawagan ko lang si Mae para liguan yung dalawa at babalikan ko nalang sa bahay." Kharin quickly yanked his phone out of his pocket but Luhan stopped him. Quite relieved because he must've changed his mind over asking Kharin to join with us.
"Ako na tatawag sa labas."
I slumped my shoulder. Argh.
Lumabas agad si Luhan at naiwan kami ni Kharin. "Are you jealous?" he asked but I did not respond. Hell, I am!! After all these years, Luhan is still the one who owns me, who owns my heart. Kung hindi lang sana ako naduwag... I chose Luhan's safety, I let him be happy and freed him from the pain, from what I did and I followed Lolo. Naging maayos ang buhay ni Luhan nang wala ako. Nang hindi sya ginugulo ni Lolo but hell, I should've protected him. I should've. Argh.
I shouldn't have let him go.
"Do you want him back?"
"If I say yes, will you feel threatened?" I answered sternly, "I lost what's mine so I need to take him back." I added seriously.
I heard Kharin sighed. "Luhan is not a toy that you can just throw away and pick up whenever you want, Sehun. Whatever his decision is.. I will always respect him but as long as Luhan is with me," he gave me a flinty look in his eyes. "I want to make him happy. And besides, I don't think I can live forever with him." he added that shutted me up. "But I genuinely love him." he said.
"And I feel double."
"Who loved the most doesn't matter but loyalty is, Sehun and you failed on that." Natahimik ako. Even if I love Luhan.. I still broke his trust for my loyalty. Sinira ko eh.
"Kharin, don't come."
"To the dinner?"
"Yes, I want just the four of us." sagot ko. Hindi na rin sya nakasagot kasi pumasok si Luhan habang pinapasok yung CP sa bulsa.
"I told Mae we'll pick the twins at 6pm. Tapusin mo na yan, Sehun. May buong araw ka pa para dyan!" mataray na sabi nya. Naguusap lang sila ni Kharin habang nagpipintura ako dahil ayokong marinig kung anong pinaguusapan nila, sinuot ko nalang yung headset at nakinig ng kanta.
Napaupo nalang ako nang mapagod.
"Oh? Nangangalahati ka palang dyan? Give up ka na? Kapag hindi mo natapos yan, hindi mo maipapasyal ang kambal" Napatayo ako ulit at hinilot hilot ang isang balikat kong nangangawit na sa ilang oras ding pagpipintura. "Mahina ka pa din." I heard Luhan murmured and, I just bowed my head down. I feel tired but I won't give up. I need to see the twins again. Damn it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luhan
"Sehun, okay ka lang?" Nagtama ang mata namin ni Sehun sa rearview mirror. Sya na ang nagkusang magmaneho. Natapos nyang pinturahan yung office kasi tinulungan sya ni Kharin. Nakabusangot tuloy ako kasi ang bait nya masyado. "Masyado kasing brutal 'tong si Misis to be." Kharin added. Kinurot nya pa ang pisngi ko pero iniwas ko lang din.
"Bakit mo kasi sya tinulungan? Kakainis! Sabi ko wag mong tulungan." Naiinis pang sabi ko pero inakbayan lang ako ni Kharin. I shoved his hand but he pulled me closer and kissed my cheek. Napatingin ako sa rearview mirror at nakatingin si Sehun sa amin. I only raised an eyebrow and then I kissed Kharin.
Take that. Oh. Sehun.
Napamura ako nang biglang huminto ang kotse. Tumama tuloy nguso ko sa ngipin ni Kharin. "Sorry, may dumaan kasing aso." pagdadahilan ni Sehun at pinaandar na ulit ang sasakyan. Nagkatinginan nalang kami ni Kharin. Pagdating sa bahay, sinalubong agad kami ng kambal. 6:30 na kaya nakabusangot ang dalawa. Ganito sila paglate sa usapan eh.
"Bakit tagal nyo? Ready na ako kain dami dami eh." Nakangusong sabi ni Luna. Akala mo kung sinong gurang tong batang to. Hala.
"Ito, akala mo dalaga na." sabi ko.
"Dalaga na ako!" she shouted.
"Wala ka pang regla!" sigaw ko din.
"Kayo po meron na?" she asked back.
"Wala... ano ngayon?"
"Edi binata na kayo!" Napanguso ako dahil sa sinabi nya. May SENSE talaga kausap tong anak ko. Proud nanay here. "Daddy baba! I miss you po! Kiss! Kiss!" aniya at tumalon talon sa harap ni Sehun habang nakanguso. Ewan ko ba kung bakit gustong gusto nya si Sehun. Si Hansol naman, pasan ang mundo.
"Katama po tya?" Hansol asked.
Kharin tapped Hansol's head. "Oo nak. You should greet him. Be good." he reminded but Hansol hid on his back. "Why don't you call him Daddy baba too just like.. Luna?" Napailing ako. Kharin is always considerate of others. Balak nya bang tulungan si Sehun sa mga bata? Hindi nya alam kung paano ba magdamot. I mean, he's just too kind and all that. Sobrang selfless. Sobrang mapagbigay.
"Kayo lang po Appa ko, Appa.. Ayoko po tya tawag Daddy." sagot ni Hansol habang nakayakap sa hita ni Kharin. Nagkatinginan nalang kami at nilingon si Sehun. Sadness is reflecting in his eyes. "Wag na po tayo alit. Dito nalang po tayo. Ayaw ko tama kanya. Luto nalang kayo Eomma! Pleathe?" sabi nya at tumakbo na at nagtago sa flower vase.
"Hansol," tawag ni Kharin.
"Hindi ako ti Hantol!" sagot nito habang nagtatago pa rin sya dun sa flower vase na akala naman nya, hindi namin sya nakikita.
"Nasan na si Hansol namin?"
"Kinain nitong vathe!" sagot nya.
"Hansol, wag kang panget! Sasama si Daddy baba kasi gusto ko! Huhu! Pag hindi nyo sama si Daddy baba, hindi nalang din ako sama! Hindi nyo na ako makikita! Lalayas na ako!" ani ni Luna bago nya niyakap ang hita ni Sehun. Ang bungi, umeMMFF na naman sa drama.xx
"At san ka pupunta?" tanong ko.
"Hindi ko sabi para hindi nyo ako hanap! Basta... dyan lang po sa park." sagot nya. Natawa ako. Sa paborito nyang Park dito?!
"Sama ka na, Hansol. It's my treat. You can eat all you want." Mahinahon na sabi naman ni Sehun, bending his back levelling Hansol's face na nagtatago pa rin sa flower vase. Tumakbo sya at tinakip ang remote sa mukha nya. Magaling talaga sa taguan ano?
"AYOKO PA RIN!" sigaw ni Hansol.
"Then what do you want?"
"GO AWAY!" sigaw ni Hansol.
"Hindi ulan si Daddy baba kaya hindi sya go go away!" singit ni Luna. I only snapped my forehead. Tinakpan ko nalang bibig nya. "Eomma! Gutom na ako, gusto ko po nung noodles na Nissan dami dami!" she added.
At kelan pa naging noodles ang brand ng kotse? Napailing nalang ako at napalingon nang may magdoorbell. Binuksan ko agad. Bumungad sa akin si Kyungsoo na umiiyak.
.
.
.
.
"May babae si Jongin. Bakit ganun Luhan? Sinabon ko naman, bakit ayaw kuminis?" God. Maloloka na ako.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Torture for Sehun. Seeing your loved one kissing somebody else, how does it feel Oh Sehun?! Pero wala to sa sakit na nafeel ni Luhan nung makita sila ni Yna. Ay jusme.