*Not edited, I'll do it tomorrow! ONE MORE LEFT AND FROZEN IS DONE-ZO!!!*
I stood with a smile plastered on my face, the sun beating down against my rose colored cheeks. With my curled hair pushed back by my black cap and my sunglasses guarding my brown eyes, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as everyone around me counted down from 10.
My delicate fingers pushed the red and white tassel back before gently grasping onto the corner of the cap. With the excitement streaming through my veins, in the blink of an eye, my hat was in the air and black gowned arms were pulling me every way possible while hugs and kisses were being thrown around like insults on the Jerry Springer Show.
These past four years have been amazing. So many friends, so many memories, so many pictures... It's been crazy. It's hard to believe that I was already officially graduated. I've learned so much throughout the years and it's honestly made me the person I am today. I couldn't be more thankful.
For the first time in just over six months, I felt a few tears stream down my face as I pulled Harper into my embrace. Throughout the past three years, she's been the one to actually stay by my side. When everyone else left and moved on, Harper couldn't find a reason to. She's been my rock; she's been my support through everything.
"How's my girl?" She beamed, taking a step back while sliding her hands to caress my stomach.
"Going crazy, like every other day." I bubbled out, placing my own hands over my swollen belly. Harper beamed at my words before pulling me back into a hug.
"She's probably really excited for her momma." Harper smiled and pulled away again before bending down to grab our caps.
I smiled as I glanced to the decorated top where a picture of my boyfriend and I was attached to the top, surrounded by white rhinestones. "Think so?" I grinned up at Harp, laughing when I noticed her roll her eyes.
"I know so."
"You're the best." I brightly grinned and placed the hat back on my head.
"Where's my baby?" Oh boy... My mothers voice echoed through the mass of people. I turned my heels on the bright green grass to see my mom and dad approach Harp and I with bright smiles plastered on their cheeks. Brandon followed right behind them, brightly painted flowers being bundled in his hands. "Oh, congratulations, girls!" She moaned and pulled us both into a hug.
Smiles filled the air as every graduate found their families, pictures being taken all around the out doors stadium. "Thanks, mom." I smiled and kissed her cheek before moving over to my dad.
I noticed his small, watery eyes, but decided to not point them out and just give him a hug instead. I always give him a hard time about everything, I think their one time I can spare my mocking humor. "I am so proud of you, Rey Bear." I smiled at the nickname before hugging him tighter for a second more, then pulling away.
"Do I get a hug from my beautiful girl, too, or what?" I turned with a smile on my face to see Brandon holding the flowers out with his arms open. Beaming a little more than I probably should be, I let go of my dad and moved to walk sassily into his arms. With both of us laughing, I pulled him into my embrace, gliding my finger tips up his jaw to feel the light scruff rub against my fingers.
Smiling as his lips came into contact with mine, I let them longer for a few moments before pulling away to rest my forehead against his collarbone. "You need to shave." I grinned, finding comfort in the way his hands slowly slid up and down my sore back.
"Don't like it?" He smiled back.
"You know that I hate scruff." I rolled my eyes and playfully pushed him away only to be pulled back into his arms. But this time, my back was pressed to his chest and his hands were wrapped around my stomach, protecting it from the world. I caught my mom's glance at Brandon's hands before she raised her eyes and smiled again.
"Dinner to celebrate?" Brandon asked aloud. "On me." He added, then kissed my head.
"Sounds great." My dad spoke up, taking my mom's hand.
I smiled and intertwined Brandon and I's hands together before turning back around to face Harper and her family. I stood and chatted for a few minutes, introducing my boyfriend to them, and answering questions about my parents. At the end of our conversation, hugs were given and "goodbyes" were thrown out, even though I knew that I'd be seeing Harper tomorrow. It just wasn't going to be the same...
We were all grown up.
***
"Khloe, so, uh, Niall?" Was the first thing my mother decided to ask as we sat down around the table to eat. Seriously?
"What about Niall, mom?" I didn't want to sound harsh, but I'm not really peachy keen on this subject. She knows that, why would she bring him up, especially at dinner with Brandon?
"Have you talked to him recently?" I felt both, my dad and Brandon's eyes on me as I unfolded my napkin and rested it on my lap.
"No? Why would I?"
"Well, I just wasn't sure. I mean, does he know about Brandon?"
"Mom, can we please do this some time else?" I glanced up, silently pleading with my eyes. I do not want to talk about him. Not now, not ever.
"Khloe, I'm just asking. I mean you are going to be raising his child with another guy around, he needs to know that." My god, she cannot be serious right now. I noticed Brandon clear his throat beside me and slowly slide his left hand to my thigh.
My mother hasn't ever been real keen on who I've dated. Niall has been her only exception. And yes, we dated for three and a half years, but that time is over. I have moved on for the better, why can't she understand that? She doesn't have to be in love with Brandon. That's not what I'm asking. All I ask is that she at least respects him and respects my choice to be with him.
He is no Niall, but no one is ever going to be Niall. Why can't she see that and just leave it alone? He is perfect and unique in his own ways. I do not need Brandon to be another Niall. I just need him to be himself.
"Niall is the one who left me, Mom. He is the one who chose soccer or football, or whatever you call it over me and his child. If he doesn't want us, then he should not give a damn who offers to step in and pick up his plate." I huffed out, feeling the back of my eyes burn with anger and rage.
"You are right, Khloe, he did leave you. But, he still has a right to know." She argued back, almost pushing me to tears as my emotions started to flare. I didn't want to talk about this, and I didn't want to talk about him. She knows how much I cried and hurt over him. She knows the pain I went through, balling my eyes out on her lap at ungodly hours of the night, repeating over and over of how I just wish everything could go back to normal.
"Niall has no right to be a part of my life anymore. If he really cared, he would've called or texted by now. It's been six fucking months, mom. I don't want to wait around anymore."
Frantically standing, I pushed Brandon away along with my napkin.
"Khloe, sit down."
"No, mom. I'm done with this conversation." I spat, noticing her start to stand. "Don't you dare follow me out here to scream at me some more." I directed, gathering my things before storming out of the restaurant. It's enough she makes me look like a fool in there, I don't need her following me out here too.
With my heart heavy in my chest, I paced along the small sidewalk in front of the building before finding a little bench to sit on. A deep and heavy sigh was released from my nose as my hands flew up to rub my face. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts as if they'd just be wiped out and thrown in the trash to stay.
When I told Niall I was pregnant, I don't know what hurt worse— to see the horrid look on his face or to see him physically walk out the door.
It was honestly the worst Christmas evening I've ever endured. I had saved a Christmas present for Niall to open that night. As we were sitting on the floor in our living room in front of the small fireplace, I had rested the small gift on his lap. Expecting him to be happy and excited, I'd rested my head around his shoulder and watched as he'd plucked the wrapping paper off the gift and opened the small box.
My pregnancy test along with an ultrasound picture of our 8 1/2 week little girl rested inside with a pair of fuzzy white socks that said 'I love Daddy' on the ankle. Niall had stared at the box for a few minutes and that was enough to have the nerves raging through my body. But after, he just closed the lid without saying anything, then just stared at me before finally getting up and announcing that he needed air; now that had me scared shitless.
That whole week was spent arguing about how we should've been more careful and how this baby was a mistake. And suddenly, by the middle of January, Niall was on a plane headed back to Europe to continue his football training without any decent goodbye, and I was left crying on my mother's lap.
That was the last of that.
Not one phone call, text, FaceTime, nothing. I'd watch his training videos online every once in a while, but after weeks of sitting around and wishing that I'd just done something different, I couldn't take it anymore.
And then when he was spotted walking the streets of Paris with a brunette Victoria's Secret angel- taking her on dates, and kissing her, and making her laugh- I had to find a way to move on.
Brandon happened to be one of my closest friends, aside from Harper and El. He was there for me when Niall wasn't. He was the one who offered to step up and make sure that I was taken care of. He was my nightly cravings runner, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend. He did more for me than anyone was ever willing. The effort he put into everything slowly had me turning around.
My days became lighter. My heart slowly started to piece back together. My eyes started to dry; my smile started to shine again. I started to realize that there was so much more to life than moping around, waiting for someone who doesn't want anything to do with you anymore.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again, but no, Brandon is nothing like Niall, that's for sure. But he was the one who was there for me when Niall wasn't. And for that I will forever be thankful.
Others don't have to love him, but I do. He's my best friend. I'd be lost without him.
Lightly rubbing my fingers against my stomach, a small smile was brought to my rosy lips as a lightly fluttery feeling was pressed against the inside of my belly.
"Whatcha doing in there, baby?" I softly spoke, moving my fingers to cover her little kicks. "Olivia..." I sang, smiling brighter while pressing down on her small feet to feel her kick back.
"Babe?" I glanced up to see Brandon walking out the door. "Khlo?" His eyes caught mine and I smiled, waving him over.
"Come're." Brandon smiled back and nodded, moving to sit next to me. Grinning, I picked up his right hand and moved to place it on my belly just under my touch. "She won't stop moving." I giggled as I leaned my head against his shoulder. Brandon's free arm wrapped around my waist, his other moving to caress my little girl.
"You're going to make a great mother, Khlo." It pained me to hear those words fall from his lips because the last person to say that was Niall a few years back after we'd been babysitting my niece and nephews together. I always thought that he'd make a great dad– always willing to play, and tickle, and laugh, and cuddle– never did I think that it would turn out like this– him leaving me. Us.
"I hope so." I softly raised the corners of my lips, but not enough to actually count as smiling.
"Hey, how about we go inside and eat now? Your mother would like to apologize." I glanced up, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
"I'm sorry. For my actions, and my mom's words."
"You have nothing to apologize for, and she already did. I get it, Khloe. It's okay; she is absolutely right. This is Niall's child, so I am not looking to take his place. I just want to make sure you are okay and that you both are supported. That's all." I took a small inhale of air before calmly releasing it. "If it's okay with you, I think I'd like for Olivia to just call me by my name. I will still be there for her and be the man she needs in her life, but just out of respect."
I nodded, taking in his request. I don't want to make Brandon uncomfortable in any way and if thats what he'd like, then I completely understand.
"I will make sure that happens." I smiled up at him, pulling his jaw down to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
"Okay, lets get you up and feed that hungry little girl." I giggled as Brandon stood and took ahold of my hands, pulling me up. I felt more flutters in my stomach before a sharp pain struck down the inside of me.
"Oh, my–" I took a sharp intake of hair, almost stumbling into Brandon's arms. My face scrunched up in pain, my right hand moving to my lower stomach. "Brandon– ow!" I started to inhale and exhale at a fast pace, trying to clam myself as I felt the pain slowly start to withdraw.
"Babe, are you alright?" I nodded frantically.
"Yeah- yeah, I'm good." I exhaled, looking up to see his face slightly pale and frightened.
"You sure?"
"Yes." I took a step forward, sending another shock through me. "No, no, no- shit." My eyes suddenly popped open and I looked up again. "Brandon, I need you to go get my parents!" I winced, the cramp-like pain almost bringing me to tears.
"Oh, okay!"
Within minutes, my parents were rushing out and quickly getting me into the car. I held onto my mom, crying into her shirt as my dad hauled us to the nearest hospital. "Mommy, it hurts so much!" I yelled out, the tears streaming down my face as I held onto my stomach and my mom at the same time.
"I know, baby." I felt her kiss my head, but I couldn't even focus on anything as the pain became more intense. After the contraction subsided, I took a few deep breaths only to receive the next wave a minute later.
My God, I thought period cramps hurt... HA!
After getting checked in and changed into a white gown, I was gently laid down on the bed, finally being relived of the contractions. I was able to take a few deep breaths and calm myself down. I could hear the small, excited chatter floating around the room, my parents both sitting together in one of the chairs as Brandon sat next to my bed with his phone pulled out.
"Say cheese, babe." I laughed and turned my head with my hands covering my face, hearing the small click anyways.
"Stop..." I groaned, slightly laughing.
The nurse came in soon after and gave me a shot that would help ease the pain before checking up on me and Liv and making sure that everything was going as planned. Not even a half hour later, the contractions were back and hitting harder and quicker than the last time.
Soon enough, the nurse was ushering everyone out the door, with the exception of my mother, and I was crying out in pain. I think my mothers hand was rather purple than pale, but that didn't seem to bother her as the words of encouragement flew from her lips.
Within a blink of an eye, the pain had stopped and the room had gone so silent that you could hear a pin drop before a strong wail struck through the tense air like glass. A relieved smile was instantly brought to my face as I laid back and closed my eyes.
I could hear her crying. Breathing. Living. I could hear her deep breaths, and small heaps of air before hearing the perfect, little cry that sounded like music to my ears. She was here.
"Mom?" I glanced over to see the nurse with my little girl bundled in her arms. Her small, naked little body was just big enough to fit between the nurse's hands. I smiled brightly, sighing in relief as a tear slowly slid down my cheek.
I reached my hands out, whimpering at how perfect she was as I brought her into my embrace. The small wails had subsided, my touch soothing as Olivia began whimpering into my chest, her fingers curling into her fists.
The nurses and doctors finished cleaning up before gently taking her from my grasp in order to collect their information they needed. "7 pounds, 2 ounces." Dr. Lintz said aloud. "19 inches long." She added before glancing at me with a smile. "You did good, dear. Grandma, would you like to hold your grand baby?"
I glanced to my mom and smiled, nodding for her to go ahead.
"Ooo, I'm a meme!" I mom squealed, causing me to lightly laugh. I watched with lazy eyes as she got up and walked over to Liv, gently taking her into her arms. The nurse laid out a small diaper and a blanket on the end of my bed and I sat up to watch my mom as she coddled Olivia into the items. "Would you like me to see if Brandon is back yet with the diaper bag?"
I nodded and sat up a little more, wincing in pain a little. "Please."
My mom rested my baby in my arms, smiling down at me before pushing some of the hair out of my eyes and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'm so proud of you, Khlo."
"Thanks, mom." I smiled and glanced down to a sleeping Liv. She had a head full of fine, dark hair. Her lips were a soft, velvet pink; her nose so little and round. She definitely had Niall's look. My heart broke at the thought that he wasn't here to see her. She's so small and perfect.
I just wish things could be different...
Gently shifting my hands under her little head and bum, Olivia flinched, her eyes popping open as her hands waved in the air. "Hi, baby." I whispered, my finger rubbing along her small ones. "Olivia Jane Horan." I whispered to myself, smiling as she stared up at me with big dark eyes.
I read that you usually can't tell the color of their eyes until they are a few weeks old. I'm excited to see what color she'll have.
This almost didn't feel real. After eight and a half long months, it's crazy to think that I could actually hold, and kiss, and love on her in my hands now. I feel like I'm dreaming. Like this is all some wild, crazy, amazing dream.
I rested my fingertips against her head, rubbing the soft little hairs. My father slowly entered the room, catching my eyes as he smiled brightly. "How're ya holding up, sis?" I smiled and glanced down.
"I'm great, dad." I noticed him smile before making his way next to me. "Is mom coming in?"
"She'll be in in a second. She and Brandon are talking outside." I nodded, finding comfort in my dad being next to me.
"Do you want to hold her?" I asked, looking up to see him sit in the chair that was next to my bed.
"Yeah." I smiled and carefully handed her over. "Where's my baby girl?" He smiled brightly, laying Liv in his lap as he held her head up between his hands. "She's so tiny." He commented, staring down at her for a few minutes, just admiring her looks. I noticed a small tear slide down his left cheek and that almost had me balling in seconds. "She's so beautiful, Rey Bear." He wiped his cheek before looking up at me. "You did good, Khlo."
"Thanks, dad." I grinned, admiring the two of them before a small yawn escaped my mouth. "What time is it?"
"Just past 11pm." Brandon stated, making my head flinch to the side to see him walk in with the brown and pink bag. The pink, fuzzy blanket that Harper had bought me rested over his left shoulder as he held a coffee in his free hand. "How're ya feeling?" He softly spoke as he neared my bed, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead.
"Good. Tired." I spoke, lightly closing my eyes.
"Why don't you get some sleep, babe? We can handle her." He quietly stated, brushing his fingers through my messy, tangled hair.
I sighed. "Are you sure?" I was scared to shut my eyes– afraid that something would happen.
"I promise, Khlo." My dad smiled and ran his fingers softly down the cheek of my little girl's sleeping face. "Get some sleep, sis. I'll wake you up if she starts crying. Okay?"
I nodded hesitantly, but allowed my burning eyes to slowly shut the world out as sleep took over my deprived body.
***
The next week was crazy busy. Between all of my friends coming over to see Olivia Jane and my relatives flying in. Then with my parents living with me for a few days to help out during the nights, and my dog going crazy with all the company– it was all just so much. Then on top of it, Brandon had started to get sick so he didn't want to come over– afraid to get me and the baby sick. It was all just too much at once.
Today, Saturday, I had to just lock myself and Olivia in my bedroom to get away from all the chaos. She was started to get really fussy as she began to be passed around over the course of the last few days. I was honestly ready for everyone to just leave and not bother me for a week. Maybe even a month.
My parents were great help when it came to getting sleep, or needing help around the house, but I need my space back. When Niall bought this house 3 years ago, we were not expecting to have this much company. There was just not enough room.
I sighed and held Liv to my chest, trying not to get frustrated at the fact that she needed to eat, but was not willing to and would just scream instead. "Hey..." I soothed, bouncing her slightly in my arms. When I'd taken her into the doctors for her appointment yesterday, they weighed her and she'd lost almost a full pound. They said she'd gain it back, but how is she supposed to do that if she won't even eat? "Olivia-" I coped. "Shh..." I started to hum a light tune, soothing her in the best way I could.
When she'd finally settled, I began to nurse her, finally satisfied with the way things were turning out. I wrapped the white hospital blanket around her pink and baby-blue whale outfit, smiling as I fixed the little matching band around her head.
A sudden crashing sound of glass and metal pans in the kitchen caught my attention, along with Liv's, instantly making her scream out in cries again.
Oh, Lord, please make it all stop...