[ CHAPTER 31 : WELL, SHIT : ❝uptown got it's hustlers, the bowery got it's bum. 42nd street got big jim walker, he's a pool shootin' son of a gun. yeah, he big and dumb as a man can come but he stronger than a country hoss. and when the bad folks all get together at night you know they all call big jim boss, just because. and they say, you don't tug on superman's cape. you don't spit into the wind. you don't pull the mask off that old lone ranger, and you don't mess around with jim.❞ ]
★★★★★
IT'S LONG BEEN ESTABLISHED that Parker and Liam don't get along. So the mere fact he even lets her stand in his presence, is a bigger surprise than the fact he lives across the street from her. It was probably around midnight when Nico and her had gotten there―after searching for hours around his house for a cassette player―and the Korean boy looked exhausted with a split lip and scabbed knuckles. "What?" He spits directly at Nico, as he refuses to even look in Parker's direction.
"Can we use your dad's cassette player?"
Liam scoffs, "No," He moves to shut the door, but Nico presses his palm against the middle of it and uses most of his strength to keep it open. "Knock it off Nico," The boy demands, placing both his hands on the door to shove it shut; but still Nico continues holding it open, albeit only halfway. "Seriously, fuck off!" He slams his hand at the door but Nico withstands the force.
"Dammit Liam, what the hell is your problem?"
The boy's dark eyes transition to look off at Parker, instantly hardening at the sight of her. She tries smiling at him, but that only makes his eyes flash in pure rage, so much so that he flings the door open and takes two steps out to face them both. "My problem is her," Parker feels like scoffing the same way he had done minutes ago, but thinks against it considering how enraged he is. "Leo hates me because of you, why did you tell him about that day, hunh?" He blares, his hand reaches forward as if he's going to shove at her; but Nico blocks him from doing such.
"What are you talking about?" Nico demands as he keeps his hands placed on the boy's shoulders. "Leo doesn't hate you."
Liam shakes his head and pushes Nico off of him, "How the hell would you know? Neither of you talk anymore. And because of her," He points in Parker's direction again, and Nico flicks his gaze toward her. "He won't talk to me. Why the hell did you have to tell him? Why?" The boy's voice is so loud, it hurts Parker's ears, and she carefully slips her hands over them in response. Nico looks at her in question, like she's supposed to answer him about what Liam's talking about, but she has no clue. Before today, the last time she talked to Leo was when they broke into school and that was more than five days ago.
"It wasn't her," A quiet voice murmurs. From the doorway behind Liam, Milk stands there. Her fingers lace themselves through her hair as her eyes stay focused on the ground. "It was me, I told Leo," Liam turns toward the Thai girl slowly, and as he does―Parker can spot a flash of hurt falling over his features. Milk tentatively takes a step out of the doorway, moving to stand off to the side beside Leo―Liam following her exact movements. "I didn't think he'd react as he did," The girl's lip trembles as her fingers grip desperately at the ends of her hair. "I thought, maybe, if Leo confronted you it'd snap you out of being so mean and angry all the time. Lately it feels like I can't even talk with you because I'm too afraid you're going to lash out at me."
Liam looks at her sternly, his eyes flashing across her face. It feels odd for Parker to even be standing here. It feels like she's invading on their privacy. Especially when Liam drops his gaze from the girl and that hurt from before comes back. There's a split second where he hangs his head, and then he looks back up at Milk. Instead of being neutral or even emotionless, like usual, he glares at her. So much venom sticks to his gaze that it knocks Milk back a step or two, and forces Nico to catch her before she falls over the railing. Parker herself, even sucks in a breath of surprise.
"Go away," He harshly whispers, "I don't even want to look you."
Tears brim the girl's eyes, "Liam, I'm sorry."
"I don't care." He snips, his voice gradually rising in tone.
"Liam, stop," Nico commands as he comfortingly grabs a hold of Milk's shoulders. The Korean boy just scoffs at the other as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I promise, Leo doesn't hate you, he probably just took his anger out on you. He's," Nico clears his throat and awkwardly stammers out the words, "dealing with stuff."
Liam turns his back on the three of them, "Whatever," The boy heads for the door, his hand clamping onto the handle. Parker takes a deep breath in just as he turns his head to slightly look over his shoulder at Nico. "If you want to use my tape player," He begins tearing his gaze to look at Milk. "Then kick her out like you did with Leo. I don't want to be around her anymore, and neither should you. She's a backstabbing bitch."
Milk chokes on her tears as Liam slams his front door behind him. Nico tries his best at comforting the small girl but Parker knows it won't help. She knows what it's like to lose a best friend, there's no coming back from that. "I-I didn't mean f-for it to go this way." The girl blubbers as Nico wraps her into a hug.
Parker eyes the girl wearily, "You told Leo about that day where Liam hurt me, didn't you?" Milk nods her head, her hazel eyes still filled with ready to fall tears. Parker bites the inside of her cheek, as Nico sends her a look asking what the hell that meant, that's why Leo fought Liam. He's so stupid. They both are.
"Liam's just been so agitated lately, I thought if I told Leo what was going on," The girl gulps, backing away from Nico to stumble down a few steps. "When I was talking, the story just slipped out, and Leo got so angry and before I could finish, he hung up on me. And when I came over here, Liam was bleeding, and angry, and yelling about you. I was too scared to tell him," Milk drops her head, her fingers moving to wipe her tears away. "I'm sorry, Parker, I didn't mean for you to get blamed."
Parker shakes her head, "It's fine, I would've taken the blame."
"No," She says sternly. "Liam already dislikes you, and you saw, if you did take the blame―he would've done much worse. Liam's anger is scary; if Leo forgives him, he'll get over it; but right now, all his anger will stay on me," The girl pauses to wipe the rest of her tears away. And as much as she tries to stand tall, Parker can spot the pain on her face. The pain that's so similar to Liam it's uncanny. "It's better this way."
Nico tries reaching out for his friend, but Milk shies away. "Let's just go talk to him." The boy tries reasoning but the girl shakes her head and backs away further.
"It's fine, I'll see you guys later."
Nico tries grabbing for her again but once more he's unsuccessful in his attempts as she dodges him and slips down the steps to disappear into the darkness of Arcadia's fall nights.
"What happened between you and Liam?"
Parker let's out a sigh as she turns to face Nico. He looks calm but the way he clenches his jaw tells her he's not happy with Liam. Whether it's because of Milk or her, or maybe both―whatever it is, the boy is pissed and trying to hide it from her.
Parker blows out a puff of air, causing her brown hair to lift away from her face before she mutters, "It was a while ago, he didn't like what was happening between you and Leo―you guys fighting―and blamed it on me." Nico touches at the middle of his forehead, like he has a headache forming from the information she tells him.
"He took it too far, didn't he?"
Parker shrugs, "It doesn't matter now, let's just deal with this." She mumbles with a confident nod before opening Liam's front door, and heading inside the house without a second thought.
★★★★★
LIAM FOUND HIS DAD'S old cassette player, spared the two of them one scowl, before heading to his bedroom on the second floor of his house. The last thing Parker could hear was him slamming his bedroom door behind him leaving Nico and her in his kitchen with a giant old school boombox radio that looks like it belongs in the 80s. "I can't believe Liam's dad kept this for this long." Parker mutters, running her fingers over the top of the machine where the buttons stick up.
Nico leans on the counter to look at it, "His dad collects things he thinks Liam will like on business trips. He probably found it only a few years ago and gave it to him as a gift. Anyways," He reaches forward and clasps his hand on the handle of the stereo, picking it up from the counter and backing away from it. "We should go somewhere private." Parker nods in agreement and shuffles after him.
As they exit the house, her eyes shift to look up toward the second floor where Liam lies. She wonders if he's just as sad as Milk was earlier and if he regrets what he did. If he doesn't now, in time he will. The situation between him and Milk may not be the same as her and Tori but the emotions are similar. And although her and Liam don't get along, she feels for the guy. She understands him, in a way. She understands how he's feeling, and she feels bad for him. Not as much as she feels for Milk, but it's still there: sympathy.
Parker grabs a hold of Nico's hand when they exit Liam's house to reach the cold of the outside once again. It surprises him for a split second as he keeps his hand complete still while she clutches onto his; but then he's intertwining their fingers together and holding their hand just as tightly as she is with his. She doesn't know why she did it, and she's too afraid to take her hand back, so she continues along with it. Nico's face twists in confusion as he glances down at her. "You're acting odd." He states casually.
Parker clears her throat, "I-I know."
He looks down at their hands, and Parker notices the corner of his lips tugging into a smile but as quickly as she spots it, it's gone. "Are you doing this because you're afraid they're going to see?" He quips, no longer holding her hand as tight. Can't I just hold your hand without it having to do with the game? Can't I feel something without it being because of the game? Can't I like you?
"No."
They keep silent on the walk back to Nico's house. They keep quiet as they walk through his house, past the sleeping form of his father on the couch, past where Leo sleeps in the guest bedroom, and even where Sebastián stays in his room. And the entire time they continue holding hands until he has to set the stereo up atop his desk and set up an area for them to relax while they listen to, probably, depressing tapes of his sister's life story with a possible psycho interviewing her.
"Are you going to be alright?" She asks, reaching out to touch at his arm. Nico nods at her as he grabs for a blanket and drops it over his shoulders so she stays warm. Parker doesn't believe him, knowing full well that he's biting his tongue and holding back his real feelings―like he usually does. And when he sits down, he pats the seat beside him for her, and she takes it albeit sparing him an unconvinced look.
Slipping open the first bag, Nico sifts through the tapes before picking one dated November 2012. He slips the tape into the player, and messes around with the top buttons before he gets it to play.
There's buzzing on the line before Doctor Turner begins speaking."―Sofía, how are you today? Are you feeling any better?" Parker glances at Nico, finding him sucking in a breath as he grips at his knees in apprehension.
"I'm much better, I haven't suffered as much and the nightmares aren't as frequent anymore. The Prazosin seems to be helping with it, and also the sleep paralysis. I haven't had that since I started taking it." Parker bites her lip as she glances back at the boy again, finding his hands shaking as he still holds onto the tops of his knees.
"Good, good; I'm glad. How about your anxiety?"
"The Xanax, I think, is mildly helping but my fears are still there."
"Can you expand on that?"
Sofía lets out a sigh that blusters against the microphone, creating a giant storm of noise across the speakers. "When I think back to what happened last year, my heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest, and sometimes I can't even breathe. Every time I even look back at what happened, I want to just," There's a pause, and light sniffles fill the silence. "I just want to die. I was so stupid with what I did, and I don't know what I'm going to do from this point onward."
"Is the Prozac also helping with your depression?"
"I don't―"
Nico stops the tape, his fingers smacking against the stop button before Sofía can continue. His hand moves to grip at his chin, a searing breath sizzling out from between his clenched teeth. "Prazosin, Xanax, and Prozac? Are you fucking kidding me? This asshole had her doped up to the point she probably didn't even know how to function. No wonder she killed herself," The boy kicks at the wheel of his chair before running a hand down his face. "I can't believe this, how the hell can this asshole get away with this? It's not legal. These prescriptions all have side effects, Prozac and Xanax can cause suicidal thoughts. I can't fucking believe this."
Parker keeps still as she watches him pace back and forth. "Nico, please calm down, you might wake everyone," The boy looks down at her, his eyes clouded in anger and grief. He didn't know, obviously, how deep Sofía's journey with the game went. How badly the last few years of her life must've been. Dealing with anxiety, nightmares, depression, sleep paralysis, maybe even PTSD. "Here," Parker outstretches her hand toward him and he stares down at it, relatively calm. "Like you were there for me, I'm here for you."
He takes her hand and sits back down, his other hand moving to grip at his temples, feeling overwhelmed. Parker takes the initiative to put a different tape in, one from the third bag dating earlier 2013 about February. After pressing play, she leans back into the chair and wraps the blanket around her tighter while she continues holding onto his hand.
"Sofía, you're nineteen now, correct?" Doctor Turner questions, in that same condescending-try-hard voice he uses on Parker.
"Yes, sir."
"Well, I'm going to explain something to you, and I need you to be quiet and listen patiently as I do so, this is all for your benefit," There's a pause, to what Parker can only assume is Sofía nodding before Doctor Turner begins speaking again. "I would like to place you in the private Harbor Psych Hospital near my office, just up the highway. I'll be your in-house psychology, and you'll also be assigned another psychiatrist, Lydia Peterson, to keep watch over you. The reason is, I and the other psychiatrist who has reviewed your file and tapes, believe that you have something called multiple personality disorder. Lydia has actually determined that you have seven personalities, five of which are satanic. The only reason you don't realize it is because you're also suffering from something called Memory Repression which causes you to forget and not remember the incidents in which you change personalities."
"You must be joking, Doctor Turner, that's ridiculous."
"I'm afraid not, Sofía. And this is a huge emergency, you need to be placed in a hospital to be taken care of or it could get worse. This is for your own safety. I mean, think of what could happen to your family if you don't get it under control," There's another pause, some shifting around as the machine buzzes again. "You often speak of your brothers, Nicolas and Sebastián, you love them, don't you? If you do, why would you make them suffer by exposing them to the bad sides of you? Sofía, you could end up killing them if things get out of control. Nicolas and Sebastián, the brothers you love so dearly, could end up dead because of you."
A sob breaks free from Sofía throat, like she's unable to contain her emotions anymore. "Doctor Turner, I could never―I love my family."
"If you really love your family, Sofía, then you'll do as I say."
The tape cuts off, only a ringing noises continues as it rewinds it back. Parker's whole body stays still as her mouth completely dries. She has no words. No words to say. What could she even say? The man is insane. Evil. Pure evil. Doping her up to where she can't even think for herself, then convincing her she'll kill the people she loves because she has multiple personalities. It makes her wonder if he wants to do the same with her.
When she glances at Nico, she finds him frozen still. His eyes glazed over as he stares at the stereo with his hands hardened into fists. She bites her bottom lip so hard it burns and it feels like a crevice is being made because of the way her teeth dig into the skin. Words stick on the tip of her tongue, but she refrains from letting them free; too scared she may say something wrong and cause him to spill over his emotions. So, she sits there, and clenches his hand a little tighter.
"Put in another."
Parker glimpses up at the boy, hesitantly shaking her head as she still watches him take in a few deep breaths. "I don't think that's a good idea, Nic―" Nico rips his hand from her grip, and grabs for the bag the second tape came out of. Anger fills every crevice of his face as he takes another cassette into his hand before switching the other out. Parker tries to stop him. Her hands reach out for him, but he pushes her chair out of the way, kicking the rollers with his foot despite her protest.
"Doctor Turner, please, I don't belong here." Sofía cries out.
The man clicks his tongue, "Oh, which one of it is you now? Am I speaking to one of Sofía's demonic personalities? Let Sofía out, you demon." In the background, sobs can be heard.
"Please Doctor Turner, it's me."
"Lydia, we need to take her to the take down room, it's time to integrate her personalities, it's only getting worse." There's so much noise in the background it's hard to even understand what they're saying. "Strap her down." Doctor Turner yells, and Sofía sobs and screams. Then the doctors are shouting at her: raving about flicking a lighter in her face, and pressing a crucifix against her forehead. Sofía seems calm, just trying to get them to quit, but after a few minutes: she loses it. Screaming at them to 'get the fuck off' of her. It lasts for maybe twenty minutes: it probably felt like a lifetime for Sofía. Eventually, she must get exhausted, as she quits and as soon as she did, they do too.
"Her personalities are now integrated." A woman says.
And through a silence, it can be heard that Sofía is being let up from whatever she was strapped to, and wrap a blanket around her shoulders, before walking her back to the day room all while talking about how much 'better' she's going to be, how this is going to be a 'whole new world' for her; before handing her two cigarettes and discharging her. Then the tape goes dead.
Nico slams his fist against the top of his desk, jolting Parker in her seat. His dark, angry eyes flash toward her in an instant―Parker's thoughts jumble in her brain, no longer able to translate what she wants to say to him. "He pushed her to it," The boy states as he moves back to stumble back a few steps. Parker moves to stand on her feet, her hands reaching out for him but he turns his back on her, and faces the window over his dresser. His hands move to run over his face and through his hair.
"H-he made her think she was insane," Nico's body falls against his dresser, his hands gripping the edges out of support. "Multiple personality disorder that he magically managed to make disappear? Are you kidding me? Sick bastard hung that noose for her; he's a psychopathic murderer."
Parker drops her eyes to look at her hands that now sit in her lap while she chews on her lip. "It's still not proof he's a part of the Audience," She pauses to watch as his body freezes still, it makes her uncomfortable. "just that he's an awful psychiatrist that deserves to be in jail."
Nico turns to looks toward her, his eyes to flooded with anger. Parker looks away, too nervous and scared to look at him; finding it better to look at her hands instead of his face. Still, she's uncomfortable and feels worried underneath his hardened gaze. "He killed her, Parker. He did that, of course he's a part of it―we just have to dig more."
"More?" Parker asks incredulously, her eyes snapping up toward him as she shakes her head slightly. "Nico, look how you reacted to the tapes! What happens if Doctor Turner has something else to her? Do you really think you're going to handle it?" The girl moves to stand her, finger outstretching to point at him accusingly. "I'm already worried that you're going to do something to Heather because of it."
The teenage boy scoffs, "So, what? You're back to thinking I'm the bad guy now?" He shakes his head as he narrows his eyes in on her. "Sorry if I'm not thrilled that my sister was abused and lied to while she was trying her best to seek help." The girl sighs and runs her fingers through her hair in exasperation.
"Don't twist my words, that's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean?" Nico snaps.
Parker's bottom lip trembles. Why does he have to get angry with her? She hasn't done anything wrong. From the start, she knew this was a bad idea. She should've never brought the tapes to him. She should've reviewed them by herself. Nico's too close to it. She should've known he'd get too emotional.
"I just mean, that you don't know how to control your emotions―"
"I know how to control my emotions better than you do," He interrupts, viciously glaring at her like she's the enemy. Parker tries her best to try not to let it affect her. She knows, she knows, that this is just his emotions from the tapes speaking. "Look at you Parker, you can't even function properly because of what happened to your grandmother. You're the one who can't control your emotions. You have to see a fucking psychiatrist for it: get over it, she's dead. Do you think I ever saw a therapist for what happened to my sister? No, and I'm perfectly fine despite that."
See, I knew he didn't care. Paper sucks in a breath, and holds back the tears that burn and dare to fall. "Don't bring her into this," The girl mutters as she flicks her tears away. For a minute, it looks like Nico regrets it as his face flashes with worry; but that's replaced with his emotionless features, the one he always seems to have on. "I'm not the enemy, Nico, all I'm trying to say is that maybe all this new information is clouding your judgement. And maybe I should review the rest of the tapes, and the file, without you,"
The girl chuckles cynically as she drops the blanket he had given her earlier from her shoulder, and grabs for her things off the side of his desk. "But I'm thinking it's better for me to just leave, right now, I think you should be alone to realize what you just said; because while I understand your emotional," She eyes him for a moment, watching as his eyebrows furrow and yet that angry is still emboldened on his face. Parker turns away from him, "You don't have to take it out on me." And with that, she leaves his room―shutting the door behind her without looking back at him or even daring to let him say anything else.
Parker takes two steps down the hallway before she's forced to come to a stop when someone steps in front of her. "Care to explain what that was about?"
Well, shit.