~May 16,2016~
I wake up from laughter coming from downstairs. I stretch my arms up, feeling more rested than I have in days, or weeks rather. Even after waking up in the middle of the night and staying up for awhile, I still slept more than I have been. I'm sure I will sleep good tonight as well since Kaleb won't be home and I won't have to worry about what kind of mood he will be in when he gets home.
I get up from bed and make my way into the bathroom. I brush my teeth and throw my hair up and change into some jeans and a tanktop. It's only Sunday and I don't plan on doing much when I get home. Probably clean and then read once I'm done. Cleaning will be a lot more enjoyable now that I have music to listen to.
I walk slowly down the stairs, taking in the many family pictures that were hung on the wall. I see A picture of Anne, Gemma and Harry, all smiling widely for he camera, looking happy. There was another picture of just Gemma and Harry. They looked so much alike, except for their eye color they looked very similar. I don't know how I didn't notice all theses pictures last night. I suppose it was the amount of alcohol in my system and how tired I was. This is what a family was suppose to look like, happy and close. I felt a little jealous but brushed it off, knowing that having a family like this wasn't in my cards. I stop at a picture of Harry, one where his hair is a little shorter but it still goes to his shoulders. His smile is contagious and I find myself smiling, gazing at his picture and wondering how someone could be so attractive. But then again his mother is beautiful and he seems to get a lot of his features from her, from what I could tell anyways, I don't know what his father looks like so I can only guess.
I pull my gaze away from his picture before someone sees me and thinks I'm weird and follow the voices until I reach the kitchen. I stand in the door way, no one noticing I was there. Gemma stood at the counter with her mother, their backs to me, laughing over something on the stove. There was a man, who I'm guessing is Robin, siting at the kitchen table, he was reading the newspaper and didn't notice me. I've never felt longing for a family like this until now. Gemma turns around just then and jumps a little when she see me. "Maci! You're up! Did you sleep well?" Gemma washes her hands real quick, grabbing a plate and holding it our for me. I step into the kitchen and walk over to the counter, taking the place Gemma held out for me.
"Morning. I slept incredible well actually," I chuckle.
"Good morning dear. Help yourself to some breakfast," Anne greets me, smiling sweetly at me as she fills two plates with food. Gemma and I fill our plates and I follow her over to their breakfast nook. The view was stunning, their back yard was huge. I sat towards the middle to the table, the bench forming a semicircle around the table. Gemma sat next to me at the end of the bench, while her mother sat at the end on the other side of the table, her husband sitting between her and I.
"You must be Maci. I'm Robin," I reach over and take the hand he offered, shaking it once before dropping it.
"Nice to meet you."
"Gemma tells us you just moved here from the states," Robin says, starting up a conversation. I finish chewing my food before I speak.
"Yes. I lived in California. Moved here with my boyfriend about a month or so ago," I tell them, both Robin and Anne smile sweetly at me. Again I found myself feeling a little twinge of jealousy at seeing a couple so happy together. It was definitely different than what I was use to seeing. They held hands while they ate and he looked at her adoringly. I wonder if he's like this all the time.
"Oh California, how nice. Harry has a place there. What part?" Robin asks, looking interested.
"San Fransisco," I tell them, taking a sip of orange juice.
"I heard its lovely there. We will have to take a trip next time we are in the states," Anne says.
"Yeah, some areas are really nice," I tell her honestly, not wanting her to think the whole city is as nice as it looks on say, Full House.
"Oh of course, every place has their troubled areas," she smiles sweetly at me and I nod at her. Despite how envious I am at how close Gemma is with her parents, i can't help but feel comfortable. They have made me feel welcomed and made me feel like I was part of their family in the short amount of time that I've known them.
"You have a beautiful home," I tell Anne, smiling at her as she beams over at me.
"Why thank you! Harry sure did spoil us," she chuckles.
"Yeah, despite all of our protests for him to spend his money on something more important," Robin grumbles next to Anne. He was smiling so I know he wasn't being too serious.
"That was awfully generous of him," I say genuinely, in awe of how much family must mean to Harry if he would do something like buy them a house.
"It was. We are awfully proud of him. And Gemma too," Anne says, the look of pride for her kids evident in the smile on her face.
"That's nice that you all l live together," I say and Anne chuckles.
"We don't all live together. Harry has his own place in London and Gemma will have her own place soon, I would hope," Anne teases. "Harry stays here with us when he visits, but usually he's only here for a day. It will be nice to have him home for a longer period of time."
"I bet," I smile at her. I wish my mother was like her. She's so sweet and obviously loves her kids so much.
"And I'll have you know mum, I will have my own, temporary place, that will be out of your way. The guest house is just about all cleaned out and ready to be painted and moved into," Gemma huffs, sticking her tongue out at her mother.
"Yes, temporary," Anne sticks her tongue back out at Gemma and I laughed at their banter. "I'm just joking honey, take all the time you need to get things settle with your new job. There's no rush."
"Thanks mum," Gemma smiles. "What do you two have planned for today?"
"We are going to visit your grandmother," Anne says and I watch Gemmas face fall.
"I will go with you guys. I haven't seen her for awhile. Just let me know when you guys are going."
"Will do dear," Anne says, smiling sadly at Gemma. Robin takesAnnes hand again and gives it a little reassuring squeeze before kissing the back of her hand.
"So Maci, Gemma says you're a nurse?" Anne asks suddenly. I'm thankful for the subject change, I felt like I was stuck in a private family conversation when they started talking about Gemmas grandmother.
"Yes, I am. I'm working at Dr. Thayers office," I tell her.
"Oh he's a wonderful Doctor, getting pretty old though. He's been around for a long time," she chuckles. I nod in agreement and smile at her comment. He is getting pretty old, must be in his late seventies, still sharp as a knife though.
"Yeah, him and his wife are incredibly nice. I love working for them."
"They are lovely people," Anne tells me.
"Well if you two are done chatting, I'm going to steal Maci away," Gemma interrupts, grabbing my empty plate and hers before getting up and putting them in the kitchen sink.
"It was nice seeing you again Anne and nice meeting you Robin," I wave at them both, sliding out from the table. Gemma grabs my hand and pulls me out of the kitchen.
"I love my parents, but they can just be way to sweet sometimes!" Gemma sighs, flopping down on her bed once we step into her room.
"I like your parents," I shrug, sitting down on the edge of her bed. Gemma lifts her head and looks at me, her eyes sad and a frown on her face.
"I'm sorry. It must be weird seeing all of this," Gemma waves her hand around at nothing, indicating her family.
"Not weird, just different. I'm not use to seeing a family interact together. Or a couple being so loving towards each other," I admit, longing to having something like Anne and Robin but know that will never happen.
"I'm sure Kaleb looks at you like Robin looks at me mum and shows you he loves you," Gemma says skeptically. I know she is thinking about how he left on my birthday. I know she didn't agree with that.
"Oh yeah, of course he does," I say, clearing my throat, that all of a sudden feels too dry.
"Are you sure you guys are ok?" I know Gemma wants to ask more, but refrains herself from what she really wants to ask. I can see how torn she looks and how focused she is on me, trying to read me.
"We're great. Everything is fine," I smile, trying to prove to her that I'm telling the truth. I don't think she does because she lets out a long sigh but she doesn't push it, which I'm thankful for.
"Good. You know I'm here for you if you ever need anything," she tells me and I know she's trying to be supportive but not pry to much. I loved her for that.
"Thanks Gem, and thanks for yesterday and last night. I had a great time. Best birthday ever," I grin at her. Her face lights up and soon our previous conversation is pushed to the side and she's talking about how I have to download Pandora and Spotify and explains to me that I can put on any artist I want and the app will play songs that are related to that artist, she said it will help me learn about new artists and whatnot.
I pack up my things and after saying goodbye to Robin and Anne, Gemma drives me home. When we get there, she walks up with me, wanting to see what the apartments look like in our building.
"Holy shit, this place is gorgeous! It must cost a fortune to live here!" Gemma states as she bounces from room to room. She ends in the kitchen and takes in the view from our dining room. "The view is spectacular! I'm jealous!"
"It is nice isn't it? Your parents place is really nice though. A lot nicer than this place," I laugh.
"Kaleb must make killer money," she shakes her head, stepping back from the window.
"Yeah, he's done quite well for himself," I clear my throat, not really wanting to talk about Kaleb anymore.
"Well, I should be off, don't want to keep my parents waiting. I will see you tomorrow night at class!"
"Yeah, see you tomorrow night. And thanks again, Gemma, for everything." She pulls me into a hug that meant more to me than she realizes. In the short amount of time that I've known her, she has done more for me than my own sister. Hell, even my own mother. Just being there and being someone I can talk to, even though I'm not quite comfortable with sharing the struggles that are part of my daily life, but I know she would be there for me if I needed her which was oddly comforting. I've never had that, that support from someone. This hug said it all though, that she was there for me. I had a feeling she knew something was off and she was silently telling me she was there for me.
"Of course, you deserve it!" She kissed my cheek before walking off towards the door. I followed and said goodbye, closing the door behind her. I leaned against the door and took a deep breath, still feeling relaxed which was a nice change for once. I dug my phone out of my back pocket and went to grab the headphones Gemma gave me and plug those in. I hit shuffle once I get to my music and turn up the volume, finding that cleaning will be much, much more fun now.
~~~~~~
Work Monday morning went by as usual, except for talk of things slowing down and clients changing to the bigger office a town over. It made me a little nervous because if we were losing clients that means we wouldn't have enough to keep us going. I couldn't lose my job. I depended on that money to get Kaleb off my back and keep him satisfied that I was pulling my weight. He made it clear that he wasn't going to support me and I never expected him to, I can manage on my own, but the look in his eyes scared me enough to make sure I had a job and kept it. Now though, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I was leaving work and heading home to change for art class when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Kalebs name on the screen. I hate that I suddenly get a knot in my stomach whenever I see a text or a call from him, I automatically assume he's going to be angry or that I did something wrong.
"Hey Kaleb!" I greet lightly.
"Maci. I'm home early. I expect you home tonight." He doesn't sound angry but his demanding tone still made me cautious. I swallow nervously before answering.
"Of course."
"You didn't have anything planned did you?"
Just art class.
"No. I didn't. I'm actually on my way home from work now." I frown down at my lap, hating that I wish he would have been gone longer. I enjoyed not being so stressed out all the time.
"Good, I'll see you soon then." He hung up, not saying goodbye. Or I missed you. I've learned a long time ago not to expect any sort of affection from Kaleb. He was to busy worrying about himself to even think about anyone else's feelings.
Too soon, the cab pulls up outside of our apartment building. I thank the driver and hand him some money. I take my time walking up to the apartment, savoring my last bit of freedom. I'm upset about missing out on class tonight and getting to see Gemma. I know if I would have told Kaleb I had plans he would have lost it, saying that I didn't miss him or want to see him. I didn't want to have to deal with that tonight. I have to text Gemma and let her know I won't be there tonight.
Me- hey! Kaleb came home early and wants me to spend the night with him so I won't be able to make it tonight :(
Her reply was instant.
Gemma- awww it's not going to any fun if you won't be there!
Me- I'm sure you will be fine
Gemma- maybe :( I will miss you! Lunch tomorrow?
Me- miss you too! Lunch sounds great!
Tuesdays and Thursday's were half days for me so I was usually out of work at noon time. I have a feeling I will need a break after tonight. I had a strange feeling Kaleb was in a weird mood. I was on edge a little more than usually, his voice and the way he spoke was a little off.
I walk into the apartment and the first thing I noticed was the smell of garlic and chicken. The second thing I noticed was the huge bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table. I froze, the front door still opened. Am I in the wrong apartment? I look at the door and see our apartment number on it. Nope, rot apartment. What is going on? I set my things down on the table by the door and tentatively make my way to the kitchen. I can hear the banging of pots and pans and the familiar sound of water boiling.
"Hey," I call out. Kaleb turns around real quick, face breaking out into a rare smile. He's wearing an apron over his dark jeans and white t-shirt. He looked....happy? Or in a good mood at least. This was really strange.
(Dominic Sherwood as Kaleb)
"Hey baby girl," he greeted, walking over to me. His use of a pet name was so unlike him, which made this whole situation even weirder.
"What is this?" I ask, pointing behind him at the mess in the kitchen and the pans on the stove.
He chuckles, actually chuckled. I don't think I've heard him laugh in over a year, at least directed at me like this. "That is my attempt at making you dinner, as an apology for being gone." He looks at me expectantly, waiting for my reaction. I don't know what to say. Or to do. I've never seen him cook before. I haven't seen him in this good of a mood since we started dating. I was a little disappoint because I thought he was doing this for my birthday and not because he felt guilty for leaving for work.
"It smells amazing. Thank you!" I smile up at him, deciding to just go along with it instead of questioning everything.
"You're welcome. It's almost done, why don't you go take a quick shower and we will eat when you're done?"
"Oh, ok. Are you sure you don't want any help? I could set the table," I offer but he shakes his head. I feel like something is going to happen, that the real Kaleb is going to jump out and say 'gotcha!'. I hated it.
"I got it," he smiled down at me, reaching up to cup the back of my neck making me tense up. He doesn't notice though as he leans in and kisses my forehead. A gesture so sweet and so unlike him. I relax when he removes his hand from my neck, letting out the breath I was holding. He nods to our room and I walk off, leaving him to get back to his task.
This is the strangest thing I have ever seen and makes me very curious as to why he is acting so out of character. I ponder over it while I shower. Maybe he does feel bad for leaving for the weekend. He's never had to before so maybe he was feeling guilty for leaving. I rush through my shower routine, not wanting to keep Kaleb waiting and ruin the good mood he was in. I braid my hair instead of blow drying it like I normally do and throw on some leggings and a loose tank top. After deeming myself ready, I walk back to the kitchen.
The dining room table was set beautifully, a basket of bread, along with what looks like broccoli and chicken Alfredo. Pasta. My weakness. I can't believe he remembered. Or perhaps it was a coinsidence. If he remembered i liked pasta than surly he could remember my birthday. I hear a pop in the kitchen and see Kaleb opening a bottle of wine. He's going all out isn't he?
"Perfect timing!" Kaleb says, noticing me standing by the table. If he notices how hesitant I am he doesn't say anything. He walks over and sets the wine and two glasses down on the table before pulling out my chair for me. Who the heck is this man? I sit silently as he serves up food, filling up both of our plates and pouring each of us a glass of wine.
"Let's toast," he holds up his glass and I raise mine, "to us." So simple. And so confusing.
"To us." I say a little flatly. He frowns a little but doesn't say anything about my tone.
"I'm sorry again, for having to leave like that. Unfortunately I will have to leave again in a couple weeks. Seems like it will be a reoccurring thing now. At least until things get straightened out in London." He explained and instead of feeling upset about him leaving again I actually felt relieved. I didn't let him see that though, so I forced a frown on my face. "It will only be for the weekend and possible into the week a little. I'm sorry." Something tells me he's not really sorry. Something was just off with he way he spoke and it made me feel uneasy. Maybe it was just he fact that he was acting so different, maybe it was messing with my head.
"It's ok, I understand. I will miss you," I tell him, only because that's what he wants to hear.
"I'll miss you too baby girl," he smiles and reaches over and places his hand over mine as it rests on the table. I smile back at him, still feeling uneasy. "Let's eat before it gets cold."
We eat in relative silence, an occasional question about work was asked and answered with a short, clipped answer. I brought up how work was losing clients and I saw Kalebs face darken for a second before smoothing back out to the calm demeanor he had. I knew he was upset about the fact that I could possibly lose my job, and even though I made it clear I would be looking for another in the meantime, Kaleb still looked upset and tried to calmly tell me to make sure I did.
After supper Kaleb pointed out the flowers he had gotten me and I made sure to tell him that they were beautiful. After supper we went to bed. As his hands and lips touched my skin I had to try even harder, thanks to my uneasiness from tonight, to not cringe. Being intimate with Kaleb wasn't like it was when we first started dating. Before it was about us. Now it's just about him and what feels good to him. It lacks emotion and affection and also passion. There's no desire or need for one another anymore. We lost that the first time he yelled at me and I started getting scared about whether or not I was doing everything right. Tonight was no different, no matter how nice and sweet he was.
Again I asked myself what I was doing.