CHAPTER ONE
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SPENCER'S POV:
So much is going on. All I know is that I feel sick and everyone is yelling around me.
This lady is saying Ashton is going to have to date Dani, and Kaylee is saying he can't see me at all.... They can't do that? There is no way in hell he would actually listen to that.
"What are they talking about Ash?" I say looking up at Ashton puzzled. "Nothing babe. Nothing don't worry" He says not looking me in the eyes.
I know he's lying.
His phone starts to buzz in his back pocket and he answers it quickly. I study his eyes as he receives the message. His eyes start out puzzled and then turn to shock as he says "You've got to be shitting me mate" Sighing putting his palm to his head.
"Can we get a God damn break for once? I've already got enough shit on my plate to even try and take care of this right now" He says pacing the room as everyone slowly exits on their own, the buzz of the arguing just minutes before losing its excitement.
"What's going on?" I say grabbing Ashton's arm as he walks back towards me. "Spencer, nothing. Just please" he says shakily removing my hand from his grasp and moving a little farther away from me.
"Niall what do you expect me to do? He's probably just overreacting and so are you! So what he left a note? Maybe he went out of town for a few days I don't fucking know?!" Ashton says exasperatedly into the phone sitting on the leather chair in the room covering his face with his one free hand.
Who's missing??? Fuck.
Is it Harry?
Harry may be an asshole, but we've been through too much for me to just not care about him. Slowly getting up trying not to hurt myself from moving too fast, I pluck the phone right out of Ashton's hand. "Spence!" He says grabbing for it. "Don't" I say shooting him a look warningly. He eventually backed off sitting back in the chair throwing his hands up in defeat.
"Niall what's going on?" I say into the phone calmly.
" Harry..... he's he's gone Spence" Niall lets out shakily.
"Gone? Gone where? Do you have a clue?" I say hoping he knew.
"I have absolutely no clue. He just left a note. A heart wrenching note talking about how unhappy he is and how he knew this was how we was going to die" Niall says his voice going hoarse. I know he's trying his hardest not to cry.
I had been afraid of this.
"I think I may know where he is" I say sighing only having one location in mind. "I'll call you if I find him and I hope you do the same" I say hanging up and handing the phone back to Ashton as he starts to stand up opening his mouth to protest.
"You aren't stopping me Ash. I have to go find him. He's in serious trouble."
"Are you kidding me Spence? You just woke up, I don't even know if you're stable and I have no clue how much more time I even have to spend with you. Harry is just dramatic. He wouldn't actually do anything" Ashton says a tinge of annoyance in his voice. "Are you serious Ash? That's really fucking low of you to say. You never know if he would or not. And frankly I think I know Harry waaaay more than you could possibly imagine knowing him. I'll come back fine and we can hang out after but I have to check on him" I say getting closer to him softly resting my hand on his chest.
"He needs me. And if you needed me I'd be right there for you too" I whisper in his ear lightly kissing his cheek.
"Fine" He says "I'm coming with you" He says trailing behind me. "No Ash. I have to do this alone. Now where are my keys?" I say walking up the stairs from the basement.
"Kitchen counter.
If you aren't back in an hour I'm coming after you and you better answer your phone" Ash says kissing the top of my head.
"Deal" I say grabbing my keys headed to find the lost boy.
Getting in my car I debate what I'm even going to say to him. It isn't like we have been close lately. But I would want him to be here for me if I needed it. Pulling out from Ashton's apartment I quickly adjust my seat noting that the fit is too tight now with my pregnant belly.
I take the fifteen minute ride letting the summer night's air blow through my hair calming my thoughts. The smell of bonfires and barbeque in the air make me think back to last summer. All the fun me and Kaylee and Lee had; Oh how times had changed.
Driving up the gravely road up the side of the mountain I remember the mornings of us hiking up here, having picnics and skinny dipping in the small pool of water at the top of the mountain. Good times.
I finally hit the end of the clearing where the path meets the lush forest.
I park my car and get out starting the small hike to hopefully find Harry. My mind is running wild.
I just hope he didn't hurt himself.
Harry plays the tuff guy but in all actuality I know he has to be hurting. He can't keep a girl, his dad didn't want shit to do with him while his mom just remarried and seemed to not have a care about him, and things never really seemed to go his way. He just made the situations worse. Walking further I hear light sounds of music a little farther in the distance. Our little cabin house.
We would come up here to listen to music and talk about life while eating on a big blanket outside of the cabin doors. I walk quietly seeing Harry's head of curls and his slumped shoulders as he sat over the cliff.
I moved in closer hearing Colors by Halsey playing softly from the inside of the cabin.
"Go away" Harry said stiffly not even lifting his head.
I ignore what he says and sit down next to him anyways.
I sit my hand on his thigh and lean back and sigh enjoying the weather and the silence. Finally I can hear myself think for a few seconds on my own.
I see Harry look at me from the corner of his eye before returning his gaze back down to the city. His eyes were rimmed with red, his face pale. He's pretty fucked up.
"I wish I could stop feeling this way" Harry said in a whisper. His words quietly floating around in my head. I wish I could stop feeling this way.
This way.
Stop feeling.
Feeling.
"I understand completely" I say running my hand through my hair looking over to see his facial expression. "Spencer you aren't fucked up like me. I can't seem to do anything right." He says dangling his feet over the edge.
" You didn't even see it Spencer. She looked me dead in the eyes.
And told me she loved the bastard more than me"
he says laughing raspily coughing many times near the end. His eyes had a war going on behind them. The battle between good and bad
The battle between trying to decide if he wanted to continue life or if he wanted to give up.
I sit silently trying to think of a response tracing circles on his thigh with the pad of my index finger.
"I know what you're thinking Spence. That I'm fucking psychotic and I deserve to die" He laughs sadly.
"I mean yeah you are kinda psychotic
But you don't deserve to die. You deserve a chance just like everyone else. Because I know that what's in here" I say tapping his chest where his heart is lightly, "Is good. You have a good heart and this short span of time is literally a single footprint out of the beach of our lives" I say making direct eye contact with him now.
"But Spencer. I need her. I need her so bad. I have nothing without her. I am nothing without her. My heart is breaking thinking of her. I've never felt so hurt in my life.
Ever."
He says finally breaking down, tears rolling in waves down his face; he doesn't even try to stop them now.
He knows its inevitable.
"Harry" I say grabbing his face with both hands. "YOU DON'T NEED HER" I annunciate each word to make sure he gets it.
"You'll make it through and you'll slowly become okay. Yeah it's fucking hard. For sure. But guess what? Her loss. She'll want to come crawling back to you and you'll be so much stronger" I say positive my words are true.
"I just fucked her over. Messing around with Maddie and then I went to talk to Liam about it and he kissed me" He rambled on.
"Wait, wait what?" I say shocked.
"Yeah he kissed me. I was honestly so confused. I didn't know if I wanted to punch him or if I liked it" He sniffled cracking a smile at me.
"Hey now" I say pointing a finger at him. "Don't be flirting with my brother!" I laugh. "You can't even handle girls you don't need to bring guys in to your relationship void too" I say making him laugh.
"That is soooo true" He laughs wiping his eyes a final time.
"You just need to learn how to love yourself before you try loving anyone else " I say seriously.
"I'm gonna try" he says pulling something out of his pocket. Cigarettes. Lighting one he sticks in his mouth. "Hey that isn't loving yourself! That's killing you!" I say coughing from the smoke. "Can I just start tomorrow?" he says pouting. "No you can't I don't need to get any more si-" before I can finish I'm throwing up over the cliff.
"Damn you've never thrown up over cigarette smoke before?" He questions putting out his cigarette.
"My stomach is just really sensitive right now since I'm pregnant" I blurt.
"Wait... What the fuck" He says looking me up and down. Fuck I forgot he didn't know.
"Ashton knocked you up huh?" he snickers. "Well good for you guys" he says smiling.
"Well, it's complicated, but we'll go into that another time" I say not wanting to bring back all the messes of my life at the moment.
"That's so crazy to think about" he says bewildered.
"Yeah I know! Just to think only a few months ago you kidnapped me remember?" I say laughing even though that shouldn't be something I laugh about.
"Oh shit yeah sorry again about that" He says laughing.
"It's all good I'm over it now" I say laying my head on his shoulder.
"Thank you" He whispers quietly in my ear.
"Anytime" I say smiling lightly enjoying the hues of color painted across the sky listening to the light hum of the music.
You were red and you liked me because I was blue
You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky
And you decided purple just wasn't for you.
Harry hearing the words just held on to me even tighter.
AHHH OMGGGGG
I know it was way too freaking long but hey I'm back!! Hopefully this was okay and good enough for a first chapter to the sequel of twm :)
hope to update soon
love you guys,
Allie