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CLARKE'S POV:
My knees slam into the ground as I see the exodus ship fall to earth, the minute I saw them reach the atmosphere I knew something was wrong. No parachutes, no way to slow down, only impact.
I hear Bellamy say my name behind me but all I can do is think of the way I spoke to and about my mother.
The way she said my name when I yelled at her, the way she believed that I hated her until she died.
She didn't deserve this as much as none of us deserve to be down here. Bellamy kneels next to me awkwardly his eyes to the sky.
"Clarke," he says, his voice rough. "I'm sorry"
At this I start and look at him, my eyes wet with tears but my pride keeps them from falling.
"How is this your fault" my voice sounds more hostile that I had hoped, completely undermining what words I said, and meant.
"If I hadn't taken the radio in the first place... " he trails off and my voice rises
"What the hell do you mean?" I ask "None of this is your fault he" looks at me with a familiar arrogance
"Doesn't sound like you think it's not my fault now does it, Princess?"
I grunt a tear falling to the ground. "Not everything is about you Bellamy"
He stands up then dusting his knees off "You know what, you always get mad because I'm "ruthless and hostile" and yet here I am trying to help and what do you do? Just brush me off "
"Bellamy I do not need the help of someone who doesn't give a shit either way"
He smirks then, that cocky, self-centered, egotistical smirk that I've noticed is always branded on his face.
"Don't care? I don't care? All right Princess, that's just it, the world is always against you. Hell, think whatever you want" he walks away shaking out his hair, he murmurs something under his breath that I can't quiet catch.
I pick up the rock nearest to me and throw it as far as I can, it bounces off a tree and Bellamy looks back, pain flashes in his eyes but then I see that familiar nonchalant demeanor in his walk tells me the pain is either faked or his walk still hurts from his fight a few days ago.
He turns away again and saunters off, his hands in his pockets, his hair sticking every which way and I just sit there. I start throwing whatever I can in every direction as the tears fall. I can't stop them now, I don't want to. I don't care anymore, Bellamy's not around and none of the hundred can see one of their leaders cry. No one can.
My mother is gone, Wells is gone, Fin screwed me over and the only leaders we have are a 17 year old female adolescent and a 23 guy who nearly killed the chancellor. Neither of us even know how to take care of ourselves so how can we lead when breathing near each other without getting an argument is near impossible.
Unless you count the day trip, but I'm almost positive his kindness was brought on by the idea of being armed.
The grounders are more than likely gearing up for war. Other than that moment underneath the tree, this type of leadership is hopeless.
I get up before I even know what I'm doing, I brush of my knees and wipe my tears.
I'm not a coward, I'm not a failure, I will lead these people and Bellamy needs to know I have a say and he's not the only one in charge.
No one else can die.
I walk to camp and when I arrive I see Fin and Raven. I barely give them a second glance, I walk to the drop ship and find Bellamy with Miller and Danny.
"There's our Princess" he says and I see something flicker behind his dark eyes.
I look at Miller and Danny my eyes must be furious.
"Out," I say, "now"
They both look fearful but they leave with a mocking bow and close the sheet behind them.
"Rethinking how you treated me before?" He says, I see his mouth twitch and he crosses his arms, smiling.
What a prick.
I walk to him until we're hardly a foot away from each other, I might be a good 5 inches shorter but his eyes show reluctance.
"I lost my mother." I say, quiet yet firm.
He blinks, but doesn't move otherwise.
"So did I" his voice is calm.
"I lost my best friend"
He drops his hands, exasperated.
"You killed mine."
I take a step back, feeling the knife in my hand when I killed Atom. But I don't relent.
"I lost my father, my childhood, my freedom." I take two steps closer and he backs up, his back presses again the wall.
"Don't act like you're the only one who has lost something." He says.
Careful Clarke, I think to myself, but I ignore it.
"Oh really?" I almost spit at him and anger bubbles up my throat and I can't stop my words, nor do I know where this is coming from.
"You never knew your father, you got your mother killed,and you basically turned your sister in because she was bored."
He lifts his hand, to cut me off and I grab it in midair. I keep it there and continue. I step even closer and his body is warm with anger, his eyes the darkest I've ever seen them.
"You turned Charlotte against the only friend I ever had, you CHOSE to come here and you've constantly been treating this place like some kind of resort for you to rule over like a sick dictator."
He sucks in a breath and shakes his hand free grabbing my wrist and pressing it against the wall behind me.
When he speaks his breath is hot against my neck and I shiver.
"I watched my mother die the same way you saw your father. I watched as my sister grew to hate me because of what I did. I saw a little girl jump of a cliff and I let a close friend of mine die by your hand because I was too much of a coward to do it myself." He lets me go, face inches from my own, his hands are on either side of my head now.
"But you know what? You're right"
He laughs, a sharp painful sound.
"I shot the chancellor without a second thought because the only family I had left was being sent to this planet to die! So of course I chose this, of corse I would rather die near my family than live out a short life in the confines of the place that killed my parents"
He breaks away from me breathing heavy and punches the wall a foot away from my head.
"You're right Clarke! You're ALWAYS right. You know, you should be the only leader, all that death, only on your hands." Behind the furious gleam in his eyes I see something sad "How does that sound?"
He puts his hands on the back of the chair next to me, his hair falling over his eyes.
He really is broken; not crazy broken, but broken in the way I thought only I was.
"Bellamy-"
He looks up, his eyes filled with anger and something else.
"I had no idea-"
"No of corse you didn't, you have hardly noticed anything. Some leader you are. You and space walker where too busy screwing each other over in the woods to notice anything." he picks up a piece of metal lying on the chair and throws it at the corner, "literally"
I step near him and I can't believe how stupid I was to think I was the only one suffering. I want to say something, something meaningful but all I say is
"looks like we have more in common than we thought"
He looks up and me and shrugs, his anger seemingly spent for the moment.
I hear someone knock on the door and see Miller.
"Are you guys done up here?"
Bellamy nods and looks at me then at Miller.
"What is it?" Bellamy asks.
Miller looks at me again and shakes his head, obviously confused, he could no doubt hear our shouting.
"You need to see this" Bellamy starts but doesn't seem too interested. "Just tell me what it is Miller" he says, a harsh tone in his voice.
I give Miller an apologetic look but he still seems reluctant to answer.
Bellamy looks up, "Miller"
"Murphy is back"
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