Dedication goes to goodnplenty for the encouraging words that I have received in this hard time and for listening to a complete stranger just babble on about everything.
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...29...
This day had come up way to soon for my liking. I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was on my chest. Mom let me spend the night over at Clay’s house last night because it would be the last time we would be able to hold each other for whoever knew how long. When I rolled over, Clay was already out of bed and I decided to get up and get dressed. I just pulled my hair back into a messy bun and skipped putting makeup on.
I slowly walked downstairs and into the kitchen where Clay was standing with his mom in his arms. I just stood there for a minute, not wanting to interrupt the moment between these two very special people. Not a minute later, I heard Hannah and Mikey coming downstairs. I stepped out of the way so they could join their mom and brother. Clay noticed me standing there and motioned for me to come closer but I just shook my head. I felt like I would be stepping in the way of family time. He un-latched himself and walked over to me, taking my hands in his.
“From here on out, you are a part of this family,” he said and pulled me over to his mom and siblings.
We all just stood there, wrapped in one another’s arms. We about didn’t hear the doorbell from all of the sniffling but then we were swarmed with two more arms. I knew it was Brent because there was no one else that would walk into the house like that. After another fifteen minutes or so, we untangled ourselves and Caroline gave her son and Brent one more hug and a kiss on the foreheads before having Mikey help her back upstairs. I knew she would be going up there to cry herself to sleep and I felt bad because I was going to be going to the airport with the guys. We were taking Clay’s car and I was driving it back.
Brent took the backseat and after Clay closed the door and the trunk, we took off. He held my hand the entire drive there. When we parked in the parking garage, I almost didn’t think I would be able to handle this but I knew I had to. We walked through the airport and I just held onto Clay like my life depended on it. When we got to the gate they needed to get on, he dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around me. I loved this man with all of my heart but at the same time I almost wished that I didn’t fall in love with a military man because this part was always hard. A moment later, I felt Brent’s arms wrap around the both of us.
“This is so sad,” he fake sobbed, causing me to laugh and pull away from Clay. I turned to him and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “You just keep your head up, Legs. We’ll be home before you know it.”
“Don’t promise me anything that you can’t make happen, Brent. But promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Keep your eye on my man,” I said looking over at Clay.
“He’s my best friend, I’ll die to protect him.”
“Come here,” Clay said, pulling me back over and into his arms. “I promise that I’ll stay as safe as I can,” he said, looking into my eyes. “I’ll call or write as soon as I can.”
“God, this is so hard,” I cried, throwing my arms around him again.
“You can drive my car anytime you want just keep it safe.”
“I love you Clay.”
“I love you to, baby girl. I’ll come home to you and then we can talk about making a life together because that’s all I want to think about.”
With that said, I reluctantly pulled myself away from him, letting him take his bags and just before he walked away, I stopped him. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him. He dropped his bags once more, wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off of the ground. I could hear hushed whispers from the people who was around but I didn’t care. I was professing my love for him in front of everyone. When he sat me on my feet, he leaned his forehead against mine and kissed my nose. There were no words spoken and then he was away from me again.
I couldn’t tell you how long I was at the airport for but I watched their plane take off and after that, I slunk down into a chair. Everyone that passed by would spare me a second glance but no one made the effort to speak to me. I was still sitting there when I felt some arms wrap around me. I knew without looking that it was my mom and I broke down and cried in her arms.
“It gets easier, Claire. I promise you that,” she whispered.
“What if he doesn’t come home?”
“I asked that everyday until your father didn’t come home. He’s doing his job and if he’s anything like your father, he’ll do his best to get home to you. I know it hurts baby, but you have to stay positive. Not only for yourself but for Caroline, Mikey and Hannah. They are going to be leaning on you for support.”
“I know, I just can’t right now.”
“Calm yourself down and come home. I’ll have supper cooked when you get there. I love you honey.”
“I love you to mom,” I said and with the, she was gone.
I sat there for another half hour or so before I felt like I could drive home without any accidents. I called Caroline and asked her if she needed anything and after she said no, I just took Clay’s car on home with me. Mom was right, she had supper ready by time I got there.
The house smelled like lemon garlic chicken and potatoes. I really didn’t feel like eating but I knew that mom would not let me leave the kitchen without eating a little something. She even fixed my plate, not putting a lot on it and placed it in front of me. She went back to the refrigerator and poured my a glass of sweet tea. I took a few bites and pushed the plate away and started sipping my tea.
“It gets better honey. You will realize that.”
“I know that deep down but right now it just doesn’t feel like it.”
“Go on to bed sweetie. We’re going to your grandparents house tomorrow.”
When I went to bed that night, I couldn’t stop the constant dreams that went on. The last and worst one was watching Clay and Brent both getting taken hostage and later shot and killed. When I woke up gasping for air, I could not even think about going back to sleep. I was just laying there, curled up in my blanket when I heard mom wake up and walk downstairs. I got up shortly after her and went to the kitchen.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Nope,” I responded.
“That will be your life for the beginning but Claire, you’ve got to get sleep.”
An hour later, we were heading to the grandparents house. When we got there, Nan and Pap both wrapped their arms around me and told me that I was the strongest girl they knew. I wish that I would start believing it. I would feel a little bit better once I heard from Clay, telling me that that he and Brent were okay. It was hard watching them go but when I would start getting the calls and letters, it would help with the empty feeling I had.
We stayed at my grandparents for the entire day and once we got home, I was tired. I curled up in my blanket and dozed off only to be woken by the ringing of my phone. I looked down at the screen and it was a number that I didn’t recognize but I still answered it.
“Hey baby,” Clay’s sweet voice came over.
“Hey. You’re still in the states?” I questioned.
“We are getting to to take our flight out. I won’t be able to hear your voice for about a week. I know you’re probably already in bed but I had to talk to you.”
“I miss you so much already, Clay.”
“I know, sweetheart. I just want to be there with you in my arms right now but I’m promising you that I will fight to come home to you,” he said and then there was some static in the background. “Baby, I’ve got to go. I’ll write as soon as I can.”
“Okay and Clay?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you,” I said through tears.
“I love you,” and then he was gone.
I wasn’t sure if hearing his voice so soon after letting go of him was a good or bad thing. I was happy to talk to him but it just ripped another scar in my heart because this time I really wasn’t sure if or when I would hear his voice again. I was trying to stay positive and listen to my mom’s words about it getting easier.
I guess this was like anything in life. You have to go through the bad to get to the good.
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Okay okay okay...
I know this chapter is not my best work AT. ALL. It is very short and.... mediocre. I hate that it's not the best I could do but really, it touched the points I needed it to and that's the only reason it's so short. I have actually been working on this chapter since I posted 28 and I have tried my best to make it more but it just wasn't meant to be.
Anyway, as most of you know by now, I am currently separated from my husband and while it has been a very tough road to deal with knowing that he would rather be with "this person" than me, I have finally come to realization. My marriage hasn't been working for a while now. And as much as it wounds my ego, I have accepted it because what else can I do. I have sort of met someone who makes me feel special and he seems to be what I actually do look for in a man but it's sort of long distance and in the long run, I'm not sure how that will work out. I'm nearing 30 and I want to be able to have a long marriage (at least by today's standard's) because God knows that I was lucky I made this one last 5 years.
Anyway, my classes start back next week and I'm hoping to get as much writing done between now and Monday as possible because not only do I go back to school, but my baby starts her first year. :(