Our fingers play together on Louis' tummy as we lay in peace on the bed, breathing slowly and comfortably without any interruptions. Every now and then, Louis would duck down slightly to press a kiss to my forehead, melting my heart and making me squeeze his hands in return.
"What's your favourite thing to eat?" Louis asks quietly, briefly looking at me.
I think for a moment before I grin up widely at him and say, "I absolutely adore pasta."
"You do?" He asks, raising his eyebrows up in surprise.
"Mmhmm," I nod. "It's so delicious! I could eat it for centuries."
"My mom makes it all the time," he laughs. "Maybe you should come by one time and have dinner with us."
I feel a rush of surprise running through my body as I say, "What?"
"Yeah," he shrugs lightly as he averts his eyes from mine, clearly nervous. "I want you to meet her, and my sisters, too. Do you want that?"
I blink surprisingly as I let that sink in. Louis wants me to meet his family; his mother and sisters. These kind of things only happen when the couple are getting a little bit serious, or are already serious. Right? Crap, does that mean that Louis is taking this whole thing seriously?
You might think I'm dumb, but I'm not. I'm just uncertain about a lot of things that has to do with Louis, so you can't blame me at all. I never thought that at some point I'd be sitting on a bed with Louis, half naked while we talk about everything and nothing, let alone meet his family.
Do I want this? Of course I want this. It somehow gives me a sense of certainty and security, it assures me that Louis wants this, that he wants me.
My grin widens if possible as I sit up straighter, crossing my legs and turning my body to face him before I say, "Of course, I'd love to do that."
"Yeah?" He softly smiles at me. "I'd love that, too. It'd be great to show them who've got my heart and mind at their best."
My heart skips a beat at his words and my mouth parts slightly. My heart then beats loudly and quickly as I swallow the lump in my throat. There's nothing but him and his blue eyes in front of me, and nothing but love and adoration in me for him.
I don't know what to say, because each word that I'm thinking about will open up many things that I don't want to open at the moment. How many times will I have to stop the words from coming out? How many times will I prevent myself from saying 'I love you' to him? Those words are stuck in my throat, choking and suffocating me, and no matter how many times I try to swallow them down, they'll always remain in their place until I say them.
Louis' blue eyes bore into mine as a tiny smile plays on his lips. He looks at peace, he looks comfortable and happy, and it strikes me in the heart like a sharp knife when I realise that he's just this way because he thinks that I'm something that I'm not. I'm deceiving him.
The love that I have for him in my heart is no longer pleasing me, it's paining me, hurting me and it's weighing me down. It's unbearable, even. Right now, Louis has given me something that I can't live without; his mind and heart. However, it feels like he just gave me more heavy rocks to pain my heart more, to weight it down even more.
What feels like hours, is only a couple of minutes before I snap out of my thoughts and softly say, "Louis..."
I'm one step away from sobbing—not crying, but full on sobbing. My body internally shakes from the feelings inside me as Louis raises his hand up to graze his knuckles along my jawline, with his eyes still locked on mines.
The smile that was on his face seconds ago is no longer there. Instead, there's a really thoughtful look on his face, an unreadable one.
"You're so beautiful, Tallulah," he says, making me choke out quietly as my vision blurs with tears. "Like the most beautiful flower of all. Your beauty stands out like that one pretty white rose that blooms and shines amongst the red ones."
A tear slips and rolls down my cheek as my heart explodes and yet another choked out breath leaves my mouth. I look down and close my eyes as more tears roll down.
Everything is going terribly right, but in the wrong direction.
I feel the bed shifting underneath me before I feel a hand under my chin and turning my head up again. His thumb gently wipes away the tears as I keep my eyes closed.
"Why are you crying, love?" He softly and quietly questions.
I force my eyes to open themselves as I sniff. "You've always been so good with words."
"Is that why you're crying?" He smiles.
"No," I answer truthfully as another set of tears fall down. "I'm sorry, Louis."
His smile drops again. "What are you sorry for?"
"Everything."
"Baby, I don't get it. What's wrong?" He cups my face between his hands and looks back and forth between my eyes.
I can't keep doing this. I thought I can, but I can't. It's too much. Either I tell him the truth or let him go. It's simple. But to continue fooling him, deceiving him and lying to him when all that he's doing is showing me nothing but love and his true self? I can't do that.
I get up and begin putting on my clothes without giving Louis an answer.
"Tallulah, what are you doing?" He questions as I put my shoes on.
"I don't deserve you." I mumble quietly, tying the shoes.
"What?"
"I don't deserve you!" I suddenly shout, making Louis' eyes grow wide as he walks over to me.
"What the fuck are you saying?" He furrows his eyebrows as I wipe away the tears on my face.
"I don't deserve you, Louis," I repeat quietly, my shoulders falling down in defeat. "I thought I did, but I don't."
"You deserve much better." He simply says.
"That's not what I meant," I cry, tears falling down again as my heart breaks one by one. "I... You're too good for me, Louis, and I'm not good enough for you."
"Yes you are, you're more than good enough," he takes a step towards me. "Where's all of this coming from?"
"From my heart," I say, placing a hand over it. "I truly am not good enough for you. I should have said that long ago, but I didn't want to admit it to myself."
"Well, you shouldn't say that now. Not when I'm starting to fall in love with you." He says, lips trembling a bit.
My breath hitches in my throat from the shock as my eyes open wide. This is not happening. This can't be happening; I didn't imagine it like that. The irrational part of me is telling me to forget everything, to stop what I'm doing right now and to kiss him. Though the rational part of me is telling me to stick to what I'm doing, to stop lying to him and to stop putting myself and him in danger.
And for the first time since I've laid my eyes on Louis, I decide that I should listen to the rational part.
Why now? Because if I took it any further, nothing good will come out of it.
I'm stupid. I know.
My head cock to the side slightly as I bite down on my lip to stop myself from crying any further; but it's no use. I let everything out as I wrap my arms around him and hug him to me.
"I'm so sorry, Louis." I whisper through my silent cries.
I feel his arms wrap themselves around me as he says, "I'm not letting you go, and neither are you. Not when I don't understand anything."
He pulls away but keeps me close to him as he connects our eyes. "We'll leave now, and I'll let you relax and think for a while, but you will have to tell me what is this about. Alright?"
"I can't." I say, my eyes begging for forgiveness for everything that I have lied about.
"Why can't you?" He asks.
"Because then you will let me go." I answer truthfully, watching as his eyebrows pull together in confusion.
"Why would I let you go when I want nothing but you?" He questions with frustration and desperation clear in his voice.
"Because I'm not who you think I am!" I argue back loudly, pulling myself from his embrace.
"Why? Who are you?" He questions, voice getting a bit louder. He's getting tired of this.
"Someone that you don't want," I say lowly, sniffling after it.
"Why are you doubting that?" He yells, throwing his hands in the air.
"I'm not doubting it!" I yell back through my tears. "You just don't know anything!"
"Then tell me what it is that I don't know!" He says loudly, eyes brimming with tears.
"Why are you crying?" I ask quietly.
He rubs his eyes to stop the tears. "Because you think you're in this alone, you're not thinking about me or my feelings. You're not thinking about your words and what they do to me!"
"I'm not thinking about you? I'm doing this for you!" I yell.
"If you know what's right for me, then you wouldn't say that." He says quietly. "Because you're it. You're what's right for me."
"You're only saying that because you don't know anything," I say and continue before he interrupts me. "And I'm not ready to tell you now with this state we're both in."
"Then when?" He asks, sitting down on the bed and dropping his head between his hands.
"Just give me a few days. That's all I'm asking for," I quietly tell him. "Just a few days and I'll tell you everything."
"A few days," he nods, resting his chin on his palm as he stares at the floor. "I don't know what has happened or what's going on, and it's driving me fucking crazy. So a few days is all what I'm willing to give you."
"Okay." I say, feeling dizzy already.
"I'm going to drive you." He says, averting his eyes as he stands up and puts on his jeans.
"It's okay, I'll walk." I tell him. I really need a walk now to think about everything.
"You don't know the streets here, so you can't walk alone." He says, not looking at me as he puts on the rest of his clothes.
"It's fine, I'll just—"
"God damn it, Tallulah! Just let me give you a fucking ride." He yells, glaring at me.
"Alright." I say quietly, a bit stunned of his outburst.
The ride back is quiet, except for the sound of the harsh wind slapping me in the face for everything that I have done. My hands are clutching on Louis' clothes for security, but it seems as if I'm holding onto him so that he won't leave when he knows everything.
He stops the motorcycle in front of Alfredo and we sit there in silence for a few minutes before I decide to hop off of it. As soon as I do so though, he catches my hand in his as he hops off, too.
His left palm rests on the crook of my neck as he looks back and forth between my eyes.
"A few days?" He asks.
"That's all I'm asking for."
He nods, eyebrows furrowing as he clears his throat. Suddenly, he drops his lips to mine, pressing his against mine in a short, delicate kiss. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine and says, "Please, don't assume things that you don't know anything about."
"I will try not to." I promise. I always jump into conclusions and assumptions.
"You'll call me, right?" He says, pulling away.
"I will," I promise again. "I'll call you soon."
He nods and I watch as he starts his motorcycle again and speeds off. As soon as he is out of sight, I let out a deep breath and walk behind Alfredo to get my bag, preparing myself to let my mind swim me away.
However, that doesn't happen. Instead, I see someone leaning against the small tree across from Alfredo, with his arms crossed and a smug smirk on his face. My breath hitches in my throat when I see him walking towards me and I get a clear vision of him.
The resembles are clear and shockingly similar. The black hair, the brown eyes, the face features. It's all there. The fear sears through me like fire on ice as my hands shake with my entire body.
"You really are busted."
Have you ever been in love before? Have you ever been heartbroken? .... Hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and please, don't forget to vote and comment :) x