a.n. i'm here if anyone ever wants to talk x
you find out he self harms / he finds out you do
bradley
i sat on the floor in the bathroom, my wrist on my lap and blade on the floor next to me.
"princess?" i heard faintly. "princess, i'm home." bradley said, "where are you?"
a sob suddenly escaped my lips at the gentleness of his voice and how i didn't deserve him.
the bathroom door opened slowly and i mentally slapped myself for not locking it.
i looked up sheepishly when bradley entered, "i..i'm sorry i di--" i started, a blush creeping up my cheeks. fuck.
"shh." bradley said softly, sitting down opposite me.
he took my wrist and held my hand, holding my arm in his lap, caressing the skin on my hand.
"why do you do it?" he asked, sadness in his eyes.
"um, well the hate, i don't deserve you, and i..i'm not pretty or thin or--"
"stop." bradley instructed, using his other hand to tilt my chin up to look at him, "that's not true. in no way are you fat or ugly, you're so beautiful--emotionally and physically and god, i love you so so much."
i didn't reply, looking down, not really believing his words in my heart.
"baby." he spoke softly, and i looked up to meet his eyes, "please don't do this again. you don't need to. i'm here for you and i love you so much. i'll do everything i can to help you, y/n, just talk to me, yeah? don't be scared to, i want to help."
"thank you." i mumbled.
"would it be okay if i kissed you? or are you not really in the mood?" brad asked.
i smiled at him just being...well, him, and nodded, "you can kiss me."
he leant forwards, connecting our lips and kissing me softly with a lot of love.
james
i was on the treadmill in the gym near to james who was with the weights.
"can we go?" he said shortly, walking over to me.
"we've only been here half an hour." i stated, seeing as we're normally here for longer.
"yeah, i know that. can we go?" he pressed on.
i nodded, turning off the treadmill and stepping off it, "why?" i asked softly.
he didn't answer me and didn't hold my hand, walking in front of me.
"james?" i asked and he nodded slightly but didn't turn around.
deciding to leave it for now, i grabbed my stuff, noticing he now looked kind of hurt and upset.
as we walked out, i held his hand and he looked at me, a small, sad smile on his face.
we got into his car and, now that we were away from listeners, asked him again.
"are you okay?" i spoke softly.
he reached over the centre isle of the car and grabbed my waist, pulling me over so i was sat on his lap.
his fingers reached my hips, pushing down the top of my shorts to reveal red scars.
he traced over some of them with his fingertips and my breathing sped up, my heart thumping.
looking into my eyes, james motioned to them, "i..i saw these." he finally answered my question.
"are you okay?" he asked.
i nodded, "i'm sorry." i mumbled.
he kissed my forehead, pulling me into his chest just to hold me there for a few moments.
"why didn't you tell me? do you not trust me?" he asked quietly.
"i didn't want you to worry, it's okay, and of course i trust you." i answered, a few tears escaping.
"it's not okay, and you should let me help." he said and wiped under my eyes with his thumbs, "you don't need to do it." he stated. "i mean, i get why you do; you think it helps, but i promise you it doesn't, baby. it hurts, so you have to experience pain, which, though it's inevitable, i don't want you to have to experience. and you don't feel good after, do you?"
"no." i mumbled.
"baby, don't cry." he said softly, kissing my eyelids. "i love you."
"i love you too james, a lot." i weakly smiled and he kissed me ever so gently.
connor
i stood up from the sofa and grabbed connor's wrist so he would come with me, but he winced and i saw pain cloud his features, before he tried to cover it up.
"i'm sorry, did i hurt you? are you okay?" i asked softly, sitting down next to him again.
"i'm fine." he said.
"you're not." i pushed on and lifted up his hoody sleeve, revealing his scar and cut-covered wrist.
"connor?" i mumbled, "what happened?"
"when i was on tour...i missed you and i was stressed, and i got a lot of hate and--" i cupped his face and he stopped, just looking into my eyes. "i'm sorry." he finished quietly.
"you missed me?" i asked and he nodded so i continued, "just text or call or facetime me or something." i suggested, "i would have flown out in a heartbeat if you needed, con."
"i didn't want to interrupt what you were doing."
"oh, connor. you're so much more important, and i wasn't doing a lot anyway." i said softly.
"i love you." he smiled.
"i love you." i replied, pecking his lips. "please stop." i said softly, "i'll help you, as well, of course."
"thank you, y/n."
tristan
we arrived at tristan's parents house and they hugged him and i, greeting us happily.
"tris, can you get me a mug of coffee, please?" trustan's mum asked, as we were all sat on the sofas.
he nodded, getting up and asked, "does anyone else want anything?" and his dad shook his head and i did too, so he walked into the kitchen.
"so, y/n, how has he been recently?" tristan's dad asked me.
"um, he's been fine to my knowledge." i said, confused.
"you know, with his self harm? is he still doing it?" his mum prompted.
"his what?" i asked.
"his self harm? he didn't tell you?"
"um...no?" i stuttered.
"oh gosh, i'm so sorry, love."
"yeah, um, i'm gonna talk to him.." i mumbled, flashing them a small smile before walking into the kitchen.
"tris?" i said softly and he turned around to face me but didn't meet my eyes.
i guess he heard, then.
"you self harm?"
"uh, yeah.." he said, running his hands through his hair nervously. "but...i haven't for a long time. i'm 6 months clean today, actually."
"baby, come here." i said softly, extending my arms to him, "i'm so proud of you."
he grabbed my hands, pulling me closer to him, before wrapping his arms around my waist as i did the same.
he hugged me and placed a gentle kiss to the top of my head, "you helped me stop, y/n," tristan said, "you kept me strong."
i pulled away from our hug and looked up into his eyes, a lone tear escaping down my cheek.
"i...thank you." i said.
"i think it's me who should be thanking you." tristan stated, a small smile on his lips, "so, thank you."
he swiped under my eyes with his thumb, brushing the tears away, saying, "i love you." softly, before cupping my face and kissing me.
"i love you too." i replied, pulling away a few moments later.