Words weren't with me as I grasped his frail body bled of life. He trembled so horribly, and the clothes were stiff, shred here and there from the merciless blizzard. As horrible as it felt to compare, I felt like I was holding a corpse.
His cold face pressed into my neck, a feeling I'd never forget, frostbitten fingers holding onto my shoulders.
My name dimly got past his bloody lips, but enough to get my full attention through my stun and grim mind. His voice was distorted, sounding strained and raw as if he'd been screaming for hours. "Yuu, It's... Everything is... I..."
I ached to break out of my transfixion, make words - do anything... But I couldn't. I couldn't believe he was here, and alive. Maybe broken, but alive. I never forgot he could've not survived that night.
I held his face in my shaky hands, deciphering the dark bruises and bloody scratches nearly all over his face. Tears could hardly escape him as he was dehydrated, face too cold to let any liquid fall as to freezing.
The horrid gash under his left eye never drifted from my attention, barely healed as the snow kept refreshing the blood. I ran my thumb under it, feeling just the significant sensation as a tear fell down my face. What ever happened to him...
The wind gusted the door shut, waking my urgency. He was in front of me, and was injured. I had to stop wasting time.
But, of course, I was so upset. "What were you thinking? It's like, negative fifteen degrees out there!"
My inner mother instincts burned within me. She stirred in her deep sleep on the couch, probably feeling the vibes just as well.
He still held onto me so tightly, his cries making me defensive in a way. Yet, I wanted to tell him to stop, fearing he'd dehydrate himself. His voice struggled to be heard. "I couldn't stay there... Yuu, I couldn't... I felt... So guilty... I was hurting, and...-"
"Mika... You don't just tread through cities in a raging blizzard to see me; put yourself first for once-"
"Yuu," he whispered, his pale eyes gazing up at me innocently. A sweet way of telling me to be quiet.
I hugged him once more, still ounces of my love pouring out. I held the back of his head and hid my face in his shoulder, trying to silence all of my reactions. I would have to explain far too much to my mother if she woke.
I kissed the top of his head which still held its very sweet scent. "I wanted to die without you," I whispered to him, squeezing him tighter with every shiver... I loved him so goddamn much... He was the most precious thing I'd ever held and hearing him cry and wince out every possible thing tormenting his mind at once made me never want to let him go.
Which was obvious. I was never letting him leave me. I couldn't. I'd grown too protective, and lost too much trust with everyone around him. Even the world itself with him. Out in the blizzard is where it left him.
"Follow me," I said, although I didn't give him much choice as I held his hand and led him to my room.
He was making me feel awful with his rejections to the cleansing materials I used to fix him up. Some things would just take too long to heal, but I tended to what I could. He'd already seemed to be fed up with me when I persisted on bathing him and made him submit to healing him. He held my hand as I cleaned the rest of his cuts, his sore legs pressed into my sides from the edge of the bed. It wasn't the appropriate time to note aloud, but did he look ever so precious in my clothes and perched on my bed.
But the question was lingering in the air. It was a screaming whisper that we tried so hard to ignore.
He watched me tiredly as I cleaned under his eye, the scar just making that godforsaken question scream louder.
"How did you get these cuts, Mika?"
I shouldn't have asked it. He could barely speak as it was, had a raging fever, and it was the night he'd just come to me. But I knew how awfully overprotective and distrusting I'd become that night and not having answers made me feel like he wasn't safe.
His gaze fell to the floor, his pinkish-purplish lids my only answer. He tried to muster a response with incomprehensible gesticulations, his tired voice mumbling something. "When... I was moving out. I dropped some stuff... Cut my hands on glass. Accident. Wasn't thinking right. Nobody hurt me... Don't wanna talk about it."
That was fair enough. I was still mad, but I needed to let it go that there was nothing I could do to change it. All I could do was love and help him and hope he was telling the truth.
He was patient with me as I tried to clean him the best I could with stuff that clearly stung. He stared around my room the meanwhile, his eyes dilated oddly. He really needed sleep.
After a long focused moment, I told him, "All done... Do you want anything to wash down the taste of that medicine?" I offered as I pressed my palm to his burning forehead. He shivered, nodding his head.
He told me he'd eaten scarcely before arriving, his illness luckily keeping him sufficed with the loss of appetite. But only did he tell me now that he wanted cookies.
So, it was nearly 4 AM, and I held him in my lap, bundled in covers as he silently ate his cookies. He was beyond exhausted, nearly falling asleep as he chewed. I, meanwhile, had the honor of being tormented by the sight of the bag he carried around for the while. It harassed me with so many questions... Had Mika actually been without a home at a certain point? What did he bring with him? Where did his money go? The question that frightened me most was the possibilities of what he'd done to get here. Where'd he sleep?
Asking him that would torment him. Why couldn't the world just show him mercy for once?
"I didn't want to," he whispered after a moment, a tear running down his face. I looked at him quizzically.
"What?"
He wiped his face, sniffing with all the guilt laced through him. "Tell you to leave. I really did not want to, Yuu. It killed me to do that... But I didn't want to let you see me do what I did. You would've held me back and made me keep it all in... I wanted to explain everything and tell you I was coming back for you... But I couldn't. The look on your face just kept me silenced and hurt." He held onto me, his tears drenching my shirt, but I couldn't care less. I listened.
"I couldn't be in the same room as someone who knew what I did... How I got her taken away. I felt so dirty, and the feeling wasn't going away. I had to take what I could and I didn't want you to see me with such awful haste. I hurt myself so many times trying to get stuff and I couldn't see with all the tears in my eyes and... Everyone just watched me leave with your hoodie on and your bag you left over my shoulder. I couldn't stop crying and feeling so awful. I planned to get a ride for a stay for awhile until I got the courage to come speak to you again, but I had been deducted of so much money... I got any kind of transportation I could by any means... Nothing hurtful, of course. I just had to give up some stuff in the bag like jewelry or anything I carried around that was expensive... I didn't want it anyways... My phone got frozen off when I tried to call for anyone... I got dimes for the payphone but the service was horrible in the blizzard... So I walked. I was so cold, Yuu... I didn't get to say any last words to anyone. The only thing I could think of was getting out of there. I was so naïve... I felt like a child running away from a stupid monster or something. Now I have got an awful fever, but at least I have you..."
He sounded stubborn at the end, dimming down the story's true grimness.
"Don't ever go out again in a blizzard," was all I could say. But I kissed his forehead, and hugged him so thankfully, my lungs nearly caving within me. "Gosh, you're so dumb for that but I love you too much to be mad..."
He began to cry as well, hiding his face in my shirt. "I am so sorry... So sorry, Yuu."
I didn't like the tension we'd formed after awhile, so I watched TV quietly with him for a tiny bit, occasionally kissing him every so often. His eyes were barely open, his responses slow.
When he dozed off for quite some time, I laid him beside me in a cocoon of sheets with nearly all of my pillows nested around him. He still clung to my shirt with a small fist, his sleepy face cuddled in my neck.
How could someone this innocent believe that anything that happened was his fault?
He tried to argue with the quietest noises as I shifted to a more comfortable position for the both of us.
"Don't worry, I'm not leaving... I'm right here with you, Mika."
He wrapped his arm around me, and a leg, breathing heavily. After a long moment, he confused me in a whisper with, "...Please don't leave me, Yuu. I am sorry..."
I felt a tear on my neck from him, his body growing oddly still. Then he'd begun to faintly snore. I deadpanned at the ceiling, mindlessly running my fingers through his hair. "For what... Mika? For what..."
Mika's voice was nonexistent the next day. He awoke on top of me, his throat clearly aching as he groaned in such a horrific noise that it pulled me out of my sleep. He shifted every so often, still between the brink of sleep and awake. Then he softly shook me, laying his head by my neck.
"I'm up..." I mumbled, stretching briefly before sitting up. He still stayed pooled in the sheets, his baby blue eyes watching up at me tiredly. I brushed the hair out of his face with my fingers, smiling faintly.
I never thought I'd see the day.
Good morning, beautiful. You've finally woken up next to me. I mean, despite the fever.
My mother. I forgot about that. She seemed quite offended when I showed in the kitchen to get Mika a water. I guess she was expecting to still see me there when she woke.
"Morning to you, too, Mister," she murmured, continuing to stubbornly fork at her fruit salad.
"You're a ridiculous heavy sleeper," I chuckled, watching her stare at me in confusion. "I'm not sure if it's one of the side effects, but yeah, you are."
She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was still confused. "You always drink soda for breakfast. This is new," she noted, eyeing the water bottle.
"It's not for me." She stopped chewing instantly, furrowing her eyebrows. "Mika is here."
Her face drained of color. It took her a moment to function like a human again, but that definitely had to go soon with the state Mika was in. I let her have her moment. "Shut up."
"Yes, but... Don't cause him trouble. Please, mom. I'm serious. I'll explain everything later..."
She suddenly connected clues, plopping her fork down in disagreement. "Wasn't there a blizzard last night? How'd he get here?"
I sighed. "Exactly. Mom, it's been bad. Just don't go crazy over him or anything or remind him about his job. I promise, we'll talk later."
"Okay, okay... I just... Can I ask if he's alright, at least? I mean, he is my illegally adopted second son."
I cracked a small smile, shaking my head. "Mika is a tough guy, mom."
She still had her motherly instincts raging, but she sufficed off of my word for it for awhile.
Mika nearly threw up on my sheets when he had to take his medicine again, his facial expression saying it all about the "natural strawberry" taste. I forced back my laughter, giving him a cookie to flush the taste out.
"Rest as much as you can today... As your voice says: no talking today. Obviously. I'll find you some entertainment soon, I hope." He ignored it all as he wrapped his arms around me, urging me to lie down with him. His face felt so hot against my neck, the fever practically speaking to me. His small, bruised hand pawed at my shirt, and in utter submission to his adorability, I let him cuddle me next to him and his outrageous body heat. He wasn't even sweating.
He wrapped his arms around me like last night, legs intertwined and his face hidden somewhere where it seemed as if he couldn't breathe. I stroked his soft hair, glad to feel warmth rather than stiff frost.
"Not to alarm you, but my mother knows you're here. Don't worry, I've got her on a restraint. Just to let you know. Now... Sleep."
He nodded tiredly, his hand finding mine so he could hold it. I ran my thumb over the little cuts, holding his hand close to my chest. He poked at me sleepily, then held me close. I couldn't believe how crazily in love I'd fallen. I just thought about him and couldn't help but smile. He played with my fingers as he dozed off, his breathing getting heavier. I kissed his cheek, a content grin finding my lips.
Mom softly knocked somewhere in between the nap I had with Mika, peering her head in. The eye contact we made was enough to share the message to stay quiet. Although Mika was practically snoring.
"Everything alright?" she whispered, quite flustered with the sight of Mika and I like this. I still never told her I was in love with him, but everyday I just gave her more clues.
I nodded, smiling in thanks. She gave me some stereotypical cheesy look at the sight of us cuddled. Then she finally disappeared. I'm positive she knew.
Mika silently insisted on some serious self-pampering time when he returned to his wits when he woke. He was just angry because he felt himself sweating. Giving in, I let him have some privacy in there with some things to freshen up. God knows how pristine that bathroom would look after he was done. Cleanliness was probably another of Mika's fetishes.
Mom and I had enough time to work on dinner with the time he spent in there. In fact, we had a whole conversation about it.
"So... Can I hear the details now?" she tried to nonchalantly bring up as she cut up some vegetables.
I wasn't sure how she was going to react, but I kept a serious tone to let her know not to take things in any bad way. "He got released... People found out about the dirty things his contract had him doing. He treaded through the blizzard to come stay with me. He had nowhere to go. Or if he did, it surely wasn't with me, so he wasn't going to stay..." She stayed silent, but I could tell she was listening with probably so many questions screaming in her mind. "I still need to find out so much more, but... I can't throw it all on him now. Especially since he finally broke out of the place... Part of me doesn't even want to know for the sake of him just finally being with me and knowing he's safe for a long time."
I rambled more than intended feelings, catching her cheesy grin from the corner of my eye. "Well, sweetie. I'm here to help. I'm still trying to keep myself composed. As long as no paparazzi come barging down my door, I'm alright. Let me tell you: don't fight with a pregnant woman, Yuu. These paps won't stand--"
"Mom."
"Right." She cleared her throat. "So what does Mika like to eat?"
"Anything without meat. He's a vegetarian."
She dramatically groaned, hand over her chest. "My illegally adopted son just can't get anymore perfect, can he?"
I rolled my eyes, luckily only having to deal with a tiny bit more of this ridiculousness as I helped her cook.
After a long bit, she finally sprang the question. "Yuu... Do you like Mika?"
I smiled, just the thought of him making the answer so obvious. I thought of his quirks, beautiful hair and eyes... "I'm enamored with him."
She had a small dance of celebration but got back to business real quick.
"Ew, what was that about?" I laughed.
"Absolutely nothing. Hey, so - work on your job situation, huh? Sweet bed-and-breakfast mother over here isn't paying the bills all by herself. Especially for Prince Charming over there running up the water bill."
Right. The job cycle was just never ending. Just thinking about it made me dramatically sigh. Then I realized how much I did resemble my mother.
Mika poked his head around the corner near some point towards the end of our cooking, his eyes surveying the kitchen. He didn't even notice that I'd caught him. I could tell he was starving just by the smell and his eyes.
"Mika, come on in."
My mother had to remind herself to keep stable as she heavily breathed. I couldn't believe after all these years she was still obsessed with modeling and fashion and would nearly collapse to the floor over the presence of a supermodel.
"Hi, sweetie!" she forced, her voice cracking in countless multitudes. After that, she settled on not speaking as much.
Seeing Mika dressed like a boy his age for once in my clothes made me elated in a way I couldn't explain. He waved a tiny wave to my mother, hiding behind me from the edge of the counter.
I felt his forehead and his neck, the temperature slightly better than before. His scars had just barely healed as well, the one under his eye making him actually look quite badass.
"Oh, is he sick?" my mom pondered, making his face turn red.
I chuckled, "Yeah, a fever. I've got him on some medication. Don't worry too much. He has no voice, though."
"Damn." We both looked at her sudden disappointed stature, making her snap out of it. "I mean, not because of - I'll just keep cooking."
She was surely entertaining Mika. He held my hand, his stomach suddenly growling.
"Oh, yeah... Almost done. Promise." I told him, watching him hide a smile.
Terminator did her usual - and unnecessary - 500mph dash between the kitchen and living room, all just to pounce on the couch. Mika was completely dumbfounded at the zooming creature that we're so used to flying around the house, suddenly sneezing after a moment. His face scrunched up in pain.
"Well, that was a strange series of events..." my mother obviously noted, nonchalantly peering out the snow-caked window.
Mika seemed more interested in the cat than me as I set up plates. I wasn't sure why, but he had tears in his eyes, yet he looked completely calm. And he kept sneezing. My mother and I were completely lost on what to do as we just witnessed the two of them bond like first-borne creatures of the world.
"Either the nonstop sneezing part of his fever is here, or he's allergic to cats," my mom explained, munching on a random vegetable as we watched the two of them.
I had to admit, I was jealous. The damned cat liked him more than me. I mean, he only got a hiss or two but that was still way less than I ever got. Now the little bastard was purring at his feet.
"At least she likes somebody in this house," she mumbled.
Before bed, I gave Mika some more medicine, which he seemed to loathe me for. He was exhausted after dinner as it was, cuddling back into the sheet nest he had between the bed and the wall. He watched me sleepily clean and navigate about my room, a longing invitation for me to come lay down with him.
I dimmed my lights, yet still seeing his satisfied smile as I finally came to snuggle alongside him. He pulled me in close, locking me in an embrace between his arms and legs. His face stayed pressed to my neck, along where I felt him press a kiss. His lips felt so soft, hair so sweet and limbs so gentle.
"You look cute in my clothes," I told him, playing with his hair. He grinned, hugging me tighter. Nothing felt more calming than his love-filled little hugs. "I am so glad to have you back, Mika... I don't want to leave you again... Ever."
After a moment, he cupped a side of my face, tracing his thumb under my eye. His voice struggled, but he couldn't just signal me his next words. "I'm sorry if I've ever caused you pain. I never wanted to... I'm in love with you, Yuu."
I kissed him longingly, feeling his heartbeat against my chest. "The pain is only a reminder of how much I love you... Just know you're safe now, and that I've got you."
Le fluff. More fluff next chapter too. I think. And lovey dovey stuff?? ouO let me know if you like the 8tracks playlist for this story :) it's posted in my latest status if you wanna give it a listen ;u;