Chapter Four
Severus smiled slightly as he bent down and kissed Hestia softly on the forehead. Tucking a strand of golden hair behind her ear he allowed a few tears to escape and drip onto her pale face and tightly closed eyelids. He caressed her cheek sadly with his thumb.
"I don't think I can live without you Hestia. I don't know how I'll go on." He whispered, tears coming faster as they violently poured from his eyes. He stood up again and placed a creased photograph beside her in the open casket. It was worn and crinkled, clearly held many times as it was close to falling apart. "Whatever happens next, I will never forget you. I will never move on." He murmured, stepping backwards and taking one final glance at her peaceful face before turning away.
Whoever said that the dead look like they are sleeping was wrong. They couldn't be further from the truth. She looked unnaturally still, as if frozen, and her face was slighly contorted with pain. The pale skin that embellished her whole body was cold and dry, strange to touch.
"Snape." Someone grunted and Severus looked up from the order of service clutched tightly in his hand, still stroking her picture softly. "I-I wanted to give you my condolences." Mad-eye choked slightly as he glanced over Severus' shoulder and saw his daughter laying amongst the crisp white lilies.
"Thank you." Severus muttered. "I know this must be hard on you as well." Mad-eye frowned slightly before nodding.
"You have no idea." He whispered and Severus allowed him to walk towards the open coffin. Stumbling into a seat he allowed his head to sink into his hands as a wave on indescribably sadness flooded over him. Sobbing heavily into his hand he didn't notice the pitying stares or whispers as people glided around him and into their seats. He just wanted to curl up and allow the black hole of utter despair to swallow him whole.
"Severus. I'm so sorry -" His head snapped up as he saw a man standing over him, a woman hanging from his arm. His dishevelled appearance and lack of black attire did little more than rile Severus as he rose to his full height.
"OUT!" He screamed and Sirius stepped back slightly. "GET OUT!"
"Severus, please -"
"SHE WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED YOU HERE!" He roared, grabbing Sirius roughly by the lapels of his jacket.
"She's my daughter!" Sirius growled, pulling his wand and sticking it under his chin.
"You heard him! Get out!" Mad-eye snarled, standing beside Severus and glaring at the man whose eyes were narrowed with anger. Sirius smiled slightly as he saw the confused look on Severus' face.
"Surprised are we, son-in-law?" He smirked. Severus' eyes widened and he released Sirius, only to swing his arm back and punch him fully in the face, breaking his nose and causing blood to spurt everywhere.
"GET OUT!" Severus yelled, voice cracking slightly as tears began to roll freely from his cheeks. "Why do you have to do this? Isn't it enough that you made her life miserable? Isn't it enough to have her hate you? Why do you have to ruin my last chance to say goodbye to my wife? My son's last chance to say goodbye to his mother?"
"I suggest you leave before I finish you off." Mad-eye hissed as Sirius was pulled up from the floor by Hestia's mother.
"Fine! Don't I deserve a chance to say goodbye to my daughter?" Mad-eye lunged for him and grabbed his arm before he could jump fully away.
"She was never your daughter. In her heart anyway. You weren't there for her like I was, I loved her even if she wasn't mine. You'd never understand that." Sirius gritted his teeth and turned to leave, Hestia's mother released his arm and let him go. "You too." Mad-eye whispered, not looking her in the eye.
"But she's my daughter! Surely you can't throw me out!"
"YOU STOPPED BEING HER MOTHER THE MOMENT YOU CARED MORE ABOUT HIM THEN YOU DID ABOUT HER!" Severus roared, storming forwards to grab her arm and drag her from the church. She squirmed under his tight grip and kept shouting curses back at Mad-eye who was standing by his daughter, crying slightly. "You leave, and if you ever come near my family again, I'll kill you, and your pathetic husband." He hissed, releasing her arm and throwing her out of the door, directly into Sirius who scowled at him.
"But I have a grandson!" She sobbed. Severus turned round and fixed her with a murderous glare.
"You've never visited him before." He growled.
"I'll change! I promise! This has made me realise how much she really meant to me."
"Touching, but you should have said that before she died." He went to leave again but stopped to fix her with another stare. "And you will never see him." With that he stormed into the church and slammed the door right in her indignant face.
*~*~*~*
"Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust." Harry stood in the protective shadow of a large oaktree, eyes scanning the crowd for anything out of the ordinary. He stopped however when Ron tugged on his sleeve.
"Harry, I think we should leave. If Snape sees us-"
"Snape won't see us." Harry snapped, turning to stare at Ron who was frowning profusely. "We're not doing anything wrong, besides. She was our friend, it's only right that we are present when she is buried."
"How can you be so used to this! It was our fault she was killed!"
"You don't know that." Harry said in a small voice.
"All I know is that if we hadn't have gone barging into Malfoy's house, then she'd still be alive, Snape would still have a wife and that poor kid would still have his mother." Ron growled.
"We weren't to know that she was there. We'd given up all hope of finding her years ago, we didn't expect to find her in the house of a convict. And how do you know that Lucius killed her? It could have been suicide, it could have been an accident." Ron remained silent as he watched the sombre procession trudge through the graveyard, Snape and his son walking reluctantly behind the coffin as they approached the freshly dug grave. After a long silence he finally spoke.
"The thing I don't understand is what has happened to the baby." He muttered.
Severus stood by the graveside as they lowered the sleek, mahogany coffin into the ground. Clutching his son's hand tightly he allowed him to bury his head into his legs and wrapped his arms around him comfortingly. He had to remain strong for his son, but it was so difficult.
"Hestia Snape was a beautiful young woman, and I speak on behalf of all those who had known her that it is a great tragedy and loss that she was taken so prematurely from us. May her memory live on in her friends and family, and in the devoted husband and loving son she has left behind. I believe that her family would like to say a few words." He closed the thick black book in his hands and stared expectantly at Severus who cleared his throat.
"Hestia, I don't know how I am to live without you. But I promise to look after our son, for your memory remains alive within him. With you I have had the best times of my life, you are my everything... and to think that someone would take you away from me..." He couldn't continue as he had begun to sob quietly. Tobias squeezed his hand and also cleared his throat.
"I will miss you very much Mummy. I know that you will be watching over me always, and it makes me sad that you aren't here to hold my hand or be with Daddy. I don't like seeing him upset... I'll never forget you Mummy." He smiled bravely at his father, tears glistening in his deep brown eyes as his father sobbed harder.
"Hestia... I may not have been the perfect father, but I have always loved and cared for you. There is a hole in my heart that nothing can fill, but I'm sure that in getting to know my grandson I will be with a part of you that never died. You were a devoted mother and I only wish that you were here to see your son grow up into a young man. Forever, it seems, I will miss you, as will many others. For you have truly touched many of our hearts, and I thank you for being in our lives, albeit only briefly."
Severus' sobs grew louder as he released his sons hand and sank to his knees by the open grave, a gaping hole in the glistening grass. His desperate and heart-wrenching cries were a mere shadow of the overwhelming grief burrowed deep inside of him as he sobbed violently into his hands. Crawling forwards, he reached out towards her open grave and collapsed onto the floor, not wanting to get up. He wanted to be with Hestia, to lay beside her again, to feel her warm breath on his cheek or her hand in his.
Mad-eye and Draco had to restrain him as he threatened to throw himself into the grave. Draco had tears dripping from his cheeks as he held Severus tightly to him, shielding Tobias from the depressing sight as much as he could. Mad-eye himself was crying softly, lifting a scar ridden hand to wipe the tears from his gnarled face.
Severus pulled himself away from Draco and stumbled towards the grave, taking one final look at the coffin he grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it carelessly on top before walking slowly away, never glancing back to see his son clutching to Elizabeth tightly. He didn't even see Harry and Ron lurking on the other side of the cemetery.
*~*~*~*
Severus stood gazing out onto the garden, eyes fixated on the memorial tree wilting in the flowerbed. In one hand he clutched a glass of firewhisky tightly, the other the wedding photograph where he and Hestia were kissing. A few tears dripped onto the upturned glass as he stared somberly at the moving picture, smiling slightly at the image of Hestia beaming at the camera, and him wearing an equally satisfied grin on his face.
He sighed and took a large swig, downing the contents of the glass. A pleasant burning sensation fluttered down his throat and he felt himself relax slightly. He jumped as he heard a quiet voice sound from the doorway.
"Daddy?" Tobias shuffled into the room and fiddled with the cuffs of his suit jacket. Severus turned and stared impassively at his son as he stopped a few metres away, eyeing him warily.
"Yes." He snapped, not risking saying anymore in case he slurred his words and Tobias realised that he had been drinking. Heavily.
"Where is Mummy now? Is she in heaven?" He whispered, stumbling backwards slightly when Severus took another glug of alcohol.
"Goddamit Tobias! She's dead! DEAD! She's not in heaven, she's not watching over us and she's not reincarnated as something else. She's gone, she's buried under the soil and that's where she'll stay." He threw his glass to the floor and it shattered, distributing droplets of Firewhisky across the tiles. Tobias staggered backwards, eyes wide, as he saw the angry expression on his fathers face.
"Daddy? Daddy, you're scaring me!" He whimpered, eyes flickering from Severus' clenched fists and the open door.
"Shut up! You stupid child, SHUT UP!" Severus roared, advancing on his son and grabbing him roughly by the shoulders, so close to his face that Tobias could smell the pungent scent of alcohol on his breath.
"Daddy! Let go! You're hurting me!" Tobias sobbed. Severus' grip on his shoulders increased as he clenched his jaw. He released his hands and instead stood backwards slightly. "I think you've had too much to drink dadd-" He was stopped when Severus punched him squarely in the jaw, sending him flying into the glass cabinet behind him. He stood upright and glanced at the door as Draco ran in.
"Severus! I heard a crash -" He stopped mid-sentence, mouth hanging open. Tobias lay amongst large shards of broken glass and wooden furniture, splinters and bits of glass had punctured the skin and he was bleeding heavily all over his bruised and shaking body. Tears poured down his cheeks and mixed with the blood dribbling down his chin from where he had bit his tongue when Severus hit him. He was whimpering and staring wide-eyed at Severus who simply stared at him, completely shocked with what he had done.
"Tobias! Oh no, I'm so sorry..." He gasped, running forwards to grab his son but Draco had gotten there first.
"Stay away from him." He growled, scooping a barely conscious Tobias into his arms and stumbling towards the door. He reached the doorway and turned back, whispering comfortingly at Tobias, before staring directly at Severus. "You've had way too much to drink. You need to sleep it off, you're a danger to your son." He whispered before closing the door behind him.
Severus staggered over to the tall cabinet at the other side of the room, sobbing hysterically as he wrenched the door open and grabbed a glass bottle from the highest shelf. Sinking into an armchair he hastily unscrewed the lid and lifted the rim to his lips.
"To Hestia." He whispered before taking a large swig.