You placed a gentle knock to the doorframe of his room and begun, nervously, "Joe?" When you caught his eyes as he spun around in his chair at his desk to face you, you took a small step into the room, adding, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Uh... Sure." He answered hesitantly, swallowing, switching seats from the chair to the end of his bed, patting the empty space beside him, gesturing for you to sit down, but you didn't. Instead, you walked into the room and stood across from him, leaning against his desk. He nodded awkwardly. "Go ahead."
You let out a breath of steady air, that shook away into nothing at the tail end. You crossed your arms over your chest and crossed your left leg over your right at the ankle. "I've been hearing a lot of stuff-"
He rolled his eyes. "None of which is true."
You breathed out of your nose heavily. "But... How do I know that?" You questioned carefully, scared of saying something that might make him blow up. He'd never done it before - he'd only ever raised his voice at you once - but you were unsure of if he'd never do it. "It's... It's hard to believe you when everyone talks about how close you two seem and how you'd be adorable together. And everyone else's suspicions too."
"Oh, you mean Twitter? They're just trying to start shit." He held eye contact and, when you didn't respond, feeling guilty of believing what random people said, he added, "I am not messing around with her."
"But... How do I know that?" You repeated, gaze falling to the floor.
"I-I don't know!" Joe stammered, frustrated, voice raising, which made your heart beat in your throat. Quickly, his eyes went wide for a second, and then closed, and he switched out his aggressive tone for one much quieter. "How do I prove it?"
"I don't know." You said quietly, feeling as though someone was sitting on your chest.
He looked off into the other direction. "I can't believe you don't trust me." He muttered.
You shot a look at him, which he caught out of the corner of his eye, evident in how fast he locked eyes with you. "I'm trying... But..." You shook your head. "Look, it's kind of difficult when I've been hearing all of this stuff. I want to believe you, Joe. I do... But... It's hard."
"Okay, but, have you talked to her?" He folded his arms over his chest.
You nodded gently. "I-I mentioned it to her."
"And what did she have to say about it? Do you not trust either of your best friends?"
You were silent.
He continued, miffed, "I just don't even know what to say about this anymore. She and I are friends but that's. It." Joe said sternly. "I honestly am pretty offended that you'd take me for that kind of person."
With that, you blew up out of frustration, and yelled, without thinking of who would be able to hear, "What do you expect from me? It's not my fault! I've tried to push it off and give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you but it's not that easy! Do you know how shitty it feels right now to be made out to be the asshole in this situation?" You had to clench your fists to stop yourself from throwing whatever your fingertips were touching on the desk as you held yourself up on your hands.
"I'm not trying to make you out to be the asshole!" He retorted sharply.
"Then what? I still feel like shit because I don't believe you and how you're so expecting of me to just drop all of my suspicions and trust you is making me feel like shit! It's not my fault trusting people isn't easy, I would think if anyone could understand that it'd be you!"
"I do understand, but we've been together so long I just thought you'd think of me a little better." He shrugged, lowering his voice, which you didn't do in return.
You laughed in disbelief, inches away from breaking. "I've been thinking of you better for forever! But when I continuously, even from my closest friends, hear all of this bullshit about my boyfriend sleeping around with my best friend, it wears my trust a little thin!" When he didn't respond, unable to fathom an answer for that you continued, quietly, "I don't know what you expect me to do."
"I don't know what you expect me to do!" He yelled.
You held your head in your hands before heading for the door, snagging your sweater on the way about. "I-I..." You stuttered as you left, pausing at the door. You stood with your back to him in the doorframe. "I think I should go."
He didn't stop you.
As you almost tripped up the stairs, walking so fast, you were stopped as you grasped the front door handle. "What was all that about?" Oli emerged from the kitchen, cereal bowl in hand and spoon sticking out of his mouth. He was barely understandable with a mouth full of cereal. He seemed surprised to see you standing there and not Joe, but he didn't take back what he said.
You sighed deeply. "Ask Joe." You waved your hand around and opened the front door, his name giving you an overwhelmingly overpowering taste of poison in your mouth. It took a lot of what strength you had left not to slam the door shut as you left, pulling on your sweater. You walked down the steps and onto the front curb, looking both ways before turning right.
Suddenly, you heard your name.
You didn't make a response to it other than freezing, not sure if you actually heard it or not, not sure if it was actually your name the mystery person was calling. Once you heard it again you were sure, and immediately you realized it was Joe. You weren't sure whether you were relieved or upset to see him shoeless and sockless, sweaterless, calling your name on their front steps.
"Y/N! Wait!" He barreled down the few stairs towards you.
You turned around, still unsure if you wanted to listen to him. Ultimately deciding that now that you were out breathing in fresh air, you wanted to be alone and take a walk. You opened your mouth to speak as he approached you, but the words did not get to come out.
He cupped your face in his hands and kissed you, and in that moment you felt all of the negative emotions peeling off like dry skin. It flaked away and fell off, all in that time his lips were pressed against yours.
That was the realest it ever felt. Kissing him hadn't ever felt this way before. You felt each indent in his lips, the way yours and his fit together like puzzle pieces, and the grip he had on you was too passionate to ignore. His touch send shivers down your spine. His fingerprints left on your skin, the lingering feeling of him on your lips, his breath on you as he pulled away only slightly, it spoke so many more words than words themselves. It was in that moment you'd felt his love for you in the form of chills.
Why hadn't he done that sooner?
"Y/N, please, don't go." He pleaded, pulling away back into his own personal-space-bubble. "We can sort this out right now. I just feel like if you leave now that's going to fuck everything up."
Suddenly you didn't feel the need for the walk anymore. You nodded, swallowing. "Okay."
He grabbed your hand and squeezed it, bringing it up to his lips and kissing the top of it. "Thank you." It felt as though you were in some sort of cheesy romance movie, and it was amazing. You went back into the Jaspar house with him and downstairs to his room.
This time, when he patted the bed, you sat next to him.
"I-I'm sorry I don't trust you." You could feel the tears coming. "I feel like shit because I want to so bad but it's just... Kind of difficult. But... I'm getting there, I know it."
"What do I have to do to prove it to you?"
"I don't know..."
"If you need time, I'll give you time."
"No, I just-"
"Are you sure?"
You nodded. "Yeah." You thought about your next response for a moment before saying it, something you hadn't done almost all day. In this moment, all you wanted was to be next to him. It still gave you an odd feeling being next to him - you weren't quite there in believing him yet. It would take time to, but not time away from him. "Just..." You pushed a piece of hair behind your ear. "I don't know, hug me."
Without a word, he took you in his arms and hugged you tightly.
"I don't blame you for being iffy about it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you before. I get it... It's not so easy especially when you've heard all of those things. I see it on Twitter too. But all I can really say is... Well..." He paused, letting go of you. "Is that it's not true."
"I just want to be next to you." You admitted.
"So are you saying you believe me?" His eyes lit up.
"No..." You hesitated, not wanting to knock him down. "But I still love you."
He nodded understandingly. "Well, I love you too. A lot."
You got situated in his arms, with your head on his chest. At this point you wanted to pretend like your whole argument with him didn't exist, and if any way was the way to go about doing that, it was cuddling up close to him and recognizing how you felt. Which was happy.
It felt right.
You fell asleep with him twirling pieces of hair mindlessly around his pointer finger, switching through channels on TV and shows on Netflix, placing kisses to your head every now and then until you were asleep.
BY: imaginesidemen on tumblr