I'm YorkshirePerrie. All credits go to Happinessintime for she is the person who wrote this book. I'll try to update weekly so it can be open to fully read for everyone soon.
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July 15th, 9:42 pm.
I've spent the past two hours crying, laughing and smiling to myself. Looking over every photo in my album and remembering each story that comes with it. So may great times in my life have been within the past few years with the boys but there was definitely more before I met them.
I love remembering each time my my parents brought home a new baby sister for me. Most boys would probably be upset with having four sisters but I never was. With each new sibling I became even more overjoyed and protective. I remember being so young when Lottie was first brought home but I was right by my mums side the entire time. I wanted to help with everything! I couldn't even take my eyes off of her for days. It was the same with all of them and I instantly stepped into the big brother role.
They certainly pestered me a lot growing up but it was all in good fun. I couldn't even count how many times I woke up with my hair fixed or makeup on my face. Even them going as far as giving me a manicure fit with nail polish. I was their favorite dress up doll and never once did I get angry at them.
My sisters are my world and I cherish them so much. I couldn't imagine them seeing me in the state I am now, which is why I haven't been home in months. I feel a frown slide onto my face as I quickly grab my phone and dialing my mums number not caring what the time was. I needed them to know I loved them, even if it was the last time.
"Hello?" A worn out voice said after a few rings.
"Mum? Did I wake you?" I hear shuffling before her voice perks up.
"Louis? Oh hi baby boy! No you didn't I was just reading honey, how are you?" She says. I smile to myself just hearing her voice. My mum really is my rock and my longest lasting best friend. I've always told her everything, even about my feelings for Harry. She wasn't surprised when I told her, only rolling her eyes and saying 'It was about time you figured it out!'. She always knew the right thing to say and right now, I needed her.
"I'm... Okay?" I say in response.
"What's wrong sweetie?" She always senses when something is wrong. I guess it's that damn mothers instinct that kids can never escape.
"I'm just tired." I say, implying a different meaning to the word tired.
"I'm listening.."
"I don't know what to really say Mum.." I sigh. "I've just been stressed lately and I'm just sat her looking through my photo album and missing you and the girls."
"Oh honey we all miss you too.. We haven't seen you in months you know and the girls are starting to question why." I flinch at her response knowing I'm hurting them.
"I know.. I'm sorry I've been distracted.."
"Eleanor?" She spits out her name like its a disease. I chuckle lightly and say, "No, just things on my mind is all.."
"Lou, you know you can tell me anything right?" She asks trying to get me to spill my guts to her. I stay silent on my end for a few minutes pondering what I can say. I take a deep breath and speak softly and sadly into the phone.
"I just miss him.." She sighs on the other end and hums sadly in response. "Mum, can I ask you something?"
"Of course honey." She says.
"H-How.." I hesitate a moment before she encouraged my slightly. "How far would you go for the person you loved?"
"To the ends of the earth." She responds almost without thinking. "When you love someone Louis you would do anything for them, be anything for them."
"Would you hide it? Your love?" I ask quietly.
"No." She replies with just one word that makes everything around me shatter. I feel my breathing pick up a bit and I close my eyes.
"I love you mum.. Tell the girls I love them too alright?" I hang up the phone before I can even catch her response. I look down at my home screen feeling my face change into a look of disgust. A picture of me standing next to Eleanor with a smile, a fake smile.
My eyes lift up seeing I have a new text message but I already know what it will be and I ignore it. I don't want him to know where I am. Or else I won't do this.
With shaky hands I turn my phone off and set it aside not looking at it again. I reach over grabbing my laptop and plugging it in the charger before setting it on my lap and turning it on.
With every second it takes to load I feel my heart beating faster and faster. I almost feel like it could burst any moment but it doesn't stop me from clicking the google chrome icon and typing in the address for the site I seem to hate most these days. I barely ever log on because I can't stand to see the out pouring of love and hope for something that will never be.
I sign into my account and click on the tab for a new tweet and write a simple tweet before sending it.
Louis_Tomlinson: 5 minutes.
My mentions are instantly flooded with questions and requests but I simply ignore them and open up a new tab on my internet bar.
I type in another address and wait as it directs me to the site. Patiently waiting five minutes before I sign in and link it to my twitter telling what I hope will be most of the world that I was online for a twitcam.
I haven't done one of these in ages and I almost feel bad that the fans will think of this as a good thing.
Adjusting the camera and turning the chat to live I look up seeing my face on the screen and cringe. My hair is a mess and the dark circles under my eyes make me look then years older than I am but I ignore it the best I can.
"H-Hi everyone.." I say softly and look as the viewer amount continues to rise higher and higher. I feel myself start to shake with nerves but I try my best to look calm.
"I know I haven't done one of these in forever and to be quite honest I don't want to do one right now but I need to.." I bite my lip and try to keep from frowning and lift my eyes to the ceiling. "I just wanted to talk to you guys about a few things.. Some things that have been bothering me and even maybe share a few fond memories but.. Before I do any of that I just want to say something to all of you."
I bring my eyes to look back down into the camera and try my best to smile. It never looks the same as it used to but it's the best I can do nowadays.
"I just want to sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart.. Thank you for every song, album and concert ticket you've bought. For those of you who watched, thank you for every vote you have us during the X Factor.. I know I don't show it a lot but I truly am grateful for everything you do.. I promise you that I see your dedication and don't ever think it goes unnoticed.. It doesn't.." I bite my lip roughly and look at the camera with my eyes shining a bit.. "I love you all so very much.."
I sigh and rub my face before placing the laptop down on the bed and sitting up a bit.
"Ever since I started this journey with the other boys my life has been a whirlwind of craziness. Some good and some not so good. There's been a lot of things that has happened that's been hard to get used to.. I mean, going from a young lad in school to all of the sudden have cameras shoved in your face and a sea of people screaming over you is a big change." I smile lightly before continuing.
"I never expected to get this big you know? Never thought we would have this many dedicated fans or sell this many records.. There are days where I just sit down and my mind is blown by the Album charts or how many singles we sold and it's all due to you guys."
"Yeah we sing and perform but if you hadn't seen past our crazy personalities and jokes to see the passion that we all have just to dig we wouldn't have come this far.. A-And to be perfectly honest I still don't know what you see in us.. Well not us as in the other boys because they are all wonderful but I guess I mean me."
"I've never understood why Simon and the other judges put me into the group.. I know I don't have the strongest voice and I'm not the best looking but you guys still support me anyways.." I shrug my shoulders and look down. "I don't know, maybe I'm being hard on myself but it's kind of difficult not to when you've lived the life I have had for the past 3 years."
I look up and see the loads of comments coming in from the fans telling me they love me but I just look away. I can't care to see them all right now or answer questions. I had a purpose for doing this tonight and I'm going to do it.
"But... I'm not happy anymore guys.. And I haven't been in two years." I look away from the camera trying to hold myself together.
"I need to tell you guys the truth.. I've been hiding for too long and lying for too long. I've been forced to play the role of someone I don't want to be and I.. I.." I look back at the camera with tears obviously in my eyes and whisper. "I'm tired guys.. I don't want to be tired anymore.." I look directly into the camera trying not to notice that the viewing count is up even more than I've ever seen on any of our twitcams before.
"You were right.. All of you have always been right.. And I can't stand to li to you anymore.. So in the next.." I stop and look down at the time before looking back up. "In the next 27 minutes I want to tell you the truth and every last bit of it.. But 27 minutes is all the time I have left.." I pause as I feel a tear slip down my cheek in a slow trickle. My heart breaking into a million pieces before I whisper my quiet plea.
"Before I say goodbye."
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I do not own anything in this fanfiction.
Thankyouu.