It really hit me that our baby was gone. I never got to hold them. I never got to tell them how much I loved them, how happy I was that they were in my life. It all seemed so surreal until I was home, in bed, Bean was asleep in her room, Kurt in his study painting or something. It hit me that there wasn't another human with me constantly, that I was empty. I got up, my dog looked at me warily from Kurt's side of the bed. I went downstairs and into the kitchen.
I dialed his number and waited.
"Hello?" I heard him say.
"I didn't know if you were home yet, how was the movie?" I asked.
"Good, we finished it like a week after you left." He said.
"Speaking of that, why did you leave so early?" He asked, happily unaware.
"We lost the baby one night. I didn't want to stay there." I said. He gasped and stayed silent for a few minutes.
"Oh my god..." He said. I sat there for a moment.
"Ruby I'm gonna fly up there. I don't care how Kurt feels about it. You need s distraction." He said. I smiled a bit. My heart didn't feel as heavy.
"I'd love that." I said.
"I love you and Bean, I'll be there in a week." He said.
"You too Rio." I said. Now to just tell Kurt. He shouldn't freak out, that night in LA he seemed alright with him. I walked upstairs. I picked Frances up out of her crib so Kurt couldn't yell at me and I knocked on the door to his study. He didn't answer.
I knocked again.
"Kurty?" I asked. I didn't hear him. I turned the door handle. He was laying on the couch wearing his pajamas. The box was beside him on the floor. He was awake and looking at me.
"Bring me Bean." He said quietly. I shook my head.
"You're high." I said. He sighed.
"Come here." He ordered. I quietly walked over and sat on the edge of the couch. His hand came up and touched bean's head gently.
"I need to go to rehab." He said. I nodded.
"Where do you wanna go?" I asked him.
"Somewhere close, so you can visit." He said.
"I'll call around." I said as I started to get up.
"Wait." He said as he weakly grabbed my hand. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. I carefully placed bean on his chest and he smiled. I shut the box and kneeled beside the couch holding it.
"I'm taking this, and if I catch you high again before you go to rehab, I'm taking Bean and we're going to stay with Kathleen." I said clearly, as if I was talking to a child. Tears formed in his eyes when he realized that I was serious.
"Okay." He said quietly. Frances was quietly resting on his chest.
"Alright." I said, taking the box and walking out the door.